Chalk up another one for Scientology.

[HaemishM]

Tom Cruise Proposes to Katie Holmes

Run Katie, run! It's not too late to save yourself!

WHY THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN NEWS? WHY DO I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS ON GOOD FUCKING MORNING FUCKING AMERICA? PAT O'BRIEN SHOULDN'T EVEN BE TELLING ME THIS! WHEN WILL TOM CRUISE FUCKING DIE AND LEAVE MY TELEVISION ALONE AND UNMOLESTED?

[Shockeye]

This has officially ruined Katie Holmes for me. Saw Batman Begins last night, and in every one of her scenes, all I could think about was Tom Cruise being attached to her at the face. It was bewildering and more than a little offputting.

Yeah, Katie Holmes was distracting in Batman for me as well because of the Tom Cruise factor.

And War of Worlds looks bad. Not Dukes of Hazzard bad, but bad nonetheless.

[schild]

Uhm.

Dukes of Hazzard bad? What? It's done by the Broken Lizard guys. It will be fucking hilarious.

[Shockeye]

Uhm.

Dukes of Hazzard bad? What? It's done by the Broken Lizard guys. It will be fucking hilarious.

No it won't. It looks like complete and utter shit. End of story.

[kaid]

No it has Johnny knoxville and stifler it is going to be ass.

kaid

[schild]

Have you seen Supertroopers?

You're wrong, k?

[schild]

Ok, look, Dukes of Hazzard always sucked. Never good. Very Bad.

Making a movie of it is a stupid idea. I'm just looking at it as a Broken Lizard movie. That makes it good. It could be called Slappy Dappy Fun With Mike the Obsessive Compulsive Office Pencil Sharpener and I'd enjoy it.

[voodoolily]

Or would you enjoy seeing JEssica Simpson in Daisy Dukes?

[Samwise]

No, it has Johnny Knoxville and Stifler.  It will therefore be the best movie ever.

There were some grammatical errors in there, but I fixed them for you.

[voodoolily]

No, it has Johnny Knoxville and Stifler.  It will therefore be the best movie ever.

There were some grammatical errors in there, but I fixed them for you.

hehe! Johnny Knoxville does kinda kick ass, doesn't he?

[Shockeye]

Enough. Can we get back to the trainwreck that is Tom & Katie? Thanks.

[HaemishM]

No.

Dukes of Hazzard will be mindless fun with a bunch of funny bits thrown in because it's the Broken Lizard guys. And I <3 them or something. And it will have Jessica "I don't have a mind but look at my tits" Simpson in Daisy Duke pants playing Daisy Duke. Win wni.

[Shockeye]

I hate you people.

[Bunk]

Am I wrong for being the only person I know that actually thought Club Dread was hilarious? I still think the "Decapitated Head-Camera Angle" is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[HaemishM]

Club Dread was a scream. It was actually one of the best teen slasher flicks I've seen in years and yet was still a funny satire as well. Club Dread is what made me see Super Troopers, and the two of those movies is what made me think Dukes will be fun.

[Bunk]

Saw the Dukes trailer before Batman last night. Shit was that a lousy trailer. I still think the movie will be fun, but based on the trailer - the cheesy line factor is going to be aneurism inducing.

[Arnold]

Tom Cruise has a very good agent. There is no way someone with LESS acting talent could exist in Hollywood. He's been in enough good movies despite his clear lack of any business acting to tell me that it's all in the agent.

Does Keanu have the same agent, because it's the same thing with him.

[schild]

Yea, when I saw the full trailer on the big screen, I realized how Not Like A Broken Lizard Movie they made it. They must've substantially cut the shit out of it to try and make it appeal to everyone. But there was one good line: "You shouldn't wear white after labor day."

That's something Farva would say (the fat guy in SuperTroopers). And it's hilarious.

Oh and Jessica Simpson is all sorts of hot in there. And can someone explain to me how her boobs do what they do in her new video (These Boots are Made for Walking). Because, I'll admit, it's magical.

[Arnold]

Yea, when I saw the full trailer on the big screen, I realized how Not Like A Broken Lizard Movie they made it. They must've substantially cut the shit out of it to try and make it appeal to everyone. But there was one good line: "You shouldn't wear white after labor day."

That's something Farva would say (the fat guy in SuperTroopers). And it's hilarious.

Oh and Jessica Simpson is all sorts of hot in there. And can someone explain to me how her boobs do what they do in her new video (These Boots are Made for Walking). Because, I'll admit, it's magical.

Hmm, I think it would be more appropriate for Jessica to appear the video for the Megadeth Versrion of that song =P  Of course, if you made it nowadays, healf of it would be bleeped out.

[Shockeye]

I repeat: Dukes of Hazzard will suck major ass.

[voodoolily]

I was in NEw Orleans last March as they were finishing up. Cool city, but yes, I, too, believe the movie will be teh ass.

[OcellotJenkins]

Back on topic:

Cruise Hosed

Video

[Mr_PeaCH]

I didn't realize it was the Broken Lizard guys... there may be some hope yet but I'm certainly pessimistic.  The previews for the DoH movie that I've seen look like a southern-fried version of "The Fast and the Furious".   

[Shockeye]

[schild]

Robot Xenu h8s u.

[Riggswolfe]

Well, as much fun as it is to knock on Cruise for his Scientology beliefs, that "prank" was out of line. He handled it much better than I would have and he does deserve praise for that. I think alot of us would have been over that rope and yelling at the guy while shaking him like a dog with a chewtoy.

He was right, that guy was a jerk and I hope that he'll learn a lesson.

[TheWalrus]

 He should have just leaned in real close and told Tommy in an urgent whisper "The thetans made me do it! You gotta help me man!".

 But yeah, jerky.

[OcellotJenkins]

XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX FRI JUNE 24, 2005 10:51:08 ET XXXXX

CRUISE 'WAR OF WORLDS' INTERVIEW TURNS INTO LECTURE ON PSYCHIATRY, SCIENTOLOGY

NBC 'TODAY SHOW' host Matt Lauer was lectured by star Tom Cruise on the dangers of psychiatry and antidepressant during a promotional interview for WAR OF THE WORLDS.

The exchange aired Friday morning.

LAUER: TOM CRUISE CREATED A FIRESTORM WHEN HE CRITICIZED BROOKE SHIELDS FOR REVEALING THAT SHE WENT INTO THERAPY AND TOOK ANTIDEPRESSANTS TO DEAL WITH HER POST PARTUM DEPRESSION. AS A SCIENTOLGIST, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN PSYCHIATRIC MEDICINE. I ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS COMMENTS.

CRUISE: i've never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a Scientologist I never agreed with psychiatry. and when i started studying the history of psychiatry, i understood more and more why i didn't believe in psychology.

//And as far as the Brooke Shields thing is, look. You gotta understand, I really care about Brooke Shields. I-- I think here's a-- a-- a wonderful and talented woman. And-- I wanna see her do well. And I know that-- psychiatry is-- is a pseudo science.

MATT LAUER: But-- but Tom, if she said that this particular thing helped her feel better, whether it was the antidepressant or going to a counselor or psychiatrist, isn't that enough? //

TOM CRUISE: Matt, you have to understand this. Here we are today where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people (PH), okay, against their will, of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs. Do you know what Aderol (PH) is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that?

MATT LAUER:

The difference is--

(OVERTALK)

TOM CRUISE:

No, no, Matt.

MATT LAUER:

This wasn't against her will, though.

TOM CRUISE:

Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--

MATT LAUER:

But this wasn't against her will.

TOM CRUISE:

Matt, I'm-- Matt, I'm asking you a question.

MATT LAUER:

I understand there's abuse of all of these things.

TOM CRUISE:

No, you see. Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.//

MATT LAUER:

//aren't there examples, and might not Brooke Shields be an example, of someone who benefited from one of those drugs? TOM CRUISE:

all it does is mask the problem, Matt. And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem. That's what it does. That's all it does. You're not getting to the reason why. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.

(OVERTALK)

MATT LAUER:

So, postpartum depression to you is--

TOM CRUISE:

Matt--

MATT LAUER:

--kind of a--

TOM CRUISE:

--don't--

MATT LAUER:

--little psychological gook--

TOM CRUISE:

That--

MATT LAUER:

--googley-gook?

TOM CRUISE:

--no. No. I did not say that.

MATT LAUER:

I'm just asking what you-- what would you call it?

TOM CRUISE:

No. No. Abs-- Matt, that is-- the-- post-- now-- now, you're talking about two different things.

MATT LAUER:

But that's what she went on the--

TOM CRUISE:

No. MATT LAUER:

--antidepressant for.

TOM CRUISE: But what happens, the antidepressant, all it does is mask the problem. There's ways of vitamins and through exercise and various things. I'm not saying that that isn't real. That's not what I'm saying. That's an alteration of what-- what I'm saying. I'm saying that drugs aren't the answer, these drugs are very dangerous. They're mind-altering, anti-psychotic drugs. And there are ways of doing it without that so that we don't end up in a brave new world. // the thing that I'm saying about Brooke is that there's misinformation, okay. And she doesn't understand the history of psychiatry. She-- she doesn't understand in the same way that you don't understand it, Matt.

// MATT LAUER: But a little bit what you're saying Tom is, you say you want people to do well. But you want them do to well by taking the road that you approve of, as opposed to a road that may work for them.

TOM CRUISE: No, no, I'm not.

MATT LAUER: Well, if antidepressants work for Brooke Shields, why isn't that okay?

TOM CRUISE: I-- I disagree with it. And I think that there's a higher and better quality of life. And I think that promoting for me personally, see, you're saying what, I can't discuss what I wanna discuss?

MATT LAUER: No. You absolutely can.

TOM CRUISE: I know. But-- but Matt, you're going in and saying that-- that I can't discuss this.

MATT LAUER: I'm only asking, isn't there a possibility that-- do-- do you examine the possibility that these things do work for some people? That yes, there are abuses. And yes, maybe they've gone too far in certain areas. Maybe there are too many kids on Ritalin. Maybe electric shock--

TOM CRUISE: Too many kids on Ritalin? Matt.

MATT LAUER: I'm just saying. But-- but aren't there--

TOM CRUISE: Matt.

MATT LAUER: --examples where it works?

TOM CRUISE: Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even-- you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is.// //if you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay. That's what I've done. Then you go and you say where's-- where's the medical test? Where's the blood test that says how much Ritalin you're supposed to get?

MATT LAUER: You're-- you're-- it's very impressive to listen to you. Because clearly, you've done the homework. And-- and you know the subject.

TOM CRUISE: And you should.

MATT LAUER: And-- and--

TOM CRUISE: And you should do that also.

MATT LAUER: And--

TOM CRUISE: Because just knowing people who are on Ritalin isn't enough. //you should be a little bit more responsible in knowing really--

MATT LAUER: I'm not prescribing Ritalin, Tom. And I'm not asking--

TOM CRUISE: Well--

MATT LAUER: --anyone else to do it. I'm simply saying--

(OVERTALK)

TOM CRUISE: Well, you are. You're saying--

MATT LAUER: I know some people who seem to have been helped by it.

TOM CRUISE: I-- but you're saying-- but you-- like-- this is a very important issue.

MATT LAUER: I couldn't agree more.

TOM CRUISE: It's very-- and you know what? You're here on the Today Show.

MATT LAUER: Right.

TOM CRUISE: And to talk about it in a way of saying, "Well, isn't it okay," and being reasonable about it when you don't know and I do, I think that you should be a little bit more responsible in knowing what it is.

MATT LAUER: But--

TOM CRUISE: Because you-- you communicate to people.

MATT LAUER: But you're now telling me that your experiences with the people I know, which are zero, are more important than my experiences.

TOM CRUISE: What do you mean by that?

MATT LAUER: You're telling me what's worked for people I know or hasn't worked for people I know. // i'm telling you i've lived with these people and they're better.

TOM CRUISE: So, you're-- you're advocating it.

MATT LAUER: I am not. I'm telling you in their case-- (LAUGHTER)

(OVERTALK)

MATT LAUER: In their individual case, it worked. I am not gonna go out and say--

TOM CRUISE: Matt--

MATT LAUER: --"Get your kids on Ritalin. It's the cure-all--

TOM CRUISE: Matt, Matt.

MATT LAUER: --and the end-all."

TOM CRUISE: Matt, but here's the point. what is the ideal scene for life

TOM CRUISE: Okay. Ideal scene is someone not having to take anti-psychotic drugs.

MATT LAUER: I would agree.

TOM CRUISE: Okay. So, now you look at-- and you go okay. A-- a departure from that ideal scene is someone taking drugs, okay. And then you go, okay. What is the theory and the science behind that, that justifies that?

MATT LAUER: Let me take this more general, 'cause I think you and I can go around in circles on this for awhile. And i respect your opinion ...

MATT LAUER: Do you want more people to understand Scientology? Is that-- would that be a goal of yours?

TOM CRUISE: You know what? I-- absolutely. Of course, you know. And people--

MATT LAUER: How do you go about that?

TOM CRUISE: You just communicate about it. And the important thing is, like you and I talk about it, whether it's-- okay, if I wanna know something, I go and find out. /Because I don't talk about things that I don't understand. I'll say, you know what? I'm not so sure about that. I'll go find more information about it so I can-- I can come to an opinion based on-- on the information that I have.

MATT LAUER: You-- you're so passionate about it. And I'm--

TOM CRUISE: I'm passionate about learning. I'm passionate about life, Matt.

[voodoolily]

....

Yeah, I definitely think Tom's simply gone off his meds. His meds for paranoid schizophrenia. How else can anyone explain this sudden madness?

[WayAbvPar]

Batshit insane. He really is over the edge. Hopefully he will blow himself up in the middle of a Scientology meeting.

[Shockeye]

No, no... you.. you don't understand. You... don't know the history of Tom like I do. I've studied it. You need to study it. You need to learn the history.

[shiznitz]

Does anyone believe that Tom actually has read about the history of psychology? Of course he hasn't. He has read the Scientology handbook on why it's "bad." The history of psychology is nothing more complicated than watching behavioral patterns in human beings and then testing those patterns to see how extreme they can become. Everyone knows that psychologists "cure" their patients by guiding the patients to self-realization and recognition of how past behavior (of the self or others) is affecting current behavior.

Tom Cruise is imploding before our very eyes and it is quite entertaining. War of the Worlds won't crack $200M at the domestic box office. I predict a sub-$80M 4th of july weekend take.

[Paelos]

Tom obviously went to the Ross Perot school of how to interrupt people in a conversation at all times.

[Pococurante]

He needs a good SSRI.  "As your attorney I prescribe Lexapro."

[WayAbvPar]

He needs a good beating, followed by a deprogramming.