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Author Topic: NFL 2017  (Read 5624 times)
Soulflame
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Reply #105 on: September 17, 2017, 03:37:31 PM

538 is predicting the Browns will win 4 games this year, which seems hilariously optimistic.

I believe in you, Browns!  You can go 0-16 this year!
01101010
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You call it an accident. I call it justice.


Reply #106 on: September 17, 2017, 05:37:03 PM

The game to watch is the Jets v Browns.

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
Soulflame
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Reply #107 on: September 17, 2017, 06:09:42 PM

Not Jaguars vs Browns?  That one looks to be the Browns best chance to ruin a perfect 0-16 record.

https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2017-nfl-predictions/games/
Paelos
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Reply #108 on: September 18, 2017, 10:42:30 AM

Cowboys got smoked in Denver. No shocker there since Denver's home record is the best in the NFL for 32 years. I chalk that one up to getting down early and then just giving up. Not that I condone giving up, but you get way down and it doesn't allow for calling running plays, forcing Dallas to throw more, and that's not what we're built to do. We're the ground and pound offense that plays off the defense, and the defense was horrible yesterday. On to Arizona, which will be another tough road game I don't really expect to win. Then two at home against the shitty Rams and the suspect Packers. If we don't win both of those? I'll get nervous at the chances the playoffs aren't in the cards.

The Bungles are fucking awful as we expected, but actually they are worse than that. They might be the worst team in the history of offense, except the Giants are challenging them right now for that title. I think the worst offense in history is the 1977 Tampa Bay Bucs who averaged 7.4 points per game, and we have THREE teams under that through 2 games, including San Fran, who by the way should have taken Colin Kaepernick back because nothing would be worse than watching Brian Hoyer attempt to play QB.

Biggest shock of the early season is Oakland and their offense, averaging 35 points a game and looking like they are going to ride Lynch into several key victories and a division title if they continue like this.

Did I mention the Saints yet? They won't even get to 7-9 this year like they have the last 3 years. That's a 5-11 team if there ever was one, AT BEST.

WORST 2-0 TEAM: The Carolina Panthers. They've scored 32 points in two games, which is WAY behind everybody else offensively, but their defense held firm against two bad opponents The Niners and the Bills.
BEST 0-2 TEAM: The LA Chargers. They lost by 3 to the Broncos on the road, which is again an impossible place to play and win most of the time, and they lost to the Dolphins by 2. The problem is their schedule is impossibly brutal for the first 8 weeks. I wouldn't be shocked if they go 3-5 in that stretch, and people write them off, only to finish 6-2 and and possibly end up in a Wild Card slot.

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
HaemishM
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Reply #109 on: September 18, 2017, 11:45:10 AM

So the Packers are exactly who we thought they were. Their defense is as usual suspect, completely vulnerable to any team with halfway decent pass blocking, as well as totally unable to handle any sort of run off tackle. Their offense is also Aaron Rodgers scrambling until his receivers can get open, which means if he can't move out of the pocket and hold the ball for the 7-9 seconds it takes these receivers to beat any shitty cornerback, he will get killed. We'll likely win 10 games just because of him, then get blown out by the Falcons in the playoffs because FUCK DOM CAPERS. The only form of defense he can make work is one that relies on a dominant pass rush - if the front 7 (plus whatever corner) can't get home, his defense will get torched.

The entire AFC West is looking stout. Now we know the Chiefs will lose in the playoffs but Oakland and Denver both look solid. That the Broncos defense was able to completely stifle Zeke Elliot is a good sign for them, while Trevor Siemian looked like an NFL QB. Who knew? BTW, trading for C.J. Anderson in fantasy paid off for me BIG TIME. Oakland's first two opponents were not that tough but they still look really good.

Jared Goff actually looks like an NFL QB at least until defenses figure out he only has one wideout he trusts. They should beat this shitty Niners team easily on yet another godawful Thursday night matchup. And yes, Kaep should be the most sought after free agent in the league right now but fuck these owners and their racist shitbaggery. FUCK THEM SO HARD. Just because of that, I would love it if some team signed him midseason because their QB loses a leg in some bizarre hunting accident and Kaep leads them to a Super Bowl victory. Unless it's the Redskins because fuck Dan Snyder.

TheWalrus
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Reply #110 on: September 18, 2017, 01:36:15 PM

I expect Seattle to pull their usual "We're not out yet, motherfuckers!" thing and get people worrying about playoffs, and then completely fuck the poodle. So. Back to being the standard Seattle team. Still good guys tho.

Paelos: Somebody find that post where I declared Seattle dead, because those fuckers are NFL cockroaches in the NFC.
Phildo
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Reply #111 on: September 18, 2017, 09:10:47 PM

In light of all that's happened, I just saw the following quote while looking up fantasy news:

Quote
The Colts are underdogs at home against the Browns in Week 3.
Paelos
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Reply #112 on: September 19, 2017, 08:43:32 AM

Watching the Giants implode brings me its own special brand of joy. OBJ and the media continues to try to perpetuate the myth he's more than a one-handed-catch-wonder, and Eli drinks out of a sippy cup at the end of games while Ben McAdoo checks his Zillow account everyday to figure out when is the right time to sell his house.

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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
Shannow
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Reply #113 on: September 19, 2017, 09:28:06 AM

In light of all that's happened, I just saw the following quote while looking up fantasy news:

Quote
The Colts are underdogs at home against the Browns in Week 3.

The NFL, a quality football product everyone!

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Yegolev
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Reply #114 on: September 20, 2017, 10:01:09 PM

I know I'm not in your league, but I just need to say that this is promising to be my worst year ever.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
Soulflame
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Reply #115 on: September 22, 2017, 11:35:51 PM

In light of all that's happened, I just saw the following quote while looking up fantasy news:

Quote
The Colts are underdogs at home against the Browns in Week 3.

What the shitsnacks.  538 gives the Colts a 76% chance of winning.  Maybe this is some bizzaroworld version of underdog with which I am unfamiliar.
Cyrrex
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Reply #116 on: September 23, 2017, 12:46:46 AM

Maybe the argument is that if you have anything less than 80% chance against the Browns, then that in many intangible ways makes you the underdog.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Shannow
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Reply #117 on: September 24, 2017, 03:34:42 PM

Just saw the final scores for the 1pm games and left thinking 'wtf'!?

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Soulflame
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Reply #118 on: September 24, 2017, 08:09:08 PM

And the Browns lose. Shockingl!

Seen somewhere: The Ravens took a knee then forgot to stand back up.
kaid
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Reply #119 on: September 25, 2017, 11:10:36 AM

So the Packers are exactly who we thought they were. Their defense is as usual suspect, completely vulnerable to any team with halfway decent pass blocking, as well as totally unable to handle any sort of run off tackle. Their offense is also Aaron Rodgers scrambling until his receivers can get open, which means if he can't move out of the pocket and hold the ball for the 7-9 seconds it takes these receivers to beat any shitty cornerback, he will get killed. We'll likely win 10 games just because of him, then get blown out by the Falcons in the playoffs because FUCK DOM CAPERS. The only form of defense he can make work is one that relies on a dominant pass rush - if the front 7 (plus whatever corner) can't get home, his defense will get torched.

The entire AFC West is looking stout. Now we know the Chiefs will lose in the playoffs but Oakland and Denver both look solid. That the Broncos defense was able to completely stifle Zeke Elliot is a good sign for them, while Trevor Siemian looked like an NFL QB. Who knew? BTW, trading for C.J. Anderson in fantasy paid off for me BIG TIME. Oakland's first two opponents were not that tough but they still look really good.

Jared Goff actually looks like an NFL QB at least until defenses figure out he only has one wideout he trusts. They should beat this shitty Niners team easily on yet another godawful Thursday night matchup. And yes, Kaep should be the most sought after free agent in the league right now but fuck these owners and their racist shitbaggery. FUCK THEM SO HARD. Just because of that, I would love it if some team signed him midseason because their QB loses a leg in some bizarre hunting accident and Kaep leads them to a Super Bowl victory. Unless it's the Redskins because fuck Dan Snyder.


I would concur on dom capers. I have not been really impressed by his defensive calls in years and it is just getting worse. Made worse by a lot of our big pressure guys were injured. And on offense our offensive line is having serious problems and the new running back is not doing his job throwing chip blocks there were a number of occasions he just totally ignored his blocks and guys ran right past him to sack rodgers. But I would agree we probably wind up winning 9-10 games getting into playoffs before failing out due to injuries yet again.
HaemishM
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Reply #120 on: September 25, 2017, 02:05:07 PM

The Packers brain trust (coaching/GM) is determined to piss away Rodgers last few years of elite productivity by being cheap asshats. Let our 2 starting guards go over the last 2 offseasons (to division rivals, no less) even though the dudes were just hitting their late 20's/early 30's and were still pretty damn healthy for O-linemen. They are certainly more healthy than both our starting tackles right now. Refuse to sign even a middling cornerback (like a Malcolm Butler, much less a Josh Norman) despite our best corner being concussed for over a year and our next best corner a 2nd year guy with massive holes in his game. The only reason our defense is even slightly more than a speed bump is because our front 7 is good - but Dom Capers coaches that entire front 7 to collapse on the QB and over pursue, leaving them insanely vulnerable to running QB's, good backs who run off tackle, draws, screens. Our wideouts when healthy can be good but not great and our training staff uses animal sacrifice to keep the team fit, so lots of injuries. OH AND LET'S HAVE A CONVERTED WIDEOUT BE OUR RUNNING BACK. Montgomery has done well, I'll give him that, but I still don't see him as a primary back. And pass blocking isn't even remotely his strong suit.

Aside from that, I will firmly state that Tony Romo is my new favorite NFL broadcaster. Fuck all these other assholes who have played or coached. His pre-snap reads on plays are just amazing. Yes, he's a bit of a goober but he's a likable goober and you can really tell the motherfucker played him some QB and was good at it by the way he diagnoses the play. I feel bad that he had to play for a Jerry Jones team for all that time so that I couldn't root for him and he didn't get the right team around him to allow him to win a Super Bowl.

Sky
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Reply #121 on: September 25, 2017, 03:36:40 PM

I find Romo to be obnoxious, and only slightly better than the abominable Ryan duo in the booth. His man-child inability to control himself is painful to listen to and at one point yelling at Rogers? Fuck that dude. I agree he does bring some interesting insight from a VERY narrow point of view, but it's not worth his overall lack of any ability in the booth. I personally like Collinsworth/Michaels as a team currently, and Gruden is my favorite live analyst/color guy. Even when Chucky gets pissed, he keeps a lid on it and mostly stays professional, unlike Romo. And coaches tend to have a better level view, Tony is 100% ready to shit on the O line and receivers for not properly supporting the QB gods.

Abagadro
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Reply #122 on: September 25, 2017, 07:20:47 PM

He's 3 games in. He will get more polished. I think he gets too wrapped up in pre-snap reads and prognostication but his analysis and explanations are the best Xs and Os going right now. Give him some seasoning and smooth out his rough edges and he will be an even better Chris Collinsworth.

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

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HaemishM
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Reply #123 on: September 25, 2017, 07:50:49 PM

I fucking HATE Jon Gruden. I mean, he was an improvement over Kornhole, but he is fucking nails on chalkboard difficult to listen to.

01101010
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Reply #124 on: September 25, 2017, 08:33:23 PM

At least Simms is no longer haunting the booth. Yeesh.. swamp poop

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
Sky
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Reply #125 on: September 26, 2017, 08:28:48 AM

At least Simms is no longer haunting the booth. Yeesh.. swamp poop
We can all agree on some things!

Paelos
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Reply #126 on: September 26, 2017, 01:23:49 PM

Cowboys are back to not looking shitty!

CPA, Sports blogger, Mount and Blade enthusiast
Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
HaemishM
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Reply #127 on: September 26, 2017, 01:31:03 PM

From what I saw of that game, the Cowboys were greatly helped by the Arizona offensive line being unable to block 3 pass rushers with 5 guys. So...

Paelos
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Reply #128 on: September 26, 2017, 02:28:44 PM

Wins are wins in the first 6 weeks. I worry about style points after that.

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HaemishM
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Reply #129 on: September 26, 2017, 02:52:27 PM

Oh I agree. It was just more of they spent the first quarter literally unable to get the ball back and were lucky to only be down 1 TD before they finally started playing. I still can't figure out how the hell the Cowboys were continually sacking Palmer with a 3-man rush.

Paelos
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Reply #130 on: September 26, 2017, 03:17:00 PM

Arizona is a team on the decline in my mind. Defensively they are a train wreck as they the lowest opp yards/point of anybody in the league, and they are 28th in points against. Also their turnover margin is -1.0 per game which isn't going to do them any favors if that holds up.

They aren't really good offensively either. And their opponents have been decent but they still barely edged out a rather bad Colts team in my estimation. And on top of that, it takes them tons and tons of yards to actually score anything because their red zone TD percentage is 27% and 29th in the league. That will lose you tons and tons of games. Rarely the bottom 10 of that stat does well, and if they do it's because they are stout defensively.

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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
HaemishM
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Reply #131 on: September 26, 2017, 04:01:49 PM

Palmer is facing retirement. David Johson is on IR, and he's their best player, followed by Larry Fitzgerald who is 33. And they've let all their good defensive talent get broken or leave. You bet they are on the decline. Carson Palmer improves them over what they had previously, but he blew his shot at a Super Bowl against Carolina in the playoffs 2 years ago. They better be looking for a QB to draft.

HaemishM
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Reply #132 on: September 29, 2017, 03:11:50 PM

If there was any doubt, last night should have been a clear indicator that the Bears are shit and John Fox is going to get fired. I think he may actually be trying to get fired. Mike Glennon had committed 2 turnovers before the first quarter was over. Sure, he got better after the game was completely out of reach. 4th quarter rolls around, Chicago is down 35-7 and instead of trying to win, they continued their gameplan of "run ineffectually until we are forced to throw the ball." They made the Packers defense look good (hint: it isn't, though our rookie cornerbacks this year look better than last year's versions).

Paelos
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Reply #133 on: September 29, 2017, 03:20:03 PM

The only thing better than watching the Bears suck, is watching them suck while listening to Tommy Smyth and his English buddy politely diss the shit out of them with accents:

https://twitter.com/rodger_sherman/status/913569138605461504?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fbrobible.com%2Fsports%2Farticle%2Fchicago-bears-packers-british-announcers%2F

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Braves by the Numbers, my sports blog
HaemishM
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Reply #134 on: September 29, 2017, 03:58:59 PM

Calamity is a very accurate description of the Bears.

Soulflame
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Reply #135 on: October 01, 2017, 06:43:54 PM

Cleveland is utterly imploding, what a shock.  Currently their best chance for a win is still the Jaguars (I think?) and even that is at 38% chance.

Come on guys, you can totally nail 0-16!

youareafactoryofsadness.png
01101010
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Reply #136 on: October 01, 2017, 06:50:26 PM

Cleveland is utterly imploding, what a shock.  Currently their best chance for a win is still the Jaguars (I think?) and even that is at 38% chance.

Come on guys, you can totally nail 0-16!

youareafactoryofsadness.png

Clevelanders don't care ... It's all about how the Tribe is going to lose in the ALDS.  why so serious?

"I want to watch it all burn in an orgy of smashed Coke machines and weasel rape." - HaemishM
Soulflame
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Reply #137 on: October 01, 2017, 07:00:57 PM

I am sure the Indians can pull that off.

The Cavs burned all of Cleveland's ability to win a championship for probably the next 100 years.

Thanks, LeBron!
Chimpy
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Reply #138 on: October 01, 2017, 07:13:18 PM

The city of Cleveland had ONE JOB which was to keep the Cubs from winning the World Series and thus starting the chain reaction of events that precede the end of days. I bet if the Cubs had lost, November would have turned out differently. Cleveland blew it why so serious?

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
HaemishM
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Reply #139 on: October 01, 2017, 09:45:48 PM

How exactly does Miami fail to score even a field goal against New Orleans? The Saints couldn't defend my dead grandmother.

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