NFL 2015

[Paelos]

College isn't producing NFL style QBs anymore because they don't run NFL systems. That's the dirty secret the NFL doesn't want to admit, so you end up with them shoving round pegs into square holes over and over.

Oddly that was probably Winston's problem too.

[01101010]

Yeah but Winston actually is playing in a system that was way closer to the NFL than Mariota. Hence the Bucs gambled on someone more in tune with the system than higher moral character.

[Paelos]

Yeah but Winston actually is playing in a system that was way closer to the NFL than Mariota. Hence the Bucs gambled on someone more in tune with the system than higher moral character.

The hilarious thing about that though? In the biggest games he's almost never under center

I went back to watch the first half of the 2014 National Championship they won. You know how many plays he was under center in that half? Three. You know how many he dropped back and pass of those three? Zero.

He was in a gun all half, and the hilarious thing was they were telegraphing plays. If he was in the gun it was a pass. If it was under center it was a run. Auburn was keying on everything, and that's why they got up to a quick 21-3 lead. It wasn't until FSU faked a punt, and then started going run out of the gun, that FSU scored the first TD of that half. Otherwise? They lose that game going away easy.

But when I look at Winston, I don't see an under center drop back passer. I see a guy that in his two biggest stages (which the NFL is an even bigger stage than a national championship against greater talent), a guy that relied on his athletic ability to stage big second half comebacks. In the first game it worked, in the second, he got annihilated.

[Rasix]

You can tell Ghost Al is still running the team by its acquisitions over the offseason. Is that Trent Richardson? You know it is. I think it’ll be nice for fans to witness the only thing in existence slower than traffic over the Bay Bridge.

This Raiders one is gold.

[Paelos]

All of the blandness of Russell Wilson with NONE of the ability! It says a lot about Marcus Mariota that the Bucs had their choice of quarterbacks at the top of the draft, and still went with the alleged rapist and verified crab burglar that Mariota trashed in the Rose Bowl, instead of Mariota himself. Mariota had every possible intangible advantage over Jameis Winston, and yet the Bucs still looked at his game film and were like, “Nope. He’s dead meat.”

Whenever someone tries to list all the NFL teams, the Titans are always the one they can’t seem to remember.

That is the current state of the Jaguars right now. Bereft of a talented roster or sentient fans, they exist mainly to serve as the NFL’s lab rat. We’ll put them in London! We’ll put them on the Internet! We’ll make them the first helmet-less team! We’ll inject them with liquid uranium! We’ll replace all their players with cyborg apes! If there is a shitty idea to be had, rest assured that Roger Goodell will run it through the Jacksonville test kitchen first to keep all the other, useful franchises safe from harm. The Jaguars are NOT FDA-approved.

When I tell people I’m a Jags fan, they kind of cringe their face in an apologetic way, as if I told them I have stage 2 lung cancer. Understand I currently live in Michigan, so that means Lions fans feel sorry for me for rooting for the Jags

As a Vikings fan, let me tell you what a quality backup your team has secured. If you like watching a grown man run for his life and then fail to throw the ball past the line of scrimmage, this is the guy for you! Every pass that Christian Ponder completes is a small miracle from God. In that way, he fits in perfectly with the Raiders’ passing game.

No wonder Mark Davis is emptying out every corporate expense account in San Antonio and Los Angeles. Getting away from Oakland is a matter of personal safety for any reasonable human being.

In Week 12 when we won our first game in 368 days, the reaction was embarrassing. Our best players were celebrating 20 yards offsides while the game was still going on. Derek Carr went on a Jesus rant that made Russell Wilson look like an agnostic. Windbag to end all windbags Tony Sparano got choked up (again, for a team that just became 1-10). Raiders fans acted like Raiders fans.

These are all fantastic. It's probably my favorite thing he does all year!

[HaemishM]

From the Jaguars:

Let’s get out there and NOT get fisted, guys.

I'm loving this shit. 

[HaemishM]

First Female Coach Hired by an NFL Team

Awesome. I don't care if she bombs, at least somebody had the guts to try something different. And in Arizona, no less.

[sickrubik]

I can only imagine some of the reactions to this. Good on the Cards.

[WayAbvPar]

Still pretty sure Arians is a cretin, but I will give him one free gaffe without shitting on him for this move. Props.

[Paelos]

I can only imagine some of the reactions to this. Good on the Cards.

My reaction is I think it's a publicity stunt. I've always thought of football as the one sport where female coaches would make less sense due to the fact that so few women play it professionally or in college, unlike basketball, baseball (softball), hockey, or soccer.

I don't think she's "taking a job from a man" or some of the other stupid shit I've heard from people. She's walking knowingly into a league of macho idiots playing a dangerous game at the highest level, and she's got experience coaching and playing. She's a rare unique person in that regard who is fit for the job. I have no illusions that female coaches in the NFL will become the norm simply because there's no feeder system at the youth or NCAA levels to encourage that. Nor do I believe we will ever see a female player other than special teams in the league, because they would be murdered.

[Sir T]

Hell, roided up guys get murdered in that game.

I'm loving this shit. 

I read the "fans" section on the Redskins and it was actually like reading person after person slitting their wrists on paper about their team. Bloody heck.

[MrHat]

I tried to grab some training camp tickets. Sold out in 45 seconds.

[Paelos]

Since he left the warm embrace of Art Briles, every NFL coach that RG3 has encountered has instantly, and publicly, loathed him. This does not happen normally with football players. Coaches tend to avoid openly bashing their own players, for good reason. But give them RG3 and they’ll immediately seize a mic and be like, “Oh my God, get a load of THIS fuck.” Even when coaches get away from RG3, they can’t stop talking about how much they despise him. “Well, we had to cut the playbook down to just the book jacket because Robert doesn’t know his shapes yet.”

That's probably the most honestly damning thing about RG I've ever heard in such a short paragraph.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/wp/2014/11/19/chris-cooley-rgiii-was-so-bad-i-cant-assess-the-rest-of-the-redskins-offense/

I'd never read this before, but holy shit READ THIS IMMEDIATELY. Chris Cooley just goes line by line and coldly assassinates RGIII with no malice. It's not about him personally at all, it's about how shitty his play was and how mind-numbingly awful it is to be his coach.

“If I’m Sean McVay and Jay Gruden right now — no joke, if I’m them right now — I’m sitting in an office on a Tuesday, scratching my head and saying I don’t know what we can put in. We’re really struggling to execute and get the ball in the right direction on easy plays. Like, EASY plays. So I don’t know what we install. I’m not sure, as a staff, how you walk into that install meeting [Wednesday] and say these plays are gonna be great, this is gonna be good here, these spots are [gonne be] here against this coverage. Based on that performance, it’s a real struggle to continue to grow as an entire group of guys.

I've NEVER heard a QB talked about like this before. Never. Certainly not one that's so highly touted on the front end. Even Cam Newton doesn't get this level of critique, and he gets it on all sides.

[WayAbvPar]

Very interesting read. I think the injury his rookie season (and then being asked to play on it, which made it a ton worse) destroyed any semblance of confidence he had. Either he is not bright, or he is scared to death, or (most likely) a combination of the two. I don't wish him ill, but if he is going to fail spectacularly, I couldn't be happier that he is playing for Daniel Snyder. Because fuck him to death.

[HaemishM]

Making him play on the injury was the first mistake, because he was fucking ELECTRIC before he got hammered. The offense they had installed for him in those first 10 or so games was simple, had lots of bubble screens and safe throws and chances for him to read the field and do his thing. Once he got hurt, then hurt AGAIN playing in a playoff game against a team even good, healthy QB's struggle against, that ruined him. I'm sure he's constantly got the yips, expecting his line to get him killed. He probably had coaches wrapping him in wool and telling him not to run because if he runs, he's going to get hit and then the questions will be about why the coaching staff was putting the franchise at risk. So his natural instinct is to run, he's being told to limit the running so he's intensely afraid of getting injured and ruining his career which means he's afraid of getting hit AND of running (and thus getting hit) so his only thought process is "GET RID OF THE BALL BEFORE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!!" He's scared shitless and probably doesn't even know it. That Cooley piece shows his reads are all over the place which leads me to believe he's reading in panic instead of any sort of game plan.

And then they go and switch up OC's on him like what, two, three times now? I feel bad for the kid. Bad coaching decisions, the NFL pressure cooker, a shitlord owner that might as well be sitting on a fucking plantation porch sipping mint julips and all that have just ruined what could have been a spectacular talent.

[Shannow]

Tom Brady's suspension upheld at 4 games.

This will go well.

[WayAbvPar]

Tom Brady could eat every dick from every mammal that ever lived and it still wouldn't be enough. Fuck him and fuck Belichick to death.

[HaemishM]

Amen to that. Superfuck Tom Brady and the Pats.

Also, the Deadspin Why Your Team Sucks for the Bears had me in tears.

[Paelos]

Tom Brady could eat every dick from every mammal that ever lived and it still wouldn't be enough. Fuck him and fuck Belichick to death.

He destroyed his phone. That doesn't eliminate your test record, Tom. You fucking dumbass. I really hope he goes to court so those become public record. And then they can subpeona everyone's phone records on the coaching staff and the equipment staff.

Oh man it'll be glorious.

[Shannow]

According to one report he actually did that already, provided a list of all the people he contacted with dates and times of texts. The NFL said 'fuck that , its too hard for us to go track them down from the other end'. Take it for what its worth.

In more fun news Robert Kraft is a liiiiiiitle bit annoyed at the league.

I still wonder if the whole things is a WWE style PR episode by the NFL to keep them in the headlines for the entire off-season.

[Malakili]

Why won't this story die.  I thought the end of the appeal would just be the end of it one way or the other.  Sorry Tom, you lost.  Can we all move on with our lives now?

[Merusk]

No, we must now make it a (literal) Federal case. The league and the team are  paying for it, not Tom, so why not fight until there's no more appeals. 

[Shannow]

Why would you want it to die? Patriot fans get to act all aggrieved, the rest of the country gets to hate on the Pats some more. This story is the gift that keeps on giving. The NFL contacted police in Maine today to make sure no one vandalized Goodell's 6.3 million dollar vacation home in Scarborough. 

[Paelos]

Deadspin did the Falcons. And man, it's all true. Right down to the Magic City working asshole stadium

[HaemishM]

That was the first pictures I've seen of Atlanta's entirely unnecessary stadium. That's got to be an Arthur Blank self-portrait right?

[Paelos]

That was the first pictures I've seen of Atlanta's entirely unnecessary stadium. That's got to be an Arthur Blank self-portrait right?

It's the worst thing to happen to Atlanta since 75/85 merged.

[HaemishM]

Pretty much all the worst things in Atlanta seem to revolve around the traffic. 

[Paelos]

Actually I blame the Olympics. The city has tripled in size since then in 20 years.

[Sir T]

That was the first pictures I've seen of Atlanta's entirely unnecessary stadium. That's got to be an Arthur Blank self-portrait right?

Holy moly that thing is ASSinine

[Paelos]

As a British NFL fan, I could’ve picked any team to support. I picked the Rams. I’m a fucking idiot.

[WayAbvPar]

Rams are going to be good this year. They will make a run at the Seahawks for the NFC West, and will probably make the playoffs. Their defense is legit, and Foles will probably last longer than Bradford usually does (into the regular season, at least!).

[Paelos]

Rams are going to be good this year. They will make a run at the Seahawks for the NFC West, and will probably make the playoffs. Their defense is legit, and Foles will probably last longer than Bradford usually does (into the regular season, at least!).

You sir, are high.

Todd Gurley is great, but who knows if he's 100%? Nick Foles had an outlier year in 2013, and now he's about to step into the full-time defensive nutcrusher that is the NFC West. Against which he threw 3 picks in 2 games last year. More than his 2 TDs in those same games.

Every analyst has been waiting as Magary says for the Rams to do good things because on paper they make these really smart NFL moves. On paper. In reality, they find a way to fuck it up.

[HaemishM]

I expect Gurley to blow out his knee quickly in that shitty ass dome. Foles will likely get exposed because he's running a Jeff Fisher offense with questionable receivers. They will still probably be passable because of that defense but I don't expect them to challenge for the playoffs. San Fran is probably going to fight them for last place but Arizona and Seattle are both too legit defensively to roll over to the Rams.

[Rasix]

You need a solid line for Foles to be effective.  He's got the moves of a less mobile Drew Bledsoe.

[Paelos]

I expect Gurley to blow out his knee quickly in that shitty ass dome. Foles will likely get exposed because he's running a Jeff Fisher offense with questionable receivers. They will still probably be passable because of that defense but I don't expect them to challenge for the playoffs. San Fran is probably going to fight them for last place but Arizona and Seattle are both too legit defensively to roll over to the Rams.

I don't wish ill will on Gurley, but just like AJ Green, I have a hard time rooting for anybody that fucked over my college program as hard as they did with dumb ass suspensions. So while I don't hope that Gurley blows out his knee again, I sure don't wish the Rams any success simply because they drafted a UGA guy.