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ezrast
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Reply #210 on: April 14, 2014, 10:00:25 PM

If it isn't a burden to ask, I'd be curious to know a bit more about your views on Cymbalta. My experience with it was mostly positive, though far from extensive.
Signe
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Reply #211 on: April 15, 2014, 07:53:50 AM

I had a friend who used Cymbalta and it worked great for him except he experienced a fair bit of hair loss.  When given the choice between anxiety and hair, he chose hair.  I don't remember if it was replaced or not.  The med, not the hair.  Geez.  I use Prozac and Xanax.  I used to use a lot more stuff.  Like Nerf, I don't abuse the Xanax even though it's tempting.  My script is for three times a day and there are days I purposely don't take any at all.  A month's supply sometimes lasts me two or three months.  I was also diagnosed with PTSD about four years ago after a pretty nasty breakdown which is why I was given the Seroquel, an anti-psychotic which made everything a million times worse.  Group therapy was my saviour and I totally miss it but I've never found another group like that first one, even though it was filled mostly with people who were way worse off than I think I was.  I'd love to find another group like that.  There's nothing like spending an hour (although my group sessions back then were six hours a day, every day) with very smart fucked up people peppered with a few not so smart criminals and drug addicts.  It was just awesome.

My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
Count Nerfedalot
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Reply #212 on: April 15, 2014, 08:26:04 AM

First off, everyone is different. Biology is messy business, and everyone reacts to any chemical differently from each other, and even differently from themselves at different times.

As far as I've been able to uncover, the majority of people who take Cymbalta handle it well with no problems. But only a simple majority, NOT the vast 99.9% majority that the published clinical trials claim. These trials were held at a time when there was rampant gaming of the system and anything which started to trend poorly was shut down and the results discarded, NOT reportrd nor rolled in to the next study nor included in any overall statistical analysis. And the government willingly and deliberately turned a blind eye to this practice.

My problems while taking Cymbalta were multitude. I took it for a couple years, switching from Zoloft when it seemed to be becoming less effective, and the problems both increased in number and in severity as time passed. They included dramatically increased rate and severity of anxiety attacks, wild bi-polar-like extreme mood swings especially on the down side (some of the conditions it was supposed to be curing!), poor sleep with horrible nightmares and night sweats every night, to the extremes of waking up screaming a couple times and waking up two or three times every night with my bed literally soaking wet from sweat (with nothing but a sheet and sometimes light blanket over me in a cool room) and all our sheets and pillowcases are stained, I spent about 10-11 hours per day in bed and still got up groggy, sleepy all day, sometimes too listless to even get out of bed, I had vision problems with rainbow halos around lights at night, and I think maybe a couple other things that I don't recall at the moment.

All of these things went away or went back to "normal" pre/un-medicated levels within a month of tapering off of Cymbalta, except for the anxiety attacks which are still far worse than before I started on Cymbalta. I don't really know if that means the Cymbalta broke some coping mechanism I used to have or if the change was completely independent of the Cymbalta and would have happened anyway or what.

My hair was falling out anyway, as did my Dad's, so at least I don't blame Cymbalta for that! :)

Yes, I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?
ezrast
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Reply #213 on: April 16, 2014, 01:20:01 AM

Interesting. I remember doing a little bit of research on the drug when my doctor first suggested it, but I guess not enough - I think I assumed that for the most part an SSRI was an SSRI. Thank you for sharing.
Maven
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Reply #214 on: April 17, 2014, 10:05:58 AM

Thread is inspiring and helpful. I have been seeing a therapist for the last year and a half through UCLA's Psychology Clinic. Post-graduate student therapists instead of experienced professionals, but the money I save on sessions and the added thought that I'm helping train the next generation were encouraging factors. I also have my first real psychiatric appointment next week based on the advice of my therapist (I initially rejected the idea of being put on medication, but after another mood crash, I'm open to it.)

I don't know myself that well (at least, I used to?). I try to cover up my deficiencies. Thinking I'm depressed, compulsive, obsessive, unskilled, incompetent -- human -- the more attention drawn to my negative qualities, things that imply I'm not good enough, defective, etc., the more unstable I become. Criticism is the quickest way to a defensive emotional response. However, I'm learning to be compassionate when I detect nervousness and anxiety in others. But Aggro Bros and direct engagement send me quickly over the edge.

Additionally, I grew up with a severe stigma towards reaching out for help and a deep-seated pride in being self-sufficient, especially psychological. Middle-class, but emotionally dysfunctional, low-education Midwestern family environment, lots of school bullying, etc. Parents divorced right before I left for college. The home environment left deep scars, I shied away from the idea of marriage and family for a long time. I have lived a mostly isolated life, which has not helped my maturity or people skills. Therapy would be recommended to me at certain points, but I would deflect with excuses because of ignorance, pride and fear.

I lucked into a job at Blizzard and subsisted on my passion for video games without continuing to develop a more sophisticated and attractive skill set and relationship network. I wasted a lot of money on unimportant things. Limited perspective, limited emotional support and sources of trusted advice, arrogant and prideful attitude were all obstacles to my success. After my career stalled, I tried EAP, but had a negative response to the process and quit. After seven years I burned out. I left the company and after two years bouncing around ended up as one of the few Caucasian poker dealers working in Los Angeles, completely out of my element, but taking it as an opportunity to learn how people who aren't techies live and see the world.

To this day I've never had a stable intimate relationship. I've been lost several times in my life and have burned bridges with just about every connection I've acquired, including leaving this forum for a time. I won't go into the lack of sexual conquests, but that doesn't bother me as it used to.

My current program started during the middle of my two year period of unstable employment and income.  I'd say I'm currently in the thick of mild / moderate depression with a positive upward trend (with the occasional severe episode that spurned investigating psychiatric treatment). I presume my therapist's goal is to assist me in moving away from and reframing self-defeating thoughts, such as "success / failure", look at it more as "unskilled / skilled". Additionally, to understand and communicate my own feelings (and assign meaning (?) ). I had what might have been a panic attack in a session, and I honestly couldn't tell, because I had no words to associate with the experience of the feeling. I believe it's called having low emotional clarity.

Oh, and social skills. I'm not the best communicator outside utilitarian purposes.

Studying philosophy and developing my critical thinking skills independent of my work has been helpful. These were not a part of my education growing up.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2014, 10:15:55 AM by Maven »
Maven
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Reply #215 on: April 17, 2014, 10:18:51 AM

Sorry for the wall. I wrote it as much for myself as I did to share a story of my experience. I've spent far too much time trying to find labels to describe me to others because I want them to understand me (and seeking out connection through this method), but nothing ever seems good enough without a long explanation most people would get exhausted reading.

Things like Myers-Brigg INTP.

Hm. Trying to emotionally connect by using intellect. That sounds like a failing strategy. :)
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Reply #216 on: April 17, 2014, 10:33:23 AM

If the typing helps, go for it.  It helps me at times.

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
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Reply #217 on: April 17, 2014, 12:34:43 PM

If the typing helps, go for it.  It helps me at times.

My wife and I separated about five years ago for a short time.  My journal was the only thing that kept me alive during that time, there's no question about it.  Speaking of which, I really need to burn that thing the next time I find it.
Maven
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Reply #218 on: April 24, 2014, 03:06:21 AM

Psychiatric appointment received a Bipolar Type II diagnosis with a Lamictal prescription. We're concerned about the rash, but the rate of occurrence appears to be ~1 in 1000.

All the trouble I've been having, taken through this lens, seems to make sense. I had trouble seeing past my own self-conception and stigma with what the illness meant, but the arguments for seeking diagnosis and treatment are too strong to ignore. My feelings changed on the subject to allow investigation.

1. Paraphrasing a quote I read online, we seem, as a society, to be OK with illness in any other part of the body except the brain.
2. I'm not the best judge of what's best for me compared to an expert that has devoted their life to a specific discipline.
3. Living in ignorance of a problem, complaining that there isn't one, can perpetuate a problem that *does* exist. (This was the culture I grew up in)
4. If this was cancer or some other condition requiring treatment, I wouldn't be "toughing it out."
Selby
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Reply #219 on: April 24, 2014, 03:20:53 AM

2. I'm not the best judge of what's best for me compared to an expert that has devoted their life to a specific discipline.
Be wary of this line of thinking.  Some "experts" like to make every square peg fit into their round hole to the exclusion of anything else and will actively try and discourage you or others from seeking a second opinion (especially if you know what your problem really is and it differs from their line of thinking).
Count Nerfedalot
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Reply #220 on: April 24, 2014, 05:22:41 PM

I like having a sanity check on my Doctors, so I play them off each other (GP and shrink). Which is absolutely mandatory to some extent anyway, as both MUST know what the other is prescribing for you!  Don't hide that shit, it could get you killed!




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calapine
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Reply #221 on: February 19, 2015, 10:32:30 AM

Almost a year without a post here.

Can I assume everyone is happy and busy smiling all the time?  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?

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Reply #222 on: February 19, 2015, 10:34:18 AM

I'm on drugs now (anxiety, not depression to clarify).  It's better.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2015, 10:36:51 AM by Rasix »

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Reply #223 on: February 19, 2015, 10:51:27 AM

2014 was a bitch. I don't think I'm in the technically clinically depressed, but I've seen the abyss stare at me. I gave it the finger and told it to fuck off but it hovers around like a monster under the bed. I'm happy to report that F13 is part of the solution. Good times playing with fellow F13ers this year, in a couple of games.

I should get back to nature, too.  You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer.  Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached.  Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe

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01101010
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Reply #224 on: February 19, 2015, 10:53:33 AM

I am generally an unhappy person so I can't really comment other than to say, I am still an unhappy person (in general).

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
calapine
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Reply #225 on: February 19, 2015, 10:59:08 AM

I'm on drugs now (anxiety, not depression to clarify).  It's better.

Glad to hear.  Heart

I am feeling quite well adjusted as well, as far as that's applicable for someone who is in a psychiatric (day-) clinic.

(More seriously, it's because I am there of course, it's helping.)

And this is the view to the outside from there. Nicely depressing:  wink


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Maven
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Reply #226 on: February 19, 2015, 12:01:52 PM

Literally drinking 500+ grams of caffeine to stave of the depressive feelings and keep myself up. Social isolation and negative self-concept are nasty.

Medication has helped. Interesting college courses have helped. But when you tell yourself "I can't be loved nor can I love" most of the time, and you have little evidence to question that, well, then you end up in Accounting.

Mild jest.
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Reply #227 on: February 19, 2015, 12:06:17 PM

I tried a therapist. It was a fucking awful experience. Guy didn't actually let me talk, and what he talked about to me was a bunch of Hallmark-card truisms plus one startling bit of direct commandment (ten minutes after we began a first session) that was totally inappropriate. That pretty much put me off the idea of trying that again for a while. I'm not really into the idea of having to hunt around for what I can fairly specifically imagine would be useful for me if it involves even one more experience like that. I'd almost rather be stuck in a near-depressive rut until I die.
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Reply #228 on: February 19, 2015, 12:58:17 PM

I'd recommend an actual PhD Pyschologist, not just a therapist. It can make a difference. Also, try a couple. It's like finding any good doctor, some suck at it, some are fantastic.

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Reply #229 on: February 19, 2015, 01:09:32 PM

2014 was a better year, though not where it should be.  2015 is shaping up to be another shithole, so maybe I ain't there yet.

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Reply #230 on: February 19, 2015, 02:03:14 PM

I've also been on the drugs for about a year now (longer? Don't know). They've helped a lot, but not been a total panacea. They've also ruined my sex life, such as it was, but you can't make an omelette without killing a few people.

"Bourgeois society stands at the crossroads, either transition to socialism or regression into barbarism" - Rosa Luxemburg, 1915.
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Reply #231 on: February 19, 2015, 02:35:01 PM

2014 sucked. I've debated having another go at therapy but my first experience wasn't great (and was also years ago) and mental health issues are rather taboo at my job. "Man up" is the answer to almost any problem here. swamp poop

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Reply #232 on: February 19, 2015, 02:56:01 PM

Don't remember if I participated in this thread last year or not, but I met all of the criteria for clinical depression for most of the prior 3 years. What I felt, and seems to have turned out to be the case, was that I was depressed because my life *sucked*, and I didn't have any realistic hopes for it to get better. Being homeless, alone, and underemployed was actually grounds for hope, at least all the obligations and commitments that had been trapping me into a whirlpool of shit had either been fulfilled or relieved from my responsibility. "There is a certain essential freedom in being *completely* screwed, at least nothing you do can possibly make things any worse."

I'm not saying this to trivialize depression, or to discount or stigmatize people who need pharmacological help dealing with their brain chemistry. Although I do need to say that if life actually does suck, and not just my attitude, then drugs that relieved my perception of suffering might not have done me any favors. But maybe I never got the full blast of fucked-up neurochemistry (I never considered suicide, for example). I'll never get those years back, and my career may never recover, but I will also have the memories of having been a father for my youngest daughter's early years (an opportunity I was denied for my oldest) and the awareness that when forced to choose between my ambitions and my obligations, I rode the ship all the way down.

If you have reactionary rather than organic depression (rational feelings about your fucked-up situation rather than irrational defeatism) then maybe what you need is to change your situation (but even then, drugs may give you the rationality to assess that properly). No matter how bad it looks, don't think of it as living in Hell. Tempering requires spending some time in the flames.

Oh, and nobody is allowed to bad-mouth Smed in my presence; When I was circling the drain, he's the one who threw me a lifeline. He didn't have to do it, he didn't owe me anything, and there was no definable benefit for him, except that apparently he's really a decent human being.

--Dave

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calapine
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Reply #233 on: February 19, 2015, 04:07:44 PM

It's nice to see what a bunch of dysfunctional losers (wink wink) the regulars here are.

Felt anxious (like the wall of the rooms closing in - if that makes sense? - to express it in a visual way) over a minor thing (payment order from court). Seeing other people struggle puts own worries into perspective and puts the edge of. (That and a beer or two...)

It's really appreciated, thank you.

Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
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Reply #234 on: February 19, 2015, 06:21:36 PM

I've been dealing with medical issues myself, mostly due to a really difficult to diagnose condition that really ramps up my anxiety. I feel like we're getting closer, but the result is likely going to be related to the pituitary tumor if I had to guess.

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Reply #235 on: February 19, 2015, 07:00:04 PM

Since I started the thread, I should update. I found a therapist, after trying many, that was willing to listen to me before throwing a bunch of pills at me. He (my therapist) has been amazing and has helped me a great deal even without prescriptions even though he has not pressured me one way or the other, and if he recommended a prescription I would trust him on his call. It took a really long time to find a therapist that was willing to listen to everything I had to say, while still being able to call me out on problems I was responsible for.

I have recently added my wife to my sessions, after very careful considerations, which some how has managed to make our relationship pretty amazing in the last couple of months. My wife also started seeing a therapist that my therapist recommended so that my wife had somebody to help work through her issues. For a long time I was so absorbed in my own issues, I never took the time to realize that my wife also needed help. I guess we just got lost in all of the financial problems, and legal pressures, and our respective histories that we both just needed somebody that was skilled and compassionate to help lead us back onto the path to healthier emotions and communication.

Even though I participated very little, this thread was a life changer for me in the advice and support that was offered without judgement. So thank you to you all.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
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Reply #236 on: February 19, 2015, 07:19:57 PM

Even though I participated very little, this thread was a life changer for me in the advice and support that was offered without judgement. So thank you to you all.

That's awesome man. I'm so glad to hear that!

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Soln
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Reply #237 on: February 19, 2015, 08:54:37 PM

Hi everybody.  That's all I got for now. 
lamaros
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Reply #238 on: February 20, 2015, 06:51:22 AM

My partner has been seeing a really great person the past few months. Its still a very long way to go, but it has really helped, medication will be the next step.

Its amazing to consider just how hard it has been to get to this point, and how much more there is to go. But really positive to know that things can improve in some way, even if they are still really shit.

I'm managing it better myself too, which is great. Finding a good support person, whatever they might be, is great not only for the person, but also for those supporting them. Its a lot of pressure to take on and there's a lot of guilt and doubt and a whole lot of other crap that goes along with it, and knowing there are others on your side is an incredible support and relief.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2015, 06:53:14 AM by lamaros »
Mosesandstick
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Reply #239 on: February 20, 2015, 02:38:59 PM

Just want to say I hope everything goes well for you folks, and whatever you try works out for you.
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Reply #240 on: February 20, 2015, 09:36:39 PM

Changing jobs has helped a bit. More free income and less high stress seasonal disorder is a good thing in my mind. So was increasing my vitamin intake and seeing a holistic doctor who does nutrition and traditional medicine. There's a lot of things with people that suffer from anxiety/depression that aren't necessarily driven by diet, but that a bad diet can make a whole lot worse. Removing/recognizing triggers was a good thing for my health.

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Maven
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Reply #241 on: February 20, 2015, 09:54:59 PM

I'm enrolled in a Health Education and Nutrition class this semester for that reason. I hope to dispel a lot of internet anecdotal suggestions with education by a registered dietician.
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Reply #242 on: February 21, 2015, 03:55:24 AM

I'm bieng officially assesed for Autistic disorder. The psychologist, who was lovely, basicly said flat out that by her reconing I'm almost certain to be found to be on the spectrum. Not sure what difference it will make at this point as I'm full of coping mechanisms and am almost a social hermit, but it will me nice to have a label I guess, even though "on the spectrum" gives you zero browny points as opposed to full blown Autistic.

Yey. 2015.

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Reply #243 on: February 21, 2015, 07:03:31 AM

"Do you post on f13?"

"Yes."

"You're probably on the Spectrum."

Ohhhhh, I see.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
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Reply #244 on: February 21, 2015, 11:03:45 AM

I'm absolutely shocked I haven't driven most of you people absolutely mad.

If Ironwood comes to kill me, tell my mom I love her and erase my history. Though, he may be kind enough to do that.
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