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Author Topic: After Earth  (Read 11119 times)
Merusk
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on: December 16, 2012, 01:36:42 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZIt20emgLY

New Will Smith vehicle.  Man and son crash-land on Earth, 1,000 years after humans abandoned it.  (Hey, call it the sequel to Oblivion!)

It's Shyamalan though so it could suck terribly.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
rattran
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Unreasonable


Reply #1 on: December 16, 2012, 01:47:25 PM

1000 years to re-evolve saber-tooth tigers?
Der Helm
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Reply #2 on: December 16, 2012, 02:43:23 PM

1000 years to re-evolve saber-tooth tigers?
TWIST ENDING! THEY ARE IN THE PAST, NOT THE FUTURE!
(I have not watched the trailer)

"I've been done enough around here..."- Signe
Ironwood
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Reply #3 on: December 16, 2012, 02:45:28 PM

Facepalm

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Evildrider
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Reply #4 on: December 16, 2012, 03:24:25 PM

It's Shyamalan the twist is the trailer is acutally the movie.
Pennilenko
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Reply #5 on: December 16, 2012, 04:03:46 PM

It's Shyamalan though so it could will suck terribly.

That looks about right.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
Venkman
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Reply #6 on: December 16, 2012, 04:47:02 PM

Ugh, looks terrible.
Fordel
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Reply #7 on: December 16, 2012, 05:51:33 PM

Does Will Smith ever age?

and the gate is like I TOO AM CAPABLE OF SPEECH
Merusk
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Reply #8 on: December 16, 2012, 06:29:29 PM

Does Will Smith ever age?

No.  Dick Clark passed his Quickening on to him to protect it from Seacrest.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
Pennilenko
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Reply #9 on: December 16, 2012, 07:57:24 PM

You made me blow soda through my nose. I hate you.

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
RhyssaFireheart
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Reply #10 on: December 17, 2012, 06:35:48 AM

Does Will Smith ever age?

No.  Dick Clark passed his Quickening on to him to protect it from Seacrest.
Oh, I was going to go with the painting in the closet theory, but I like your answer better.

Merusk
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Reply #11 on: December 17, 2012, 07:34:53 AM

You made me blow soda through my nose. I hate you.

 Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?  My work here is done.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
HaemishM
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Reply #12 on: December 17, 2012, 09:36:28 AM

1000 years to re-evolve saber-tooth tigers?
TWIST ENDING! THEY ARE IN THE PAST, NOT THE FUTURE!
(I have not watched the trailer)

That's exactly what I thought.

If it wasn't ShamalamaTWISTDONG and Will Smith's kid, I might be interested.

EDIT: Because was and wasn't aren't the same thing.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2012, 01:50:26 PM by HaemishM »

Soln
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Reply #13 on: December 17, 2012, 12:56:16 PM

twist: father or son is dead, or father is son in past, or something dead brain in vat. 
angry.bob
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Reply #14 on: December 18, 2012, 04:23:48 PM

I sincerly hope that Jayden and Willow Smith go full on Whitney Houston and die while Will Smith and what's her name are still alive. Neither of those kids should have a show business career. Also, that just looked stupid and boring. Like Outlander but with trees instead of Vikings.

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Pennilenko
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Reply #15 on: December 18, 2012, 10:01:45 PM

Why the hate for the dude's children?

"See?  All of you are unique.  And special.  Like fucking snowflakes."  -- Signe
Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #16 on: December 18, 2012, 11:08:07 PM

Karate kid remake.

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Shannow
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Reply #17 on: December 19, 2012, 06:18:15 AM

twist is the film won't suck balls?

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Ironwood
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Reply #18 on: December 19, 2012, 07:53:28 AM

I liked the Karate Kid Remake.


"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #19 on: December 19, 2012, 07:55:01 AM

I liked the Karate Kid Remake.



Except it wasn't fucking karate.

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DraconianOne
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Reply #20 on: December 19, 2012, 08:01:09 AM

Except it wasn't fucking karate.

Bovvered? I liked it too - more than the original.

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Ironwood
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Reply #21 on: December 19, 2012, 08:04:31 AM

Quite :  My liking it was entirely by using the benchmark of 'Hey, remember how the original sucked balls' coupled with 'Jackie Chan - He's Fucking Awesome'.

I didn't think the Smith clone was that bad. 

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #22 on: December 19, 2012, 08:08:30 AM

It was a shameless grab at a fanbase and sense of nostalgia to make a buck.  It had nothing to do with the original beyond "kid gets bullied, fights back" which could be nearly any movie.  What's next, Roots: Starring Hugh Grant?

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Big Gulp
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Reply #23 on: December 19, 2012, 08:18:20 AM

What's next, Roots: Starring Hugh Grant?

I would see that!

"Your name is Toby!"
Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #24 on: December 19, 2012, 08:23:13 AM

"Well, actually you see that is not entirely correct, my given name is actually uh, Kunta Kinte"

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Khaldun
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Reply #25 on: December 19, 2012, 08:47:20 AM

"Oh, I see, you would like me to use, uh, the name Toby instead. Sorry, sorry, didn't understand that at first. Um, is that something you normally ask of people? I, uh, I, uh, just want to get some sense of what's, um, a guest here ought to be doing. Toby, is it, then. Right. Well, I, uh, frightfully sorry about this, really I am, but I think, if you don't--if you don't--that is, mind, I'd just as soon be Kunta Kinte. Sorry!"
Shannow
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Reply #26 on: December 19, 2012, 08:54:03 AM

"Oh, I see, you would like me to use, uh, the name Toby instead. Sorry, sorry, didn't understand that at first. Um, is that something you normally ask of people? I, uh, I, uh, just want to get some sense of what's, um, a guest here ought to be doing. Toby, is it, then. Right. Well, I, uh, frightfully sorry about this, really I am, but I think, if you don't--if you don't--that is, mind, I'd just as soon be Kunta Kinte. Sorry!"

Gold.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
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Reply #27 on: December 26, 2012, 03:24:25 PM

I don't think Will Smith is any better an actor than his kids. He plays the same character, regardless the movie, with the same exact expressions and vocal incantation style no matter the movie --  be it Independence Day or Pursuit of Happyness. I think his career apex was Fresh Prince days, yet he continues to rake in superstar loot as primo megastar actor and now director/producer.

And fuck him especially for the travesty that was *I Robot*.

"Should the batman kill Joker because it would save more lives?" is a fundamentally different question from "should the batman have a bunch of machineguns that go BATBATBATBATBAT because its totally cool?". ~Goumindong
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #28 on: December 26, 2012, 04:20:31 PM

You probably haven't seen "Where the Day Takes You" (admittedly, a small part) or "Six Degrees of Separation", then.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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Reply #29 on: December 26, 2012, 04:44:09 PM

Eh, I like Will Smith, and this movie looks OK.  I really don't get how every animal on earth could have evolved into human hating murder machines in 1,000 years, but maybe its explained (or part of the twist).  Still, at the very least, it could be a good survival adventure story to watch (nothing amazing mind you).  I agree it has a decent probability of being horrible or really boring due to the name attached to the director, but I saw nothing in that trailer that made me hate it.

"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants.  He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor."
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Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #30 on: December 27, 2012, 03:11:42 AM

Eh, I like Will Smith, and this movie looks OK.  I really don't get how every animal on earth could have evolved into human hating murder machines in 1,000 years, but maybe its explained (or part of the twist).  Still, at the very least, it could be a good survival adventure story to watch (nothing amazing mind you).  I agree it has a decent probability of being horrible or really boring due to the name attached to the director, but I saw nothing in that trailer that made me hate it.

Why would a spacesuit be designed with glider wings? That bothered me.

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Sir T
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Reply #31 on: December 27, 2012, 04:44:28 AM

Will Smiths performance in "I, Robot" was enjoyable and solid. Its not his fault that the story didn't make a lick of sense and was a total screw around from the book.

Hic sunt dracones.
Chimpy
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Reply #32 on: December 27, 2012, 05:10:21 AM

I don't think Will Smith is any better an actor than his kids. He plays the same character, regardless the movie, with the same exact expressions and vocal incantation style no matter the movie --  be it Independence Day or Pursuit of Happyness. I think his career apex was Fresh Prince days, yet he continues to rake in superstar loot as primo megastar actor and now director/producer.

And fuck him especially for the travesty that was *I Robot*.

The number of "superstar" actors that are not playing the same effective character in every movie is an extremely small list. And even the ones with the skill/range to play something different end up doing similar things in each character. Some of the "best" actors are hacks who play the same character 99% of the time.

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
Surlyboi
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eat a bag of dicks


Reply #33 on: December 27, 2012, 09:28:15 AM

Eh, I like Will Smith, and this movie looks OK.  I really don't get how every animal on earth could have evolved into human hating murder machines in 1,000 years, but maybe its explained (or part of the twist).  Still, at the very least, it could be a good survival adventure story to watch (nothing amazing mind you).  I agree it has a decent probability of being horrible or really boring due to the name attached to the director, but I saw nothing in that trailer that made me hate it.

Why would a spacesuit be designed with glider wings? That bothered me.

Spacesuits don't necessarily have to be designed strictly for vacuum.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
Lakov_Sanite
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Reply #34 on: December 27, 2012, 09:32:58 AM

I just get a very star trek technomagic vibe which oddly enough I only accept in the trek universe.

Also do we see will smith get blown out of the ship in the wreck in the beginning? I am thinking he actually dies in that scene nd any other scene they are together is a flashback, does the trailer actually show will on the planet in the present?

~a horrific, dark simulacrum that glares balefully at us, with evil intent.
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