I'm getting married!

[Jimbo]

Gratz!  Hope you all have a great time and it goes great for you all.

[Lianka]

Screw it, ANNOYED EDIT: And I've heard ALL the reasoning as to why I'm a terrible person for not giving even half a fuck about having the same last name as my husband. None of those reasons are compelling to me in the least. Most women, if they didn't change their name, have reasons for doing so. Hell, most that have, have reasons for doing so. They've heard all the terrible advice because people love telling women what they should do with their own name. We've thought about it. Trust me.

I love that all my friends couldn't wait to change their last names, then go ballistic when someone refers to them as "Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname" on Christmas cards. 

All the terrible "oh god, the confusion!" scenarios have failed to materialize, by the way. People still are perfectly capable of figuring out Ingmar and I are married (although I do get called Ms. Hislastname from time to time, but whatever, I either correct them if I'm going to be speaking to them on a regular basis or I ignore it).

Along with you being called Ms Hislastname is him being called Mr Yourlastname at times, too.   :)   

The only time my not changing my last name had a potential to confuse was when I was in the hospital to have our son, and that was just because stuff like his hearing test was addressed to Babyfirstname Momlast name.  I think we just asked them to change it...

[Lianka]

In this area at least different-named spouses are so common that there are really no big issues that come up - everyone I've ever dealt with in the context of medical care, government, etc., does not blink an eye at our last names being different. Also, again locally, the area is so ethnically and culturally mixed, not to mention filled with people who give their kids weird names just because, that the idea that somehow a kid with a hyphenated last name, or a name different than his mom's, will stand out in any special way for being picked on is pretty silly. Hell I grew up going to school with a number of people with hyphenated names and I can't remember a single incident of that being what someone got picked on for.

Basically the only people who are a pain in the ass about it are our moms.

I'm some places, I'm looking at you Quebec, it's standard for the woman to _NOT_ change their name!

[Paelos]

Could you dipshits shut up about the stupid hyphenization of children's names? The subject is "I'm getting married!" not "I'm having a baby!" You can give your terrible unasked for advice on the subject of a kid's last name then.

Um, no. You broadcast your personal shit on a forum, you're getting unasked for advice. Get a fucking helmet.

Also, I disagree with your naming policies on the whole, but I'm a traditionalist, and you're already married. The world will go on.

[Daeven]

Could you dipshits shut up about the stupid hyphenization of children's names? The subject is "I'm getting married!" not "I'm having a baby!" You can give your terrible unasked for advice on the subject of a kid's last name then.

Um, no. You broadcast your personal shit on a forum, you're getting unasked for advice. Get a fucking helmet.

Also, I disagree with your naming policies on the whole, but I'm a traditionalist, and you're already married. The world will go on.

I dunno. Imagining that rant being read by Sjofn's violently twitching avatard made it a thing of beauty.

[Trippy]

You DO NOT want me to turn this thread around.

[Surlyboi]

Are we there yet?

[Pennilenko]

So...last night I got engaged, posting this here because...why not!

Congo Rats man.

[NiX]

Congrats!

I think I've settled on never getting married.

[Surlyboi]

Congrats!

I think I've settled on never getting married.

I thought I had too. Life has ways of pulling wacky shit on you when you least expect it.

[Sjofn]

Could you dipshits shut up about the stupid hyphenization of children's names? The subject is "I'm getting married!" not "I'm having a baby!" You can give your terrible unasked for advice on the subject of a kid's last name then.

Um, no. You broadcast your personal shit on a forum, you're getting unasked for advice. Get a fucking helmet.

Also, I disagree with your naming policies on the whole, but I'm a traditionalist, and you're already married. The world will go on.

Her name is vastly different from any baby's name was my point. Giving terrible advice about her name, that's on topic.

But whatever, my point was pretty clearly illustrated. Time to ask for pictures of the engagement ring, if there was one. :P

[Malakili]

Time to ask for pictures of the engagement ring, if there was one. :P

There wasn't as it was a proposal as such, it was more a discussion that ended with "Well I guess that means we're engaged now."  We plan on going shopping together next week so she can pick out something she'll like, I'll post once we have one.

[UnSub]

Congrats!

Though, Mr. and Mrs. Moist sound like porn swinger names.

[Teleku]

We cut out the middleman and just chose a winery in Northern CA. Of course, that means we're fucking bi-coastal for the next few months as we fly back and forth to get all the details hammered out.  

Out of curiosity, which one (if you don't mind me asking, cool if you don't want to say)?  Friends here got married a few months back and went shopping all around for a winery to get married at.  They went through hell finding a nice one one that had decent prices and didn't act like snobby assholes.  So was just wondering which one you guys are running off to.

They actually had a great wedding at Andretti Winery (as in, the winery that Mario Andretti owns) in Napa.  Which I'd recommend because it was actually very lovely there, the prices were very reasonable (compared to the surrounding area), and the staff was great to work with.  This was a very small low key wedding however.

[Samwise]

There wasn't as it was a proposal as such, it was more a discussion that ended with "Well I guess that means we're engaged now."

And they say romance is dead.

[Malakili]

There wasn't as it was a proposal as such, it was more a discussion that ended with "Well I guess that means we're engaged now."

And they say romance is dead.

Like I said, when you're already committed to a lifetime of partnership, the actual decision to make it legal isn't exactly momentous.  We are taking the occasion also to celebrate the former with family and friends though, which I think is much more meaningful to us.

[Sjofn]

Out of curiosity, which one (if you don't mind me asking, cool if you don't want to say)?  

Clearly all of us in the Bay Area should crash it. 

Malakili: I hope it's fun picking out a ring! I have no patience for that sort of thing, Ingmar and I spend about 45 minutes looking at rings so he'd have some vague idea of what style I like, but he totally picked out my ring himself. Shopping for wedding bands went even quicker. I'm terrible at being a girl!

[Surlyboi]

We cut out the middleman and just chose a winery in Northern CA. Of course, that means we're fucking bi-coastal for the next few months as we fly back and forth to get all the details hammered out.  

Out of curiosity, which one (if you don't mind me asking, cool if you don't want to say)?  Friends here got married a few months back and went shopping all around for a winery to get married at.  They went through hell finding a nice one one that had decent prices and didn't act like snobby assholes.  So was just wondering which one you guys are running off to.

They actually had a great wedding at Andretti Winery (as in, the winery that Mario Andretti owns) in Napa.  Which I'd recommend because it was actually very lovely there, the prices were very reasonable (compared to the surrounding area), and the staff was great to work with.  This was a very small low key wedding however.

Thomas Fogarty Winery in the Santa Cruz mounains. We saw the view and fell in love with it. It's a private estate, so there're tons of rules, but it's too nice a place to pass up. It's going to be a small wedding too, so that helps as well. The fact that the wine is pretty good and it's close to Cupertino is also a bonus.

We're on a plane out there in the morning for a week of meeting caterers, cake people and florists. Fun, fun, fun.

As for the ring, I posted a picture a while back, a dear, departed friend designed it for us and the missus loves it.

[Ingmar]

I've been there a few times, it is a great site.

[Jherad]

There wasn't as it was a proposal as such, it was more a discussion that ended with "Well I guess that means we're engaged now."

And they say romance is dead.

Like I said, when you're already committed to a lifetime of partnership, the actual decision to make it legal isn't exactly momentous.  We are taking the occasion also to celebrate the former with family and friends though, which I think is much more meaningful to us.

Once you have the ring, get down on one knee and propose with it at a suitable time/place. My wife and I went through over a year of immigration bureaucracy before I bought a ring, making the 'engagement' something of a formality, but I got points for doing that properly anyway. You won't regret it :)

[Ironwood]

Truly. It will be an inspiring romantic moment and probably the last willing blowjob you get.

[NiX]

I thought I had too. Life has ways of pulling wacky shit on you when you least expect it.

Eff that. I won't break!

[Lantyssa]

Even Schild gave in for a brief spell...

I may share your sentiment, however I do not actively proclaim it lest life decides that it wants to spite me.

[Ironwood]

Schild got married ?

[Surlyboi]

No, but he thought about it for ten minutes, then spent all his money on hookers and blow.

[Ironwood]

Then he's a more intelligent man than I was when I was young.

[Khaldun]

If Mrs. Ironwood has your password to this place, you're more fucked than you already seem to be vis-a-vis domestic bliss.

As an old married (25 years!), I'll say this: any relationship that goes on for a long time, under whatever legal covenants, involves a certain amount of work, but it also becomes like your favorite blanket: comforting, a bit ratty around the edges, something you're unreasonably attached to and couldn't imagine doing without. That's what romance in the long haul is really all about: mashed potatoes and pot roast, not caviar and champagne.

[Cyrrex]

Could you dipshits shut up about the stupid hyphenization of children's names? The subject is "I'm getting married!" not "I'm having a baby!" You can give your terrible unasked for advice on the subject of a kid's last name then.


Screw it, ANNOYED EDIT: And I've heard ALL the reasoning as to why I'm a terrible person for not giving even half a fuck about having the same last name as my husband. None of those reasons are compelling to me in the least. Most women, if they didn't change their name, have reasons for doing so. Hell, most that have, have reasons for doing so. They've heard all the terrible advice because people love telling women what they should do with their own name. We've thought about it. Trust me.

All the terrible "oh god, the confusion!" scenarios have failed to materialize, by the way. People still are perfectly capable of figuring out Ingmar and I are married (although I do get called Ms. Hislastname from time to time, but whatever, I either correct them if I'm going to be speaking to them on a regular basis or I ignore it). MANY MANY MANY families have people with different last names (good example: Ladies taking their second husband's last name but leaving their kids with the name they, you know, always had), the world has not ended. It really, honestly isn't that exotic.

This is why I said be cool with it. Everyone in the world will have an opinion on it, even in this day and age. And it's really nice when the person who actually does have input that you actually want to hear is cool with whatever you picked to do. Whatever that may be. Because I do know some guys who adamantly DON'T want their potential wife to take their last name, and leaning hard in that direction is just as annoying (although far rarer).

I agree with Sjofn.  Hyphenation IS a bad idea.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Personally, I told my dad that I loved him dearly and always would, but I was moving up the alphabet and to an easier to spell last name (maiden name started with N and has 8 letters, married name starts with H and has 6 letters).

There's also the option for the married woman (or man too, I guess) to do the "maiden name is now middle name" change as well.  My MiL did that and I was asked several times by folks if that was what I was planning on doing as well.  So instead of being Betsy Ann Williams I would have become Betsy Williams Jones, which makes no sense to me, tbh.  But plenty of women do it and it's not hyphenation.  I suppose the couple do do that for both of them, if they decide which name they want last.

[Sjofn]

Ingmar's mom did that, and once in a while attempts to peer pressure me into doing the same (and we've been married SEVEN YEARS at this point, build a bridge, lady!). I have no idea why it's so important to her that I change my name, sometimes I wonder if she thinks I am SILENTLY JUDGING her or something. My parents dropped it, and my mother even does the proper addressing of "Mr. Ingmar and Ms. Sjofn" you're supposed to do now.  

One of these days I'm going to tell Ing's mother I didn't change my name entirely because his last name with my first name makes me sound like a farmer's wife, and I hate farmers. If that doesn't work, I'll try "I was too lazy to file the paperwork."

[Johny Cee]

In this area at least different-named spouses are so common that there are really no big issues that come up - everyone I've ever dealt with in the context of medical care, government, etc., does not blink an eye at our last names being different. Also, again locally, the area is so ethnically and culturally mixed, not to mention filled with people who give their kids weird names just because, that the idea that somehow a kid with a hyphenated last name, or a name different than his mom's, will stand out in any special way for being picked on is pretty silly. Hell I grew up going to school with a number of people with hyphenated names and I can't remember a single incident of that being what someone got picked on for.

Basically the only people who are a pain in the ass about it are our moms.

I'm some places, I'm looking at you Quebec, it's standard for the woman to _NOT_ change their name!

It's pretty common in Quebec to not bother with getting married in the first place, especially if you don't plan on kids. 

[Sky]

There wasn't as it was a proposal as such, it was more a discussion that ended with "Well I guess that means we're engaged now."

Trust, me...she wants you to give her the moment. And suit it to her, don't do it on a basketball jumbotron (unless she's a basketball freak). I proposed while hiking, had this giant box in my pocket for an hour before I got to the spot, and then it was wicked busy on the trail, so I rambled on about how much she meant to me while waiting for the trail to clear. It was pretty funny, but oddly she's used to me doing that and wasn't suspicious at all. The look on her face when I pulled out the box and got down on one knee was so worth it. The 18k white gold diamond claddaugh didn't hurt my chances, either.


She did notice that I proposed on a cliff's edge. I think she felt pressured to say yes to continue existence. Really, it wasn't so much a cliff as a chasm. And there were too many witnesses. Really.

[Paelos]

My parents dropped it, and my mother even does the proper addressing of "Mr. Ingmar and Ms. Sjofn" you're supposed to do now.  

That's entirely regional, btw. Just wanted to point that out.

[Sjofn]

My parents dropped it, and my mother even does the proper addressing of "Mr. Ingmar and Ms. Sjofn" you're supposed to do now.  

That's entirely regional, btw. Just wanted to point that out.

Miss Manners was quite clear on it when I looked it up, and Miss Manners is awesome. When I said "now" I meant "when the lady doesn't change her name, which happens more often now," I see now I was unclear! Shame on me.

I'm kinda with the dudes who say Malakili should re-propose. Ingmar and I had discussed it and such and the conclusion seemed inevitable, but it was still nice when he dragged me off to a secluded spot near our campsite in Yosemite (just us and a pretty lady duck) and surprised me. He didn't go down on a knee and I am glad he didn't, but the asking part was sweet.    Before he asked he was acting all crabby and weird and I distinctly remember thinking, "Great, is he going to be a bitch all weekend?" Turns out Ingmar is a major crabbypants when he's nervous and can't say why.  

[Rasix]

It was kind of difficult for me to propose when my wife picked out her ring at the Tucson gem show then called me to ask if it was OK to get it.  She even insisted that I ask her dad's permission afterwards.    I was somewhat busy with grad school and incredibly broke, so it wasn't something I was really thinking about at the time.

But yah, if you can, give her the moment.  Don't think that I haven't heard from her several times just how unromantic it all was.