I'm getting married!

[K9]

It's all about double-barrelled names 

I met a girl who's surname is L'Estrange-Snowden, go figure that one out.

[Azazel]

Congratulations!

Let the kids alternate surnames. It'll confuse the shit out of their teachers. 

[Nebu]

Alternatively, you can change your name to a single word (or symbol in Prince's case).  Then last names become even more irrelevant.  

[Nerf]

We're doing the reception at our house and putting the money saved for a reception hall towards the honeymoon and fixing up the house.  Weddings are fucking expensive.

Stef did find an awesome chapel though, and we're hiring caterers and turning the living room into a dance floor (yay hardwood!).

Also seriously considering renting a pair of those giant Sumo suits and having a sumo ring in the backyard.

ETA: Date set for July 31, we were just telling people February 30th until we set an official one.

As for the names, theres been some serious thought put into changing my last name to Awesome just before the wedding so she can't object to changing it later.
I mean cmon, Dr. Awesome has a nice ring to it.

[shiznitz]

Grats! Also: WHEN'S THE DATE OMG. People asked that as soon was we were engaged. As in, we were engaged all of five minutes when that started getting asked.

And since we're giving the traditional unasked for advice: Whatever she decides to do with her last name, be cool with it.

yeah we have been asked already as well.  She is probably keeping her name, which is actually my preference as well, but might hyphenate.

Hyphenating is awful and a pure cop out.  If you don't care what her last name is, then why hyphenate?  Kids get your name. Simple as that.  Why? Because it will make their life easier.

[ghost]

I'm a big fan of hyphenated first and last names.  Yes, I've seen it. 

[naum]

/gratz

Though as a friend from Alabama put it to me: "Marriage is alright for married folk, but single people ought not to mess around with it."

[Sjofn]

Just don't make the kids hyphenate. It's ridiculous and they will get made fun of.

Hyphenating is awful and a pure cop out.  If you don't care what her last name is, then why hyphenate?  Kids get your name. Simple as that.  Why? Because it will make their life easier.

See, this is why I simply said "whatever she wants with HER last name, be cool with it." People love adding baggage to it, immediately fretting about ZOMG THE KIDS LAST NAME and other related garbage, and it's really nice when your husband, at least, isn't annoying about it one way or the other. If she wants to change it, cool, if she doesn't, that's cool too. If she wants to hyphenate, also cool.

But ... if you want to hyphenate the kids, the assholes who want to tell you that's a cop out even though it's none of their goddamn business? You can send 'em to me, I'll kick their asses.  

[Draegan]

Congrats.

Wait 'til you start the planning.  

I've been engaged for almost a year now (Monday) and the wedding is in April.  .. So yeah, just wait for the planning.  Unless someone else is paying for it or you're rich, welcome to anxietyville.

Oh yeah, congrats.

[Samwise]

Congrats!  However:

This is more or less the plan, not because I want to avoid a lifetime of complaint, but because she cares about it more than I do to begin with.  To explain the situation, we've been together for 5 years, and living together for 4, we aren't married yet mainly because we (and especially me I'll admit) simply didn't(and don't) feel any real attachment to the legal instittion.

I feel I would be remiss if I didn't advise you to think carefully about whether this line of reasoning may be bullshit.  Only because it sounds like exactly the sort of thing I might have said a couple of years ago.  In my case the real reason it took us so long to get married was that one of us was not really capable of making that sort of commitment, but neither of us was able to admit that until it became really painfully obvious.

Okay, back to cheerful good wishes.  Good luck!

[Sjofn]

Congrats.

Wait 'til you start the planning. 

I've been engaged for almost a year now (Monday) and the wedding is in April.  .. So yeah, just wait for the planning.  Unless someone else is paying for it or you're rich, welcome to anxietyville.

Oh yeah, congrats.

Well, at least the day OF, you'll be all "aaaaaahhhhh, finally." And be able to have fun! But yeah, we thought of eloping a couple of times, and we actually had a pretty easy time of it as far as the planning went. The biggest obstacle for us was forcing ourselves to care about shit neither of us cared about at all (Like the invitations, Ingmar made ME be the one who had to care about it. He cared about our actual ceremony. I got stuck on flower-caring-duty. And so on!).

[Soln]

congrats, and to second what Nerf and others have said: Watch your money.  

[Nerf]

congrats, and to second what Nerf and others have said: Watch your money.  

Hell, my father-in-law is paying for the wedding and we're still trying to save everywhere we can.

Like catering - holy fuck can catering be expensive.  We found a local BBQ joint that caters, with waitstaff, for $7-9 a head depending on menu.  If we've got 50-75 people, we're looking at $350-700 to cover ALL of the catering shit, not including booze.

Booze is the main reason we're having the reception at our place - the chapel actually had a really nice reception area that seated 200+ available for somewhere between $500 and $1.5k, but you *had* to use their caterer, pay whatever the hell they wanted to ask for alcohol, AND hire a security guard for the duration of the reception.

Fuck that.  I'm a college student, I can find a bartender on campus and slide him $50-100 to hand out drinks for a few hours, we can buy the booze at costco, and the /last/ thing we want is a security guard on site.  The chances of drunken shenanigans happening with the reception at our place multiplies exponentially, and I can't even fathom what happens to it when we add in the Sumo ring with inflatable fatsuits.

I'm just extraordinarily lucky to have a woman that thinks this is a good idea (the sumo ring was hers ^_^).  If it wouldn't piss off her family and cost us a bunch of awesome presents, we would have eloped to Vegas.

Just remember to shop around for the wedding stuff - it sucks ass, but spending the time calling a bunch of places and asking questions about the fine print will save you thousands of dollars.

And Gratz!   

[Ironwood]

I just hope you are prepared for the endless amounts of dramatic and sweaty sex that is about to come your way.

There's not a smiley big enough.

Bravo, Sir, Bravo.

[Sheepherder]

Booze is the main reason we're having the reception at our place - the chapel actually had a really nice reception area that seated 200+ available for somewhere between $500 and $1.5k, but you *had* to use their caterer, pay whatever the hell they wanted to ask for alcohol, AND hire a security guard for the duration of the reception.

It also fucking sucks when their barkeep looks like he should be carded and couldn't mix a drink to save his life.

[WayAbvPar]

I just hope you are prepared for the endless amounts of dramatic and sweaty sex that is about to come your way.

Just make sure your wife doesn't find out.

[Furiously]

I just hope you are prepared for the endless amounts of dramatic and sweaty sex that is about to come your way.

I think you mean stop coming your way.

[Surlyboi]

Booze is the main reason we're having the reception at our place - the chapel actually had a really nice reception area that seated 200+ available for somewhere between $500 and $1.5k, but you *had* to use their caterer, pay whatever the hell they wanted to ask for alcohol, AND hire a security guard for the duration of the reception.

It also fucking sucks when their barkeep looks like he should be carded and couldn't mix a drink to save his life.

We cut out the middleman and just chose a winery in Northern CA. Of course, that means we're fucking bi-coastal for the next few months as we fly back and forth to get all the details hammered out. 

[Jherad]

Congratulations!

Don't forget to keep going out on regular 'dates' with her after you're married...

And don't call it 'date night'.

[Sand]

 We aren't huge on tradition, so we aren't really sure exactly what we want to do yet, but there is really only so much you switch up the standard stuff (people come, theres dancing and music, theres food, and so forth).

Where are your presently living and what is your projected budget?

[Sand]

Grats! Also: WHEN'S THE DATE OMG. People asked that as soon was we were engaged. As in, we were engaged all of five minutes when that started getting asked.

And since we're giving the traditional unasked for advice: Whatever she decides to do with her last name, be cool with it.

Just don't make the kids hyphenate. It's ridiculous and they will get made fun of.

^ This.

[Sjofn]

<cracks her knuckles>

[Ragnoros]

My curiosity with hyphenation is the inevitable escalation. If your hyphenated kid marries another hyphenated kid down the road, are they going to have double hyphenated children?

Meet our grandson. Micheal L. Doderidge-Wailen-Smith-Poppycock. Of course it only gets worse from there.

Edit; Congrats!

[Sheepherder]

No, that would be silly.  One you're past two names you use a compression algorithm to generate the name.

[Merusk]

Micheal L. Damp?  Doilthk? Do'Wa'Mi'Cock?

[Furiously]

I have a Thai friend who had hugely long last name. Something like Changsurirothenothenom (That wasn't it, but is an example of some of their long last names.) She was marrying a gentleman with the last name Moist. They both settled and are now Mr, and Ms. Kasam.

[Surlyboi]

Good call.

Though, Mr. and Mrs. Moist sound like porn names.

[Xilren's Twin]

This is more or less the plan, not because I want to avoid a lifetime of complaint, but because she cares about it more than I do to begin with.  To explain the situation, we've been together for 5 years, and living together for 4, we aren't married yet mainly because we (and especially me I'll admit) simply didn't(and don't) feel any real attachment to the legal instittion.

I feel I would be remiss if I didn't advise you to think carefully about whether this line of reasoning may be bullshit.  Only because it sounds like exactly the sort of thing I might have said a couple of years ago.  In my case the real reason it took us so long to get married was that one of us was not really capable of making that sort of commitment, but neither of us was able to admit that until it became really painfully obvious.

First congrats as well!  Being one of the old married folk here I wish you two the best.  Here comes my random unasked for general advice unsupported by facts. 
It sounds like you going into this reasonably clear headed and with your eyes open, but I did want to expand a little on what Samwise said.  Not to discourage you or anyone else but hopefully to save you some avoidable stress with preparation.    Being together for 5 years means you have already experienced a lot of the day to day stresses and strains on a relationship, but I assume there are some things you have not done which you will do after getting hitched.  Things such as merging bank accounts, sharing insurance policies, making major purchases (home, cars) as cosigners on a loan, etc.

So my advice is just make sure you have thought really hard about the person you are marrying in terms of ALL your major life decisions.  You will be trusting this person with everything of value: your children, your money, even your health decisions should you become incapacitated.  It's BIG deal, and one I don't think most people truly appreciate until long after the fact.  You'll notice I didn't mention  your heart in my list of things you value; it's not because the emotions aren't important (they are) but b/c a common mistake people make when getting married is thinking the emotions will make all the other things I mentioned "just work out".  Ain't that simple.

And as a corallary to that, a common theme I see among younger folks getting hitched is to kind of try and go half way into it so they do things like keep separate bank accounts, keep their separate cars in their own names only, etc.  It's like they are setting an escape plan for when it doesn't work out.  Unsurprisingly, most of these marriages don't last 5 years. If you are going to commit then commit damnit.  It gives you that many more reasons to keeping working at the relationship without taking the easy way out and spitting up.  Divorce is painful; make plans to avoid it 

Oh and Sjofn, on the hyphenated last name or each spouse keeping their own name thing.  Whether you intend to or not, you are setting the stage for some low level grief that will come your way from such decisions.  There are many systems your family may be a part of that simply don't handle deciphering family relationship from multiple last names very well.  Things like school systems, government agencies, and healthcare providers just to name a few.  Consider an extreme case; do you really want to fight with the equivalent of a DMV level  employee over whether  your are authorized to make medical decisions for your own children/spouse b/c you don't have the same as them and their computer system isn't clearly pointing out your relationship?   And it gets worse if there are children from previous relationships involved. working in the healthcare IT area, I see stuff like this ALL the time.   No matter how you personally feel about it, to a large degree that's avoidable with something as simple as a shared last name that all family members have.  Hell make the husband take the wife's last name, just be consistent.

[Paelos]

I don't agree with hypenation in any cases because it's silly.

I think all names should default to the shorter/less ridiculous one, man or woman.

[Tebonas]

Personally I'm all about living in sin and having it nice and warm after I die, but a kickass wedding is something enjoyable too. So congratulations!

[Sjofn]

Could you dipshits shut up about the stupid hyphenization of children's names? The subject is "I'm getting married!" not "I'm having a baby!" You can give your terrible unasked for advice on the subject of a kid's last name then.


Screw it, ANNOYED EDIT: And I've heard ALL the reasoning as to why I'm a terrible person for not giving even half a fuck about having the same last name as my husband. None of those reasons are compelling to me in the least. Most women, if they didn't change their name, have reasons for doing so. Hell, most that have, have reasons for doing so. They've heard all the terrible advice because people love telling women what they should do with their own name. We've thought about it. Trust me.

All the terrible "oh god, the confusion!" scenarios have failed to materialize, by the way. People still are perfectly capable of figuring out Ingmar and I are married (although I do get called Ms. Hislastname from time to time, but whatever, I either correct them if I'm going to be speaking to them on a regular basis or I ignore it). MANY MANY MANY families have people with different last names (good example: Ladies taking their second husband's last name but leaving their kids with the name they, you know, always had), the world has not ended. It really, honestly isn't that exotic.

This is why I said be cool with it. Everyone in the world will have an opinion on it, even in this day and age. And it's really nice when the person who actually does have input that you actually want to hear is cool with whatever you picked to do. Whatever that may be. Because I do know some guys who adamantly DON'T want their potential wife to take their last name, and leaning hard in that direction is just as annoying (although far rarer).

[Merusk]

You don't have kids, though, which was where the "zomg confusion" scenarios were coming from. Also medical emergencies, but hey I don't know if you've had to deal with it or not.

IMO it makes more sense to just change both your names if either objects to taking the other's name, but I'm OCD like that.  It's also just an opinion, like the others expressed here.  Getting all bent out of shape about it says more about your problems with other's opinions than anything. Sorry you feel so picked on.

[Sky]

My fiancee wants to keep hers, she likes her initials.

I, however, am changing my name to an entirely different name.

[Bunk]

It better not be Awesome, I don't want to get you confused with Nerf.

[Ingmar]

In this area at least different-named spouses are so common that there are really no big issues that come up - everyone I've ever dealt with in the context of medical care, government, etc., does not blink an eye at our last names being different. Also, again locally, the area is so ethnically and culturally mixed, not to mention filled with people who give their kids weird names just because, that the idea that somehow a kid with a hyphenated last name, or a name different than his mom's, will stand out in any special way for being picked on is pretty silly. Hell I grew up going to school with a number of people with hyphenated names and I can't remember a single incident of that being what someone got picked on for.

Basically the only people who are a pain in the ass about it are our moms.