Festivus 2010: The No Girls Allowed Edition

[Sir T]

Yeah but is he the obnoxious rich kid (which means its bad) or the plucky poor kid that snuck into the upper decks (meaning its good)?

[NowhereMan]

Trick question. It's a horror movie. The girl is engaged to Nerf and the dog's coming for him.

Fuck the French, they insist on being nice and not conforming to stereotypes that just leaves me convinced they're being 10 times worse behind my back.

Also fuck my dad for deciding to do Christmas in France since it means there's no snow but due to wind chill and shitty insulation I'm even colder than if we'd stayed in the UK.

[01101010]

My last entry.

Fuck you city of cleveland and your shit sports teams.

[climbjtree]

Fuck me for becoming so different than my family. Fuck the fact that my brother needs me to cater to his girlfriend, even though she'd be totally fine with who I actually am. Fuck being a real person in the military.

[Sheepherder]

Fuck starting to get in love with a person who is already engaged. Worst feeling in the world. Fuck fuck fuck.

Since this is the Festivus thread:

My real experience with girls can be compared to the size of Lantyssa's dick, not counting strap-on.  But I am totally convinced that that shit will not end well, get the fuck out while you still have the "Well, I don't feel right poaching another dude's girl" excuse.  She's willing to cheat on him, and you know it, and she'll be willing to cheat on you.  But when the time comes you won't know it, because she's too much of a pussy to tell you it's over, which will fucking crush you when you discover it if you're already attached at this stage.

It's also a totally fucking dick move to do to the other guy.  I had a cousin be the other guy, the aftermath isn't pretty.

[Ironwood]

Um, it sounds more like the pathetic 'Pining from Afar because I have no chance and no sack' type of lust.  That too never works well because she'll either try and let you down gently (lol, mistake bitch) or she'll do the right thing and laugh and laugh and laugh out loud at your tiny penis until you GO AWAY.

Probably with hate and vengeance in your heart, forcing bizarre sex acts on the next woman dumb enough to fall for you because she thinks you have hidden depths.  Hell, at that stage, the only hidden depths you'll have is the hole under your garage where you're storing the trophies.


But my advice is the same either way :  Stop being ridiculous and letting fucking hormones rule you - Go out and find someone you have a fucking chance with and have sex.  Keep your eyes peeled though because at this stage of Self-delusion you may think other women aren't as daft as you and may actually like you for some fucking bizarre reason.

I really, really, really think we should have kept the topic of Women out of this thread, if not actual women...

[schild]

Whoa whoa, Sam and I have good reason to bring women into this thread. The year was largely defined by a massive amount of bullshit.

The rest of these clowns are running a three-ring circus and we weren't aware so many people had tickets.

[Ironwood]

Indeed.  I don't disagree.

But you of all people should know that you don't go into an old mans pub and start your introduction 'Women, eh ?'

That's a story that runs a lifetime.   

[WindupAtheist]

If Lucas thinks he has a shot he should go after this chick. I have a brother and a best friend who are both leading perfectly successful years-long relationships with women they "stole" from their husbands. Fuck it, go for it.

But if you're the pathetic pining weenie with no chance then just GTFO, yes.

[Lucas]

  Err...Ok folks, thank you, appreciate your comments, advices and all, but really, since this is the "fuck it" Xmas thread it was just a vent on my part, without any real intent on following up to it :D

But yeah, guess it's always a sensible topic, uh? :P

[Sheepherder]

If Lucas thinks he has a shot he should go after this chick. I have a brother and a best friend who are both leading perfectly successful years-long relationships as far as they know with women they "stole" from their husbands. Fuck it, go for it.

Fixed for your brother and friend being clueless retards.

I am totally in concert with the nice Jewish boy who posted earlier. [note: imagine the previous voiced by an old, slightly oblivious, Jewish mother]  Leave it to a girl to make boolean complicated, that shit is trouble.

[Merusk]

If Lucas thinks he has a shot he should go after this chick. I have a brother and a best friend who are both leading perfectly successful years-long relationships as far as they know with women they "stole" from their husbands. Fuck it, go for it.

Fixed for your brother and friend being clueless retards.

Cheaters always cheat, they just get better at hiding it.

[WindupAtheist]

Nah man, if she wants to just hump you behind her man's back indefinitely (until she gets caught) then you're dealing with a vile hussy. But if she's willing to shitcan her life as it was previously proceeding just because little old you came along, well then what the hell do you want from the poor girl? It's not as if she can delete you from her brain, dump her man for unrelated reasons, and then somehow meet you all over again.

[Lantyssa]

This is the Festivus thread, right?

Fuck Sheepherder for invoking my name in a terrible and tasteless analogy.  Leave that to me.

[Paelos]

You weren't supposed to see that. It's the no chicks thread. 

[Samwise]

Um, it sounds more like the pathetic 'Pining from Afar because I have no chance and no sack' type of lust.  That too never works well because she'll either try and let you down gently (lol, mistake bitch) or she'll do the right thing and laugh and laugh and laugh out loud at your tiny penis until you GO AWAY.

Probably with hate and vengeance in your heart, forcing bizarre sex acts on the next woman dumb enough to fall for you because she thinks you have hidden depths.  Hell, at that stage, the only hidden depths you'll have is the hole under your garage where you're storing the trophies.


But my advice is the same either way :  Stop being ridiculous and letting fucking hormones rule you - Go out and find someone you have a fucking chance with and have sex.  Keep your eyes peeled though because at this stage of Self-delusion you may think other women aren't as daft as you and may actually like you for some fucking bizarre reason.

I really, really, really think we should have kept the topic of Women out of this thread, if not actual women...

This terrible derail was worth it to get this post.   

[WindupAtheist]

Anything is better than another shitty Festivus thread full of "fuck poverty" crap.

[Ironwood]

Seriously ?  Did we ever have that ?

Don't make me go looking !

[Paelos]

Seriously ?  Did we ever have that ?

Don't make me go looking !

Not sure, but I did look at the 2005 thread for kicks. Things that stuck out at me:

Surlyboi had apparently broken up with his ex and was horribly broken up about it.
Ironwood was cursing God openly in the wake of a miscarriage and his wife being pregnant again.
Murgos revealed his real name was Wolf.
Haemish bitched that he hadn't gotten a publishing deal yet.
I was a lot meaner when I posted. I also hated the politics forum (still do).
Samwise was gaining massive weight on homemade fudge.
Shockeye was still here.
Typhon worried we were too mean to the noobie posters! Give them a chance!
Yegolev wanted everyone to PLAY NICE DAMMIT!
Schild was worried that he wouldn't get a mustard yellow Nintendo Revolution released in America.

[Ironwood]

Yeah, I just read 4 of the threads myself.  All fun and games.

I wasn't cursing God about the pregnancy.

[Paelos]

True, it just jumped out at me since we know now you have a beautiful daughter.

[Sheepherder]

Fuck Sheepherder for invoking my name in a terrible and tasteless analogy.  Leave that to me.

I'm just jealous because I can't be a lesbian.

[Abagadro]

Fuck health care providers that bill the wrong insurance, send notices to the wrong address, don't call on the good phone number they do have and then send the bill to a collection agency.

Fuck people who use the tactics of bluster and belittlement in an effort to hide their own insecurities and miserable lives.

[Strazos]

Fuck health care providers that bill the wrong insurance, send notices to the wrong address, don't call on the good phone number they do have and then send the bill to a collection agency.

This, a thousand times this. And then, you get blamed as if it's your fault that someone cannot bill properly.

[Sky]

They switched our coverage on us, took THREE TRIES to get my name right on the cards, and all this before my fiancee was even signed up on the plan. It was supposed to be effective Dec 1st, she got her cards monday, after three prescriptions and a doctor's visit (all paid out of pocket), as well as three cancelled doctor's visits (because she had no valid cards).

I'm really looking forward to putting in a big claim with these clueless morons (who are also bankrupting the library).

Fuck, I need to get into health insurance. Apparently I'm Doing It Wrong.

[Samwise]

Our health plan is changing effective 1/1/11 and I still haven't gotten my new card.  I've got two doctor's appointments next week, one of which I already know I'm going to have to pay $300 for out of pocket just because the new plan sucks, and the other of which will probably involve a half hour of paperwork to get everything switched over.

[Yegolev]

Fuck Atlus/From Software/Japan for not letting me copy over my game data for Demon's Souls when my PS3 started dying. 

Also Bioware, because although I really liked Dragon Age, I didn't like wasting all those hours in the Deep Roads.  Which leads nicely into...

Fuck:
Sony.  First for not bothering to get a game lineup for the PS3 at release, leading to cost-cutting due to PS2 sales exceeding PS3 sales and the eventual removal of backward-compatibility from the PS3.  Second for making a shit-ass piece of hardware which currently looks like a turd stepped on by a goat when placed next to the shoddy shame that is the New 360.
The Coca-Cola Company for outsourcing me.
My new masters for not giving out yearly raises at all, or bonuses that I was accustomed to.
Me, for not being able to fucking relax.
Tunnelvisioned pundits.
Bob Barr, for continuing to act like a wacko.  WTG, Moustache.
Bankers.
People who liked Avatar.
Premium vs Standard cars.
Time limits on Atelier games.
Alan Wake for not learning anything from Call of Cthulu.
Absence of flying cars.
The geniuses behind the Dept of Homeland Security and the TSA.
The misanthropic troglodytes at Port Everglades.
The apparent collusion of executives of major corporations in getting rid of as many employees as possible while blaming the "economic crisis"... which is happening/worse because everyone is being laid off.
People who complain about offshoring but are too dumb/lazy to be doing their current job.
Me again for still not learning C#.
Insurance.
Bitches.
Bullshit.
Requiring someone to be trespassing on my property before I can shoot them.
My newfound inability to eat beef.
My old monitor for dying and forcing me to use a 4:3 POS.
All the shit around my house that fucking broke in 2010.
Brad Wardell for touching me on my peepee.
Medical issues of loved ones.
Pediatricians that TRY to lock their doors at 4:57 PM.  Maybe lock ALL of them next time, eh?
Slow drivers in the left lane.  I mean, really?  What the fuck?
Price of tea in China.
Airlines.  Jesus Herbert Walker Christ!
People who fart on airplanes and cruise ships.  I mean the sloppy-burrito-fart.  This does encompass myself.
The System for fucking anyone who attempts to be honest and fair-dealing.
That Castlevania-themed God of War ripoff.
Hideo Kojima.
The Weather Channel Android app for refusing to be silent.
The Sony devs who don't seem to be working on a software PS2 emulator.
Fable III for being just enough fun that I play it on a semi-regular basis.
Falling damage in Minecraft.
Also unbugged lava in Minecraft, but I'll survive.
New Orleans and/or NFL refs.
Being unable to remember a lot of the shit that pissed me off when I actually need to remember it.

[dusematic]

Um, it sounds more like the pathetic 'Pining from Afar because I have no chance and no sack' type of lust.  That too never works well because she'll either try and let you down gently (lol, mistake bitch) or she'll do the right thing and laugh and laugh and laugh out loud at your tiny penis until you GO AWAY.

Probably with hate and vengeance in your heart, forcing bizarre sex acts on the next woman dumb enough to fall for you because she thinks you have hidden depths.  Hell, at that stage, the only hidden depths you'll have is the hole under your garage where you're storing the trophies.


But my advice is the same either way :  Stop being ridiculous and letting fucking hormones rule you - Go out and find someone you have a fucking chance with and have sex.  Keep your eyes peeled though because at this stage of Self-delusion you may think other women aren't as daft as you and may actually like you for some fucking bizarre reason.

I really, really, really think we should have kept the topic of Women out of this thread, if not actual women...

So, I know Ironwood and I have had our differences, but...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSPQm_WFrcI

[Llyse]

Fuck me for being late to this thread

Fuck women for not recognising a decent guy

Fuck my (ex)roommate for being a tightarse uptight petty thai pedophile fuck wit

Fuck me for being naive idiot

Fuck my parents for attempting to ingrain conservative family first asian values

Fuck me again for avoiding decisions regarding the future

Fuck Blizzard for making SC2 and WoW to destroy me

Fuck women for being sexy tramps

Fuck Apple for making a decent UI and rabid fanbois

Fuck me for posting this shit instead of doing work

Finally Fuck me falling into the same routine