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Endie
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Reply #105 on: January 06, 2010, 04:25:24 PM

I played in a D&D group with a couple where the wife was a stripper. Oddest fucking relationship I've ever seen. One time they came over with her "girlfriend" and while he played D&D with us, she and her girlfriend made out on the couch. While everyone else was staring in disbelief, the husband paid no attention to them and was far more interested in getting his character to the next level.

Oh, you get off with a few dancers you get blase (add your own acute) about this shit.  You go out for a drink and her friend, on being introduced to you, asks you quite seriously "so, when are the three of us going to have sex, then?"  Or you wander through in the morning, are introduced to her flatmate (who is sitting about in only a g-string) and remember to stop yourself saying "I saw you in some videos from Private, didn't I?"  Not that she'd care.

I'm married now, I stress.  But I was quite the denizen of the demi-monde in my time.

That said, I can only imagine the effect on a room full of my gamer friends of what you describe  awesome, for real.  I lived with a couple of girls (not dancers) for a little while, and while one of them gamed the other disdainfully ignored my geeky hobby.  But I don't think my gaming group ever thought it was anything more than a flat-sharing thing.

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Nebu
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Reply #106 on: January 06, 2010, 04:44:19 PM

I just can't comprehend someone passing up on a lifetime of happiness with a great partner because she happens to have a child.   I've known MANY women and I have yet to find one that I want to share my life with.  Were she to come along, I'd be delighted to share her with her children.  

How the above statement lead you to your conclusion, I'll never know.

Thinking about it a bit more and reading a few more responses.. this probably points out more about you than you realize.  You're removing yourself from a lot of women's pools - something you're chiding everyone else about - because of your lassiez faire attitude towards these women's families.  And coming across as a bit of a dick in the same moment.

You know what... I don't want to know.


"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

-  Mark Twain
Selby
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Reply #107 on: January 06, 2010, 04:53:02 PM

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.
Most likely in life, you will eventually get kicked to the curb by them being tired of putting up with your shit, or vice versa.  At least that's my experience.  People get tired of other people sometimes (broken or not) and so they decide they don't want to deal with them anymore.  Real lifelong relationships do exist, but they are seriously the exception and hardly the norm.
gryeyes
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Reply #108 on: January 06, 2010, 05:07:17 PM

There will never be a situation in which the choice is "pass up a lifetime of happiness if she has a child". In reality the choice is "This chick I want to date has a child". The child is just as big a factor in the relationship as yourself (probably more so). I wont date anyone with a kid because I am then forced to account for a childs feelings in my dealings with the mother. Why would I want to deal with that added layer of drama if it can be easily avoided?

If by some act of magic I fell instantly in love with a woman with a kid I wouldn't deny the relationship. But this is the meat world and not some romantic comedy, it doesn't work like that. Im sure I "could" fall in love with junkies and paraplegics and those with a terminal illness, but if I can avoid those additional complexities I sure as fuck am going to.
Sir T
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Reply #109 on: January 06, 2010, 05:15:36 PM

My point is that it's damn near impossible to find a quality, compatible mate for life.

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.

Its not mine experience. I cant find a woman to safe my life. Never have. Hell some guys have explained to me how they do it and I've always thought they were yanking my chain. I tried some of the stuff they said and all I got was wierd quizzical looks from women. Girls are just not attracted to me. I've just had to accept it.

Hell when I did go out the only times women ever said anything to me is asking me where the toilets are. I'm not kidding.
« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 05:17:34 PM by Sir T »

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Endie
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Reply #110 on: January 06, 2010, 05:17:43 PM

Wut?  Is this most peoples' experience?  I'm not trolling or anything, but I'm an ugly, irascible son of a bitch and even my experience is completely the opposite of that.
Most likely in life, you will eventually get kicked to the curb by them being tired of putting up with your shit, or vice versa.  At least that's my experience.  People get tired of other people sometimes (broken or not) and so they decide they don't want to deal with them anymore.  Real lifelong relationships do exist, but they are seriously the exception and hardly the norm.

Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that. Just look at the people you know putting up with genuinely awful people for years.    

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Mrbloodworth
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Reply #111 on: January 06, 2010, 05:19:03 PM

What if I don't want to deal with her "Babies daddy"?



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Endie
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Reply #112 on: January 06, 2010, 05:24:40 PM

What if I don't want to deal with her "Babies daddy"?



 awesome, for real

Yeah that would be a source of ongoing awkwardness for me if I was seeing a woman with a kid. For the sake of the kid you need to actively encourage her ex to stay in her life. Best case scenario, you have to put up with her bitching about how awful he is, with no prospect of closure. 

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LK
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Reply #113 on: January 06, 2010, 05:29:32 PM

I can't deal with kids. I already have enough trouble dealing with people due to my Asperger Syndrome. Kids are even worse; they're too stupid to understand and I can't dumb myself down enough to talk on their level.

"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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Reply #114 on: January 06, 2010, 05:29:47 PM

Honestly, I'm surprised this is still going.

Never fuck around with a mom.

Period.

Any discussion beyond that about Girls With Child is entirely off point.
stray
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Reply #115 on: January 06, 2010, 05:41:41 PM

I wouldn't even born if my Dad was that kind of prick. My mom was a single mother, but my Dad loved her, and instead of being some douchebag GI hooking up with some Asian chick temporarily, he decided to adopt my big brother and they all moved back to the states. Later, I was born. Therefore, I respect guys who do it. Not sure if I ever will. Not like it's my first choice or anything.. but there's nothing inherently wrong with it.
Selby
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Reply #116 on: January 06, 2010, 06:16:24 PM

Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that.
Once you get kicked in the gut by someone you thought things were fine with you'll be as bitter and jaded as the rest of us.  But I don't know, clubbing and drinking with other guys is more fun than me, so I guess I deserve it for being boring.

As far as letting someone else break up with me, you kinda have to actually be dating someone for that.  I would never stoop so low.  The only other time I've ever broken up with someone or been broken up with, I did it and it wasn't that painful since we had only been dating for like 6 weeks.
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Reply #117 on: January 06, 2010, 06:29:50 PM

I was lucky.  I didn't want kids and neither did Righ.  I don't know what would have happened if one of us did.  I have a feeling it might have not even occurred to us to see each other if that were the case.  I think it makes a big difference to some people.  I'm not sure relationships can work if even grown children aren't considered.  It seems that either the marriage breaks or the bond between the parent and child would become strained.  Righ and I became inseparable only a couple of months after we met.  His recent visit home for two weeks this past year was the longest we've actually been away from each other.  

I might be wrong, though.   You could fill the Grand Canyon with what I know about kids and other people's relationships.  We don't have the usual sort, I think.  Anyway - don't listen to Endie.  I've seen pics.  He's not even remotely ugly.  Even with strangely bleached hair.  I totally get the irascible son of a bitch part, though, if you can see past his girlish good looks and dainty airs.

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stray
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Reply #118 on: January 06, 2010, 06:30:02 PM

Welp there are some kinda embittered people here! I was, when younger, a bit of a coward about breaking up with people (I am a sucker for the crying girl thing) and used to try to provoke them into breaking up with me (kidding myself that I was helping them by letting them be the ones doing the breaking up) and it proved virtually impossible to do so. Once a girl actually, for-real loves you, you have to be phenomenally awful to lose that.
Once you get kicked in the gut by someone you thought things were fine with you'll be as bitter and jaded as the rest of us.

You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.  swamp poop

[edit] Damnit, I hate to get all patronizing, but you're probably not boring Selby. Your just haven't found your compatible brand of boring.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly? Everyone's interesting (almost). Anyways, don't define yourself by someone else's bullshit. I guess there's a period where it's hard not to, but don't do it for long.

OK, sorry for that. ;)
« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 06:43:26 PM by stray »
Lantyssa
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Reply #119 on: January 06, 2010, 06:45:22 PM

It's totally possible to be jaded forever.  Sure, flashes of romanticism flair up and you dream of a world filled with flowers, you see the couples that give you hope, but those moments always pass.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
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Reply #120 on: January 06, 2010, 06:50:49 PM

Quote
You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.

Absolutely you can.
Sir T
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Reply #121 on: January 06, 2010, 06:53:17 PM

You can't be jaded forever. Fuck, I hope not.  swamp poop

Oh believe me you can.

Hic sunt dracones.
Selby
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Reply #122 on: January 06, 2010, 07:08:04 PM

It's totally possible to be jaded forever.  Sure, flashes of romanticism flair up and you dream of a world filled with flowers, you see the couples that give you hope, but those moments always pass.
This.  To a T.  Dreams and hopes are only there to be crushed and destroyed, so it's better to not have any at all and never be disappointed with how life turns out ;-)
Draegan
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Reply #123 on: January 06, 2010, 07:14:09 PM

Ironically, a woman wanting a quality, compatible mate for life just hit one of my deal-breakers.

You should have taken me up on my offer of an introduction to my cousin, then.  You'd be divorced, bitter and mostly likely still (s)(child)(less).

Sorry, I didn't know what to do with that word.  It was freaking me out.

I can't read what your saying with your boobs in the way.
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Reply #124 on: January 06, 2010, 07:14:18 PM

Dreams aren't there to be crushed. They're just for children with no sense of reality.
stray
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Reply #125 on: January 06, 2010, 07:19:59 PM

OK, stay jaded...!  But never be so jaded if it comes to you. That's my Tony Robbins advice for the day.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly? I can understand being jaded where you're not willing to put yourself out there anymore. That can be exhausting. But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away. You can be jaded all day about not getting what you want, but that person might be just what you need. And eventually what you want too.
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Reply #126 on: January 06, 2010, 07:20:35 PM

I just can't comprehend someone passing up on a lifetime of happiness with a great partner because she happens to have a child.   I've known MANY women and I have yet to find one that I want to share my life with.  Were she to come along, I'd be delighted to share her with her children.  

How the above statement lead you to your conclusion, I'll never know.

Because that's a fucking arrogant statement. You don't get to "share" the kids mother with the kid, dork.  If anything you're lucky enough she decides to share the kid with you and include you in the family.  Mother-Spawn = Permanent bond.  You = interloper.

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Selby
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Reply #127 on: January 06, 2010, 07:29:22 PM

But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away.
In all of my experience if someone is putting themselves out there for you, they want something (and no, a relationship is NOT what I am referring to) from you.  And as soon as they get whatever they want, they are gone.

I definitely agree with the "not putting yourself out there" part.  That's just excruciating and painful.
Nebu
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Reply #128 on: January 06, 2010, 07:32:54 PM

Because that's a fucking arrogant statement. You don't get to "share" the kids mother with the kid, dork.  If anything you're lucky enough she decides to share the kid with you and include you in the family.  Mother-Spawn = Permanent bond.  You = interloper.

If you knew anything about my personal situation, you'd know that I never meant it in such an arrogant tone.  Of course, there's no way that you could have known my background.  At least now that you've clarified your point, I can better appreciate and understand your view.  I do agree with where you're coming from.  

I also apologize for the derail.

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stray
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Reply #129 on: January 06, 2010, 07:43:26 PM

But eventually people come along and are putting themselves out there for you instead. Just don't be so jaded to the point that you push them away.
In all of my experience if someone is putting themselves out there for you, they want something (and no, a relationship is NOT what I am referring to) from you.  And as soon as they get whatever they want, they are gone.

I definitely agree with the "not putting yourself out there" part.  That's just excruciating and painful.

I don't know you or what you've dealt with, but not everyone wants something from you, man. And "by putting themselves out there", I don't mean in some dramatic way. I'd be weary of that too. I just mean if someone hints at some interest. If you don't even see that as a possibility of happening, then it's your fault. Got to be at least somewhat positive, and think there's shit worth liking about yourself. You mentioned being hooked up with some girl before - so it's definitely in the realm of possibility. What sucks is letting her crush you to the point that you believe her bullshit, that nothing is worth trusting, and you aren't worth liking. Fuck that noise.
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Reply #130 on: January 06, 2010, 07:49:12 PM

Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?
stray
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Reply #131 on: January 06, 2010, 07:58:17 PM

Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?

Nope, not in one sentence. Sorry.

He said earlier he's been kicked in the gut by some chick who had a better time hooking up with other dudes.. and that he guesses he deserves it for being "boring".

Fuck that, man. That's what I'm saying. I can only assume he's calling himself boring only because she said that. What little I know of Selby (and granted it's little), I think he's a cool dude. He shouldn't talk like that, and no one should. There's nothing "assumptive" or "bullshit" about what I'm saying. It's just fucking imperative that you not define yourself by other people - especially some bitch who can't stick with you for small reasons.
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Reply #132 on: January 06, 2010, 08:01:58 PM

Quote
I can only assume he's calling himself boring only because she said that.

Quote
What little I know of Selby (and granted it's little),

Quote
There's nothing "assumptive" or "bullshit" about what I'm saying.

Quote
especially some bitch who can't stick with you for small reasons.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

stray
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Reply #133 on: January 06, 2010, 08:17:16 PM

Hey! I'm only working with what I got.. but if someone says "clubbing and drinking with other guys is more fun than me", then it doesn't sound like him talking. Sounds like he's repeating something -- something that happens to be bullshit. I don't know him, but it's bullshit. Nobody's that boring. And if that's "assumptive" to say "I doubt you're boring. Fuck that." then so be it. You couldn't pay me to say anything else.
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Reply #134 on: January 06, 2010, 08:28:32 PM

Quote
Nobody's that boring.

Wrong. There are indeed people that are that boring. I am proud to say that I would bore 90% of the girls I will ever meet. They'd bore me too. Who gives a shit?
stray
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Reply #135 on: January 06, 2010, 08:33:12 PM

That's the point. If there's that 10% you won't bore (or rather Selby won't bore), then wtf gives with the whole jaded thing? One shouldn't talk of getting kicked in the nuts for too long, and let that define their future outlook, when they have another 10% that's willing to jump on your nuts.

[edit] This isn't saying that it doesn't suck getting kicked in the nuts. It does.
« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 08:37:03 PM by stray »
schild
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Reply #136 on: January 06, 2010, 08:45:40 PM

Nevermind, I'm done with this line of conversation.
bhodi
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Reply #137 on: January 06, 2010, 09:21:10 PM

Can you, in one sentence, explain what you were trying to say in that muddled mess of assumptive bullshit?
I'm pretty sure it was "Harden the fuck up."
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Reply #138 on: January 06, 2010, 09:28:08 PM

I was lucky.  I didn't want kids and neither did Righ.  I don't know what would have happened if one of us did.  I have a feeling it might have not even occurred to us to see each other if that were the case.  I think it makes a big difference to some people.  I'm not sure relationships can work if even grown children aren't considered.  It seems that either the marriage breaks or the bond between the parent and child would become strained.  Righ and I became inseparable only a couple of months after we met.  His recent visit home for two weeks this past year was the longest we've actually been away from each other.  

I might be wrong, though.   You could fill the Grand Canyon with what I know about kids and other people's relationships.  We don't have the usual sort, I think.  Anyway - don't listen to Endie.  I've seen pics.  He's not even remotely ugly.  Even with strangely bleached hair.  I totally get the irascible son of a bitch part, though, if you can see past his girlish good looks and dainty airs.

I am indifferent to having them and Ingmar doesn't want them at all, and that works out pretty well too. We know people where one person didn't want them married someone who did and got pressured into having one ... it's not a relationship situation I would want anyone to be in, nor do I think it's actually good for the kids. Kids deserve to have both parents want 'em, imo. The problem is a lot of people think the have-a-kid-or-not thing isn't one worth breaking up over, when it really should be a no brainer. Sure one or the other might change their mind but ... it's not really something to bank on.

Ingmar and I would've liked to have been inseperable (or at least I woulda ;) ), but there was the little issue of living across the country from each other. I think that made us fast forward through a lot of the relationship, though, I moved in with him a lot sooner than I think I would've if we lived closer, for example. I think since moving the longest we've been apart has been a week or so. Amusingly, I STILL hate dropping him off at the airport.  Heart

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stray
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Reply #139 on: January 06, 2010, 09:38:48 PM

Nevermind, I'm done with this line of conversation.

Heh.. Man, I'm honestly sorry if I frustrate you. If any of you have completely made your mind up about being jaded, then it's not something I can really debate. And I actually hate to sound like I'm blowing sunshine up anyone's ass anyways.

[edit]
Ingmar and I would've liked to have been inseperable (or at least I woulda ;) ), but there was the little issue of living across the country from each other.

How did you meet being long distance? Game related?
« Last Edit: January 06, 2010, 09:59:54 PM by stray »
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