Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow

[sigil]

it falls  prey to people who intentionally deceive.

You get a couple of those in a row and it will make you question the process.

Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.

[Lantyssa]

If you're actively looking there will be problems regardless of where you search.

Finding the right person is about both luck and meeting enough people that you cross paths with and being in circumstances which allow you to realize it could work.  For some it works out quickly, for others not so much.  If you're not interacting with anyone then chances are pretty slim.  If that is the case, then I see internet dating sites as good a way as any.

[Merusk]

Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.

I had this problem for a long time, myself.  Yay for falling prey to White Knight/ Prince Charming syndrome.

You can't save people from themselves, don't try.  It'll only cause you heartache, headache and financial destitution.  Walk away as soon as you realize they're broken, don't make excuses for them. You can only save one person in this world, yourself.

[Sjofn]

All my major relationships started as friendships and then evolved, and they butted right up against each other, so I have no personal experience with the whole dating-as-a-grown-up thing. But we do have a fair amount of friends who did the internet dating site thing, and even the relationships that didn't ultimately work out, the people involved were all nice, normal people. It's looking without having to be ZOMG LOOKING all the time, and you theoretically know more about the person at a glance than you would out in the real world, so you can shuffle through people you know without a doubt you wouldn't work out with. You have to assume most people are on there in good faith, of course, but if you aren't willing to do that, you probably aren't using this service to find dates. :P

[Raging Turtle]

The main thing I've gotten from this thread is that Draegan and Stark have black passports.

[sigil]

Upon reflection I think my issues are more with my selection choices. I tend to gravitate towards those with psychological issues. I've stopped looking while I reassess things.

I had this problem for a long time, myself.  Yay for falling prey to White Knight/ Prince Charming syndrome.

You can't save people from themselves, don't try.  It'll only cause you heartache, headache and financial destitution.  Walk away as soon as you realize they're broken, don't make excuses for them. You can only save one person in this world, yourself.

I learned this one some time ago. Now i gravitate to the creative madness of bi-polars. Well, I did. Now I'm a bit preoccupied, so it's a perfect time to just let that sort of thing go and not worry about it.


I'll agree that getting out is better, but  when compared to a club or similar environment, I'll stick with an internet environment. I usually have no problems  with conversations, but there's something about that whole scene that's just unappealing, personally.

[Murgos]

I've never in my life met someone worth knowing in a club.

[sigil]

I've never in my life met someone worth knowing in a club.

Ah yes, that would be it.

[Teleku]

I absolutely loathe clubs.  Only ever go to bars.

[Endie]

Clearly "extremely good sex" is not a useful indicator of "worth knowing" in your world.

Also I met my best friend in a club.

[Murgos]

Clearly "extremely good sex" is not a useful indicator of "worth knowing" in your world.

Also I met my best friend in a club.

There is a reason why people call you "Dirty Euro Endie".

[gryeyes]

Top 40 clubs are universally shitty but some of the more niche ones are great places to meet people. Most bars don't have room for dancing which is a great ice breaker.

[NowhereMan]

I've never met someone at a club primarily because I get really, really annoyed at trying to hold conversations that mostly consist of, "What did you say?" "Huh?" "What?" I don't know if I've got shitty hearing but I can never make out what people are saying. Pubs I can do but way too many of those now also think people would rather listen to really loud music than talk and generally dating prospects in places that don't have loud music are pretty sparse.

[Teleku]

Yeah, exactly.  I hate them primarily because you can't hold a fucking conversation with a group of people.  Best you can do is find one person and yell into their ear.  Then again, I also just hate dancing in general, so there's that  .

I just like to drink, talk with lots of people, and play drunken bar games with them.

[gryeyes]

Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value. 

[Endie]

Top 40 clubs are universally shitty but some of the more niche ones are great places to meet people.

Entirely true.  Going to a goth club if you're a goth or an alt-metal club if you're into alt-metal is, after all, giving you a leg up in meeting people who are, on at least one level, a bit like yourself.

[Strazos]

The main thing I've gotten from this thread is that Draegan and Stark have black passports.

This makes me lol.

[Engels]

I've never met someone at a club primarily because I get really, really annoyed at trying to hold conversations that mostly consist of, "What did you say?" "Huh?" "What?" I don't know if I've got shitty hearing but I can never make out what people are saying.

I had this problem too in my clubbing days. I have since figured that I have some kind of auditory deficiency in the ability to filter out background noise from 'present' noise. I also don't really like large gatherings of people, say at a party or something. I can't keep track of a conversation when I have 4 other ones going on around me.

So, ya, I went to a ton of clubs. I don't think I ever hooked up with anyone, because even the sluttiest of girls require you to not look like a stunned codger with an ear trumpet.

[Signe]

Why do I come here?  Everyone is deaf, drunk or retarded! 

[NowhereMan]

So, ya, I went to a ton of clubs. I don't think I ever hooked up with anyone, because even the sluttiest of girls require you to not look like a stunned codger with an ear trumpet.

I think I've got that same problem but this sentence here is not necessarily a barrier provided you skip the talking part.

[Lantyssa]

I had this problem too in my clubbing days. I have since figured that I have some kind of auditory deficiency in the ability to filter out background noise from 'present' noise. I also don't really like large gatherings of people, say at a party or something. I can't keep track of a conversation when I have 4 other ones going on around me.

This is one of the reasons I avoid any gathering of people.  It gets very disorienting not being able to make out anything.  I've considered seeing if there's a hearing aid which can help with it, but I'm not yet ready to admit I need one.

[Margalis]

Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value. 

I prefer to let a jumbo condom fall out of my wallet. 

[Endie]

One trick to help with being heard in clubs is to speak a tiny bit slower than normal, in a slightly lower tone and at a fairly normal volume but very close to the girl's ear and with a hand shielding her ear from the music.  She doesn't have the pain of you shouting in her ear, you sound calmer and more assertive.  I think it might be more effective to speak in a higher tone in such situations, but who wants someone squeaking in their ear?

[schild]

Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

[Endie]

Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?

[Engels]

I do not romance anyone with a space bar. I use all the keys equally.

[Signe]

That's the second time so it must be official.  Endie is Engels.  (it might be the other way around)

[Johny Cee]

Get over your inhibitions about dancing. Saying you hate dancing is like saying you hate laughter and music. Dancing is one of the easiest ways to demonstrate your value. 

I prefer to let a jumbo condom fall out of my wallet. 

So you use the FRANK system?

[schild]

Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?

Well, yea, wrote the wrong name. Whoops. Blame the time of post.

[Endie]

Engels, space bar floozy.

/whispers heyyyyyy, want to see my titan class spaceship?

I think that burn was meant for me?

Well, yea, wrote the wrong name. Whoops. Blame the time of post.

I tend to assume that you never sleep.

[tazelbain]

Exploiting Facebook is a 24/7 job.   

[Draegan]

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with online dating, you're mistakes are prone to be more drawn out (as in you meet someone on a site, call them, set up a date, wait for it then you find out it was a waste of time, whereas in real life you know immediately when you meet someone.)  Someone said it; technology is shrinking our world so online social sites are becoming more the norm for meeting people.  I meet, or hear about, very normal people meeting online and creating a relationship.

[schild]

I meet, or hear about, very normal people meeting online and creating a relationship.

It's largely irrelevant. Online is just the same as real life:

Girls are still shallow and say stupid shit.
Guys are still egotistical and say stupid shit.
Fat guys bat out of their league and claim online dating doesn't work.
Fat girls say they have personality and don't think there are any "nice guys" left.
The skinny and stupid of both sexes try (in vain) to sound intelligent.
Meanwhile, everyone's standards go up except those at rock bottom.
Bonus: Everyone says their sarcastic.

That word, it does not mean what these people think it means.

Edited for Clarity: When the out of the norm becomes the norm it tends to follow the typical laws of society. That being, people don't change - they just get dumber.

[NowhereMan]

Technically because it's all being written, no-one on-line is ever sarcastic they're being ironic. Calling it sarcasm is one of those little things that annoys me but then if we called it the right thing we wouldn't have the sarchasm so swings and roundabouts.

[stark]

I don't get the Black Passport reference.

One of the reasons I liked online dating was that it got rid of the deal-breaker questions, right away:

Do you want kids?
What religion are you and how religious are you?
Do you have pets?
Do you smoke?
How much money do you Make?

Some of these are questions that are not supposed to be brought up according to dating etiquette.  Conventional wisdom says you are not supposed to bring up child-rearing until the relationship has been going for months.  WTF?  I have a friend that was in a 10 year relationship that he had to break out of because he wanted kids and she didn't.

On most dating sites that information is in the summary.