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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 407541 times)
MuffinMan
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Reply #1120 on: January 10, 2012, 11:22:58 AM

Their blogs are what first brought me to OkCupid. It seems they stopped soon after being bought by match.com along with removing the blog my brother in "Man" is referring to.

I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you.
K9
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Reply #1121 on: January 10, 2012, 11:48:05 AM

Yeah, I was wondering where that article went.

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Tale
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Reply #1122 on: January 10, 2012, 04:21:33 PM

The situation in Australia is different. The largest dating site by far is a local one http://www.rsvp.com.au with millions of users (nation's population is only 20 million). It's essentially a search engine where you can set hundreds of parameters (age range, star signs, desire to have kids, interest in pets, hair colour, whatever).

Without paying, you can view and send a "kiss" (wink) to anyone's profile who has not paid to be hidden from searches. They can reply approvingly/disapprovingly. If you have a good photo, you may be bombarded with kisses. But to actually write to someone, you need a virtual "stamp" which costs money. You can buy stamps in bulk for about $4 each, but if you're only buying a few stamps they're about $10 each. So while it gouges you for profit, it's like committing to buy the other person a drink. It sort of works.

You can choose to hide your photos, or hide your whole profile (at an extra cost) except to those you reveal it to. So there's a public "scene" of fully visible old hands feasting on new users, who are flattered by the attention and disappointed by the reality, unless they wise up and realise there's more going on. When I went through that, I was #3 on the top 100 profiles and a woman 1000km away sent me cleavage shots at 4am. We still haven't met - sorry everyone.

A couple of years ago, I met my recent ex by searching for people in my industry and contacting the ones who had hidden their photos. She had attracted too much attention when public, so she preferred to choose who could see the photos. All the better for me at the time.

I've only just started dating again after recovering from a major illness (which I mention in my profile), so I decided to mess with this system without any expectations. In the last 30 days, I've had about 250 views, of which 85 sent me kisses. That's the incoming traffic. It also tells me I've viewed like 150 profiles and sent about 30 kisses. Between the incoming ones I responded positively to, and the ones I initiated that wanted to hear from me, I've had the 8 dates described in my posts above, one of whom I'm still seeing. There are others still to meet.

You can also sign up for compatibility-based matching, which connects you with some public or hidden profiles each day, eHarmony style. eHarmony is also popular here.

I'm sure I sound awful. But now you know the Aussie online dating system.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2012, 05:15:50 PM by Tale »
Samwise
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Reply #1123 on: January 10, 2012, 05:23:59 PM

Without paying, you can view and send a "kiss" (wink) to anyone's profile who has not paid to be hidden from searches. They can reply approvingly/disapprovingly. If you have a good photo, you may be bombarded with kisses. But to actually write to someone, you need a virtual "stamp" which costs money. You can buy stamps in bulk for about $4 each, but if you're only buying a few stamps they're about $10 each. So while it gouges you for profit, it's like committing to buy the other person a drink. It sort of works.

Do they need a stamp to reply, or do you just need the stamp to initiate a new conversation?

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Tale
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Reply #1124 on: January 10, 2012, 05:33:15 PM

Do they need a stamp to reply, or do you just need the stamp to initiate a new conversation?

One person pays for the stamp, which opens communication both ways for a month. Generally it's the guy.
Tale
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Reply #1125 on: January 10, 2012, 05:55:45 PM

I had a drink with #8, a lovely person who decided to wait until 2/3 of the way through our conversation to explain that she'd been profoundly deaf most of her life, and recently had her hearing restored in an operation. I rejoiced for her, after spending 2/3 of my drink wondering why she spoke with the laboured, overpronounced sounds of a hearing-impaired person and avoiding asking any Borat-style questions.

I'd like to think I am open minded enough that had I turned up knowing this information, the date might not have been so shit. I'm thinking of telling her to tell people. If they won't meet you because of something you were up front about, you don't want to know them anyway.

So no second date, then?

I did it. I sent her a message saying that she should be up front about her situation, like I was about the illness I've been recovering from. She sent an angry reply, saying she was sad for me that out of everything, all I could focus on was her hearing. But that's what happens when you don't tell someone what to expect.
Ironwood
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Reply #1126 on: January 11, 2012, 12:46:02 AM

 Ohhhhh, I see.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Azazel
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Reply #1127 on: January 11, 2012, 03:02:15 AM

Without really knowing you much better than I know her, but with your previous post on the topic as my context. I kinda have to agree with her POV here. To be blunt, it's none of your business how she presents herself, and giving her this "advice", well-meaning as it may be makes you come across like a bit of a douche. Especially the "you should" bit.


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Ironwood
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Reply #1128 on: January 11, 2012, 03:13:01 AM

The whole 'The Date was Crap and that was HER FAULT' vibe coming off is also kinda douchey.  The lassie sounds like she had a disability that anyone with experience would pick up on instantly (worked with Deafblind Scotland for a while) and it sounds like you're blaming her for your own ignorance and lack of balls to ask 'what's with that'.

As to her being upfront about it, the whole passive aggressive, 'here's what you should have done to win me' thing makes you sound like a total cockmonkey.  I want to ask why the date was so shit for you.

But I dislike this thread because it really has the potential to get too personal.  I haven't dated in decades and I'm kinda enjoying that feeling, so I don't wanna judge.  Unless we're talking about Sam.  Then I want to judge.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Margalis
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Reply #1129 on: January 11, 2012, 04:32:18 AM

Were I you I would probably say something more to the effect of sorry our date didn't go well, I couldn't get past the speech thing and that's on me, I think I could have handled it better had I known up front.

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Cyrrex
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Reply #1130 on: January 11, 2012, 05:42:49 AM

stuff

Agree with the gist of your post (if not the method of delievery), but wanted to say that I LIKE this whole thread and hope it continues forever.  So entertaining.  Only lacks pics, which I think is a tremendous oversight on all your parts.

"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
01101010
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Reply #1131 on: January 11, 2012, 05:52:56 AM

stuff

Agree with the gist of your post (if not the method of delievery), but wanted to say that I LIKE this whole thread and hope it continues forever.  So entertaining.  Only lacks pics, which I think is a tremendous oversight on all your parts.

I vow that if I ever get a date off OKC, I shall post pictures of it. In fact, I'll even do one better and type up an Onion-like review in news story fashion.  awesome, for real

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
Ironwood
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Reply #1132 on: January 11, 2012, 05:55:35 AM

Method of delivery ?  Should I have called him up ?

 why so serious?

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Azazel
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Reply #1133 on: January 11, 2012, 05:59:21 AM

Perhaps you were too blunt for Cyrrex? I actually rewrote my own reply as the first one came off quite a bit more aggressively...

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Ironwood
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Reply #1134 on: January 11, 2012, 06:00:02 AM

I figure people will have got used to my content delivery method and won't actually give a fuck about anything I say.

 why so serious?

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Azazel
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Reply #1135 on: January 11, 2012, 06:04:09 AM

Nah, you've got a fan club here.
You should sell memberships, and even personal phone calls for 10 quid a pop where you ring up posters here and call them a cunt before hanging up on them.

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Ironwood
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Reply #1136 on: January 11, 2012, 06:15:05 AM

They wouldn't understand the accent.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Lantyssa
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Reply #1137 on: January 11, 2012, 06:27:59 AM

Then you need to call them up enough until they do understand.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Azazel
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Reply #1138 on: January 11, 2012, 06:28:51 AM

at 10 quid a pop.

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IainC
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Reply #1139 on: January 11, 2012, 09:14:20 AM

"I can't what?"
"Sorry, I didn't catch that, what can't I do?"
"Ohhhh... a cunt, I'm a cunt. Righto, thanks a lot, bye now!"

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Ironwood
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Reply #1140 on: January 11, 2012, 10:45:27 AM

I don't even say it that much.



"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
01101010
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Reply #1141 on: January 11, 2012, 11:40:35 AM

I don't even say it that much.

For 10 quid a pop? I'd say you'd get over that issue real fast.  why so serious?

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
Sjofn
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Reply #1142 on: January 11, 2012, 11:45:52 AM

Once upon a time, I took a trip to London that was technically a theatre class. We wound up seeing 13 plays over the course of two weeks. One of the plays, The Government Inspector reflected the various levels of who was in the know and who was an ignorant yokel through their accents. Naturally, the dipshit rural morons were Scottish. I was the only one who understood a fucking thing the Scots were saying, and had to explain what had happened so far to everyone else in my class during intermission.  why so serious?

One of my still-had-an-accent cousins, though. His accent was sort of thick AND he mumbled, so even when I was focusing really hard, I'd understand about half of what he was saying. Dude probably thought I was hard of hearing the way I'd ask him to repeat what he said all the time. My grandfather's accent was easy, though!

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Tale
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Reply #1143 on: January 11, 2012, 12:34:34 PM

Ironwood, your posting style is: obese man throwing beer cans from armchair. You think "CUNT COCKMONKEY CUNT but what would I know?" sounds nicer than "CUNT COCKMONKEY CUNT".

A couple of pages ago, you had very strong opinions about women who do not reveal their actual weight.

Before #8 met me, we exchanged 2000 words of emails and life stories. She deliberately avoided what I would notice from the moment she said "hello".

Quote
I want to ask why the date was so shit for you.

Unexpectedly awkward social interactions, as her personality developed without much practice at that.

If there's a man for whom a first date that unfolds like that is a good experience, he's a better man than me. You're not him.

I didn't say "you should", etc. I gently and politely said I had been distracted by the fact she left it for a big reveal, because unlike you, I am not putting disability on a pedestal. None of the disabled people I know have wanted me to do that.

I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.
HaemishM
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Reply #1144 on: January 11, 2012, 12:36:10 PM

I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.

Ok, motherfucker, that was a low blow and entirely uncalled for.

Tale
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Reply #1145 on: January 11, 2012, 01:10:42 PM

I'm telling these stories because people said they wanted to hear more when I revived this thread. Meanwhile, your daughter's childhood appears to be suffering from 15,000 posts on F13.net.

Ok, motherfucker, that was a low blow and entirely uncalled for.

Ironwood made a smug low blow about the end of my previous relationship, then continued in this vein. This doesn't just have the "potential" to get too personal. It did several pages ago, by his doing, and that's why I'm angry.
01101010
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Reply #1146 on: January 11, 2012, 01:12:46 PM

 Popcorn

Cautiously, though.

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
HaemishM
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Reply #1147 on: January 11, 2012, 01:59:37 PM

There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

Tale
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Reply #1148 on: January 11, 2012, 04:36:24 PM

There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

I lost the child to whom I was a father figure when my partner was damaged by a family tragedy and my health fell apart. We were left unable to help each other and sadly lost our relationship, summed up by you as "a date I blew" and by Ironwood as "she was probably thinking of leaving you anyway".

I implied he spends time here that could be spent with his daughter. It was a nasty personal attack, because I was angry about his unprovoked comment on my loss, followed by continual negativity around my posts. People are welcome to disagree with my posts about online dating, but he's throwing in douche, lack of balls, cockmonkey, after kicking me about my previous relationship.

I apologise for my comment.
Tale
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Reply #1149 on: January 11, 2012, 04:43:39 PM

Were I you I would probably say something more to the effect of sorry our date didn't go well, I couldn't get past the speech thing and that's on me, I think I could have handled it better had I known up front.

Good comment. I think that would have been a better approach to her.
Musashi
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Reply #1150 on: January 11, 2012, 05:59:07 PM


AKA Gyoza
lamaros
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Reply #1151 on: January 11, 2012, 06:19:35 PM

Azazel
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Reply #1152 on: January 11, 2012, 07:19:00 PM

There's a difference between getting personal about dates you blow and talking about a man's kids. A huge fucking difference.

I lost the child to whom I was a father figure when my partner was damaged by a family tragedy and my health fell apart. We were left unable to help each other and sadly lost our relationship, summed up by you as "a date I blew" and by Ironwood as "she was probably thinking of leaving you anyway".

I implied he spends time here that could be spent with his daughter. It was a nasty personal attack, because I was angry about his unprovoked comment on my loss, followed by continual negativity around my posts. People are welcome to disagree with my posts about online dating, but he's throwing in douche, lack of balls, cockmonkey, after kicking me about my previous relationship.

I apologise for my comment.

Give her a ring, wish her happy new year. Ask if she wants to go out for a coffee and catch up for a chat.
The worst that can happen is she tells you to fuck off.
Do it.
Now.


http://azazelx.wordpress.com/ - My Miniatures and Hobby Blog.
Tale
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Reply #1153 on: January 11, 2012, 09:00:57 PM

Give her a ring, wish her happy new year. Ask if she wants to go out for a coffee and catch up for a chat.
The worst that can happen is she tells you to fuck off.
Do it.
Now.

Thanks, we met for coffee twice and may again, but she has retreated into being a single mother. I did a lot of grieving. For my sanity, six months later, I had to face moving on.

Anyway, I've tried to demonstrate why I got angry about Ironwood's dig at my past.

And I am still dating #7.
Cyrrex
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Reply #1154 on: January 11, 2012, 11:41:12 PM

Yes, yes, you were both being overly douchey for a bit there.  Now, go hug it out before the thread gets denned.

Also, it is getting too hard to keep all this sorted.  I recommend that, from now on, your dates be referred to not by arbitrary numbers (#7, #8, etc.), but rather by their estimated bra sizes.  Just to keep things orderly and whatnot.

"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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