Lounge
Terracotta Army
Posts: 235
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http://twitter.com/shitmydadsaysThis guy has started posting on twitter all the random crazy shit his 73 year old father says. There are some real gems in there. I think this one is my favorite. "Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19324
sentient yeast infection
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I am fairly certain that he's me from the future. He's got the same name as me and everything. (edit) Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy. I have said these exact words. I'm almost sure of it. Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer. And this. |
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« Last Edit: September 02, 2009, 06:55:12 PM by Samwise »
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Ingmar
Terracotta Army
Posts: 19280
Auto Assault Affectionado
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This is the best Twitter feed in the history of um. Twitter.
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The Transcendent One: AH... THE ROGUE CONSTRUCT.
Nordom: Sense of closure: imminent.
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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Gold
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Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
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Khaldun
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15189
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I think the statement that if you're the only one who shits in something, you own it, is pretty much an immortal classic bit of wisdom.
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Fraeg
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1018
Mad skills with the rod.
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"When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."  the image of that old bitter guy yelling and cursing with human feces on his shoes has got me chuckling. This incidentally was my first tweet or twittering or whatever the cool people call it. I somehow suspect just about everything else on twitter would be a huge letdown after this. *spiffy the spellcheck wanted to change Los to Laos* |
"There is dignity and deep satisfaction in facing life and death without the comfort of heaven or the fear of hell and in sailing toward the great abyss with a smile."
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Oban
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4662
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Great find, thank you for sharing. "They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't." |
Palin 2012 : Let's go out with a bang!
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rk47
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6236
The Patron Saint of Radicalthons
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yeah, really bravo on this gem.  |
Colonel Sanders is back in my wallet
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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"What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."
Oh, man, I laughed SO HARD at this. Good job and thanks to all involved in bringing this to my life.
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Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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Brogarn
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1372
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Fucking hilarious.
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
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Sky
Terracotta Army
Posts: 32117
I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.
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Why is someone claiming to be my son, goddammit.
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kaid
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3113
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"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog" hahah so much win
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Sky
Terracotta Army
Posts: 32117
I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.
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A couple of recent comments:
Fiancee: I slept like a baby.
Me: You drooled all night and shit yourself?
Fiancee: I want to reincarnate as a cat.
Me: You want to clean your butthole with your tongue?
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Teleku
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10516
https://i.imgur.com/mcj5kz7.png
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"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."
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"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor."
-Stephen Colbert
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Grimwell
Developers
Posts: 752
[Redacted]
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I've been following this guy for over a week now. It's all gold.
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Grimwell
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Cadaverine
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1655
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This might be the only thing to ever be worthwhile on Twitter.
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60350
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This might be the only thing to ever be worthwhile on Twitter.
Only because I wasn't able to get /velociraptor. |
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Tarami
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1980
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Maybe velocipede is still available.
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- I'm giving you this one for free.
- Nothing's free in the waterworld.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60350
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Why is someone claiming to be my son, goddammit.
A couple of recent comments:
Fiancee: I slept like a baby.
Me: You drooled all night and shit yourself?
Fiancee: I want to reincarnate as a cat.
Me: You want to clean your butthole with your tongue?
Sorry hombre, you aren't 1/1000th as funny as that old bastard. |
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Stu is like a low-cost Oban.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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NiX
Wiki Admin
Posts: 7770
Locomotive Pandamonium
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Stu is like a low-cost Oban.
Good catch! |
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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We always keep a bottle of Clan MacGregor in the fridge. 36 months in the cask and a shatterproof bottle. Yeah, I kinda noticed the scotch thing earlier. Screw it. Suck my nuts fuckohs. Take your Glenrothes vintages and Jerez cask single malts and shove them in your manholes. I mean that in a nice way.
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Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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I wonder if the guy knows that a few hundred thousand people are reading his rantings.
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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lac
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1657
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He does and so does his publisher, he landed himself a book deal.
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23657
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No! He dished Kate Beckinsale! That bastard!   |
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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He does and so does his publisher, he landed himself a book deal.
I was more referring to the dad. The guy posting the Tweets obviously knows the gold-mine he is sitting on. |
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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lac
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1657
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Until last week, Sam had no idea his youngest son had been broadcasting his anecdotes for the world to read. At least he's in the loop now. |
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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It's unfortunate as I think the Heisenberg-type principle will now apply in that as he knows he is being observed it will alter the outcome.
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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It's unfortunate as I think the Heisenberg-type principle will now apply in that as he knows he is being observed it will alter the outcome.
Yep. |
Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42666
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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He does and so does his publisher, he landed himself a book deal.
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Righ
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6542
Teaching the world Google-fu one broken dream at a time.
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No! He dished Kate Beckinsale! That bastard! Her acting is only marginally 'better' than that of Eliza Douchecanoe. |
The camera adds a thousand barrels. - Steven Colbert
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Lounge
Terracotta Army
Posts: 235
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"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"
Now that shit is a real life lesson... Father of the year
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chargerrich
Terracotta Army
Posts: 342
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Pure.Win. Keep posting them in here, I do not dare go to the site during office hours...NSFW and all. |
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19324
sentient yeast infection
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Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies. Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal. |
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Rasix
Moderator
Posts: 15024
I am the harbinger of your doom!
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Pure.Win. Keep posting them in here, I do not dare go to the site during office hours...NSFW and all. Where do you work? It's just some bad language. |
-Rasix
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