diku. - The Board Game

[schild]

OK JERKS

I'M MAKING A BOARD GAME. LET'S HAVE FUN.

THE FOLLOWING NEED TO EXIST, I'LL WORRY ABOUT ART LATER. /allcaps

In the Box
10x Class Cards
50x Mob Cards
25x Boss Cards
200x Loot Cards

LET'S DO THIS. I don't want stats, just names, etc.

Classes: COMPLETE

Mobs:
Rats

Bosses:

Loot (Weapons, Armor, Accessories):

[Ashamanchill]

Okay I'm in, sign me up.           





Now what do I have to do again?

[schild]

Okay I'm in, sign me up.           





Now what do I have to do again?

Not go full retard. That's a good place to start.

[WindupAtheist]

Random suggestions.

Classes: Let's get something in there besides WoW standbys. How about a samurai class? A vampire? Ooh, maybe a Spanish Conquistador type with a big blunderbuss.

Mobs: I wanna see old-school kobolds with dog heads come back.

Bosses: Need one based on that fat asshole from Warhammer that everyone hates.

Loot: Game needs a Nythraxian Cloak of Mind-Bending IMHO.

[Prospero]

You have to have the pointless bard class.

[Xilren's Twin]

In the Box
10x Class Cards
50x Mob Cards
25x Boss Cards
200x Loot Cards

Depends on what flavor you want.  If tongue firmly in cheek then heres some ideas...

Classes:
Meatshield (high D, lower melee Dam)
Light Tank (lower Def, higher melee Dam)
Jack-off-all-trades/Hybrid Warrior (avg Def and melee Dam, some utility spells)
Pet Mage  (necro, elementalist, whatever)
Glass Cannon  (highest ranged offensive damage, dies from sneezes)
Rogue  (stealth to damage dump with melee attack; low HP)
Healbot (avg Def, healing)
CCmage (utility and crowd control)
Gimp (does nothing well other than complain)
and...
Bank Mule (high carrying capacity)

Mobs:
Rats and other small furry varmints
Bears and other medium furry varmints
Random goblinoid stereotype
Dead People Walking
Emo Elves in need of killing
Evil player races
Unicorns in search of virgins
Giants, trolls and ogres
Dragons of course
Elemental themed mobs
Mutant varients of mobs
Palette swapped mobs
Bad mesh mobs
Exploitable AI mobs
Poor Pathing mobs
Risk Reward Imbalance mobs
Magical Plot Faries
Bugs..I mean Insects
Program Bugs
Undead Board Threads
Whine Threads
Unrestrained Ego Threads
Nerf monsters
Update monsters
(do male and female versions of each; viola!)

Boss Monsters:
Holy Trinity
The Vision
Working as Intended
Hidden Patch Changes
Social Life
Normalcy
Personal Hygine
Real Females
Alphabet Soup
Mom needs the computer
Epeen
Uberlord
Old Skool
Abashi



Loot (Weapons, Armor, Accessories):
Ban Hammer (of course)
Nerf bat
Holy Avenger

[schild]

I'm going to take it relatively seriously.

also, from the doc I'm working on:

Objective
Distill diku-methodology into an analog format.

Target Audience
Assholes.

Age Range
Do you have a fully formed brain? You may proceed.

I'm tempted to put the doc together on blurb.com when it's all done.

[schild]

The card master is called "the server."

The players are called "clients."

I rule.

[Soln]

something:

Buffbot
Bombbot (AOE Jerk)
Lewt ninja
Min-Max'er (elitist Jerk)
Guild Leader (guy who takes himself too seriously, or, Drama Guy)
Full-time Mom (yeah her on Vent)
Blogger (or Theorycrafter, Asshole)
Gaming Journalist (just Asshole)
RoxxerBoxxer (multi box Asshole)
Goldfarmer (Rang rang you up some gold!)
Beardy guy
Angry MUD guy
Pretentious Academic
EA

[schild]

Maybe this will help you realize I'm taking it semi-seriously. If I don't take the content itself seriously, the entire point of the exercise is lost to the ether and the whole thing becomes a gimmick. This is NOT a gimmick.

How to Play (in 60 seconds)

Look. This is simple. When you begin the game, you start in the first town. Specifically, the tavern. If there’s only 2 players, the server deals one class card to the client. This is the class of your first character. He is level 1. He has no armor, a shitty weapon (his hands, info on class card), and no money. He sucks.

From there, you travel to your first questing zone. There aren’t really any quests because they all come down to the same thing anyway. Kill some shit. So what are you going to do? Kill some shit. The overworld map consists of the entire world. Zones are labeled with a name, the level range, and dice calls for the number of mobs and bosses. Extra Loot Potential is defined by the color of the zone on the map.

The client tells the server where he wants to go. For now, let’s just call the level 1 area “Shitty Forest.” The map says it has 3d3 mobs, and 1d3 bosses. The server will then roll those dice. Let’s say he rolls a combined 4 on the mob dice and a 1 on the boss dice. That zone has four mobs and a boss. If there were 2 bosses, the server would intersperse them as he sees fit. The server retains the right to fuck the client (player is the enemy, etc). So, you’re in Shitty Forest. The server will then choose four low-level mobs from the mob deck. I’d suggest rats. They’re level 1 and do shit for damage.

Battle: the player rolls the defined hit roll, let’s say he needs a 1 on a 1d3 to hit. He rolls a 1. Ok, he hit. Great, now roll 1d3 for damage with your pitiful fists. Grats, you did 3 damage. Way to go, Hero. This killed the rat. The client now gets 5 experience. He is 25% of the way to level 2. The rat’s loot table says 1 / 1 / 1d6 and there is a grey bar on the card. This basically means the rat can drop 1 item from the grey loot cards as long as a 1 is rolled on the 1d6. The servers roll for loot was a 2. You didn’t get any loot. Oh well, you suck.

Repeat until the area is cleared out. At the end of the area, the client will roll a d10. If he rolls a 10, he’ll get a special treasure chest with X items in it. X is defined by the color of the font. Anyway, the client rolled a 10. Since this area is grey, he rolls 1d3. The client rolls a 1. He gets 1 item from the special chest. The quality of the loot is +1 quality to the area. Therefore, he gets a pale dot-matrix green item. Grats. You don’t completely suck, almost.

Details will be explained later, but in short, if this continues through every area. Eventually the player will reach raid zones. This is where shit gets totally unbalanced. Why? Because it’s supposed to? Anyway, odds are you’ll never finish a game anyway. Though, admittedly, that’s probably because after finishing all the raid zones, there’s no more content, so we advise just starting up an alt. Save the old characters for the expansions.

[schild]

This would be an INCREDIBLE web game. >_<

[ezrast]

Classes: Let's get something in there besides WoW standbys. How about a samurai class? A vampire? Ooh, maybe a Spanish Conquistador type with a big blunderbuss.

Really specific classes not only add flavor but also leave plenty of room for expansions down the line.

DPS
Pyromancer
Storm Herald
Wolf Warrior
Abyss Knight

TANK
Snow Giant
Rhino Warrior

HEALER
Faerie Empath
Hierophant Bard

CC
Shadowmelder
Prophet of Flowers

[schild]

The Bat Country edition is going to be totally, totally generic - most likely at least.

[ezrast]

This would be an INCREDIBLE web game. >_<

I see what you did there.

[schild]

Each character now starts with rags. It's a card that imparts 1 armor, because armor is based off of a scale starting at 1. You can't sell them. You just discard them once you get something better.

This would be an INCREDIBLE web game. >_<

I see what you did there.

It wasn't a joke. This would be far better than most MMOGs. But that's neither here nor there. Making a board game. If someone wants to make it a web game, they can pay me and buy the idea.

[Phildo]

I'm in on this.

[schild]

Mob Stat System? BADS

Why?

[FatuousTwat]

Generic...

Classes:
Cleric
Druid
Ninja
Monk
Ranger(fuck hunters)

Races (I don't know if you want them or not):
Elf
Half-Elf
Human
Dwarf
Half-Orc
Gnome
Goblin

Monsters:
Rat
Bat
Kobold
Goblin
Orc
Slime
Animated Armour
Amazon Warrior
Barbarian
Bandit
Wight
Ghoul
Zombie
Skeleton
Giant Snake
Demonling
Giant Beetle
Brigand

Bosses:
Giant Rat
Giant Bat (or maybe a swarm of either... OR BOTH! OR SWARMS OF GIANT ONES!)
Kobold King
Goblin Shaman
Orc Boss
Demon
Hag
Banshee
Black, Red, Green, White and Blue Dragons

[schild]

I will have spreadsheet information for people tomorrow night. I'm going to crank this fucker out. And then totally not have art for the cards.

[Nonentity]

I should get up on this.

[ezrast]

Can there be a rat for every level range?
Rat
Dire Rat
Plague Rat
Rat King
Swamp Rat
Rat Zombie
Wererat
Giant Rat
Abyss Rat
Rat God

Why the super-generic route, out of curiosity? You can't personalize a card like you can a video game character and it's easier for players to get into "Edmund, Lord of the Night" than "Level 3 assassin".

[schild]

You can't personalize a card like you can a video game character and it's easier for players to get into "Edmund, Lord of the Night" than "Level 3 assassin".

Bosses will be personalized more, but lets worry about that later. Not like bosses in MMOGs are personalized to any meaningful degree anyway. Onyxia was BIG BLACK DRAGON. I mean who cares. You're practically larping if you really buy into that crap. Just saying.

Can there be a rat for every level range?
Rat
Dire Rat
Plague Rat
Rat King
Swamp Rat
Rat Zombie
Wererat
Giant Rat
Abyss Rat
Rat God

This is excellent.

[Quinton]

Can there be a rat for every level range?
Rat
Dire Rat
Plague Rat
Rat King
Swamp Rat
Rat Zombie
Wererat
Giant Rat
Abyss Rat
Rat God

What about having a "monster system" where monsters can be modified by cards like "Tiny", "Harmless", "Dire", "Plague", "Were-", etc?  For an encounter/zone/etc, you draw a monster card, then perhaps based on a random factor you might draw one or two modifiers (which add flavor and make the monster harder / drop better loot / etc).

Also, I'd suggest that the "server" just be the shuffled card deck or whatnot -- the whole point of a Diku game would seem, to me, to be "The DM is the RNG"

Combat mechanics that could be fun (er, well, at least diku-ish):
- possibility of getting an add or a bad pull (more monsters!)
- crowd control class that has a chance to deal with the above

Fun art and flavortext are required!  I'd be highly amused by some seriously over-the-top "lore" contrasted with the very generic names of things.

EDIT: Hell, the loot system could be dynamic too.  Combine a base Loot card ("sword", "shield", "helm", "staff", ...) with a modifier ("rusty", "enchanted", "vorpal", "deadly, ...) card and sometimes an add-on like ("+3", "called dragonbane", "of frost").  Maybe make it *all* about the loot system?

[schild]

What about having a "monster system" where monsters can be modified by cards like "Tiny", "Harmless", "Dire", "Plague", "Were-", etc?  For an encounter/zone/etc, you draw a monster card, then perhaps based on a random factor you might draw one or two modifiers (which add flavor and make the monster harder / drop better loot / etc).

Every card has a spreadsheet. All those games that palette swap and add some crap to the front as a modifier are just BS anyhow. The exercise is to distill the diku formula into something somewhat fun (instead of just something to stroke the skinner box portion of your brain). In other words, a true board game, not a 1:1 proxy of the DOOMSDAY DEVICE of Developmental Evolution in Online Gaming.

[Soln]

don't forget to add some kind of bullshit reputation system that just requires you to keep rolling and going around the board for something useless

[schild]

don't forget to add some kind of bullshit reputation system that just requires you to keep trolling and going around the board for something useless

[schild]

Preliminary Class List with Abilities:

1.   Warrior
      a.   Unnatural Strength
               i.   +1 to Min/Max Base Damage Every 2 Levels (1, 3, 5, …) (Cumulative)

2.   Mage
      a.   Unholy Aura
               i.   Once Per Zone Buff / Wears off After 2 Battles
              ii.   Reflects 1d3 Damage Whenever Struck
              iii.   +1 1d3 Every 4 Levels (1, 5, 9, …) (Cumulative)

3.   Rogue
      a.   Backstab
               i.   Once Every 5 Turns, Can Hide & Attempt to Backstab for Double Damage
              ii.   This is on the Normal “To-Hit” Roll. A Miss Misses Completely.

4.   Priest
      a.   Heal
               i.   Healing Spell (1d3) once every 5 Turns
              ii.   +1d3 (Cumulative) Every 3rd Level (1, 4, 7, …)
              iii.   In a Party, This is Usable on Other Members

5.   Bard
      a.   Bardiness
               i.   Can Sing-A-Song Once Every 3 Battles, Stuns Opponent for 1d3 Rounds

6.   Thief
      a.   Treasure Hunt
               i.   Once a zone, the Thief Can Roll 1d10 (Needs a 6+) for Double Loot (+1 Card)
              ii.   Not Usable on Special Area Roll
              iii.   Initial Loot Roll Must be Successful.

7.   Ranger
      a.   Ranged Shot
               i.   Can Initiate Combat Once Per Zone from Range.
              ii.   Mob Must Roll Successful “To-Hit” Twice in Order to Hit the Ranger

8.   Cleric
      a.   Holy Shield
               i.   Innate Permanent Buff for Self and Whole Party (-1 Base Damage).
              ii.   +1 Every 4 Levels (1, 5, 9, …) (Cumulative)

9.   Monk
      a.   Focused Shot
               i.   Once Every 3 Battles, Monk Gets Guaranteed Hit on Enemy
              ii.   This attack is at Doubles the Damage from the Roll

10.   Druid
      a.   Root
               i.   Once Per Zone, Druid can Root Enemy (Normal To-Hit)
              ii.   This Action Completely Breaks the Encounter
              iii.   Not Usable on Bosses

[K9]

Mobs: I wanna see old-school kobolds with dog heads come back.

kobolds

kobolds

Where did all the Kobolds go? I miss them from my Worlds of Warcrafts.

[Mrbloodworth]

Mobs: I wanna see old-school kobolds with dog heads come back.

kobolds

kobolds

Where did all the Kobolds go? I miss them from my Worlds of Warcrafts.

They just call them something else.

[WindupAtheist]

The Bat Country edition is going to be totally, totally generic - most likely at least.

What do you need us for then?

[tazelbain]

> Every card has a spreadsheet.
This would be a great theme for the game.

[schild]

The Bat Country edition is going to be totally, totally generic - most likely at least.

What do you need us for then?

Boss mobs? Item names?

In your case, flavor text, but we should keep that private.

[IainC]

Jack-off-all-trades/Hybrid Warrior (avg Def and melee Dam, some utility spells)

 

[Ingmar]

This would be an INCREDIBLE web game. >_<

I think that might be getting too meta.

[Tarami]

Rules suggestion. PATCH DAY!

Each class has a specified set of ability cards (like 5 or 6), and can hold a subset (3 or 4?) of those at any one time. At regular intervals there's a "patch day", upon which every player has to randomly discard one of his/her ability cards and draw a new one from respective class ability stack. The discarded card is shuffled back into the class' stack and reused next Patch Day.

Extended variant:
In addition to the rule above, every Patch Day a Nerfbat poll is held. Each player gets to cast a Nerf Vote for a class and the players playing the class with most votes has to discard and draw two cards instead of just one. The formal way to vote is to, loudly, state "Nerf [class], it's overpowered!" (sprinkled with a generous take of intarweb jargong.) If there's a tie for votes, every tied class gets the Nerfbat.