Omegle: Chat with a Stranger!

[Xuri]

The first one didn't bite.

Nor the second one.

But luckily, the third one did!

Also, unrelated:

You: Halt! Who goes there?
Stranger: Wife left me, dog died, my kid has been kidnapped, I broke my right hand and I'm forced to do a handwritten report on a murder - And I'm righthanded
You: Pull the other one!
Stranger: Noone, I'm in a wheelchair for christs sake
You: You're using coconuts!
Stranger: No, these are my balls! Im 397 years old, they grow!
You: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
Stranger: Hahahahaha.
You: Where'd you get the coconuts?
Stranger: I found them
Stranger: On the ground.
You: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
Stranger: Well..
Stranger: These are english coconuts
You: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Stranger: Do they?
You: Not at all. They could be carried.
Stranger: Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!
You: Is there someone else I could talk to?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Samwise]

Game over, Xuri wins.

[Nonentity]

Oh shit, you just Dr. Sbaitso'd that person.

[Nonentity]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: okay
You: so
You: here's the deal
Stranger: NO DEAL
You: .
You: DEAL
Stranger: fuck you banker
You: come on
Stranger: hah
You: banker
You: what the hell
Stranger: sorry.. stuck in deal or no deal
Stranger: *ahem*
Stranger: whats up?
You: oh you know
You: thursday
You: it's not friday yet
You: kind of disappointing
You: fuck weeks
Stranger: close to friday here, thank fuck
Stranger: seconded
You: that's good
You: HANG ON THERES A FOB ON THE PHONE
Stranger: working week should be like.. 2 days
Stranger: fob?
You: AT LEAST SHES HOT
You: fresh off boat
You: chinese
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i'll have to remember that one
You: it's awesome
You: it's when you hear them really struggle with english
You: as opposed to just being americanized
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

eh

[Segoris]

Words.

Stranger: 1
Nonentity: 0

[NiX]

You: Cyber
Stranger: ok, role play?
You: tron
You: sorry trigger happy on the keyboard
You: Cybertron
You: Ever been?

[Xuri]

I feel a sudden urge to resurrect this thread.

You: Hi
Stranger: hello
You: I am Donald Opia Bank Manager of Diamond Bank of Nigeria, Lagos Branch. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.
Stranger: Yes!
Stranger: you want my bank details?
You: What? No. I want to order a pizza.
Stranger: dammit
You: Is this not the pizza-place?
Stranger: It is, what'll it be?
You: One pizza (TM) please.
You: Also, your bank details.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Sorry! *runs and hides*

[schild]

Stranger: asl?
You: 12/f/asian
You: obviously.
Stranger: lol,nice~:P
You: Everyone is 12/f/asian on the internet.
You: Including you.
Stranger: damn straight
Stranger:
You: Three more emotes and you'll have convinced me that you are 12/f/asian.
You: I'll bet you liked Final Fantasy VIII.

You: STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF.
Stranger: How did u know?!
You: IT'S NOT CALLED OMEGLE: REACH OUT AND TOUCH YOURSELF

[schild]

You: HEY THERE
Stranger: hi
You: oh thank god, someone who didn't say a/s/l
Stranger: you from?
You: America.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Heh. They win.

[schild]

Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: name ?
You: Liddy
Stranger: im acis
Stranger: re u male ?
You: Are you retarded? You're trying to cyber on an anonymous chat system.
You: Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: :S

:( I was hoping to get some G Gordon Liddy shit in there and have a serious political conversation. Shame.

You: hi
Stranger: hey r u horny
You: Hey, are you retarded?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Xuri]

[schild]

You: Hi!
Stranger: five!
You: FUCK YEA.
You: I don't know where to go from here, I feel this conversation has peaked.
Stranger: I'm a dinosaur!
You: I'm a dinosaur hunter!
Stranger: you're right...I think we've peaked
You: Yea.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Xuri, I was getting work done before you bumped this shit.

Stranger: hi
You: hi!
Stranger: where are you cuntury?
You: What?
Stranger: from?
Stranger: where are you from
You: Mozambique.
Stranger: ;;
You: It's in Africa, you don't have to google it. We have excellent english schools here.
Stranger: a
You: Once a month we get clean water too, that is if the governments don't start a bloody war.
Stranger: africa
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: i'm china
You: Your government lets you chat anonymously with strangers?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[schild]

Stranger: what's your fetish?
You: Fah, what ISN'T my fetish?
You: I feel that's the far more interesting question.
You: I'm not really into the scat thing, but if I have to, you know, I can bend the rules every now and again.
Stranger: what are you into though?
You: Chicks, dudes, dogs, cats, household cleaner, plastic bags, twine, power tools - you know, whatever.
You: What are you into?
You: Because, at the moment, I think you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

1. American dudes only want your A/S/L.
2. Foreign dudes only want to know where you're from because it's obviously better than wherever they're from.
3. Girls start conversations with "Heyy!" or anything trailed by "!!" like "hi!!"
4. Guys start conversations with their dick in their hand.
5. None of these rules apply if it's a member of anonymous, they just act like gibbering children.

The internet is an amazing place.

Edit: I will now give examples of each of these:

1.

You: hi!
Stranger: sex chat?
You: Maybe. I just want to make sure of something, are you male from America?
Stranger: ya
You: Of course you are.
You: Please, stop embarassing us.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hi
You: hi!
Stranger: asl plz
You: You're a guy, from America, aren't you?
Stranger: ya i m
Stranger: n u
You: Thanks. Needed this conversation for my archives.
You have disconnected.

You: hi!
Stranger: Hi. Feeling horny?
You: You're a guy, from America, aren't you?
Stranger: You may never guess again.
You: I don't think I need to.
Stranger: And why is that?
You: Because the internet is fucking predictable.
Stranger: Hahahahahaha
You: So, I was right, wasn't I?
Stranger: Hope Cincinatti is still located in the US.
You: Thanks for this. You're now just another number in my study. Also, the game.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: male 19 looking for girl with cam
You: u from america?
Stranger: r u ?
You: I asked first, only fair ^_^
Stranger: :L
Stranger: ye
You: Of course you fucking are, you lamer.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: hi
You: hi!~
You: Sorry, stray ~ there.
Stranger: ^^
You: So, what would you like to chat about today?
Stranger: ya
Stranger: ich libe dich
Stranger: i wanna see your face
You: Puedo ir al baño por favor.
Stranger: yai ci pal noma
You: If you wanna see my face, I'm going to assume you're a guy from America.
Stranger: ya
You: Of course you are.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: horny?
You: Before I answer that
You: will you answer a question?
Stranger: yea.
You: Are you a guy from America?
Stranger: no..
You: No one likes a liar.
Stranger: im not.
Stranger: pedos are in america.
Stranger: im jus horny
Stranger: im lik 17
You: You just entered a conversation and said "Horny?"
You: and you're 17
You: and you just said pedos are in america
You: Ergo, you are a guy in America.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hey are you horny girl with cam?
You: are you a guy from America?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hi are you horny girl?
You: hi!
You: no
You: are you a guy from america?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

2.

You: hi!
Stranger: hii
Stranger: from?
You: Oh COMEON.
You: How about this, where are you from?
Stranger: im from singapore
You: OBVIOUSLY

You: hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: from?
You: America, where are you from?
Stranger: im from finland
You: Case in point.
You have disconnected.

You: hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: where are you from?
You: America, and you?
Stranger: indonesia.
You: Sounds about right.
You have disconnected.

3.

You: hi!
Stranger: heyy fucktard =D
You: WHOA THERE HOMBRE
You: That's no way to greet a stranger.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: my bad
You: Let's start over
You: hi!
Stranger: cmere lil kitty, on my lap, guess whos back witha brand new rap
Stranger: better?
You: Creepy. But I'll take it.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: never heard of eminem?
You: Man, I haven't listened to eminem since high school.
You: So I guess that was about 11 years ago.
Stranger: that makes u sound like a dinosaur
Stranger: ooo
You: No, RORARRRRRRRRRRRR HUMAN FLESH OM NOM NOM
You: makes me sound like a dinosaur
Stranger: well, that too
Stranger: jk
Stranger: s0o0o0o0 WAZAAP hombre
Stranger: wuts hombre anyway?
Stranger: sounds like a fucking dinosaur
You: Hey, quick question, don't take it personally, it's not some perverted thing
You: but
You: Male or Female? I don't care how old you are.
You: And I don't care where you're from.
Stranger: female
Stranger: well, thats the first
You: IN ONE
You have disconnected.

[Xuri]

Zomg! You'er right:

Stranger: hi
You: Hi
Stranger: from ?
You: You're from Singapore, aren't you
Stranger: yes :)
Stranger: i am from Turkey

[Xuri]

Awww...


Another one:

You: Hi
Stranger: hi
Stranger: I am s.korean
You: Awesome. I like Starcraft too.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Falconeer]

I hate to say this, but there's definitely book material here.

[schild]

You: hi!
Stranger: m 22 uk
You: What makes you think I give a fuck?
Stranger: you sound angry?
You: You sound like you're trolling for ass.
Stranger: what made you angry?
You have disconnected.

England does everything wrong.

[schild]

I'm thinking of adding a 6th rule: Koreans just type random shit.

You: Sup
Stranger: hi
You: so
You: what do you want to talk about?
Stranger: friends?kkk
You: Where are you from?
You: Korea?
Stranger: yes~
You: I know, I'm amazing.
You: Can you answer a question for me?
You: What's the current exchange rate on SoJs for the Korean Wan?

Oh man, it's won, that sucks.

[Bill]

This will keep me entertained for at least 20 minutes. Score.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: will u punish me xD?
You: Aren't you supposed to say "a/s/l?" now
You: That depends on what you've done
Stranger: i duno
You: Is there something specific you need to be punished for?
Stranger: not really XD
You: Such a poking a badger with a spoon or similiar kitchen utensil
Stranger: o.o
You: I don't recommend it
You: They have a nasty bite.
You: Do you like hats?
You: I LOVE HATS.
Stranger: hats o.o?
Stranger: lolz
Stranger: random
Stranger: weirdo xD
You: Oh be nice!
You: You don't even like hats!

[Bill]

I'm not having much luck.

Stranger: hey
You: Ahoy!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[schild]

Yea, Koreans just type random shit is obviously a law.

You: hi!
Stranger: hello~
Stranger: from?
You: Korea, and you?
Stranger: 저도 한국인임 ㅋㅋㅋ
You: Of course you are.
You have disconnected.

[schild]

You: hi!
Stranger: where r u from
You: Korea, and you?
Stranger: Japan
You: I don't believe you.
You: Spit out some Maximum the Hormone lyrics, stat.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[schild]

The UK still does everything wrong.

You: sup
Stranger: Hi, are u a f from UK?
You: Hi, are you a m from America?
Stranger: M uk
You: Why do you do everything backwards?
Stranger: Bored of talking to koreans
You: You're supposed to ask A/S/L
You: You're not supposed to dictate what I may or may not be.
You: Goddamnit, Britain, you're killing me.
You have disconnected.

[Xuri]

You: Hi.
Stranger: hello
Stranger: do you like eggs
You: I love eggs
You: I also like brown cheese
Stranger: oh yes, thts the best
You: Where in the world IS carmen sandiego?
Stranger: whats your phone number
Stranger: whats.your.phone.number.
Stranger: answer me
Stranger: i love you
Stranger: lets be pen pals, whats your address?
Stranger: i'm a nice guy
Stranger: im not gonna hurt you
Stranger: come onn
Stranger: we can be friends
Stranger: what school do you go to
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I went afk in the middle of the conversation =P

[Xuri]

Do not unspoiler.

[schild]

You: hi!
Stranger: This is Sandra from Omegle customer support. We've had a number of complaints about you abusing this service. Please read the TOS before continuing or we'll be forced to ban your IP address
You: This is Nigel from the Internet Bullshit Agency. I have a bridge to sell you.
You: What, you've never heard of the IBA?
You: Don't tell me you've never heard of the IBA. I don't believe it. We're pretty famous around these parts. You know, where people chat.
Stranger: This websites primary function is not to satisfy your childish outbursts
You: The internets primary function is hilarity, and you're not providing enough.
You: Also, you're forgetting to end your sentences with periods.
You: Also, there aren't any girls on the internet. So you can't be a Sandra. Unless you're pre-op.
Stranger: it is not my job to be intersting or funny. Please read the TOS before continuing.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: hi!
Stranger: i want msn sex, i'm man, you want ?
You: You from America?
You: Mexicans never pay.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger is typing...
You: You've been typing a while, before you even start, let me guess, you're a guy and you're from America.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I've done that last one a few times now, I enjoy it.

[schild]

Oh nice, Xuri just proved the /b/ rule.

[schild]

Stranger: hi
You: hi!
Stranger: f/m?
You: I will answer you if you answer this:
You: Are you a male from America?
Stranger: yeaah =)
You: Of course you fucking are. Stop trolling for ass, you're giving us a bad name.
You have disconnected.

[schild]

I'm not going to post it, but I just spent about 10 minutes baiting an indian guy by talking about beef and telling him if he wanted our jobs to stop doing them so fucking poorly. I closed the conversation by wishing him the best of luck with his water situation.

Edit: I would not have been such a dick if he hadn't immediately asked if I was a girl from Delhi.

[Xuri]

You: Hello. No, I'm not finnish, chinese, south-korean or a girl. What's up?
Stranger: hi
Stranger: 한국?
Stranger: 사람이에요?
You: 한국
You: 사람이에요
Stranger: 몇살이세욬ㅋ?
Stranger: 와반갑당!!
You: 몇살이세욬ㅋ 몇살이 몇살 몇살이세욬ㅋ!!!!!1!
You have disconnected.

Hope I didn't insult anyone.

[schild]

I can confirm, after an extensive quiz on Korean television and music, that the person I'm talking to is, in fact, an 18 year old female from Korea.

[Xuri]

Or maybe that's just what Ithey want you to believe!

[CmdrSlack]

1. American dudes only want your A/S/L.

In addition to your substantial research, I submit this outlier...

Stranger: hi, im looking for a horny girl to cyber with
Stranger: seriously
You: you're a white dude from the USA aren't you
Stranger: lol usa
Stranger: canada, guy
You: wow, thanks, you are now an outlier in my study

[Segoris]

1. American dudes only want your A/S/L.

In addition to your substantial research, I submit this outlier...

Stranger: hi, im looking for a horny girl to cyber with
Stranger: seriously
You: you're a white dude from the USA aren't you
Stranger: lol usa
Stranger: canada, guy
You: wow, thanks, you are now an outlier in my study

Wouldn't your conversation be the beginning of a new study group, and not an outlier? I say this since the research says American males only want a/s/l, not that only American males want a/s/l.

So Candian males are 1 for 1 in wanting cyber, it's a start. Next time pretend to be a moose and rub syrup on your testicles so we can see what they look for in cyber as well 

[schild]

1. American dudes only want your A/S/L.

In addition to your substantial research, I submit this outlier...

Stranger: hi, im looking for a horny girl to cyber with
Stranger: seriously
You: you're a white dude from the USA aren't you
Stranger: lol usa
Stranger: canada, guy
You: wow, thanks, you are now an outlier in my study

Segoris already said it, but they ask for A/S/L.