Help. I'm having an identity crisis.

[stray]

In my defense, this young woman was a knockout. She probably had a ring anyway, but fuck me for pussin' out. I have never been good at approaching random good looking strangers. Any tips? (besides 'Grow a pair') . EDIT: Looking for scoring advice on an intarweb forum is bad, m-kay! :)  But fuck it, killing time at work

She's not random if she's already eyeing you. And if she is, and you're sure of it, just walk over and say "Hi", I guess? Just try to relax and laugh at yourself. And if this sounds illogical, then don't do it. You'll just fuck up.

And every guy feels that way sometimes... But if you know you're on, just do it.

Just don't fucking do it because you like her. Have at least some sign from her.

[Nebu]

My advice: Be the kind of man women want to approach. 

Be interesting and a little mysterious.  Woman like to have to work a little to keep your interest.  Show that you're too eager and they start to wander off.  I've found that I've had much better relationships when a) the woman has approached me or b) we've met in the middle.  When I am the one approaching a woman, it's usually more hormonal than a mutual interest thing. 

I should write a Cosmo column!

[Cheddar]

So today I pussed out on talking to a gorgeous woman.

Here's a little more background on me, I work at a University Hospital doing Desktop support. Contrary to popular belief, some of us aren't like Nick Burns....your company's computer guy :)

So I grab a cafeteria pizza, find a table with a discarded newpaper, and have a seat. I notice a small pack of what looks to be med students to my left...they have some kinda lab coat thing going. A few good looking chicks. Nice spot choice I tell myself.

Just beyond them, at the table next to them is a Mila Kunis looking blue-eyed brunette sent straight from the heavens. She has books around her and seems to be studying and talkin with the lab coated ladies. I catch a look and do the instant 'look-away-like-a-giant-pussy' thing. I continue eating and eventually look back that way and bam! She is like staring at me. I make it about 3 seconds this time before the power that is this girl's baby blue eyes kick in and I go back to eating.

Here is where I always fuck up. I never approach (well, when I'm sober). I come up with some decent icebreaker line, but never make the move. 5 minutes later I kick myself in the ass and call myself all sorts of names. I know I have nothing to lose but my pride (which is overated anyway) but I still can't pull the trigger.

In my defense, this young woman was a knockout. She probably had a ring anyway, but fuck me for pussin' out. I have never been good at approaching random good looking strangers. Any tips? (besides 'Grow a pair') . EDIT: Looking for scoring advice on an intarweb forum is bad, m-kay! :)  But fuck it, killing time at work

Practice.  Just do it, comes natural after a few tries.  FYI - you will probably make mistakes, like anything else in life.

[Slayerik]

I hear what you guys are saying. 90% of the women I have dated I have known through school, other friends, or work. I work well when I have that non-stranger thing going :)

Even though there is no real shortage of women available around me, there are so many beautiful and intelligent women here that I should really start working on branching out. Just met a Physician's assistant today that was just flat out cute as hell and very nice. But I directly support her, so it's quite easy to charm that whole room full of ladies. There is a comfort level there. I mean, I planted a seed today...we'll see if over the next week or two it grows.

I just suck with women I don't know unless I have at least 6 beers in me I think. Been my crutch for a long time. Too damn long.

[Nerf]

Approaching ladies is like suicide ganking, most of the time nothing good drops, but once in a while you hit the motherload.  The more no's that you hear, the more yes's you hear.  Try to remind yourself that worst case scenario, they say no, and you're in the same place you are without asking.

[stray]

My advice: Be the kind of man women want to approach. 

Be interesting and a little mysterious.  Woman like to have to work a little to keep your interest.  Show that you're too eager and they start to wander off.  I've found that I've had much better relationships when a) the woman has approached me or b) we've met in the middle.  When I am the one approaching a woman, it's usually more hormonal than a mutual interest thing. 

I should write a Cosmo column!

It's nothing but "hormones" in contexts like Slayerik is talking about. If a girl is eyeing you, it's because she's attracted.. but they tend to be pretty passive in showing it. It's up to guys to see it or not. There's nothing eager about picking up on it, and introducing yourself. Eager is for twats who bug girls they already know, who don't like them. And the rare times when I've had strangers come and talk to me, it had nothing to do with me being mysterious and interesting. It was the same thing as above. Just attraction. They just happened to be more aggressive about it.

Can you give examples where someone propositioned you with a date -- where they didn't get to know you first? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but most of the time, women ask for dates to people they've met already. That's where the "interesting" comes into play. Where they've had a chance to even see you're interesting or not. I'm curious how this works out with strangers. How you can project "mysteriousness" to some girl in a cafeteria, and have her come up to you.

[Slayerik]

Stray, I was just writing up a question like.....how do you make yourself look Mysterious....you read my mind. So, I googled the answer!!!

[stray]

Hehe. I ain't doubting being pretty passive/"mysterious" though, when it comes to women you might see often. So I do agree partly with Nebu.. don't want to sound like I'm hating or anything. But with strangers, there's a chance you won't be seeing them again -- and as long as you know there's something to be gained from striking something up, then why not. Take a chance, if you feel good about it. The bad mistake with picking up strangers is guys don't give a fuck whether there's a sign or not. That's where all of the "No" answers come from. And the real skill (I'm gonna give props to my old man for this) is seeing signs first - the skill is really not in the approach. It's in whether you have eyes to see where to approach.

God, I sound like a pua jackass.  Don't mean to do that either.

[Selby]

I never approach (well, when I'm sober). I come up with some decent icebreaker line, but never make the move. 5 minutes later I kick myself in the ass and call myself all sorts of names. I know I have nothing to lose but my pride (which is overated anyway) but I still can't pull the trigger.

To ask the obvious question that hasn't been asked, why would you assume she was looking at you or wanted you to come talk to her?  She may have been engrossed in a conversation listening to someone else at the table or just been spacing out.  I mean, you are at work at lunch, not in a bar or at a singles night.  I always assume no one else wants to talk to me unless they come up to me first, so I don't believe anyone else would ever sit at a table and think "I wish that person sitting there would come over and talk to me..."

But maybe that's just me.

[Slayerik]

You have never got the 'eye' from a woman before?

It can happen at any place, at any time. If she spaced out and wandered to me multiple times, there musta been something she liked :P

[stray]

I never approach (well, when I'm sober). I come up with some decent icebreaker line, but never make the move. 5 minutes later I kick myself in the ass and call myself all sorts of names. I know I have nothing to lose but my pride (which is overated anyway) but I still can't pull the trigger.

To ask the obvious question that hasn't been asked, why would you assume she was looking at you or wanted you to come talk to her?  She may have been engrossed in a conversation listening to someone else at the table or just been spacing out.  I mean, you are at work at lunch, not in a bar or at a singles night.  I always assume no one else wants to talk to me unless they come up to me first, so I don't believe anyone else would ever sit at a table and think "I wish that person sitting there would come over and talk to me..."

But maybe that's just me.

I've had the same success outside bars as I've had in them. There isn't a difference really. A woman could give you the same look as some girl in a bar, even in a video store, even going against all reason, like, say, if her husband and kids are in the vicinity... and if I see it, I'll turn away and fucking laugh to myself.. and then go back and corner them. Heh. People are dying to talk to you man, you just gotta recognize it  

[Signe]

Geez, Slayerik, she was probably looking you over because you seemed suitable for some medical experiment she was conducting.  That would be my first guess, anyway.  I mean, why else would she be staring at you?

[IainC]

Or she was trying to work out if you'd fit in her fridge.

[stray]

Ya damn cynics   

[UnSub]

The myth that women are asexual creatures who only go to bed with men to get goods is just that. A myth.  They want a good fuck as much as we do.

... and then you marry them and it stops. 

I keep hearing this but sure as shit don't have that problem. I continue to think you all are doing it wrong.

There are other factors, plus kids. Cognitively, I understand.

Such understanding doesn't filter out to other parts.

[Slayerik]

Geez, Slayerik, she was probably looking you over because you seemed suitable for some medical experiment she was conducting.  That would be my first guess, anyway.  I mean, why else would she be staring at you?

Then she musta been a Urology specialist deciding how many hours she wanted me to keep an erection. 

[Rasix]

[MahrinSkel]

I never got the "Superstud" locker-room behavior.  If the revelations are true, it's incredibly classless and disrespectful.  If it's a front, it's classless, incredibly disrespectful, and *pathetic*.

Truth is, looking back over my life I see I missed more opportunities to get laid than I got to enjoy, because I'm simply not very good at picking up signals of interest in real time.  And I still probably had more sex with more partners than the *real* grand total of the rest of the thread.  I'm neither proud of that, nor ashamed, each and every case is simply a part of my life, an incredibly *private* part I have no desire to discuss with anyone.

Slayerik: Be interested and interesting, and be paying fucking *attention* when they're trying to steer you towards a kiss or a bedroom, rather than concentrating so heavily on your own seduction plan you miss it.  Everything else is just window dressing.

--Dave

[stray]

And I still probably had more sex with more partners than the *real* grand total of the rest of the thread.

Of course man, you're like a high rollin game developer right?

[MahrinSkel]

And I still probably had more sex with more partners than the *real* grand total of the rest of the thread.

Of course man, you're like a high rollin game developer right?

I actually got laid very little while being a (single) game designer.  Mostly because of being too far into my own headspace to notice aforementioned signals.

--Dave

[stray]

Make sense, I guess. :)


I don't see much locker room talk going on here though. Slayerik just seems to be amusing himself...

actually, I'll just let him speak for himself. Heh.

If I'm coming off that way (because I did use one humorous anecdote), then I don't care to. It's merely to say that someone will send you a signal anywhere, even in un-ideal places. I don't make a habit of following up on this stuff all the time (like married women), but the idea of just seeing if I can even make it an option is amusing.

[MahrinSkel]

At the parties during the last AGDC, the college girls kept sneaking into the ones with open bars (I say "sneak", but really doormen trying to correct a horrendous gender ratio let them in quite freely).  It was amusing watching them realize what an alien environment they had stumbled into: Here they were, surrounded by lots of 20-something guys well into their cups, the hottest girls in the joint, and nobody was hitting on them.  I heard one girl asking if she had somehow stumbled into a gay bar.

Of course, compared to the E3 party hostessed by models/strippers/porn actresses (this was during the temporary shutdown of the porn business because of an AIDS scare), where the girls were actually reduced to dancing with each other....

Game developers are a strange breed.  It's amazing we manage to reproduce.

--Dave

[Yoru]

It's very strange to be reading such things penned by a man with a penis monster avatar.

[Jeff Kelly]

At the parties during the last AGDC, the college girls kept sneaking into the ones with open bars (I say "sneak", but really doormen trying to correct a horrendous gender ratio let them in quite freely).  It was amusing watching them realize what an alien environment they had stumbled into: Here they were, surrounded by lots of 20-something guys well into their cups, the hottest girls in the joint, and nobody was hitting on them.  I heard one girl asking if she had somehow stumbled into a gay bar.

Of course, compared to the E3 party hostessed by models/strippers/porn actresses (this was during the temporary shutdown of the porn business because of an AIDS scare), where the girls were actually reduced to dancing with each other....

Game developers are a strange breed.  It's amazing we manage to reproduce.

Well I assume a lot of software developers (especially in games) come from the 'geek' or 'nerd' subcultures (high school?). Not exactly the popular kind of people especially with women. The problem is that if you are used to people ignoring you or that they'd rather die than be seen with you, you lose a lot of opportunities to develop the tools necessary to pick up on other people's emotions and intentions, you also get very used to the idea that most (if not all) people aren't very interested in you.

At least that's my problem. If a hot girl came into a bar or sat next to me at the cafeteria I'd never make a move because she obviously wouldn't be interested in me anyway and even if she was I'd probably not pick up on it either because I'm terrible at reading other people. Well I am a very different person today than I was in high school but old habits die hard.

I can only guess but I assume that a lot of people at these parties think in exactly the same way. Hot girl = not interested in me anyway.

Small story: Yesterday I was at my favourite italian restaurant to grab a bite to eat after work. At the table next to me sat a couple on a date and the guy was talking about the evolution of multi-user applications from the mainframe era to Web 2.0 and the internet. I have never in my life seen a woman that looked that bored and yet he was totally oblivious to the fact that she was.

[Selby]

You have never got the 'eye' from a woman before?

No.  I assume it is something that exists only in the minds of men and bad TV.  I don't believe in such things honestly.

[stray]

No.  I assume it is something that exists only in the minds of men and bad TV.  I don't believe in such things honestly.

What? The world would literally fall apart if this wasn't true. Be it men and women, gays, lesbians.. Most people kickoff things from a distance be it with some furtive glance, or nervous smile, multiple times.. something. Maybe you have some ultra-corny-"fuck me"- glance in mind, like Christie Brinkley in National Lampoon's. but that's not what anyone's talking about -- although, that's not outside the realm of reality either. Hell, few things are outside the realm of reality, but especially not this.. I literally feel retarded for even contesting you about it. That's how real it is.

I have never in my life seen a woman that looked that bored and yet he was totally oblivious to the fact that she was.

Sounds like an episode of "Blind Date".

[Yegolev]

The eye, it works.  Both ways, in fact.  You need to be looking for it because it is subtle, but that's the point.  Me, I'm pretty oblivious even today, but that sort of situation just needs more obvious eyeing.

[Hindenburg]

No.  I assume it is something that exists only in the minds of men and bad TV.  I don't believe in such things honestly.

Not only is there "the eye", there is also "the stare", which is much rarer.

Not to sound like a prick, but odds are good that you never got either because you're ugly.

[Merusk]

There was a study that just came out that indicated women have better orgasms the more money their partners make.  This seems to be the thread to mention it in... so good luck Slayerik!

I can't get a link at work, so if someone else would be so kind as to provide it in this thread that'd be great.

[stray]

No.  I assume it is something that exists only in the minds of men and bad TV.  I don't believe in such things honestly.

Not only is there "the eye", there is also "the stare", which is much rarer.

Not to sound like a prick, but odds are good that you never got either because you're ugly.

I'm pretty sure you sound like a prick there.  


I don't think it's always a good explanation though.. I have this crazy near albino obnoxious Irish friend of mine, who, not to sound egotistic, didn't luck out on half of the things I might have working in my favor, yet who has more luck with "rounding" up women than I ever have. Maybe because he's a fun guy, and looks like it.

[Yegolev]

Probably he can do "the eye", possibly while sober.

[Nebu]

Was that Dave talking smack about getting laid?  This thread delivers!

[stray]

Probably he can do "the eye", possibly while sober.

Well, it got me thinking that he has some good tangible/apparent qualities.. And that in itself is good enough. Sometimes it's looks, sometimes it's just being a fun and crazy Irishman, sometimes it's fitting some other mold (like if you're a cool looking biker dude, then you'll probably get the looks of women who dig that). If you look invisible though (or worse yet, mean), you'll probably be treated as such.

[Yegolev]

Courage is a great quality.  A successful performance of "the eye" requires it.  I also find that I can substitute "don't give a fuck" for "courage" and get near-identical results.

[stray]

I've never practiced the "eye" myself, except in response. What the hell is the male "eye"? Something like this? 



Or this?