Top Chef Season 5

[Bandit]

I'll be honest. If tomorrow night is more of the same shit, I probably won't watch again.

Everything about this season of the show has been weak.

In the promo for this week, it was about cooking your own meal by the looks of it....so no more catering for 300 people in 3 hours bullshit.  This season has been very ho-hum.  Fabio does make me laugh, and the lesbian irritates me - that's about the only excitement out of it.

[Abagadro]

I think tomorrow is actually just a repeat of last year's "holiday special" where people from seasons 1-3 competed against each other.

[Azaroth]

I think tomorrow is actually just a repeat of last year's "holiday special" where people from seasons 1-3 competed against each other.

My initial reaction was "That'll be so weak, wtf".

Then I realize that it'd be much better than anything that this season could produce.

And I really hated that christmas episode.

[Trippy]

Based on the preview from last week's episode the next new epsiode (sometime next year) has the new judge Toby Young who sounds like a real ass (never read his books).

[schild]

Based on the preview from last week's episode the next new epsiode (sometime next year) has the new judge Toby Young who sounds like a real ass (never read his books).

Toby Young is a big dickbag. He's also pretty bad at being funny while being a dickbag, unlike Bourdain.

[Nebu]

Toby Young is a big dickbag. He's also pretty bad at being funny while being a dickbag, unlike Bourdain.

So, a shittastic season is going to be even worse with the addition of this guy.  Wonderful.

[Azaroth]

Really a damn shame. Top Chef was one of my favourite shows.

[SuperPopTart]

This season sucks. I hate soccer moms and nitwits and this season is filled with them. The Italian guy made me laugh in the last promo with "This isn't top scallops" (A poke at Jamie). But so far WTF is everyone thinking.

Seriously, a deviled egg? Really?

[Azaroth]

I think that this season has exemplified the fact that the "simple" fad has jumped the motherfucking shark once and for all.

Dude, I don't care how perfectly cooked to the standards taught in the Culinary Institute of America that piece of fucking turkey is. Fuck off. It's a slice of turkey and four roasted potatos with a fucking carrot. I don't give a fuck if it's seasoned with JUST the right amount of salt and pepper. That shit is subjective to an extent anyway.

ESPECIALLY if I'm watching television, I want to be impressed with novel concoctions and byzantine flavours. I want passion, ingenuity, artistic flair. Take your perfectly cooked piece of plain turkey and cram it up your ass sideways. That shit is boring.

[schild]

ESPECIALLY if I'm watching television, I want to be impressed with novel concoctions and byzantine flavours. I want passion, ingenuity, artistic flair. Take your perfectly cooked piece of plain turkey and cram it up your ass sideways. That shit is boring.

Simple can still be interesting when it's presented well enough and if it's paired really, really well.

Otherwise, yea, I agree. These fuckers need to rewatch the first 3 seasons, minus the season 2 finale, and get their shit together.

[Signe]

I am as disgusted as Azaroth, incredulous as PopTart and as cynical as Nebu about this season.  Schildy is right - these people need to review the  seasons that made this show interesting and good fun to watch.

[voodoolily]

I was just thinking this morning that half these fuckers shoulda been on Hells Kitchen instead of Top Motherfucking Chef. You can see the look on Colicchio's face, that this cast is fail. Everyone sucks so badly they can't even eliminate anyone.

[Azaroth]

Something had to be done instead of gliding along on greased wheels of suck when they found out that all of their contestants were ass.

Set up incredibly difficult and interesting challenges. It'd be more interesting to watch them all fail in epic fashion than slowly and quietly kill the show with deviled eggs.

[HaemishM]

Set up incredibly difficult and interesting challenges. It'd be more interesting to watch them all fail in epic fashion than slowly and quietly kill the show with deviled eggs.

This. And not gimmick challenges like cook everything with a fucking bunson burner, but actual tough challenges. I FEAR restaurant wars with this cast. I don't think any of them have the chops to pull it off without making the dirt simplest food they can make.

[AngryGumball]

I wonder since its hard to tell from the preview if this new guy will sit in for Tom C. for one week and be the axeman that Bourdain was previous season, or will he just be a guest judge sitting on Padma's right. The way they word it is new guy is bringing the double elim.

If so does this show a weakness for Tom, like another posted before how Tom has others come on to be the evil guy.

[Signe]

Toby Young is replacing Ted Allen is what I read.

[SuperPopTart]

Little Teddy has his own Top Chef ish show on Food Network - it's called: CHOPPED, or something like that.

The floodgates of TopChefalikes hath begun.

[Nebu]

Tonight is going to make or break it for me with this show.  I've been loyal for the past seasons, but I'm losing the will to watch.  If it sucks, this is my premptive warning that a rant will be forthcoming.

[voodoolily]

Little Teddy has his own Top Chef ish show on Food Network - it's called: CHOPPED, or something like that.

The floodgates of TopChefalikes hath begun.

Turncoat! Bravo made that fucker (Queer Eye), now he's jumped ship to the lucrative waters of Food Network. Such a little bitch.

[Azaroth]

Is it just me, or did the commercial make it look like he ripped of Good Eats?

I find him more likable than Alton Brown though.

[Evildrider]

Well, first, just because there are already 37 cooking-competition shows on TV doesn’t mean there are enough of them on Tuesday.


Second, what else are you gonna watch at 10 p.m.? The new Leno?


And third, aside from having chefs, judges and a knife in the logo, this show is different from anything out there. (Note: All culinary competition shows are required to have a knife in the logo.)


Herein, some backstory about “Chopped,” my second Food Network operation, which premieres on Jan. 13.


“Chopped,” which was created by the NYC production company City Lights Media, has actually been percolating at Food Network for a few years. It started out as a pretty over-the-top conceit that I’ll tell you about sometime over drinks, but ended up as a clean, simple, yet stylish show, where the emphasis is on chefs, food and judges.


Every episode features a different group of four chefs, none of whom continues on to future episodes, and three rounds: appetizer, entrée and dessert. Each course comes with its own basket of mystery ingredients—anywhere from three to five—and all of those items must be included in the dish. Originally, the chefs were given 30 minutes per course to conceive, execute and plate four servings of their dishes; but about three shows into production, the net in its vicious wisdom decided that was too easy (!), and shortened the appetizer course to 20 minutes.


After each round, the contestants present their creations to our panel of three judges, assembled from a rotating cast of excellent NYC chefs. And the creator of the least favorite dish is, in a word, chopped. The last chef standing—in every episode—receives $10,000. Not bad for one day’s work.


Shooting the first season of this show was one of the best experiences I’ve had in television—and not just because we did it in three weeks (which helped). The set is sleek, the producers, crew and judges were amazing, and Food Net’s culinary department proved once again that they’re the best in the biz. Also, to my enormous pleasure, we had a Steadicam, the coolest piece of camera equipment going (and brilliantly wielded by a fearless shooter who I quickly dubbed—what else?—“Shakes.”)


But what really does it for me is this: All the drama, all the tension, all the tears and tribulations and triumph come exclusively from the contestants’ ability to cook something great—or not—under pressure. That’s it.


I mean, what would you cook? Imagine being handed a quail, artichokes, smoked paprika, bok choy and cornflakes. Imagine you have 30 minutes (max) to conceive, execute and plate a dish that utilizes all of those ingredients, while three well-known chefs and the Food Network audience picks apart your every move. This is, in some ways, more difficult than the great “Iron Chef America,” which requires chefs to focus on only one secret ingredient—far easier than integrating five distinct foods, and also automatically providing your menu with a theme. To say nothing of the fact that the chefs who make it onto “Iron Chef” are senior, experienced artists at the top of their game. “Chopped” competitors are for the most part younger chefs, and are considerably more freaked out about cooking on national TV than, say, Laurent Tourendel or former White House chef Walter Scheib. As such, panic ensues. Sweet, sweet panic.


There also is a culinary straightforwardness about this show that I find really satisfying, and particularly appropriate for a company called Food Network. There is no sleep deprivation, no “Big Brother” house full of bunk beds and cameras, no booze-fueled personal drama (as much as we all love the brainwashing and catfights on that certain show I used to judge). There are no team or catering challenges. Best of all, there is no product placement, so you never see passionate lovers of good food being forced to use packaged convenience junk thanks to Kraft/Altria/Exxon’s sponsorship. (In fairness, we do occasionally throw in a jokey ingredient, like, say, gummy bears, just for laughs. But we don’t take sponsor dollars from Gummy Inc. to plug their product.)


So, in short, “Chopped” is a different kind of show. Check us out at 10 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 13, and see if you like it as much as we do.


Coming soon: news from season two of the new-and-improved “Food Detectives,” now in production in NYC, and premiering at 9 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 20!


Cheers,
Ted

[voodoolily]

Ah, so it's an F-Word ripoff, not a Top Chef ripoff. Well played, Ted.

[Abagadro]

"It's Top Chef, not Top Scallops" is one of the better lines to ever come out of the show. 

But, do you think Toby Young could possibly come up with more tortured metaphors? Trying a little too hard there buddy.

[Righ]

"It's Top Chef, not Top Scallops" is one of the better lines to ever come out of the show. 

I thought the same thing. I didn't think Toby Young was much cop either, "battle of the blands" being his best quip. Golf clap. I think Hosea has potential along with Euro-pricks Stefan and Fabio. They could cut the rest of the cast early. At least the competition this time was more interesting even if most of the chefs didn't really rise to the challenge. Fabio completely fucked up his lamb and didn't come close to being in danger - that's how many useless people they still need to trim. They really went to town making sure that we read the T-Mobile Sidekick LX handset, even pulling focus so that the alleged subject's face was out of focus so that the logo would be in focus. Shameful. Apparently the boring French dude didn't have a book to shill. Which was nice.

[voodoolily]

Apparently the boring French dude didn't have a book to shill. Which was nice.

No, he had a new show to shill.

This blog does the most hee-larious recaps of Top Chef. (It's not mine, in case you think I'd do that.)

[Nebu]

Fabio completely fucked up his lamb and didn't come close to being in danger - that's how many useless people they still need to trim.

Says it all really.  Hosea and the two euros are the only ones worth watching.  The rest of them are just waiting for the axe to fall. 

Top Scallops FTW!  Thanks Fabio, I'm giving the show another chance just because of you. 

[HaemishM]

God, this season's cast is just dreadful. I agree that Hosea and the two Euros are the only interesting ones out there. Eugene was at least inventive but his execution sucked. The rest of them are boring, mediocre chefs who should have never made the show. I shudder to think of the rejects.

Ms. Scallop really really needs to go. She's past the point of annoying now. Too much ego for not nearly enough talent. More scallops? How original. It seems like the only reason people have been winning challenges this season is because they haven't fucked up easy shit.

Pretty Boy needs to learn to make fewer dishes, because he always tries to make too many and ends up making one or two boring ones or fucking up all of them.

[Ookii]

Jamie seemed to have really impressed the judges though with her last dish.  That French douche seemed to love it, as well as Tom and that Toby Young fellow.

[Righ]

They did look good, but you have to imagine that after serving undercooked scallops (yum, e. coli) she would have taken enough care over cooking them. She's served scallops four times now, hasn't she? I was hoping that they would be completely overcooked and rubbery. That would have been good TV. If I were judging this season, I'd order pizza every week just in case.

[Ookii]

Inevitably some of what they serve is shit, but for the most part things are good or great.  The judges want things that are spectacular, I'm sure the food they serve would taste great to you or I.

[Righ]

What makes you so certain that I share your vulgar palette?

[schild]

Inevitably some of what they serve is shit, but for the most part things are good or great.  The judges want things that are spectacular, I'm sure the food they serve would taste great to you or I.

On any other season, I'd agree. But not this season. Most of it looks like shit.

[Ookii]

What makes you so certain that I share your vulgar palette?

You're human when you don't have a mouse and keyboard in front of you?

[Trippy]

Finally!

[Nebu]

I'm to the point that I don't care what happens until it's down to Hosea, Fabio, and Stefan.  Last night demonstarted that everyone else is just there for filler.  Three teams and who are the obvious leaders?  Please.