MisterNoisy
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1892
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XBL GT: Mister Noisy
PSN: MisterNoisy
Steam UID: MisterNoisy
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WayAbvPar
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What happens between a man and his patio furniture is between him and whatever god he happens to worship.
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When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM
Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood
Libertarians make fun of everyone because they can't see beyond the event horizons of their own assholes Surlyboi
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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Does he have a fence? That'd be my line to cross.
I think he took the term 'woodie' too literally though.
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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Hey, I can see improvising with a knot hole or something, but a metal table? Beyond the pale.
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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IainC
Developers
Posts: 6538
Wargaming.net
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Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex. The cad! |
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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Waitaminute! Some "anonymous" tipster had three DVDs worth of picnic table porn! I didn't even know that stuff existed.
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Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
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Llava
Contributor
Posts: 4602
Rrava roves you rong time
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I wonder if WD-40 is an irritant on the penis. Hopefully he wasn't dry-fucking that thing.
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That the saints may enjoy their beatitude and the grace of God more abundantly they are permitted to see the punishment of the damned in hell. -Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8567
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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Amarr HM
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3066
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I'm going to escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.
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Sky
Terracotta Army
Posts: 32117
I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.
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Does he have a fence?
Oh yeah, he fucked it. Waitaminute! Some "anonymous" tipster had three DVDs worth of picnic table porn! I didn't even know that stuff existed.
That's what I found most odd, really. Nothing odd about a neighbor filming three DVDs worth of this stuff. |
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Rishathra
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1059
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Price reportedly used the hole into which the table's umbrella would normally slot to achieve his goals with the table. There are so many easier ways to go about this. Did he really get off on the fact that he was fucking a table, or did he just need a hole that badly??? |
"...you'll still be here trying to act cool while actually being a bored and frustrated office worker with a vibrating anger-valve puffing out internet hostility." - Falconeer
"That looks like English but I have no idea what you just said." - Trippy
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Sky
Terracotta Army
Posts: 32117
I love my TV an' hug my TV an' call it 'George'.
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This story is the best office injoke of the year thus far. Thanks.
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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I wonder if the umbrella is jealous.
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Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
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Prospero
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1473
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He's going to have to move somewhere that has never heard of the internet. Nothing like having your face plastered across the web with the label 'table shagger'. Maybe he can take robot sex for a spin instead. May not be rough enough, but it would probably be easier to take with him to Antartica. edit: Fuck. I hadn't watched the video. How bad in bed does your wife have to be to make fucking a table seem like a good idea? And he has kids? Time to move out of state; that shit will follow you forever in school. I figured he was some loner living in his mom's basement. Clearly he needs to be committed. |
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« Last Edit: April 11, 2008, 10:05:23 AM by Prospero »
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42666
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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I would have given the benefit of the doubt if he'd only humped the table once. I mean... maybe he was just in an experimental phase, or was really drunk and randy. But to think that not only did he bump uglies with furniture once, he continued to do it, in public.
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Mr_PeaCH
Terracotta Army
Posts: 382
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***************
COME ON YOU SPURS!
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Amarr HM
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3066
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I would have given the benefit of the doubt if he'd only humped the table once. I mean... maybe he was just in an experimental phase, or was really drunk and randy. But to think that not only did he bump uglies with furniture once, he continued to do it, in public.
I heard it was a very attractive table. |
I'm going to escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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Have you seen the table? It was fucking asking for it! All sleek and wet with the morning. Its dewey hole exposed to the world. THAT TABLE IS A WHORE AND TRICKED THIS POOR MAN!
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Llava
Contributor
Posts: 4602
Rrava roves you rong time
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This wouldn't have happened if our sinful Western culture followed the moral teachings of the Middle East and made our tables were tablecloths at all times.
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That the saints may enjoy their beatitude and the grace of God more abundantly they are permitted to see the punishment of the damned in hell. -Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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Yes. And people over there actually do it with their tables through a hole in the cloth so as not to expose too much plastic or iron.
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Dear Diary,
Jackpot!
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Amarr HM
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3066
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Have you seen the table? It was fucking asking for it! All sleek and wet with the morning. Its dewey hole exposed to the world. THAT TABLE IS A WHORE AND TRICKED THIS POOR MAN!
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I'm going to escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.
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K9
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7441
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This wouldn't have happened if our sinful Western culture followed the moral teachings of the Middle East and made our tables were tablecloths at all times.
This made me smile, thanks. |
I love the smell of facepalm in the morning
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Amarr HM
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3066
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This wouldn't have happened if our sinful Western culture followed the moral teachings of the Middle East and made our tables were tablecloths at all times.
Yeh I Ilike this coment too ;) but I cannot condone this kind of opression of our tables. |
I'm going to escape, come back, wipe this place off the face of the Earth, obliterate it and you with it.
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Endie
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6436
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Thank fuck it wasn't in Scotland this time. That bicycle fucker a few months back undid half a decade's worth of good work from Connery and McGregor.
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My blog: http://endie.netTwitter - Endieposts "What else would one expect of Scottish sociopaths sipping their single malt Glenlivit [sic]?" Jack Thompson |
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Gutboy Barrelhouse
Terracotta Army
Posts: 870
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Better watch your cows as well from this police officer: http://cbs3.com/topstories/officer.robert.melia.2.706410.htmlN.J. Officer Allegedly Performed Sex Acts On Cows Previously Charged With Sexual Assault On 3 Girls MOORESTOWN (CBS 3) ― More charges have been filed against a Burlington County police officer who was recently charged with sexually assaulting three girls. Authorities announced Moorsetown Officer Robert Melia Jr., 38, has been charged with four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006. Melia and his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis were previously charged with three counts of aggravated sexual assault and one count of criminal sexual contact with three girls in his Pemberton home from 2003 until 2006. Melia is being held on $510,000 bail. |
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