"I'm a retard" and other stories

[Furiously]

I get hung up in asteroids with the ship bouncing back and forth but not turning and while trying to get it righted so I can warp the hell out the way I should have in the first place, I get destroyed.

I've had the same thing happen in an AF. So don't feel too bad.

[ajax34i]

So there I was, in a shuttle, scouting out a 0.4 system to see if this possible trade route was a trap or not.  Cause the deal was nice, some player buying POS fuel at 2x the cost, in large quantity.  Would have made my day, basically. 

So I go in, and sure enough, someone's camping the destination station, they lock me but I dock.  So I'm sitting there for half an hour trying to figure out, first, where I can get the money to invest in this thing, and second how I can deliver the goods without being blown up.   Anyway, after half an hour of thinking, basically it was impossible; it was a trap, I didn't have the money, and I couldn't pull a pre- or post- downtime haul due to the fact that I do have a job I have to go to.

So I undock, get locked, warp away, and I'm dejectedly making my way back to my base when, looking at the deal again, notice that the "very nice buy order" was in fact a sell order, the guy was just trying to sell overpriced, he wasn't buying (nobody else was buying at anywhere close to the sell price).  I basically looked at the wrong pane in the market window, for half an hour.

Doh.

[ajax34i]

doh!  double post sorry.

[Endie]

doh!  double post sorry.

In the "I'm a Retard" thread: very meta 

[Grand Design]

Cause the deal was nice, some player buying POS fuel at 2x the cost, in large quantity.

Don't make me bust out the Admiral.

[Nerf]

Dude flies past me in a caldari shuttle, scan goes off, and I see a blueprint, what I *think* is a very expensive blueprint.  I mean, freighter BPCs are like 250mil, so carrier BPCs should be about the same, right? Right?

Anyways, I furiously claw at my web key, and it goes off...right when he gets into jump range.  Poof hes gone, and I've got a full 20 seconds to sit there and feel like a dumbass.

Of course, those 20 seconds felt glorious once I did a quick contract search and realized that I sacrificed my ship -- unsuccessfully -- for at BEST a 50/50 shot at 40mil 

At least insurance still pays for concord kills 

[Hakeldaima]

I finally did it after two years of avoiding it. 

I've lost barges in 0.4 sec, I've lost BCs to L3 missions, I've shield tanked an Amarr ship out of pure ignorance (in Uriq's youth), I've jumped into gatecamps when I could have scouted ahead, I've done 10 jumps for a courier mission without the cargo, but I have never, ever fallen for the oldest trick in Eve. 

Until last Thursday, when I bought an Amarr shuttle for 9,000,000 isk.   

I've tucked that shuttle away with a special name to remind me of my stupidity.

I once bought a skill that was supposed to cost around 30k isk for 30m isk - a hard lesson in practical idiocy.

[Nerf]

So I ganked a guy carrying a Snake Epsilon last night, total haul, 560+ Mil, hooray me.

I hop in a stiletto and start heading to Jita to sell it, and when I hit a 1.0 system it hits me, I'm at -2.3 sec status.

There is nothing in the world more frightening than carrying a 1/2 a bil in cargo in a paper thin ship and seeing "You're a criminal, prepare to be exploded!"

Fortunately, stilettos are fast enough I was able to make it into Jita unscathed and loot in hand, which leads me to part 2....

I'm trying to avoid paying the sales tax, so am hollering in local that it's for sale, I get a bite, he opens a trade window and puts in 560,000,000, SCORE.

I put in the implant, hit accept, the little check mark shows up.  Then the price changes to 560,000, and the window closes.  Wallet flashes, I'm 560,000 richer, my implant is gone, so much for avoiding the tax.

I petitioned it, but I'm expecting a "lol, noob" reply from CCP.

So pay that sales tax happily folks, its there for a reason, and if you DO use the trade window, wait a random interval of time after money/items are all inside before hitting accept, the only thing I can figure is that he changed the price and it was updated on the server already when I hit accept, but due to the wonderful Jita lag it hadn't updated MY client with the real price yet (hooray!)

[Grand Design]

Nerf wins.

[Nerf]

Umm....hooray?   

[Grand Design]

I feel horrible and there's no way to express the magnitude of such a loss, but man, I loves me some irony.

Seriously, that sucks.  You win in that I don't think anyone has topped the ISK value of that one.

[Nerf]

Regels story was several billion due to a misplaced decimal point on a trit buy order IIRC.

Also, according to the eve-o forums, what happened to me is actually deemed an official exploit by CCP, so theres a chance I might not be fucked, that'd be really neat!

[Slayerik]

Props for posting it Nerf...especially with the other response about e-peens :)

[Grand Design]

Nothing a dose of Slayagra^TM can't cure.

[Nerf]

I got my implant back!   

Apparently, it IS an exploit, so I'm not as big of a retard as we previously thought I was!!!!

However, the GM decided to transfer the implant into the cargohold of my raven...while I was ratting in venal.

So now I've got to get this thing back down to empire, hooray!   

[lac]

It's a lagsploit and a pretty old one. If you change the amount right before you hit accept in a laggy system the trade will close anyway.

[Reg]

Even the bugs in this game are from UO.

[Slayerik]

I got my implant back!   

Apparently, it IS an exploit, so I'm not as big of a retard as we previously thought I was!!!!

However, the GM decided to transfer the implant into the cargohold of my raven...while I was ratting in venal.

So now I've got to get this thing back down to empire, hooray!   

We'll get it carrier jumped, dont get any ideas nub :)

[Phildo]

That's how CCP plays games with you, Nerf.  When they return things to you as a result of a petition, they don't restore it in the original location.  They move it to you.  When my Domi was restored, it was returned deep in hi-sec and I had to run it down to 0.0.  Scared the hell out of me.

[Grand Design]

I'm a retard.  I lost my T2-fitted battlecruiser last night.  I was scouting ahead, and stopped briefly to see who all the reds were jumping in system behind me. 

No, bad bad bad no.  Bad.  Reds mean go, not stay and see who is about to blow you up. 

[Morat20]

I'm a retard.  I lost my T2-fitted battlecruiser last night.  I was scouting ahead, and stopped briefly to see who all the reds were jumping in system behind me. 

No, bad bad bad no.  Bad.  Reds mean go, not stay and see who is about to blow you up. 

Unless you're cloaked. One reason I have a Helios setup down there. (It's getting moved somewhere closer).

I'm happiest being the eyes and letting someone else be the teeth and claws.

[Polysorbate80]

The whole story would have been much more fun if someone had blown you up and taken the implant while you were advertising it for sale 

[Phildo]

Here's a good one: enemy pilot loses his Vagabond.  Runs away in his pod.  Docks in Paxtonia and buys a Vagabond from the people who just killed him.

[Thrawn]

So I'm heading to the meet up for a fleet in my Manticore (Caldari stealth bomber) and on the route I jump into a gate camp with bubble and all.  I figured I can probably sneak out so after a quick look around I double click to a spot that will align me and take me pretty quickly out of the bubble (the stealth bomber goes just as fast if not faster cloaked) and almost immediately hit my cloak.  I start to turn and align but my cloak doesn't appear to engage right away.  So I panic and hit the button again to be sure.

I'm sure most of you vets can guess what happened next...

Almost immediatly after, the loading lag catches up, and I begin to cloak completely un-targeted for a safe getaway.  Followed by uncloaking myself right after from the second time I hit the button and not being able to cloak again until it cycles (10 seconds or something).  Bye bye Manticore and thanks goodness I had hopped into a jump clone.  Lesson learned. 

[Grand Design]

Ouch.

The first thing I did with my stealth bomber was to practice running through gates.  I got the hang of it and, sure enough, ran into a gate camp later the same day and was able to evade it easily. 

Of course, none of this matters since I later decided that uncloaking during a fleet battle while inside of 100km was a good idea.  Boom.  Tip of the day: don't fly your stealth bomber until you can mount cruise missiles on it and stay the hell away.

[Phildo]

Awesome killmail courtesy of Saint Vaiti.

Worst Raven ever?

[Thrawn]

That is why you don't just jump into the biggest ship you can as soon as you have the skill for it.   

[Grand Design]

Small Armor Repairer + Medium Hull Repairer =   

Because when they get you to structure, that's when you should engage the real tank.

[Phildo]

I checked him out in-game.  Character's over a year old!

[Thrawn]

I checked him out in-game.  Character's over a year old!

So it's gotta be either a complete noob that bought the account, or he purposely fit it out as a joke for just this type of thread.

[Gets]

Another one in case anyone missed it (I'm Saint Vaiti if anyone else missed that).

http://roadkill.igs-corp.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=78802

[Grand Design]

Wow, payday for Guristas!

[Murgos]

USN CVN 72?

The Abraham Lincoln?   

[Phildo]

Holy crap, he afked a carrier in a belt for over four hours?  Without turning on his tank?

[Morat20]

Holy crap, he afked a carrier in a belt for over four hours?  Without turning on his tank?

I can't even find a way to explain how stupid that is to non-Eve players.

I'm rather surprised a single rat was able to eat away past his passive shield recharge, to be honest.