"I'm a retard" and other stories

[Predator Irl]

Ok, so Saturday evening and I was kind of bored ratting and I didn't hear about any fleet ops going on. Intel was kinda quiet (as usual) so I decided I would do the good Samaritan, fly to Jita and load up the Badger II with goodies for the understocked home station. There may have been the intention of making a little bit of isk in there, but anyway...

So, I fill up my alts cargo in Jita and head for airaken with both chars. All the way from our home system to empire was empty, only seeing a few blues in the usual spots near BWF. I load up my badger II in empire, check intel before I set off (yes, its still dead), but before I undock I get a RL distraction that takes me away from the game for 10mins or so.

Anyway, when I get back to Eve, I'm kinda flustered at this stage because by now, I would have / should have been back to our home system. So, I undock and burn for home at full speed. Check intel? Nah that thing is useless here anyway, nobody watches it or reports reds...

 ...then I arrive in IOO, only about 50 Tri waiting with more bubbles than Michael Jackson, so I start screaming and running like Macaulay Culkin, but it was kinda futile. http://f13.7mph.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=4487 Doesn't look like much loss, but add the 300mill worth of stuff in the GSC that doesn't show. 

But then, what do I see? Intel channel starts blinking...


Ninja Edits: Removed system names etc.

[Endie]

I'm not a retard: this guy is a retard.

Goonfleet Blackops kill.  For those of you not on the GF boards, that's just over 30 billion ISK in implants, of which 9 bill dropped in loot.

As Iromei said: "Fuck yea ima run these implants to jita and buy me a titan......OH SHIT BEES!!!!!!"

Edit: made figures conservative.

[Slayerik]

So black Ops = any fags with cloaks? :)


That loss mail has got to be one of the most brutal I have ever seen. You have billions upon billions in loot. You can:

Buy a carrier, move with no risk
Or fly down in a 'fairly safe' cov ops or recon - taking portions to minimize a loss
MOVE THE MOTHERLOAD FUCK YA

Why take ANY risk with that kinda loot?

[Endie]

So black Ops = any fags with cloaks? :)


That loss mail has got to be one of the most brutal I have ever seen. You have billions upon billions in loot. You can:

Buy a carrier, move with no risk
Or fly down in a 'fairly safe' cov ops or recon - taking portions to minimize a loss
MOVE THE MOTHERLOAD FUCK YA

Why take ANY risk with that kinda loot?

Well, blackops are a bunch of guys who we deploy to harass specific targets, very often different ones from who the fleet is working on.  They deploy into enemy territory and play area-denial games for long periods.  They have killed a few alliances without the fleet ever having to deploy.

So yeah, fags with cloaks.

As regards why that retard tried to run that cargo in a rapier, and how he survived long enough running missions in 0.0 to amass such wealth without picking up a capital capacity, I guess that we are looking at Mr Space Chinaman here, in which case he is probably getting beaten on the soles of his feet IRL right now.

[Thrawn]

in which case he is probably getting beaten on the soles of his feet IRL right now.

and really, isn't that what EvE is all about?

[Slayerik]

in which case he is probably getting beaten on the soles of his feet IRL right now.

and really, isn't that what EvE is all about?

Nicely done.

Fake edit: No, they definetely are annoying there. O-N area now makes me very nervous. The big problem is, good luck fighting them. I hate tactics that really have no counter. We are facing one a jump away from ROIR - a cloaked Onyx, a rapier, and a arazu - wait for single targets with alt scouts and get easy kills all day long. You can't hunt the guys down, they just cloak. You can't bait them, they have alt scouts. You can be smart and live though. Move in packs, warp to planets first to avoid bubbles and what not.

I just personally think cloaks are about as weak as it gets, unless the ship is designed for them. I say remove them for all but those ships, but thats just me.

[FoXX]

I engaged a billboard in kamela despite concord warning!!
My target was sat next to said billboard and I clicked on object in space rather than overview.

Wrong target + red mist/poor recognition + ignorance of concord warning = Ass toasty/loss of ship/sudden appearance back in station.

I guess this may win the Uber Retard award.

[Phildo]

It might already be elsewhere in this thread, but the first time I fought a war in empire I accidentally shot at a BoB vagabond in the midst of the fight and lost a Domi to Concord.

[FoXX]

At least you engaged a proper ship. Not sure what dps a billboard is capable of.

[Sir T]

When I had the miney for the carrier I had one on contract but the guy stiffed me. I say fuck it, Buy a Machariel.

My corp in High sec is getting harrased by this guy. He arranges to people have kill rights on him By blowing them up in low sec and when they attack him he blows them up with his tricked out t2 ships while the rest of the corp can only watch. So I say fuck it target my corp member wreck and shoot it. The Man from Concord, He says NO! BOOM!

Afer a lot of wrangling with GMs it turns out that if you hill someone, then the wreck is owned by you, even though its marked as belonging to your corp on your overview. SO I shot a wreck and concord said no, even though as far as I was concerned I was allowed to.

One of the most expensive and stupid obscure rules based losses I have ever had.

[Comstar]

I was in a covert op in hostile ZS- watching the gate for an incoming friendly.

Someone asked for a warp in at a tower. I went off and did that...and forgot I had decloaked.

I warp back to the gate at my 250km vantage pointand report a Dictor and HAC are waiting.

...and then sit there for 5 minutes while they burn the 250km to my uncloaked cheeta and pod me. I paid no attention till I got shot and I was wondered...hmm what's that noise...oh...oh crud.

[Goumindong]

...and then sit there for 5 minutes while they burn the 250km to my uncloaked cheeta and pod me. I paid no attention till I got shot and I was wondered...hmm what's that noise...oh...oh crud.

A friend of mine logged on his cov-ops alt to change skills and forgot to cloak as he was coming in.

He alt tabs to do something on his main...

He had logged in at a hostile POS, came back in a station.

[Jayce]

Welp.

http://f13.7mph.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=5253

Remember how characters under -2 sec status can't enter 1.0 systems? 

I didn't.

[Grand Design]

 

[Goumindong]

Welp.

http://f13.7mph.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=5253

Remember how characters under -2 sec status can't enter 1.0 systems? 

I didn't.

You know what makes this funnier?

Faction navies no longer warp scramble, so if you're fast and can take the first hit you can make it through

[Jayce]

OK, this makes me feel better. What timing!

http://myeve.eve-online.com/mb/news.asp?nid=2599

[Slayerik]

Welp.

http://f13.7mph.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=5253

Remember how characters under -2 sec status can't enter 1.0 systems? 

I didn't.

Nice to add a faction death to Arch's impressive NPC death toll ;)

[Slayerik]

I've had a guy grab 3 billion in suicided cargo from me cause of some fuckin warp in lag.

I was shitty for about 5 minutes till I realized, I didn't really lose 3 billion...that poor dumb ass did. I just pretended it popped and moved along (though I didn't sleep the best that night).

[Amarr HM]

So I went onto the Eve-O forums and tried to log in with my lapsed character who happens to be holding most of my ISK and other shit only to get "login credentials denied" and began to panic fuck my account has been hacked (all this talk of account hacking has me jittery). So I logged ingame to send an urgent petition to CCP and in my hurry I mistakenly logged on using her details and was then told the account hasn't been accessed since it lapsed phew...I then realised I was trying to log into the main Eve-O forums with her not the account section, which is the only section you can access while in a lapsed state, panic over paranoia still abound 

[5150]

A long long time ago.....

I'm in ISS, living in ECP-8R (god what fools/noobs we were) and out and about in my shiney new Buzzard.

I warp at range to the a gate (think it was EWOK, definately wasn't Torrinos) and see some cargo canisters (pre wrecks) some poor souls was deprived of.

See an opportunity to make some free money, and feeling somewhat invulnerable in my Buzzard I begin to approach the can.

A scream then erupts from the other room

I rush in to find my wife cowering from a spider which I duly dispose of.....

...and return to find myself decloaked by proximity to the can and under attack by Wargod of Tri taking me apart.

Despite being stabbed (pre nerf) I fail to align and warp in time.

The cov ops cloak survived (back when they were worth ~80mil and shortly appeared on the Market in Saranen

http://www.battleclinic.com/eve_online/pk/view.php?type=player&name=Sol+Basso&id=1327990&page=2&filter=losses#mail

[Gets]

Heard this in the Exploration channel.

Lil Scra > lol this is hilarious, found someone setting up a shit load of shuttles around a pos, massive lag inducing, came back to find him smartbombing them in a bs, so I flew an alt into him with a shuttle, got him conkorrden :)
Lil Scra > after concord have their way with him, they proceed to blast all the shuttles he laid out as well

[Gets]

I'll allow a certain someone's t1 hauler adventures through lowsec with 300m worth of T2 hammerheads, however. That one goes beyond bad luck.

You know, you'd think after 2.5 years I might have learnt something. I am hereby obliged to tell you my continued bad luck with T1 industrials, in a tale of 15 minutes ago I like to call "Oh god Empire is trying to kill me!"

So I've spent the whole day moving loads of ships and giant secure containers into 0.0 from Empire through a wormhole route I carved out for myself the other day. So far I've crammed everything but the kitchen sink through it without a hiccup, BBQing outside and going to the neighbors sauna while my crap autopilots around high-sec. While considering calling it quits I somehow still find a bunch of GSCs in a station and decide to pick whatever remaining hauler I have and go pick them up. Turns out it's a bunch of salvage, various modules and other crap I had forgotten about from our Delve days. Sweet. Autopilot Bon Voyage!

My first fortunate thing is that I was looking at the screen while the next set of events happened. Because I took a detour to grab a hauler the route back now takes me through Gallente space and I'm -6.11 to them! No worries. The NPC Navy doesn't scram, so I'll just dock up, put on some tank and go back the way I came. I undock, but because you undock at full speed these days the fully expanded Iteron IV isn't as nimble as it is from a standstill. Who am I kidding? It's a big cardboard penis in the process of getting shot at. Beep Beep! BREEP BREEP! Oh, shit.... dockdockdockdockdockdock!

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=7026694

So with the distracting feelings of being a moron and a player who's so bad at eve he gets ganked by NPCs I manage to, somehow, play docking games with the NPCs that blew me up using an Iteron Mark I. Also, somehow, I manage to get everything back even though for 5 minutes I thought the randoms had scooped all already while I sulked, because there were two identical stations in the system with the same names, and a few ships sitting outside on all of them. Thank the Lord who protects the stupid and careless.

I'm never coming back to high-sec.

[Phildo]

What's even dumber is that you were apparently carrying a billion isk in a badly active-tanked T1 industrial.  And were planning to autopilot with it.

[Gets]

I thought that part was obvious.

Edit: I've been having a really bad headache all evening, ok!

[Gets]

This belongs here.

http://shiva.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=12165900

[Gets]

(don't ban me)

[Kitsune]

At first I was all, "How did a covops get ganked?  Whatever, that doesn't look retarded."

Then I had noscript allow the site to display the comments section.


...oh.

[Amarr HM]

Hehe, the Butterfly effect.

[squirrel]

This belongs here.

http://shiva.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=12165900

This was me.

In my defense, Gin may have been involved.

[Slayerik]

Nothing good ever comes from gin.

[Numtini]

Nothing good ever comes from gin.

I first started playing Eve due to gin. Oh wait, nevermind, it was rye.

[Phildo]

I have a rule against trusting things that taste like pinecones.

[JWIV]

I'm just going to leave this fine tale of woe from reddit on here -  http://www.reddit.com/r/evedreddit/comments/pk030/hey_guys_i_apparently_didnt_dissolve_dreddit_for/

Highpoints include a putting a $1000 USD in escrow as bounty on bringing down the Dreddit (the Reddit Eve corp) and not understanding escrow law.  Hilarity ensues.

[palmer_eldritch]

I'm just going to leave this fine tale of woe from reddit on here -  http://www.reddit.com/r/evedreddit/comments/pk030/hey_guys_i_apparently_didnt_dissolve_dreddit_for/

Highpoints include a putting a $1000 USD in escrow as bounty on bringing down the Dreddit (the Reddit Eve corp) and not understanding escrow law.  Hilarity ensues.

Cool story but I'm having a hard time believing this law of escrow is a real thing ("party a shall pay the agreed sum if party b i) fulfils the contract or ii) fails to fulfil the contract but makes it look like they did for 10 minutes"). But I like Dreddit so yay.

[Sir T]

Down the thread the CEO admits that the guy was fighing it till he fouind out he had been punked by having it done on the test server, at which point he conceeded he had been played extreamly well, and he sheepishly authorised payment of the escrow as He felt Reddit deserved it. So the legal implications are for naught.