Southland Tales Prequel Comic

[Mazakiel]

So, I was in B&N trying to find something to spend a gift card on, and spotted this book.  These three collected issues apparently lead directly into the start of the movie.  Said movie being by the guy behind Donnie Darko.  Since I loved that movie so much, I figured what the hell, and picked it up.  Mistake.  If you want to skip the setup of the plot, just walk away with this:  The book sucked.  Hard. 

Basic premise is this.    It's an alternative '08 where two nukes were set off in Texas, basically leading to WW III and a big brother government in the US.  We start out with Boxer Santoros (The Rock's character) waking up in the middle of the desert injecting himself with a hypo.  Turns out, he has amnesia, so he doesn't remember he's a huge action movie star married to the daughter of a powerful politician.  Basically, think of Schwarzenegger.  He runs into a gambler who just lost all his money, and eventually ends up meeting Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar), who's a porn star.  But artistic and stuff.   She decides to con Boxer into thinking he was making a movie out a screenplay she wrote, which has him as a cop, her as a brilliant psychic doctor type, and they're both having to save a psychic baby who's the savior or some such.  We get to read said shitty screenplay at several points throughout the book.  Of course, turns out she really has some sort of psychic power, because she wrote the screenplay while under trance, and so stuff in the screen play actually relates to stuff that plays out as they go along. 

Meanwhile, we have a bunch of Neo-Marxists plotting to cause the downfall of the big brother system by some plot involving the twin of Stiffler's character, Ronald.  Which twin he is, though, is in question because one's kept drugged and one also conveniently has amnesia as well.  He's either a Neo-Marxist as well, or the soldier brother fresh from Iraq being used.  Throughout all of this, we all have a German company manipulating both of the two main groups to some end for whatever reason.  They're led by Baron von Westphalen, a descendant of Marx's widow.  They have a technology they call Liquid Karma which lets them provide energy to anywhere via beaming it to outlets.  Think Tesla. 

The karma stuff also gives people psychic powers if they're injected with it, and both Stiffler and the Rock are developing these powers as it goes along.  There's more, but the whole thing was a pretty big jumbled mess, and a major let down.  I went in expecting to like this thing, and be ready to enjoy the movie.  After slogging through this crap, I'm pretty disinterested in seeing the damn movie, ever. 

[stu]

I saw the commercial for the movie. I usually watch twisted post-apocalyptic whether or not there's a chance they will suck. Donnie Darko is a favorite of mine, so I'll probly watch this one. The comic? I'll avoid it.

edit: Wait- this movie has already come and gone?

[Mazakiel]

Yeah, apparently it was only released to roughly 60 theaters earlier this year.  According to Wikipedia, it was met with lots of criticism then, and at its Cannes premier before that. 

[Llava]

First I've heard of this.  Just read the wikipedia summary.  Jesus Christ, that sounds like one fucking ill-conceived idea after another.

"Furthermore, the generator has altered the ocean currents, causing Earth to spiral out of control, ripping holes in the fabric of space and time."

So are we, uh, following the idea from the Superman movies that somehow the rotation of Earth is inextricably tied to the flow of time?  Cause, I mean, call me a skeptic, but I'm pretty sure the Earth would just be fucked and the universe would keep churning along just fine not really caring.  In fact, I'm fairly certain there would be nothing at all unique or remarkable about this event, on a universal scale.

"Unexpectedly, another cop, Bart Bookman (Jon Lovitz) arrives on the scene and insists on helping."

Jon Lovitz?  Yeah, that's the ticket.

"Private Abilene shoots and kills her from his perch at the top of the pier and Boxer runs off, only to be confronted by supposed friend Fortunio (Will Sasso)) who knocks him unconscious and takes him back to the Frosts."

Will Sasso?  Are sketch comics really the right cast for this?

"After Kefauver leaves, Abilene begins a lip-synced song sequence of The Killers' All These Things That I've Done."

Just shoot me in the fucking head.

"# Justin Timberlake as Pilot Abilene: A disfigured Iraq War veteran.[8] He narrates the film and also performs a musical number.[6]"

 


Also starring Kevin Smith as an Iraqi War vet and Mandy Moore as the Rock's wife.  Yeah, that's not disturbing.

[Mazakiel]

The book is pretty much just as big a mess as that movie summary.  I mean, really, this whole project is something to stay away from, it seems.  Which is sad, really, because several people in the movie I enjoy watching in movies.  They just all made a really, really bad call.