December 14th. "I am Legend." Fucking be there.

[IainC]

Amazed no-one's referenced Joe Satriani as the devil yet?

ID sucked for many reasons. The jingoistic bollocks is offensive enough by itself but referencing that as a reason not to like it is like saying you hate eating turds because of the grainy texture. There are bigger targets you should be aiming at. Bad science, boggling plotholes, lazy direction, uninspired dialogue - all of these make it a bad film but you can look past them by pointing out it's a popcorn movie, not Citizen Kane. Many other films also have the previous flaws and don't suck the big one as hard as ID.

The reason that everyone associated with making ID needs to be rounded up and beaten to death with copies of Screenplay Writing for Dummies is because they didn't actually try to make a movie, it's the ultimate expression of SFX over substance. Strip away the CGI budget and you have a movie that you wouldn't watch if the cinema was paying you. Hollywood execs made this movie by working out the minimum amount of effort and skill at entertainment required to make money flow in and slackjawed yokels all across the southern states lapped it up. It's the fault of people like this that so many films suck so hard. They validate the impression that people will pay lots of money to consume shit. As long as you pay for it, they will make it.

[schild]

That's a lot of writing to just say it was a movie.

Who gives a shit? Why is anyone expecting art? What the fuck is going on with you people. Get off the fucking mountain. Shut off the brain. And enjoy a popcorn flick.

[WayAbvPar]

The point is there are dozens of popcorn flicks released every year that aren't as bad as ID. It really deserved to die a lonely death at the box office 3 weeks after release. The fact that so many people seem to love it makes me weep.

[schild]

No, Titanic deserved a lonely death. ID4 had explosions and fucking jeff goldblum.

[WayAbvPar]

Agreed on Titanic, although Kate Winslet got the girls out for that one. That made 3 minutes of it watchable.

[Engels]

ID ruled. of course, when guaging my opinion of this movie, one has to take into account that I was having sex in the back row of the theater for 2/3rds of the matinee. WITH A GIRL even.

[Evildrider]

No, Titanic deserved a lonely death. ID4 had explosions and fucking jeff goldblum.

I still haven't seen Titanic.. and I thank God every morning.  

[stray]

Titanic isn't that bad.

And sure, I'll fight about it if you want.

Seriously though, it isn't. Not that I own the DVD or anything, but still... Too much hate for that one.

[schild]

Titanic was 2 hours too long.

[WayAbvPar]

Titanic isn't that bad.

And sure, I'll fight about it if you want.

Seriously though, it isn't. Not that I own the DVD or anything, but still... Too much hate for that one.

If it was 90 minutes shorter it would have just sucked, not been the monumental turd that it is.

Edit- heh- Schild said much the same thing as I was posting.

[WindupAtheist]

Independence Day and Reign of Fire were what amounted to B-movies made with A-movie stars and special effects, and taken as such they were both perfectly entertaining.  I particularly liked that bit in Reign of Fire where McConaughey jumps toward that dragon with an axe in his hands, and just as you're thinking "Bullshit, the success of a move like this is stupidly improbable even for this movie!" the dragon fucking eats him.

Also, if (insert country here) doesn't like the way America portrays itself in some of its movies, said country is perfectly welcome to develop a domestic movie industry worth giving a fuck about.  Then it can put out movies of its own, where New Zealand saves the rest of the stupid world from aliens or whatever.

[Evildrider]

Titanic was 2 hours too long.

It took that long for a boat to sink?

[stray]

Titanic was 2 hours too long.

Oops, forgot about that.

I really liked Billy Zane in it... Though I think it pretty much destroyed his career.

[Evildrider]

Also, if (insert country here) doesn't like the way America portrays itself in some of its movies, said country is perfectly welcome to develop a domestic movie industry worth giving a fuck about.  Then it can put out movies of its own, where New Zealand saves the rest of the stupid world from aliens or whatever.

Well South Korea made that movie The Host, I think that was the name.  It was decent as far as monster movies go, but they blamed the whole thing on the US.

[stray]

Also, if (insert country here) doesn't like the way America portrays itself in some of its movies, said country is perfectly welcome to develop a domestic movie industry worth giving a fuck about.  Then it can put out movies of its own, where New Zealand saves the rest of the stupid world from aliens or whatever.

I think you're missing the point. The chest beating is just silly in general, no matter where it comes from.

Also, I don't think it's "America" per se, portraying itself like this.

That being said, Kramer vs Kramer, Fast Times, Office Space, and Fight Club should be official statements on the America I know.

[bhodi]

And Van Wilder.

[lamaros]

Office Space, and Fight Club should be official statements on the America I know.

I think you should go with ID instead.

[Margalis]

The only good part of Reign of Fire was the last scene involving Matthew McCaunawhatever.

I particularly liked that bit in Reign of Fire where McConaughey jumps toward that dragon with an axe in his hands, and just as you're thinking "Bullshit, the success of a move like this is stupidly improbable even for this movie!" the dragon fucking eats him

Great minds think alike?

[stray]

Office Space, and Fight Club should be official statements on the America I know.

I think you should go with ID instead.

Why's that?

[Evil Elvis]

Watching Independence Day is like getting a prince albert from Michael J Fox during an earthquake with a dull needle.  It's all pain all the time.

Will Smith's been in one good movie: Ali.  Everything else has been between terribly mediocre and pure shit.


edit: I can has cobbed corn?

[stray]

OK, that I disagree with. But I could just name one, which is Six Degrees of Seperation.

[lamaros]

Office Space, and Fight Club should be official statements on the America I know.

I think you should go with ID instead.

Why's that?

Because I think Fight Club is an awful awful film which has a terrible 'message', boring twist, hollywood ending, etc etc. Basicly it's a hollywood film trying to be a mor ethan it is, and failing miserably. At least ID wears its simplicity and stupidity boldly. When you have pretnesions and you're still stupid it's just worse.

Officespace I only watched a bit of because the dvd fucked up. But it seemed to be a rather dull comedy based around the office, mostly concerned with bullshit carthasis and negative societal observation. I admit to making a very knee-jerk reaction on that; I never bothered to get an unfucked version and watch the whole thing.

[schild]

Office Space is the single best portrayal of Corporate America that exists today.

[Margalis]

Office Space is awesome. I agree with your Fight Club comments although they are a bit overstated. It was kind of like an indie film for people who don't do indie films. The ending was silly and the "twist" was trite. It certainly wasn't amazing and mindblowing and thought-provoking in the way that some people pass it off as.

[Abagadro]

Fight Club has some great lines though, particularly from Helena Bonham Carter:

"I want to have your abortion"

"I haven't been fucked like that since gradeschool"

[Llava]

Amazed no-one's referenced Joe Satriani as the devil yet?

You mean Steve Vai in Crossroads?

[DraconianOne]

Because I think Fight Club is an awful awful film which has a terrible 'message', boring twist, hollywood ending, etc etc.

What do you think Fight Club's message is?

Independence Day and Reign of Fire were what amounted to B-movies made with A-movie stars and special effects, and taken as such they were both perfectly entertaining.

That's not a fucking excuse.  What held Reign of Fire together was some good performances and an interesting concept.  The writing was lazy and the direction was mediocre.  Rob Bowman isn't a bad director but he suffers what a lot of TV directors do when going to film and that's shooting it like it's TV.  Again - epic subject, not-so epic direction.  The worst crime that Reign of Fire committed was not delivering - the posters had pictures of dragons fighting against helicopter gunships.  Did we get that?  Did we bollocks.  Big fucking let down.   That being said, it's still an enjoyable film.

Also, if (insert country here) doesn't like the way America portrays itself in some of its movies, said country is perfectly welcome to develop a domestic movie industry worth giving a fuck about.  Then it can put out movies of its own, where New Zealand saves the rest of the stupid world from aliens or whatever.

Therein lies the rub.  Plenty of other countries have a movie industry that is actually worth giving a fuck about.  But the general opinion is that you Americans aren't interested in watching anything that doesn't have one of your own in it - hence the reason that Constantine was moved away from Liverpool, that High Fidelity was moved away from London and that absolutely classic foreign language films are - on the whole - poorly remade in America.  Why do you think there's a deluge of Japanese horror remakes?  Because while Japan has a fucking fantastic film output and makes some absolute classics, they don't sell in the States because they've got subtitles and don't have any yanks in them.  Oh, and because the ending might not be so "and they all got him in time for tea and lived happily ever after."  

[DraconianOne]

Why is anyone expecting art? What the fuck is going on with you people. Get off the fucking mountain. Shut off the brain. And enjoy a popcorn flick.

I'd call "Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem" a film but it most definitely isn't art.  I'm hoping I enjoy it and it doesn't make me want to vomit a lung up or anything but I'm not expecting Bergman, Werner or Lynch.  Shit - it's aliens fighting predators and people with faces being melted by acid.  Highbrow it most definitely isn't.

[Velorath]

That's a lot of writing to just say it was a movie.

Who gives a shit? Why is anyone expecting art? What the fuck is going on with you people. Get off the fucking mountain. Shut off the brain. And enjoy a popcorn flick.

Following that line of thinking, one could excuse even the shittiest of flicks as long as it was never intended as art.  Even with popcorn flicks, we can still make a distinction between good and bad.  I think ID4 is bad because I find it completely unwatchable now, whereas something like Crank is a good popcorn flick to me.

[Ironwood]

That's a lot of writing to just say it was a movie.

Who gives a shit? Why is anyone expecting art? What the fuck is going on with you people. Get off the fucking mountain. Shut off the brain. And enjoy a popcorn flick.

Way to be a massive hypocrite.  You wouldn't say that shit if it was a game, so why are you coming out with that crap now ?

[schild]

That's a lot of writing to just say it was a movie.

Who gives a shit? Why is anyone expecting art? What the fuck is going on with you people. Get off the fucking mountain. Shut off the brain. And enjoy a popcorn flick.

Way to be a massive hypocrite.  You wouldn't say that shit if it was a game, so why are you coming out with that crap now ?

What are you talking about?

Shadow of the Colossus is more art/film than say Quake 3 Arena. Deus Ex vs Fear. Etc. The second from each comparison plays out like a Hollywood Blockbuster compared to the former. And the first is a film comparatively. And they're all awesome for it. Don't ask why I used FPS titles for the movie comparison. Here's another one: Ico vs. Far Cry. Fumito Ueda makes some pretty compelling arguments for why your line of thought is crap.

Basically, I've very much said this sort of thing about games. Your average portable game is a case where I turn my brain off and just enjoy it. There's a reason I've beaten probably 40 or 50 DS games. And it's not because they were intellectually stimulating. It's because I play my DS on the toilet.

Following that line of thinking, one could excuse even the shittiest of flicks as long as it was never intended as art.

I'm sorry the kid in you died to the point that you can't handle smacktalk to aliens. Which is weird, considering the comic books. It's nothing personal, but Transmet vs X-Men. I look at the latter as popcorn comic books. I've never been able to read them as art in the slightest bit. Except for that short run during the beginning of X-Men Unlimited. But then, I probably couldn't go back and read those again. The Watchman vs Fantastic 4. Etc.

There's a distinct line in every format.

[stray]

Office Space, and Fight Club should be official statements on the America I know.

I think you should go with ID instead.

Why's that?

Because I think Fight Club is an awful awful film which has a terrible 'message', boring twist, hollywood ending, etc etc. Basicly it's a hollywood film trying to be a mor ethan it is, and failing miserably. At least ID wears its simplicity and stupidity boldly. When you have pretnesions and you're still stupid it's just worse.

Officespace I only watched a bit of because the dvd fucked up. But it seemed to be a rather dull comedy based around the office, mostly concerned with bullshit carthasis and negative societal observation. I admit to making a very knee-jerk reaction on that; I never bothered to get an unfucked version and watch the whole thing.

Whether you like those films or not, their relative merits "as films" wasn't my point for listing them. If I wanted to do that, I'd tell everyone to watch the Unknown, the Grapes of Wrath, and On the Waterfront.

What I meant was that the four movies I listed were better "ambassadors" of American culture than anything like Rambo or ID4. Broken homes, getting in fights with Mr. Hand, smashing computers whilst listening to the Geto boys, and frustrated 30 somethings who buy too much Ikea... That's the America I know.

[MrHat]

My wife doesn't let me watch Office Space anymore after the two incidents.

Incident one: Unhappy w/ job.  Watched Office Space.  Quit next day.
Incidient two: Bored w/ job.  Watched Office Space.  Stopped going into work for the remainder of my contract (last 3 months).

[WindupAtheist]

Therein lies the rub.  Plenty of other countries have a movie industry that is actually worth giving a fuck about.

For shits and giggles, I hit up Mojo and snagged this year's box office records for France.  With 47 weekends in the books, 30 were led by American movies, while 16 were led by French movies and 1 was led by a British movie.  No other nation had a #1 movie at the French box office at all.  Meanwhile, 34 of 47 weekends were led by American movies at the UK box office.  And that's with me assuming that anything I don't immediately identify as American must not be.

The rest of the world's movie industry put together sucks Hollywood's cock.  And don't give me any "Wah wah, it's not all about money!" horseshit.  That money comes from people buying tickets to things they want to see.

But the general opinion is that you Americans aren't interested in watching anything that doesn't have one of your own in it - hence the reason that Constantine was moved away from Liverpool, that High Fidelity was moved away from London and that absolutely classic foreign language films are - on the whole - poorly remade in America.  Why do you think there's a deluge of Japanese horror remakes?  Because while Japan has a fucking fantastic film output and makes some absolute classics, they don't sell in the States because they've got subtitles and don't have any yanks in them.  Oh, and because the ending might not be so "and they all got him in time for tea and lived happily ever after."

Nobody else seems to want to watch anything that doesn't have one of our own in it either.  Those Japanese horror remakes routinely outgross the originals by an order of magnitude, even if you ignore the American box office completely.

EDIT:  Listen, you can bag on America in a lot of areas and I won't complain.  But we absolutely rape everyone else when it comes to movies.  We just do.

[Ironwood]

Oh come on WUA.  You can do better.

This is weak, weak trolling for you.