The longest review of (probably) the worst roleplaying game ever made

[Sir T]

Wraeththu: From Enchantment to Fulfillment

http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14347.phtml

[justdave]

So Besides the Penis, What Else is Going On?

[Tarami]

You can now bring in elements such as pelki (killing humans with the Wraeththu sexual organ)

[UnSub]

“Okay, so it’s the near future, right? And the humans have totally screwed up the world, so there’s these new Wray-thoo things that are slowly taking over. And these Wray-thoo all look like boys, see, ‘cause they used to be guys, but now they’re hermaphrodites, and they’re all willowy, but they can do magic and they spend all their time hunting down humans and forcibly turning them into Wray-thoo when they’re not drinking beer or getting stoned. Oh, and it uses a new system, so you’ll have to learn it. Plus, everybody in the group has to have sex with each other or they’ll die. In the game, I mean. Also, everybody’s character doesn’t have a dick anymore.”

 

[Soln]

this is like something Tycho would make up.  I can't believe this stuff exists.

[schild]

I just looked for this stuff at Half-Price Books. No dice :(

[Stormwaltz]

Oh yeah. That reviewer is awesome.

His latest is a review of Twilight: 2013, a post-apocalyptic RPG.

[Sheepherder]

“Phone up your friend and sex-talk him into an orgasm while pretending to be a hermaphroditic bishonen! Then shoot him in the eye with a BB gun that you thought was unloaded! Oh, and later, once you’re all finished bleeding from your eyesockets and have fully gotten used to describing your flower-penis fantasy to your friend, you get to role-play raping a human and ejaculating acid into his colon!"

[dusematic]

Read half the review. Intensely and hauntingly true.

[TheWalrus]

I'm hoping it's not just cause it's late, but this line struck me so goddamn funny from the Twilight 2013 review...

 "France shoots back at Russia, a formula for the instant nuclear annhilation of all of your croissants"

Completely giggleworthy.

"China, meanwhile, is busy invading Taiwan, Japan, Myanmar, the Phillipines and Korea at the same time, following Clausewitz's doctrine that the best way to make war is to open twenty-six simultaneous fronts at the same time. I think that he wrote it in his seminal treatise "Me Clausewitz BA-CHOMP BA-CHUY-CHUY CHOMP"

Fuck, can't breathe...This guys great.

[Arnold]

If I play a Wraiththu, do I get to learn Wraiththu-fu???

[Bzalthek]

No, you just get your testicles removed.  I mean, if you play that game you apparently will never need them again.

[Arnold]

But if I get something cool and magical, like the force, in return, I don't need testosterone, right???

[Bzalthek]

You're right, twinkletoes.  Go find those pruning shears.

[Ingmar]

That sounds pretty bad but I don't know if it really is worse than F.A.T.A.L. It definitely has a funnier review, though.

[HaemishM]

Genius review. Worth all the time it took to read that many words.

[Rendakor]

You’re basically an androgynous soul-rapist. Yay!

Wow. That review is awesome.

[JWIV]

Cut for flower penis

[Sir T]

Isthataflowerpenis???