f13.net forums - Random crap about Pokemon Diamond.

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July 20, 2025, 02:48:25 PM

we're back, baby

A few things have come to mind while I was playing through Diamond this weekend, and because it's the internet, I'm going to share those things with you, the public.

1. Screw you, Nintendo, for putting in so many unobtainable pokemon!
In every generation of the game, Nintendo goes to great time and effort to lovingly code scenarios to acquire unique pokemon... and then completely and utterly fails to provide the means to GET the scenarios. Diamond and Pearl, like those before them, have a pile of unique pokeys that nobody outside of Japan will ever see without cheating. Thanks for nothing. Adding insult to injury is having the plates for Arcaeus being found all over the game. Oh boy, held items for a pokemon we can never get! That's as fantastic as that kid who got an empty Xbox box for his birthday.

2. I just captured God.
So, Dialga made the galaxy. Annnd now I beat it up with a steel penguin and stuffed it in a little ball. And nobody thinks this is strange. I can be walking down the street, and people aren't even looking twice at the guy who enslaved their god and creator and forces him to fight electric squirrels for money.

And amazingly, people will actually pick fights with me.

In some park:
Kid: I have a butterfly net! Go, Caterpie!
Me: Well, I have the creator of our world, for whom time itself is an amusing toy.
Kid: Um. Caterpie shoots silk!
Me: That's nice. Dialga speaks a word that erases you from existence. And not just you, but every member of your family, and every ancestor, reweaving the universe without your bloodline.
Kid: I like shorts?
Me: No. Not anymore.

3. Nobody really looks before they leap.
Back in Fire Red, I transferred a bunch of level 70 ubers in from a Nintendo event. I hadn't fought the Elite Four yet in that game, so I rolled on through them with a level 70 Latias. (Having beaten them fair and square in Blue, Yellow, Gold, and Ruby, I didn't feel bad about fighting with ubers this time.) Despite coming up to them with gargantuan titans of pokemonhood, they still took the time to talk trash to me. This is what happened:

Dirk: I am Dirk, the master of all dragon pokeOH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING? IT'S KILLING MY DRAGONS, THEY'RE ON FIRE, THEY'RE ON FIRE! THEY'RE BURNING BUT THEY CAN'T DIE, WHY WON'T IT BE MERCIFUL AND END THEIR SUFFERING?!

Rather than the next guy being all, "Whoa dude, um, I'm not with them. I'm just the, uh, janitor." and trying to slip out the side door, he condemned his pokemon to the same dragony fate.

It's like the thugs of Team Rocket/Magma/Galaxy/etc; they'll watch you plow through four of their comrades without breaking a sweat, and none of them ever have a last-second reassessment of their career path. They all say stupid things like, "It's just a kid, we can take him!" Uh, hello? Forty-foot-long flying steel snake with the kid? When you're deciding whether you can beat someone up, maybe you should take their giant killing machine pets into account, too.

4. Bullet-chu! I choose you!
It would solve a lot of the world's problems to just pack a pistol. Takes about ten seconds to get a pokemon out of its ball, but only five to empty a magazine into someone. I'm just sayin'. And why bother spending time hacking away at a Snorlax with infinite HP? I'm reasonably confident that the trainer standing next to it can't walk away from a Giga Beam. He may fly a short distance, but he's staying wherever he lands.

Quote

In some park:
Kid: I have a butterfly net! Go, Caterpie!
Me: Well, I have the creator of our world, for whom time itself is an amusing toy.
Kid: Um. Caterpie shoots silk!
Me: That's nice. Dialga speaks a word that erases you from existence. And not just you, but every member of your family, and every ancestor, reweaving the universe without your bloodline.
Kid: I like shorts?
Me: No. Not anymore.

This needs to be a comic.

I got a used copy of Pearl today, with the thought of using it as a quick and easy way to get the other starters and the giant penis pokemon that's exclusive to that version of the game.

But when I fired it up, I found that the previous owner had put ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY HOURS on the game. I loaded the save game, and it was like opening Tutankhamun's tomb. Pokemon from every generation of the game were lined up in the storage boxes. Starters, legendaries, the entire alphabet of unowns, it was a collection assembled with loving care. I checked out some of them, suspicious that they might be hacked or duplicated, but the stats were all normal, none had any attacks that they shouldn't be able to learn normally, it looks legit.

That makes me wonder about the previous owner. Who would go to the time and trouble to collect the pokemon from all of the GBA games, and from the DS games, assemble them all into an impressive collection, then sell it to Gamestop for twenty bucks? I can understand getting sick of Pokemon, but I always make sure to keep the cartridges so I can transfer my collection to the next generation of the game when it comes along. This guy can't do that, he burned his bridge, and that doesn't seem to match up with the meticulous collection in the game. Did foul play befall him? Was the game stolen? Was it sold by ignorant parents when he went to college?

Maybe someone discovered girls.

Or maybe someone's mother WANTS them to discover girls.

And another thing, why don't these pokemon ever have sex? I mean, you run into a billion of them walking around. Damn things are crawling around everywhere, and yet you never see one of them wandering around with a pokeboner.

I'm starting to think this game isn't very realistic.

Except... they DO have sex.

this guy looks legit

I learn not to take nintendo games seriously. Those who take itself too seriously are usually those pseudo-modern-espionage crap that MGS crowd used to spout. I played the PC Port of MGS1 for 15 minutes before they forced me to fight an Abrams tank with nothing but grenades, fuck that. awesome, for real