f13.net

Good God.  Dragon Wars is on Sci-Fi now.  I don't even know where to begin on this piece of shit.  I'm all about enjoying bad or B-movies, but fuck me I can't even do that with this one.  A civilian helicopter that a 200' snake can't just fling to the ground?   Military copters firing into unevacuated city buildings? Evil forces that have sword & board troops (Because they're ancient you know..) but also employ missile-firing dinosaurs.  :uhrr: :ye_gods:

Horrible, Awful movies that don't deserve their own threads.  Sci-Fi Originals.

Rules.

Revolver, Domino, and Smokin' Aces


In a way, they're all the same crappy, non-sensical crime movie.


I mention them because they have that special quality about them... the type of bad, horrible movie that isn't obviously bad (like Manos Hands of Fate or some shit), but have a sort of "hipness" about them, or a good cast that might make people watch them at first. The type of bad movie that points out which one of your friends is pathetically trendy and a big film idiot (and possibly, an idiot in general), if you catch them saying that they actually liked it.

I saw the title and I thought of Robocop 2.. :cry2:

Dude Robocop 2 is badass. Mostly because of that kid. One of the more evil kids of cinema, I tell you (next to Damien and the paperboy from Better Off Dead).

War of the Worlds. The Tom Cruise one. Christ that was an insult to the intelligence of humanity.

A.I.  Its the only movie in my entire life I've actually walked out on. 

The Happening.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

With A.I. you can clearly see when Spielberg took over. The movie was great up to the scene were he kept standing in front of the fairy at Coney Island. I always thought that Kubrick's movie would've ended right there.

Spielberg had to do something with space aliens that give the robot his mom back though. That ruined the whole film.

IMDB's 100 worst films (http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom)

Sure you're not thinking 3 there? I don't remember a kid in 2 and could never get myself to watch 3.

My vote: SS Doomtrooper (another sci-fi original. I swear there's almost no reason to watch that network at all).

Why isn't the spicegirls movie on that list?

Dungeons and Dragons.

Because Meatloaf's cameo in that movie is worth removing it from the list by a teeny tiny bit.

I think he means the Crime Lord kid.

Hrm, I completely blocked that from my memory. He played the bad guys friend or some such? The bad guy being the one they eventually stuff into Iron Monger or whatever they called that thing?

I take it we're ignoring obvious entries like Armageddon or Independence Day?

I think possibly the worst film I can remember is probably Krull. So many staggeringly poor moments in that film.

Good video game though.

Oh wait, no I've just remembered. Hawk the Slayer was worse. Much worse.

No the kid took over the mob after the crime lord got stuffed into Magna Gianttoaster

(The actual name of it was "Robocop 2". Can you believe that *sob*)

Back on topic

The Blair Witch Project. Any film that forces the cinema to give back half the admission price due to an audience revolt has talent.

The Fandom Penance. You felt something, as though a million nerds dreams cried out, and were suddenly wrenched into a state of deep denial...

The Blair Witch Project was OK. Just another example of what happens if you let a women get in charge of things  :why_so_serious:

Battlefield Earth was awful.  Howard the Duck.  Gigli. (well, the sound gigli is okay)  Recently Showgirls came on after a film I watched and I was too lazy to go for the clicker but luckily I fell asleep.  Resident Evil: Apocalypse.   The Blue Lagoon.  The 13 Ghosts remake.  God, I could go on and on and on.  The only good thing is that my phobia of theatres saves me from spending any money on these shitty films.

Also, I will kick Jeff Kelly's ass!

I can't believe you hate not only independence day which had enough cool explosions to give it a pass but also Krull, one of my favorite childhood movies as well. Your sense of suck is seriously warped.

Neither of those comes close to a movie like "Children shouldn't play with dead things," which is probably the worst movie I have ever sat through.

Independence Day had some of the worst acting I've ever seen. It would have fit in a parody.

Anyway, I still wouldn't put it in the worst movies ever...but pretty fuckin bad.

Juno.

(http://members.airsoftcanada.com/digital_assasin/Forum%20Stuff/Misc/oh_snap.gif)

Fear (Reese Witherspoon and Marky Mark)
Battlefield Earth

I've heard that several of the actors in ID thought they WERE making a comedy/ parody and were shocked at what was up on the screen.

Krull? Krull is awesome.

Ultraviolet. The only movie I have ever thought about walking out on. Fills me with RAGE just thinking about it.

Any film where they randomly burst out into song to express their emotions usually gets a no vote from me. Oh and I agree with Bhodii there's some ok or good films being mentioned there, Juno and War of the worlds no way you could rate them as horrible. Police Academy 4++ now they were shite.

Jersey Girl.

Also, Maid in America. Hell, anything with Jennifer Lopez is going to suck.

Battlefield Earth.  There is no comparison. 

Man of the Year.  Sublimely bad.

Anything by M. Knight Shamalamadingdong. 


(And I object to putting AI on a 'Horrible, Awful Movies' list.  I agree with the complaints, but its not a bad movie by a long stretch.)

Films like AI suffer from antihype, get built up so much and then people are like wtf but yeh no way an awful film, I think people get pissed off when their expectations are built up and the name Kubrick always carries a weight of expectation.

Agreed.  Every single one of Kubrick's films suffered from that.  Watch, someone will throw Eyes Wide Shut into this list.

Pretty much everything with Robin Williams.

Edit: Eyes Wide Shut

Ha I nearly mentioned it but refrained ;) A lot of his films were extremely ponderous kind of like being left alone with your own thoughts (nearly meditative) some people don't like that which is understandeable, always great music and viscerals. I think we should make a Kubrick thread  :why_so_serious:

The Scout - walked out of the theater before I could fall asleep - fuck do I hate Albert Brookes.

Tomcats - yea, chasing your buddy's testicle through the hospital is sure funny stuff...

Blair Witch Project 2. :uhrr: My god, what a pointless film.

Actually, while EWS is disgraceful, it's still... calming to watch. But yeah, the closing scenes with Kidman retelling her dream are... wow, it's not of this world in terms of shitty acting and hamfisted script. Even in the light of Cruise's abysmal acting it still stands out. I heard that those parts were actually pieced together by some abhorrent ghost writer after Kubrick snuffed it.

Speaking of Kidman Cruise stonkers Far and Away.

There's a funny scene in that where they (Kidman Cruise) are getting busy in the sack and just as Cruise is about to climax it cuts to a mine-shaft being blown up classic, absolutely classic stuff.

In my opinion, you can't set the bar any lower than Battlefield Earth. Battlefield Earth made that horrible piece of shit Dungeons and Dragons oscar worthy in comparison. There should have been laws created just to imprison the people involved with that movie. I wish I could purge the memory of ever having seen it from my mind.

Never seen it, fortunately. Even when it didn't have bad buzz, I still wouldn't see it. I mean, why would you?? One look at Travolta's character, and you should already want to stay away.

Where's bunk and his BF2 avatar?

Sommersby.

Worst Film Ever.

Redupers. Don't think so? Go ahead, try to watch it.

You guys are squabbling over movies that, in most cases, at least had decent production value.  Go watch something truly awful like Manos: Hands of Fate and get back to me.  Or most anything by Ed Wood except for Plan 9 (because that movie's campy awesomeness makes up for the visible strings on the flying saucers, etc.)

I repeat: Hawk the Slayer. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORXmKxe-iHk)

Well, yeah, those are all obviously bad... But it's pretty remarkable if you can get a good cast, a budget, and still have a senseless production anyways.


On that note, Candy (1968) is the worst film ever. Richard Burton, Marlon Brando, James Coburn and still the most meaningless, excessive piece of trash ever imo. Or maybe there are movies that are just as bad -- but yet, they never had those 3 giants in them either. So it's quite a feat.

The movies I mentioned earlier (Domino, Revolver, and Smokin' Aces) had some pretty big and respectable cast and crew as well, but the movies are just horrible. Especially Revolver.

Theres way too many "overhyped" and not enough "pure shit" here.  Seriously, suffer through 10 minutes of D-wars. Yes, Mannos is the same level of shit.

Fuck, Mannos was so bad I couldn't even watch the MST3K of that film in one sititng.

Redupers didn't.

Knights (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWwN9Q2RSQE)

I saw this movie at 3 am on some random digital cable channel a few years back.  It was a revelation in awfulness.  Starring Kris Kristofferson and some female kickboxer.

Yeah but nobody ever pretended that Police Academy 4 was anything other than shite by design. Both AI and WotW clearly thought they were good films. Their directors & actors had delusions of grandeur... but were horribly, tragically wrong. In my book that makes them worse than Police Academy!

Hercules in New York
Highlander 2, 3, 4 (Endgame) & especially 5 (The Source) but above all, 2.
An American Haunting (by the guy who directed Dungeons and Dragons)
Queen of the Damned
John Carpenter's Village of the Damned
Way of the Gun

Step Up 2: The Streets
Sex and the City: The Movie
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

What did Simon Pegg say in Spaced?  "As sure as every odd-numbered Star Trek movie is shit..."  I had never heard that rule, and its hard to deny.

I don't think you can compare a low budget bad movie to a big budget one. The latter wins every time because of the insane amount of money thrown at it. 75 million dollars is what it took to make Battlefield Earth. That's the cherry on top of a shit sundae and what cements its position as worst movie of all time in my opinion.

It's Alive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_Alive_(movie)) (best moment: cop cars chasing a baby)
It's Alive Again
It's Alive III: Island of the Alive
Bottom's Up (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0433349/)
The Tripper (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0760187/)
(Jason, don't make movies without Silent Bob, mmkay?)

Following that logic, Waterworld.

And honestly, Thunderdome sucked balls compared to Mad Max and the Road Warrior.

Critters 2.  Or was it 3?  Probably both.

Hawk the Slayer and Krull freakin' rocked! I could watch those movies a thousand times and not get tired of them. I wish they made sequels to them.

AI's ending was actually pretty cool for me. Robots inherrit the earth. Best ending ever. I don't understand why people mistake the circuitry-coated T-1000s for aliens....

Cutthroat Island. 

It came out when I was 12 or so, and I had no idea how bad it was going to be, all I knew was that it was a pirate movie, and dammit, how could you fuck that up?  So, I dragged my whole family to the theater to see that piece of shit.  It was the first movie of my life where I knew it was a shitty movie from the opening scene.  I've still never lived that one down. 

I love this movie.  It has a great opening scene in the parking lot.

And at least the gunfight (especially Philippe jumping in the fountain of glass).

Really though, it's got Benicio, being all cool and shit, flicking someone's hood ornament like a badass dickhead. I'll like it for that.

Prepare for war.  :mob:

El Topo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtGUx4kXIEY)

A new hatred was born for westerns  :drill:

Mac and Me. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095560/)


I win.

Naked Space (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPqjvia0tJs)

Resisting the urge to defend it... (I have, ask Sauced)

I think Manos is the only movie that made me angry while watching it. I think 10 minutes in I was yelling GET TO THE FUCKING MOVIE! NO MORE COUNTRYSIDE PLEASE!

Forgot one: Robot Jocks, or however the hell they spelled it.

Anything Critters will always be special for me. At least those flicks are better than The Wicker Man, with Nic Cage.

And its inevitable sequel, Robot Wars.  I fucking loved these when I was small.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

"How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED?"

How did it get so fucking ruined?

And yet you put Smokin' Aces in this list which was, at least, funny in places and death by chainsaw up the arse.

The opening scene was good and gave me hope for the rest of the film which turned out to be pretentious trash. Jumping into a fountain of glass was about the only good thing about that gunfight which was otherwise dull and lacklustre and so poorly directed, it makes Kevin Smith look like Bertolucci.

Hey wait! I've enjoyed every Kevin Smith film far more than anything Bertolucci.  :awesome_for_real:

Call me a film idiot, then. I llked Smokin' Aces a lot, in that "holy shit, how ELSE can they blow something up" way. Revolver, yes, that was shitastic wankfest.

I am very sad by the moves some people have posted in this thread.

Freddy Got Fingered.

Black Knight (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKw_nyouKPk)

First Knight

Totally shit upon everything Arthurian.

I liked Robot Jocks, if it's the movie I'm thinking of where a fist shoots out at the end.

Yep. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102800/)

The charm was in the animation techniques used, and the time frame they were used in. Who watches a move about giant robots for the plot?

Science Fiction or just the future?

(http://www.mosseygroup.com/ItCameFromSchenectady/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/o_millennium.jpg)

Yeah.

Scrolling back I'll say that Robin Williams can potentially be good but almost always when he's in the supporting cast and not the main actor.


My biggest wastes of money?

star wars 1,2,3
Forget Paris(walked out on)
and ring 2(american)

I don't understand the Robin Williams hate here (been stated before many times), just like the tarantino hate..

He's definitely had some duds, don't get me wrong, but all in all, I like his movies...especially when he's in dramas (comedies tend to suck...although I like his standup).

***

Evan Almighty. Not only was it crap, it was preachy crap.

Ever been trapped in a room with someone on a coke bender?  Now, imagine you've paid him money to entertain you and instead he dresses up as an old woman and preaches to you in a bad scottish accent.

For me, the Robin Williams hate is part of my general dislike for people/actors that spaz the fuck out all the time i.e. Dane Cook, Carrot Top, Tom Arnold. The coke bender comment is pretty spot-on. I'm way too laid back of a guy to be equipped to handle people like that.

On a related note, my actor hate list has always been topped by Robin Williams, Hugh Grant and Tom Arnold. Then I was trudging through Nine Months (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113986/) with my g/f and when Robin Williams showed up I passed out and died.

Yeah, that... uh... that's awful. Who would watch that? I mean... missile-firing dinosaurs. Of all the...

*runs out to rent it*

That's hilarious...

It sounds way more awesome than it actually was.  It's like taking "Cars with guns" and coming up with Auto Assault.

I dislike Robin Williams because he isn't funny.  Also he's a one-trick tard that talks too fast.  Comedically, he peaked before Mork & Mindy, which was where I was last able to tolerate his presence.  Calling him an actor is an insult to a profession that was once regarded the lowest rank of citizenry.

I did like The Fisher King, but it was in spite of Williams and his dick, and because of everyone else involved.

Comedically, he may be one-tricked, but he's a much more versatile actor than you give him credit, I think.

Take Awakenings and Good Will Hunting, for example. Both are subdued doctor types, but really different, believable people.

Yeah, I agree with Stray. He did well in Good Will Hunting. Williams' role in The Fisher King was well done also (although I could have done without the man-peen wagging in the park). Two movies I enjoy.

Did not watch.  Do they contain as powerful a performance as Moscow on the Hudson?

Only film I've ever walked out on: Wolf Creek.

Well, I walked out on Blair Witch Project too, but that was due to motion sickness.

I suspect if I had paid to watch SAW or some shit they would count to. Not a big fan of the "thriller/horror as RANDOM VIOLENCE! and OMG LOUD NOISES!" I mean I find it hilarious when I jump out from behind doors to scare the shit out of people, but I'm not exactly going to pay for someone to do it to me... and when you consider that when you take that away all you have is a film that is about showing you violent acts in a supposedly serious and realistic way for no actual purpose... why?

Also that film with wassername and that other tosser was rubbish too.. lets see... 'Unfaithful'. God that was awful.

The Remake of House on Haunted Hill

The Final Countdown - where the USS Nimitz goes back in tome to right before the attack on Pearl Harbor and not much else happens.

Watch the first SAW on TV if it's ever on again.  I saw it that way when Sci-Fi showed it and it's a really good movie without the Random Violence/ Blood & Gore of the 80s slashers.  I don't know how the series has devolved, but the first one - at least - was more of a psychological thriller than a gore fest.  I imagine there was a lot of gore that was edited out, but the movie held up in the TV version, unlike a Freddy or Jason flick.

Really.. you haven't seen Good Will Hunting? You should get that. It's... good.

I haven't seen Moscow in a longtime, but his characters in either of those movies are nothing like that. He plays it down in those two...so I wouldn't say powerful per se. Just realistic. In Awakenings he is a meek loner doctor at a mental institution, and in Good Will he's a somewhat jaded, take-no-shit psychologist.


I walked out of Saw in the theaters. Haven't given it a chance again.

Yegolev hasn't seen Good Will Hunting? How weird.

I didn't see anything in the trailer that appealed to me.

I like Robin Williams, especially when he goes all goofy and spazzy.

One Hour Photo
Insomnia

I also thought Jakob The Liar was better than people said.

Sure, I liked those too. His parts in them were in the same vein, although I don't think the movies as a whole were as good as those other two. Especially Good Will. *still surprised that Yeg hasn't seen it*

I'm sure I was playing FFVII instead.

Speaking of washed up comedians, how about Steve Martin? And in the spirit of the thread, even though I've only seen a couple scenes of it, the Pink Panther remake he did.

I haven't seen it. It must have been OK.. err... maybe...? Because another one is already coming out.


Novacaine was probably the last cool thing he did... and that was more dark comedy, I guess.

God, that guy used to be great though, you're right.

Speaking of which, Eddie Murphy, king of washed up comedians.

I've actually not seen Good Will Hunting either, but both One Hour Photo and Insomnia are fantastic films with Robin Williams in them where he does a damn good job not being Robin Williams. He has good moments acting, most of the time they are when he's being someone that is not himself.

Outpost...   A movie about Zombie Nazis and The Unified Field Theory.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892899/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892899/)

I was gonna refer to One Hour Photo when I read that anti Robin Williams remark but I chickened out  :oh_i_see: It's a good flick along with all the others you have mentioned.

My nephew loved it.  But he's 10 and his dad worked on LOTRO so his taste is suspect.

Steve Martin has indeed lost it.  I saw a play he did where Picasso and Einstein were talking at a cafe, and at the end Elvis shows up in a cloud of smoke.  For a while I figured I wasn't highbrow enough, but now I think I just wasn't high enough.

Also the man lives in a concrete house.  Like everything is raw concrete. :uhrr:

Reminds me of another absolutely horrible movie: The Jerk 2.

pics of said house? I'm curious.

I always think of eddie murphy and steve martin in the same vein, comedians who in their prime were edgy and funny but somehow got suckered into making pg13 disney movies. Three amigos would be an exception to the rule but that was more an action movie than a family movie.

Robin williams gets suckered into this trap as well, even when he's being spastic. Have you seen his HBO specials? he's a million times funnier when he can work blue but when he can't, you get mrs doubtfire which is just watered down. Williams though at least keeps his feelers out for some different types of roles. 

Oh and x-men3, total shite.

Not finding anything in a google, so I will have to ask my wife where she heard that.  Or maybe Merusk knows something about it.

I am reminded that Bringing Down the House was also terrible.

My theory about Eddie Murphy is that after he got busted with that disgusting-ass tranny, he made some private vow to his wife to be a good family man. He then took it so much to the extreme, that even his movie roles changed.

Bill Murray is the only one left keepin' it real.

You can usually tell when an actor/ress has kids. They start doing VO work for disney and making lame family-friendly garbage.

Johnny Depp did it too, but managed to still make a cool choice.

Steve Martin was on Fresh Air yesterday, was a pretty interesting interview.

News to me. I'd have to see pics of the house, but bare concrete was very big in the 50s with the Modernists.  It can be pulled-off very well, so I wouldn't call him crazy for it without seeing the place first.  If it looks like your average basement, well..he's a nutter.  It more than likely looks like one of these (http://www.socalmodern.com/) though.

Right on!

On my flight to Japan the other week I saw the following:

Sex and the City
Indiana Jones and the glowing glass space aliens.

Sex and the City was painful enough that I only watched about 5mins, but after watching about 10mins of Indiana whatever that 5miniutes somehow came to see really well done.

I had a similar experience on a flight to the States. The default 'not kids, not Hugh Grant' movie was 2 Fast, 2 Furious. I made it through about 8 minutes before I had to go back to watching the little aircraft icon on the map.

That aircraft icon on the map is pretty cool.  Unless you fly United, then the icon just stays over Europe the whole trip.

The first half of that was actually pretty good... then they completely lost it for the second half.

Those Garfield movies are indeed the shiznit.

killing off cyclops and prf x is good? it was horrible writing from beginning to start, hell MAYBE if they used phoenix as something other than a way to kill off two actors who were smart enough not to sign up for a fourth movie but as it was the whole phoenix threat sorta faded away for the mutant cure storyline which could have theoretically been done well but was botched horribly.

OK, I forgot about that. Hewitt was really damn cute in them though..

There was an RL reason for the Cyclops thing. He had signed for the Superman movie before X3 so he could only give them a few days filming, so they had to make the most of them. His scenes in X3 were excellent. As for Xavier it was a pretty good death scene that advanced the storyline up to that point, so I don't have a real problem with it. (And he can still come back, based on the fairly daft scene at the end of the credits)

Agree completely on the rest of the comments.

Yeah, but he's Johnny fucking Depp. He's getting better with age (Tim Robbins excluded, of course, wtf).

X4: The Phoenix will circle the earth really, really fast and bring back Prof X.  :awesome_for_real:

X4: Magneto Vs Gandalf  :grin:

And speaking of Eddie Murphy and crimes against film

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0f/Showtime_movie_eddie_robert.jpg/402px-Showtime_movie_eddie_robert.jpg)

I think Showtime had some redeeming moments, in particular Shatner's cameo.  Damn.

Well, Shatner is basically the best shitty actor who ever lived. Or who ever will live. He can't do any wrong, even by being bad.

The Thin Red Line. It was free and I still walked out. Ditto on Eyes Wide Shut. Horrid movies.

....is Phildo's avatar jeff goldblum?  :ye_gods:

Maybe.

An appropriate thread for this.  Based on a true story:

(http://img238.imageshack.us/img238/7809/pittsburgh06dvdvz1.jpg)

Hudson Hawk.....about as close to Battlefield Earth as you can get.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVAVCW2t_TE

I liked Hudson Hawk, not all of it, but it was kooky.

Hudson Hawk was a terrible film, Oban, now stop that! 

Speed Racer.  Awful film, not even a little bit cute.

Hudson Hawk was supposed to be an awful movie though, that's what made it good.

My "bottom five"

1.  Battlefield Earth-  I went out and bought this it was so bad.
2.  Gothika-  Putrid piece of shit.
3.  The Titanic-  Yuck.  Glad it sunk
4.  Knocked up-  Can't believe this movie got good reviews.  Woo.
5.  Supercop-  terrible. Just putrid...............but worth seeing once for the guys rolling around in those circular things for "training"

Knocked Up is an instant classic, in my book. And even if you didn't like it, I don't see how it could be regarded so low anyhow. You really can't find a better thing to fill out a top 5 worst list than that?

Knocked Up made me laugh a couple of times too.  Not sure where the hate is coming from.  Worst case, ogle the heigl.

I kinda watched the third Bourne movie while I was starting to doze the other night on the sofa. I liked the first one, and I want to like the second two as mindless action movies, but the editing puts them firmly in this thread. I was so distracted by the fast cuts that I ended up timing the cuts rather than watching the movie. Most are 2-4 seconds, with entire swaths of the movie done in 2 second cuts. I think the longest I counted was 7 seconds before a cut. And of course that stupid jiggling camera the entire fucking time.

Yeah. Both were overwrought, pretentious piece of shit movies with way too much ego and not nearly enough craft in storytelling. Beautifully shot movies with absolute shit stories.

Picasso at the Lapin Agile. I saw a local production of it, and it was fucking hilarious. But then, Martin wasn't involved (I mean, other than that he wrote the play originally) in this production. The local cast was talented, and with insanely good comic timing.

Plays, though -- it boils down to the director and the cast there. It's real easy to turn gold to shit in theater. :)

If those are your bottom five movies I would imagine you're quite the angry cynical man.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

I had almost blocked this one out, it's not often that I get pissed about movies I've downloaded, but if the MPAA had sent me a letter about downloading it, it would have contained a check and an apology.

Ghost Rider. Motorcyclist possessed by a demon with Sam Elliot and the hotness of Eva Mendes - and you still can't make a movie that isn't excruciatingly stupid?

Moontrap

Terrible movie that is only barely redeemed by the fact that Bruce Campbell is in it. He has to play second fiddle to fuckign Checkov though.

Oh, and anything with Christopher Lambert in it made after 1986.

I watched this on the weekend actually. It turned out to not be so bad. I mean, it's not Peter Sellers... but Steve Martin and Kevin Kline still have some things going for them in their own right.

[edit] And I can see why a kid could like it at least. It's silly.

I enjoyed this but I like slow moving films sometimes it was real un-hollywood, and again Kubrick inspired, get really baked out of your mind and you'll enjoy these movies a lot more  :grin: Knocked up was a decent film and I agree all those fast edits in Bourne just pissed me off aswell.

Imo it's not really about Peter Sellers. There was one vintage Panther done without Sellers that was still really good (imo, of course), mostly because the guy didn't try to be slapstick. We just saw a bit of it over the weekend, too, and it reinforced how much we dislike the new one.

Disclosure: my mother is a huge Panther fan and I bought her the DVD set but I've watched it more than her, I love most of them.

Reform School Girls (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091836/)

Actually, this movie might warrant its own thread, it's so bad. You cats that were around in the 80s might remember a crappy pop metal artist named Wendy O Williams. Well, she's the 'star' of this thing. This movie is so awesomely bad, it's actually worth watching.

Lots of nubile young women who lounge around in lingerie after dark, though some wear denim jackets or spandex bodysuits (it was 1986, after all). By day, they make license plates or toil away in a field, turning over the same little patch of dirt in a poorly propped radish field (just some radishes and leaves thrown on the dirt). The protagonist is seduced by this really great ugly 80s guy, who takes off his shirt and then wipes his pits with it. There's a sex scene later (sorta) with him, he gives her whiskey from a bottle, but takes it away before she drinks too much, whips her shirt down, and spits out the candles. Of course, there's a shower scene, though I could barely be turned on because we were laughing at the way the girls all put a little baby powder on their clavicles...in the shower, which quickly washed it off again. And teh subplot where they smuggle in a kitten to have the sarge-type character step on it. Yes, there was a scene where someone stomped a kitten to death (and then asked for something to clean her shoe....though they didn't show the actual deed). The sarge character was pure win, like a giant jew satan.

But the best part was the constant presence of an aging Wendy O amongst a cast half her age, gutterally delivering awful dialogue and oddly stroking her body nervously.

Best quote, the administrator of the school tells Wendy O: "You're just a shitstain on the panties of life." To which WOW replies, "You oughtta know, you licked it!" Quality!

I'm all for punk and rock chicks, but Wendy O was pretty nasty. Aged or not.

The truly sickening part is she looks exactly like one of my cousins, and seeing her in bra+panties the entire movie was really creeping me out. My fiancee wouldn't let me change the channel though, she loves watching bad movies with me and making fun of them. I've been opening her up to a whole world of silly she never knew existed. Need to get some mystery science theater going sometime.

Prince of Space for the win.

(http://home.hiwaay.net/~jeffj1/life/MST3K/Krankor.jpg)


Best episode ever imo (and not in a shitty/tacky/boring as fuck Manos way)

Krankor!!1!

I recently ran into a hot half-Asian girl online with the handle "Krankor" and an avatar to boot.

Why can't I meet these types in real life?  :|

Wendy O was awesome!  She used to even be my avatar.

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v67/savenakeddistillers/misc/Wendy_Williams.jpg)

OK, I can kind of appreciate her in a sort of Signe kind of light.

If you want to meet girls with 'staches, hang out in Little Italy.

Whoa.. How'd you know she had a stache?

The wife rented The Happening last week.  Holy fuck that's bad.  Like 'Signs' bad.

Do you know I saw "Signs" and I can't remember a thing about it except Mel Gibson standing in a corn field. 

I liked Signs, but that's mostly because I liked the camera work with the aliens.

I wanted to like Signs, I might have been able to if the twist wasn't just so fucking awful.
Earth is what, 98% fucking water? You think that beings smart enough to invade another planet would think "oh shit, maybe we shouldn't invade a planet made up almost entirely of the ONE THING THAT FUCKING KILLS US?"

It kind of worked in War of the Worlds because cold bacteria are at least microscopic so I can believe the alien invaders honestly didn't know. I would think however that these aliens would have at least picked up on it when they landed in some 90% humidity jungle and their skin started falling off. Fuck that movie's ending hurt with the stupid.

Yes. I couldn't have helped but think that the movie would have been so much better had they used a different backdrop to tell the story. There was no need for aliens at all.

That was exactly how I looked at it, you can miss bacteria, you can't miss an entire planet being made of death.
It would be like invading the sun and not realizing "oh shit, fire kills us!" until our ships start to explode.

W was leading the aliens.

i kind of liked signs for the general massive disaster vibe though. it did that element in a scary way at least. well depicted disasters are the only type of films that are "horror" to me. mainly the reason on why i dig zombie movies so much

So bad it's good.  Well, maybe in a cult movie kinda way.

Bubba Ho-Tep

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/
 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/)
The trailer is a better representation than the write up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7Qo74_L3vo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7Qo74_L3vo)

You misspelled b-a-d- there. You meant to write a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

Ho Tep is the fucking shit. And by that I mean bad. And by bad, I mean, yes - AWESOME.  :grin:

I like Signs.  It's a parable.  So doesn't need to make sense a realistic way.

I bet you get a lot of mileage out of that, err, 'explanation'.

Parable for what? All of the sudden, I'm like Signe, and don't remember any details about the movie.

Well, I think it was intended to be a parable about having faith, since Mel's croaking wifelet is like the hint line from on high that gives Mel the secret to defeat the alien that shows up in his home and save his kid, which restores his faith in God so he goes back to being a preacher man, etc.
 
However, the more I think about it, Shamalamadingdong shot himself in the foot by getting too specific. It's not like his wife mentioned that aliens hate water, she saw the exact scene with the bat and the glass of water and all that, so it really says 'everything is already pre-written so you might as well just go have sex with a picnic table because it's what's supposed to happen anyway'. 

 

Bubba HoTep comes highly recommended, but I haven't gotten around to seeing it.  Also: Bruce "I made The Man With The Screaming Brain watchable" Campbell.

I liked the first part of Signs.  The bits where the aliens were showing up.  The end was ass.

I'll have to watch it again.  It bothers me that I can't remember anything about it and I KNOW I've seen it.

I recall thinking Bubba Ho-Tep was awesome, but I don't know how much difference the fact that Bruce Campbel was acually there made.

Yeah, Signs was wonderfully atmospheric anc creepy until it tured into a M. Night movie.

The scene where JFK offered him a candy bar. Subtle genius, I tell you. That couldn't have been in the script.

HoTep and Screaming Brain are 2 classic movies. You need to buy 2 of each. One to watch, AND ONE TO ENSHRINE!

Oh Jesus I almost died laughing reading these back to back.

Anyone mention Buckaroo Banzai yet?

Mortal Kombat 2 is the worst movie I ever saw in the theater. I though MK1 was enjoyable for what it was...MK2 screamed Direct to Video.

OMG Buckaroo Banzai is an AWESOME movie.   :awesome_for_real:

If you're talking about the Spielberg film rather than the original story* then can I just point out to you that they were meant to have come to the earth before hand and buried their tripods in the ground to remain undetected by humans who proceeded to build cities over them.  You'd think that, if they'd been to the planet before they'd either have already sussed that there was probably a problem with bacteria.  They obviously weren't very smart anyway because their attack plan involved using machines which were at least several hundred years old and had been buried underground for most of that time. In 200 years they couldn't improve their technology at all or, you know, work out how wheels work?  I mean, we're obviously retards as a race compartively because we haven't developed the ability to cross vast swathes of space to invade some poxy little backwater planet but at least we have the nous to not step onto the moon for the first time without doing some research or taking some precautions against what was known.

If you're going to argue about alien intelligence then you might as well give points to the ID4 invaders who's only design flaw was that they made their mothership Mac compatible but that's an understandable because they probably figured that the chances of anyone using a Mac were a million to one. But still, they came.


*The only reason HG Wells gets let off is because his book was about the discovery of microscopic bacteria. And anyway, the aliens did learn in HG Wells and came back and succeeded in conquering the planet.

Everyone know that alien invasion was just an Apple marketing ploy :awesome_for_real:

Fuck the Spielberg film, haven't seen and kind of refused to on the grounds I assumed stuff in it would piss me off. I was actually thinking more of the original film, I will admit to not having read the HG Wells version (Have read the second League of Extraordinary Gentlemen though :awesome_for_real:). Either way dealing with microscopic bacteria, while somewhat stupid thing to miss is far less stupid as a plot device than "OMG more than 2/3 of this planet is covered in stuff that makes us die! Also the atmosphere is full of it in most of the planet and if we cut someone by the laws of logic their blood should cause us intense injury." Seriously, if they cut someone that should technically be some Alien style acid blood level of carnage.

MOVIE MAKE HEAD HURT.

Don't get me wrong - I'm in no way defending Signs at all. I was all over that movie up until the end Act 3 (and the whole faith, redemption thing which was unneccesary) and then walked out in disgust after it was over. I mean, the aliens might as well have been killed by playing Slim Whitman music (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4a28EBGEkCs) at them.

Good! Keep it that way!


Exactly.  I was fine with it all the way up to that goddamn ending.  I sit through it all and that's the payoff.  One of the few movies that actually made me angry.

"Hi! We're to invade! We're an advanced race that have mastered space travel.  But we haven't invented a fucking raincoat!  What's monsoon season?"

Heh.  Sometimes I've seen the advert for a film so many times that I'm not sure if I've really watched the film or not.  I was absolutely positively sure I saw Signs, but not I'm not so convinced.  After reading this thread, however, I might take Special J's advice to heart!

As for War of the Worlds, I saw the old one on tv ages ago and it might not have been a great film or anything, but it totally creeped me out.  Was it the one where the alien thingy zaps those three men and their indentations are in the dirt after?   That bit creeped me out AND freaked me out! 

Bubba Ho-Tep is not an awful movie. It is pure awesome.

Correct. Why are we arguing that Bubba Ho-Tep is awful when there are still people in this thread who claim that Hawk the Slayer is not a terrible film?

JFK. My wife and I laughed at loud in the theater at the sheer stupidity of some of it, drawing some weird looks from other people in the audience.

Battlefield Earth is very special badness, though. Fun badness, MST3K-able badness. There's a big difference between that kind of badness and just plain that-cost-me-two-hours badness.

I think I missed that one.  Which book was that?

No, I meant that Bruce Campbell was -really- there, after the movie was over. I want to call it awesome, but I might be just be having jittery fan wheaties.

You people, up there, in the thread, what mentioned Buckaroo Banzai! Your heresy can be dealt with! 8| Margalis, this means you!

And you didn't prostrate yourself before him? What's wrong with you man?

I never said I didn't! For all you know, I was Bruce Campbell's cell wife!

Well, not really. But I did tell him that he was most awesome. And then I think I said 'wibble' and passed out.

This is cathartic.

Allow me to submit:  Next. 

Fucking die Nicholas Cage. I should have known better about any movie with Dog-face.  I didn't pay for it and I still felt robbed.

No MST3K, but they did make a Rifftrax for Battlefield Earth (http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/battlefield-earth), and its the only way to watch it.  The scene where they superimpose a laugh-track is hilarious.  Not sure if I've told this story here, but the Thursday morning after 9/11, I was sitting in a hotel room with a horrible hangover feeling pretty shitty about the world.  BE was on and it actually made me feel a little better - as in, wow, things can get worse.


QFT.  But if you go into that film thinking it will be cinema gold, you're missing the point. 

I watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this week.  Holy fucking shit.

On the list of "pretentious bad", I'd put L'Avventura by Antonioni. Habitually made Top 10 lists of many film critics for a generation, and I just thought it was unbelievably bad. I understand why its visual aesthetic is highly regarded, but it really left me cold.

I also very much dislike Last Tango In Paris, which I think got a lot of critical praise simply because it pushed back the frontiers of censorship and most critics want to support that effort, for good reason. The film itself is very eh, it doesn't do anything for me except change the way I look at butter.

It's not my favorite Brando movie, but he rocked in it nonetheless.

Pretentious bad I cannot handle.  I will watch the film, getting angrier and angrier until I am thoroughly pissed off and start looking for names on IMDB to add to my shit list.  I  :heartbreak: Huckabees is probably the best example of this.  I was disgusted to the pit of my soul from the first frame, and I watched the entire damned thing to prove a point.

Wes Anderson is the Alfred Hitchcock of pretentious bad.  Bottle Rocket and Rushmore were cute, mostly because they were comedic.  But he's made the same fucking movie three times since then.  Oh look, quirky characters in goofy situations pretending that everything is normal.  If only I was as pretentious and aloof as them!  We get it - make a different fucking movie now.  See, I'm getting pissed just thinking about how I actually sat through Darjeeling Limited.  The scene with Angelica Huston gave me a facial tick that lasted a week.  I'm going to watch Touch of Satan to calm down.

I had the Wes Anderson hate after Rushmore too, but Life Aquatic cracked me up, sorry..

Or basically, I just didn't like the Tenenbaums

I saw MK2 in a theater, and had no regrets.

Admittedly, I had no regrets because the entire theater was empty except for me and the girl I was dating at the time. :) I don't recall the movie at all, strangely.

New one for the Hideous list:

King Arthur with Keira Knightley and Clive Owen.  Man that was bad.

As an aside:  I'm not too surprised that many of you might actually like Knocked Up.  I just thought it was so bad I couldn't get past the first 10 minutes of it. 

Watched Memento the other day.  That is a fucking awesome movie.

Damn, you should really give it more than 10 minutes. It's fucking hilarious dude.

I like Buckaroo Banzai!

You couldn't begin to get through Knocked Up, yet you loved Memento. Got it. You like watching the same movie over and over in ten minute segments unless you don't like that ten minutes. Whee.

Did we mention Van Helsing yet? That movie isn't even funny in a campy way. It's just stupid.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley.  Got drug to it with a friend this evening.  I can't recall ever seeing such a bland, meandering, unrepentant piece of shit film.   :uhrr:

I could have watched One Tree Hill, 90210, and Supernatural on Fox, and gotten the same thing.

Oh, yeah.  This.  Van Helsing made me want to kill something.

I'm all over this idea.  I skipped Next because I watched Ghost Rider.  Also that stupid movie where he's a lame con man.  And Wicker Man... GOD, WICKER MAN, AUGH!!!

I loved Van Helsing.  I have it on DVD.  Don't wear your Serious Hat.

Van Helsing is cinematic syphilis.

This could explain why I was laughing through the whole thing.

The only decent thing Nicolas Cage has done in AGES is Lord of War, and that's quite likely thanks to the script and not the wooden acting.

Edit: Which made me think of its poster, which is one of the best I know.

(http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/1774/lordofwardt9.jpg)

Thats a great image.

Great except for how it looks like his mom's birth canal was three sizes too small.

Ages?

The Rock
National Treasure 1
Matchstick Men
Adaptation
Leaving Las Vegas

And of course Lord of War.

I'd call him hit or miss. But hating him? Fuck, there's a lot of people worth hating more than he.

I  haven't always liked his films, but I  :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: Nicolas Cage.

lolwut

Besides, you left out Face/Off.

What's wrong with those movies?

And I did not leave off Face/Off.

Dorm Daze 2.

My fiancee hates this thread. Now we have begun watching shitty movies with a critical eye. We'll watch it and try to pare down the worst, as in "Which is worse, Dorm Daze 2 or Reform School Girls?" And she hates herself for admitting Reform School Girls was a better movie, and why.

Best Cage film: Raising Arizona. The first time I saw that I was with a few people on really, really good acid, double-dipped LSD blotter. So I'm not so sure it was a good movie, but we sure thought it was amazing.

Nobody is hating. He's merely a second-rate actor whose movies deserve no closer looks. His real career (first movie in a significant role) started '83, that's 25 years ago. The Rock is 12 years old, Leaving LV is 13. If that isn't an age in Hollywood, I don't know what is.

Nicolas Cage is just another of Hollywood's assembly line one-trick ponies.

D.E.B.S. is probably the worst "movie" I've ever seen.

I thought you had seen Matchstick Men?

I'm sorry, I don't remember your complaints about Matchstick Men.

NIC CAGE
:awesome_for_real:

That's a piss poor complaint.

Edit: I should expound on that. It's a piss poor complaint because there's so many actors and actresses that are so much worse than Nic Cage. In fact, I don't even find it fair to clump him with the untouchables. Certainly there's an actual reason behind hating him.

It's still true that I did not care for the plot or his execution of the role, which describes most of the things I have seen him in lately.  His character annoyed me in a similar way as in Wicker Man, only to a lesser degree.  Fucking Wicker Man.  I did at least get a laugh out of Face/Off before he got on my Do Not Watch list.

I'm pretty sure National Treasure was a kids movie, somewhere between Harry Potter and The Fox and The Hound in all.

Now, was it 8mm that I liked... a bit?

That's some pretty weak hate. I couldn't finish Wicker Man. And it wasn't just Nic. I hated everyone and everything about that movie.

I think your hate is misguided.

Gotta agree with Schild here, he's no Olivier but then he's not entirely without redeeming features either - why aren't we having a two minute hate towards thoroughly worthless hacks like Shannon Tweed or Adam Sandler?

Re Van Helsing, the best comment I heard coming out of the cinema was 'How the fuck do you get typecast as a feral amnesiac with a mysterious past?'

Shannon Tweed or... Adam Sandler?

Look, I understand Sandler doesn't do subdued Euro humor, but fucking Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison were awesome.

It's admittedly weak.  He disgusts me in his blandness and I feel sorry for him like that cat that no one will adopt because he's not cute enough nor pathetic enough to warrant an emotional attachment.  Looking like he just got up from oral surgery doesn't help, either.  I save my good hate for people who offend me more, like Robin Williams, Adam Sandler (thanks, Iain!) and Jim Carrey.  Will Ferrel is getting on up there.

I like Robin Williams and Jim Carrey, too.  hehe.  I like everyone that everyone hates!   :grin:  Especially Jim Carrey.   He was great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Truman Show.  Granted, I don't think I see as many films or even tv shows as most of you so I probably didn't see some of the really awful stuff.

B-b-but what about Stranger than Fiction? :cry:

god help me I agree with schild on Matchstick Men. And I generally don't like Nicholas Cage.

It is wrong to hate Will Farrell.

(http://holamun2.com/files/images/attachments/2006/10/will-ferrell-kmart.jpg)

My favorite Jim Carrey / Will Farrell collaboration. (http://s182.photobucket.com/albums/x22/jseph666/?action=view&current=Jimmy_Tangos_Fatbusters.flv)

Ok, maybe I'm being too hard on Nicholas Cage, because he is in stuff that I like.  But the stuff he's in that I hate; I really, really hate it.

Oh hell yes. Cool As Ice (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101615/). "Starring" Vanilla Ice, 1991. A "remake" of Rebel Without a Cause (heh). Total  :why_so_serious:

I kept wanting Snoop and Dre to show up and kill the entire cast.

I think you should direct real hate at folks like Cher then.

Is she still getting work?

Paul Walker and Channing Tatum

DIE DIE DIE

Last Dragon (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089461/)

(http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/7961/lastdragonthexn7.jpg)

Isn't there a rumor about that she's being considered for Catwoman in Nolan's next Batman?

The last dragon may have been bad, but it was AWESOME


Sho 'Nuff!

You're insane.

"Now all the masters knows
that you need the glow,
You need the glow, the glow to grow."

Is it possible that your ability to recognize :drill: was broken by childhood trauma?

Last Dragon is a classic!

I vote that we have Last Dragon permanently stricken from this thread!

I think all references to the Last Dragon need to be denned immediately.

Last Dragon was pure unadulterated 80s style awesome. So horribly bad it is brilliant! I caught the last 30 minutes on Encore or HBO or something a couple of weeks ago. Good times. It almost made me resubscribe to CoH so I could create Sho Nuff.

As for Nic Cage- Raising Arizona is one of my all time favorite movies. However, I would be willing to have its very existence scrubbed from reality if by doing so I could undo everything else Nic Cage has done. God he is a fucking douchenozzle hack fuckstick cocksucker. He is also a bad actor.  :drill:

I half watched Employee of the Month last weekend. 

Fuck you, Dane Cook, fuck you very much.

I vote for The Shadow with Alec Baldwin. I caught the first 10 minutes of that and couldn't figure out what it was, why it was so bad even by Alec Baldwin standards. It was horrible.

Alec Baldwin standards are pretty damn good, if you ask me. And the guy gets even better with age.

You must be thinking of the other Baldwins.

Baldwin's turn in Glengarry Glen Ross is the best 10 minute performance in movie history IMO.

I loved him in The Departed.  The perpetual stain on the shirt was a nice touch.

It could be that The Departed and Glengarry Glen Ross were completely awesome, instead of Alec.  Although he's pretty good at times.  The Shadow was balls.  I also remember thinking that movie where Ned Beatty and Madonna were in a comic book being bad, too.

Dick Tracy bad?  Oh no you din't. 

Good in his small bit in Aviator as well.

Good in a lot of supporting roles actually. Great Balls of Fire to add another.

And a fucking great SNL guest. "Father Rod" anyone?

The Canteen Boy sketch he did with Adam Sandler was fucking hilarious.

I thought his acting was a bit wooden in "Team America, World Police"

Ahahaha I forgot about that one.  Going to watch it now. (http://www.hulu.com/watch/18883/saturday-night-live-canteen-boy-and-the-scoutmaster)

When I was a little kid, that was one of my favourite movies... I even dressed as Dick Tracey for Halloween once. I was odd.

Baldwin is one of the best SNL hosts, along with Walkin and Timberlake. Hell, Timberlake explaining the show he had to cancel :( was better than most of the show. Too bad music pays so much better than comedy, he's really good.

Actually, most guests SNL has been getting are so bad they probably belong in this thread.

Good call on the Dane Cook movie. So bad. I caught some of Tim the Tool Man's superhero (with kids!) movie, Zoom. Atrocious tripe.

The thing that bothered me about The Shadow was that there were one or two bits where you could see a completely different movie trying to poke its way through that might have been good. And then there is just badness and pain. Basically part of the problem is that the guys making it could just not take the material seriously, or come up with an angle, so they stuck in lots of camp at more or less random moments.

Very similar in that way to the also-bad but somehow more entertainingly cheesy The Phantom. Also reminded me of the really, really bad old Doc Savage film with Ron Ely that I remember seeing a couple of times when I was a kid.

I was going to post the Phantom actually. I grew up reading the phantom comic strip. I LOVED the Phantom, loved the background story, loved the character. The film made my inner child shed a tear.

I didn't because Affleck was really really trying to act it well, but he was handed a crappy script, with a diabolically bad story and director. The film utterly sucked but it wasnt his fault. but feel free to add it to the list.

Electra was yet another grimace educing film. And when I saw it I was on a long plane rife and they played it twice, so I got to check was it really as criminally bad as it was the first time round. Nope, it was even worse.

I liked the Shadow for the moments it didn't suck. And there were quite a few. It was a patchwork of quite cool moments glued together with crappy ducttape. I wont argue anyone that thought it was bad, but I'd definably watch it again.

The Phantom has Kristy Swanson and Catherine Zeta Jones in their heyday. Good enough.

Just out of curiosity...were you drunk when you posted this? Some non normal typing in there from ya.

I thought he was drunk because he confused Affleck with Billy Zane.

Or Daredevil with Phantom

One is curious what you would class as normal from me.
Guilty, except that I was as ever stone cold sober.

I liked the Shadow, but yeah, it was shitty. I burst out laughing in the theater when Baldwin said, "We're Americans! We don't have to take it!" Just something about that line and the delivery was so  :awesome_for_real:

All that talk about good turns by Baldwin in movies and no one mentions The Cooler? Best performance of his life.

Daredevil was terrible.  Do not watch.

Watch the director's cut. It's much better - though still only mediocre at best.

Agreed. I saw the Director's Cut on Haem's recommendation and at least the movie makes sense. Whoever edited the theatrical version should be shot.

Still been meaning to do that. I like the Daredevil enough that I tolerate the theatrical version somewhat. Still sucks though.  :oh_i_see:

I can't say that the Phantom sucks.. just because my cousin played Guran.

"Radmar Jao"?

IMDB says he's part Flip.. are you too?

Just curious, cuz I'm a halfbreed as well.  :grin: