Fundies say the darndest things

[bhodi]

Everyone can laugh at this. This really isn't about religion, it's more like a sideshow. It's all comedy gold.

"No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims."

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

"[continuing his hard-on for the KJV]
If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right."

"But God don't talk in Arabic. He talks in a REAL language, namely, English. It's true that back in them days He translated that to some other language after Speaking it in English, but after all, it's His universe and He can do what He doggone well wants to do."

We Should show Christians that their religion shall not be tolerated. They should all be put in extermination camps and they shall die. And then they'll realize they have no soul and the bible is a bunch of crud."

[Bunk]

 

I'm a Muslim?

[Ironwood]

"I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty."

What ?

[Tebonas]

The parent with the second quote is in for a nasty suprise. Sweet irony how he will wish it was a girl in a few years!  :-D

Edit: The one who thinks his sons girlfriend hides magazines with naked men under his bed.

[Ironwood]

That guy with the domestic abuse theories ? -   

[HaemishM]

Holy Fuck this site is gold.

This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god

if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state

Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this

god tests every one of us

Goddamn womb sinners.

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

There really are no words after that.

[Lantyssa]

I always regretted being such a trouble maker before birth.  Gods, please forgive me.

[SurfD]

I Soo have a new sig.

[WayAbvPar]

"Neo-darwinism is truly a National disgrace. I do not say this as a cheap attempt at an insult. I say it with all honesty. Satan -- with the help of his little red-headed, mental-terrorist step-child (Charles Darwin) -- has turned this great nation upside-down. A small percentage of atheistic intelligence bandits have somehow managed to manipulate their way into the hearts and minds of the general population.

Schild/Trippy- please change my title from moderator to atheistic intelligence bandit. I will be the belle of the ball!

[Merusk]

"I AM here to be my husband's "personal maid" and to be "stuck in the house." I showed plenty of verses that showed that - the 31st chapter of Proverbs! Wives are to be a help meet for their husbands. I consider it a privilege to cook the meals, do the laundry, clean the house, rear the children, pick up clothes he may leave lying around, clean the kitchen counters after he makes a sandwich...... [...]

Yes, women have rights - the right to obey God's Word......."

I'm so very, very, very tempted to register at the "teens 4 christ" site that spawned this.  While there I'll explain that everyone saying that "it's ok for a woman to work outside of the home to support her family" are simply going against "God's Will" by trying to have more than they deserve.  Clearly, if all Daddy can afford is an 82 Datsun and a 2 room apartment, then they need to pray harder for forgivness of their wicked ways.   Those without a father?  Their mother is clearly a harlot or has committed some grievous sin, which is why god hides their patron-savior from her.  They deserve to live in the street until they repent.

Sooo tempting...

[bhodi]

I'm so very, very, very tempted to register at the "teens 4 christ" site that spawned this.

No, sorry:

"[Teens-4-Christ official rules]

NO DEBATING. Teens-4-Christ is not a 'debate' site. You will not change our minds, do not try. A quick read of Romans 1 will show that those who debate are in the company of adulterers, sodomites and murderers. Therefore, debating will not be allowed.

All posts contrary to the doctrinal beliefs this site was founded on are subject to being deleted at the discretion of management. Any posts supporting beliefs contrary to "What we believe" will be deleted...may result in banning of the poster.

God's Word is the final authority on all matters."

Bro. randy, Teens-4-Christ [Comments (83)] [2006-Nov-29]

They already thought of that one.

[Furiously]

Maybe you could ask questions about being saved, given that you only have a mother....

[stray]

These are so silly and out there that I find them hard to believe.


Except the KJV comments. There are plenty fundies who talk like that.

[EDIT] Though they do have their reasons for it. Not correct reasons, but the quotes are taken it out of context a bit.

I'll explain their point of view if you want.

[Merusk]

See, the beauty is it wasn't debating what they were going to delete - which is God & Christianity.  The entire linked thread was ASKING, "is it ok, according to the Bible?" 

But it's ok, anyway,  flipped a few pages down and it was actually worse than I came up with.  The brainwashing some of those poor girls have gotten is scary.

Yes, I do believe that a young lady should not go to college, get a job, etc. without her fathers consent. You are under your fathers roof, therefore you are under him in authority. Where in the Bible does it say that as soon as you turn 18, you need to move away from your parents, get a job, and begin your career?

[LK]

This is awesome in a "OMFG" way.  This is why I dislike associating with other people.  You start throwing this bat-shit insane stuff into any conversation and I will just shut it off.

[stray]

Hmm? You dislike associating with other people why again?

I mean, it's not like everyone, or most, or even half that you come across would be that insane. Unless you're going to places (like that small white shack of a church down the highway...) where you increase your chance of finding them.

[LK]

Hmm? You dislike associating with other people why again?

I mean, it's not like everyone, or most, or even half that you come across would be that insane. Unless you're going to places (like that small white shack of a church down the highway...) where you increase your chance of finding them.

I guess I came off as "fuck religious people", and I don't really know how best to phrase my feelings on the subject.  I honestly wish I could express it in a nice, acceptable, intelligent, philosophical fashion, but I don't think I'm capable enough.

I just want to be a good person.  But there are a lot of bad people out there, either blatant or masquerading as good, and it makes it difficult for me to trust as a result.

I just have a hard time subscribing to a concept with no physical evidence.  I guess I don't "feel" religious, and am of the belief that it allows me to see through any bullshit that comes my way, be it political, religious, or otherwise.  I do like good arguments though, but I often have to see it with my own eyes to be convinced.

[Miasma]

"[Teens-4-Christ official rules]
A quick read of Romans 1 will show that those who debate are in the company of adulterers, sodomites and murderers.

Wow, I had to google that but "debate" is in there, so are "whisperers".  Try to get them to whisper.  She just tossed in the part about sodomites though, that's not in there.  Nor are adulterers.

Literal out of context interpertations FTL.

[stray]

Hmm? You dislike associating with other people why again?

I mean, it's not like everyone, or most, or even half that you come across would be that insane. Unless you're going to places (like that small white shack of a church down the highway...) where you increase your chance of finding them.

I guess I came off as "fuck religious people", and I don't really know how best to phrase my feelings on the subject.  I honestly wish I could express it in a nice, acceptable, intelligent, philosophical fashion, but I don't think I'm capable enough.

I just want to be a good person.  But there are a lot of bad people out there, either blatant or masquerading as good, and it makes it difficult for me to trust as a result.

I just have a hard time subscribing to a concept with no physical evidence.  I guess I don't "feel" religious, and am of the belief that it allows me to see through any bullshit that comes my way, be it political, religious, or otherwise.  I do like good arguments though, but I often have to see it with my own eyes to be convinced.

It just sounded like you were a misanthrope, because of a few dumbasses. I was just checking. 

[stray]

Literal out of context interpertations FTL.

Haha.

Not just out of context. More like a completely archaic translation. They need to upgrade to the 21st century.

The greek word used in that passage is more of a catchall for busybodies and/or those prone to gossip and slandering people.

[LK]

Hmm? You dislike associating with other people why again?

I mean, it's not like everyone, or most, or even half that you come across would be that insane. Unless you're going to places (like that small white shack of a church down the highway...) where you increase your chance of finding them.

I guess I came off as "fuck religious people", and I don't really know how best to phrase my feelings on the subject.  I honestly wish I could express it in a nice, acceptable, intelligent, philosophical fashion, but I don't think I'm capable enough.

I just want to be a good person.  But there are a lot of bad people out there, either blatant or masquerading as good, and it makes it difficult for me to trust as a result.

I just have a hard time subscribing to a concept with no physical evidence.  I guess I don't "feel" religious, and am of the belief that it allows me to see through any bullshit that comes my way, be it political, religious, or otherwise.  I do like good arguments though, but I often have to see it with my own eyes to be convinced.

It just sounded like you were a misanthrope, because of a few dumbasses. I was just checking. 

Eh, that might not actually be far off, if you replace "few" with "a lot of people I've met or read about."  Though, it's probably I just fucking hate stupidity / immaturity rather than hating someone for being human, and that if you come off as stupid (and I probably judge too quickly), I'll write you off.  I always have a hard time saying what about me is fact, because I'm always changing.

Lotta smart people here though!  :-D That's why I keep hanging around and reading all the threads in Politics, MMOG Discussion, and I guess now this forum!

[Damn Dirty Ape]

Ah!  FSTDT!  I remember when it was a mere thread under the humor section over at Internet Infidels.  And I recall with a mixture of delight and dread the flamewars that led to some of the quotes.  Weird times.

Magus55 garnered a few listings but he actually went on to become a remarkably tolerant and inquisitive theist.  He wound up teaching me a thing or three about humility, particularly that his earlier hellfire-and-brimstone fundamentalism triggered shame in me because of my own childhood religious indoctrination and I tend to play out that shame by being combative when I perceive anyone being An Ass For Jesus.   

[Ironwood]

3 of your Republican Hopefuls for the Presidency just said they Do Not Believe in the theory of Evolution.

It's not just the down and out Jacktards that are mental.

[Strazos]

3 of your Republican Hopefuls for the Presidency just said they Do Not Believe in the theory of Evolution.

It's not just the down and out Jacktards that are mental.

Seriously? How is that even possible?

[Ironwood]

Fucked if I know.

[Damn Dirty Ape]

They were posing for their constituency:

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ (another oldie-but-goodie)

[Strazos]

Harry Potter Action Alert! 
24-Hour prayer vigils will be held outside the Freehold, Iowa Multiplex beginning in early May[

God damnit, being this fucking stupid should be a criminal offense.


That website is so moronic I am personally insulted and offended.

[Ironwood]

Um.

The green ?

[Roac]

He has to know it was parody.  Doesn't he?

[Ironwood]

I hope so.

I mean, WWJD Thongs ?

[Roac]

Not thongs, more of a hippy type.  Just with alcohol instead of pot.  Sandals, long hair, and spoke about himself in the third person, had issues with free speech, etc.

[Ironwood]

What ?

[Selby]

I grew up listening to this kind of talk, so nothing surprises me.  My parents to a degree still give me grief about my "lifestyle" as well, so I'm not totally removed from it either.

[Nebu]

I liked this one.

"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie"

Surprised it wasn't a quote from W.

[RhyssaFireheart]

LOL!  I haven't seen the Landover Baptist site in ages.  That one really made me laugh.  I particularly like these gems from the Bible Based Sex page.

Is Breastfeeding a Gateway Sin?
"What needs to happen here, is to just do away with breastfeeding altogether," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Poor young Christian boys are being weaned into oral gratification from infancy and the whole thing just stinks like the devil's hiney...

TAMPONS: Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd...

Pastor Orders Christian Men to Think Only About Jesus While Masturbating
"While the Bible does not outlaw masturbation, it severely restricts the circumstances under which it may occur," noted Pastor Deacon Fred.  The first restriction is that no Landover gentleman will be permitted to...