Shockeye's Useless News

[Paelos]

I have no words. I... am at a loss.

"Hi, I'm Rachael Ray, and today, not only am I beating the clock, I'm beatin' the box."

AHAHAHA!

[HaemishM]

I watch her show sometimes. I gotta admit, she is hot, in that "so goddamn perky, you just want to shag her rotten until she can't talk anymore" kind of way. She's just so fucking perky, though, you want her to shut her damn mouth.

[Sky]

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.

[Shockeye]

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.

W
T
F
?

[voodoolily]

God, did I get HERE late. I'm just glad admins are wasting everyone's time too (instead of just me).

[Shockeye]

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.

Oh wait, I think Sky is bitching about the Avril posts? Maybe?

I'm confused.

[voodoolily]

I can see how Sky got the posts mixed up, since Avril Lavigne is so perky. Especially when she looks like a Hot Topic vomited all over her.

[Strazos]

Hawtest...cook...Evar

[voodoolily]

Here is why Rachel Ray annoys the fuck out of me (and prolly why you guys all wanna banger): besides the fact that she looks and talks like a bad 'Rachel from Friends' puppet, she cooks really stupid food that anyone in 6th grade home ec could make. And her eyes roll to the back of her head like she's being strangled every time she tastes anything.

Besides, anyone worth their salt knows that Anthony Bourdain is teh hawtest cook evar.

[HaemishM]

I like Bourdain; I just wish his show on Food Network hadn't been moved or cancelled. That was fun.

She's like the ultimate Cheerleader type, which is where some of the hawtness (and annoyance factor) comes from. She's all overexaggerated smarminess. And she is cute.

[Strazos]

she cooks really stupid food that anyone in 6th grade home ec could make.

There's a huge difference between simply having the ability to cook (which I posses, in theory), and actually doing it (which I refuse to do, normally).

[voodoolily]

And some of have both and fucking BRING IT!

There are plenty of people who like to cook, and do it often, but still make the stupidest shit you would never want to eat. Opening a can of cream of mushroom soup does NOT mean you just made gravy.

[Strazos]

Oh Ho, but are they also usually cuties?

No? That's what I thought.

[voodoolily]

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

Edit: see later post

[Sky]

Scary pic of the day. Maybe NSFW banners.

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.


Better?

[Shockeye]

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

My wife is a hot chick who doesn't play videogames. She claims she can cook, but, well...

Some days I'm really lucky she doesn't read the shit I post here.

[Shockeye]

Scary pic of the day. Maybe NSFW banners.

Some people are shocked, I guess, to find that redheads have very faintly visible facial hair, and some women accentuate their eyebrows and lashes with makeup. I mean, look at Sissy Spasek, fer crissakes. You are a callous bunch of turds looking for the next thing to mock from your branch on the tree of superiority.

Meanwhile, she's a huge pop star and you're some punks on a message board wasting time. Teh hate is stupid, read the memo, kids.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled generic rage.


Better?

Slightly. I will stand by the fact that the pictures are scary.

[voodoolily]

Oh Ho, but are they also usually cuties?

No? That's what I thought.

Actually, you're right. They're not usually hotties. In fact, rarely. However! Watch Kylie Kwong's show on Discovery Home. She is a hawtt Australian Chinese chick and her show looks and sounds like pr0n. And she makes shit besides crudites which, I'm sorry, is just a fucking plate of raw godamned vegetables and NOT dinner!!!

[voodoolily]

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

My wife is a hot chick who doesn't play videogames. She claims she can cook, but, well...

Some days I'm really lucky she doesn't read the shit I post here.

You missed the point, which is that some women have the looks, the game and the sauce.

[Paelos]

You missed the point, which is that some women have the looks, the game and the sauce.

They aren't roaming the streets en masse, though. I think we all realize they exist.

[voodoolily]

You're right. I shouldn't have even responded to that nonsense about Rachel Ray. But jeez, guys, don't lower your standards just because you think the whole package is an endangered species! I'm not saying you do (or are), but just don't.

[Paelos]

You're right. I shouldn't have even responded to that nonsense about Rachel Ray. But jeez, guys, don't lower your standards just because you think the whole package is an endangered species! I'm not saying you do (or are), but just don't.

So, like, are you going to post nude shots of yourself now or what? 

[voodoolily]

this is just a headshot, but you get the idea...

[Paelos]

Neat, here's me:

[Shockeye]

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

My wife is a hot chick who doesn't play videogames. She claims she can cook, but, well...

Some days I'm really lucky she doesn't read the shit I post here.

You missed the point, which is that some women have the looks, the game and the sauce.

Since when have you ever known a man to get the point?

[voodoolily]

Heh. Touche.

I, btw, was in no way implying that I have looks or sauce. I barely have game. Okay, I can cook.

An aside: a friend of mine (male) did some nude photo shoots wearing nothing but an apron and a yamaka. He's also got more cushin' for the pushin', if you catch my drift (he's large and in charge). The photos got bought by some deranged Jewboi fetish site for which I do not have an url and will not try to find.

[SirBruce]

I still like Avril regardless of what she looks like without makeup.

Bruce

[Strazos]

At the risk of outing myself as a female who doesn't have an overbite or rock 250, I'll let you remain in your dark little hole where hot chicks can't cook or play videogames.

Edit: see later post

I think I was talking about TV Chefs, and failed to indicate such.

Also notice the use of the modifier usually.

There are a lot of cute girls. Some can cook. Very few of them can play games with any kind of skill worth mentioning. The number of women who can say "yes" to all three of these can be counted on all of my digits, I imagine.

[Furiously]

There is something about Racheal Ray's large mouth, and the foodgasms she has...

She cooks?

[stray]

I've lost track on where this topic was going, but I thought I'd just post of a pic of Nigella Lawson:



And another:



I really don't care if she can cook or not.

[WayAbvPar]

Rachael Ray was moderately attractive at one point. Now her ass is nearly 70% of her body mass, and is showing no signs of abating.

Nigella is a hottie. Big cans in tight shirts ftw, as always.

[Strazos]

Nigella is a hottie. Big cans in tight shirts ftw, as always.

In the words of good ole Imoen..

"DUH!"

[HaemishM]

What channel is she on?

[stray]

The Style Network.

*don't ask why I know*

I think it's syndicated and she's originally from the BBC though. Not sure.

[SuperPopTart]

What channel is she on?

She makes regular appearances on Regis and Kath..er Kelly.

She does the occasional show on The Food Network

And she is also on Fine Living.


Women that can also cook...




And sad to say, these women probably do rock 250, or however that lily person put it.

But they probably cook a mean pot roast.