Shockeye's Useless News

[Shockeye]

Here's a follow-up I'm srue you all want to know more about.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

British woman sentenced for ripping off ex's testicle

REUTERS

LONDON -- A British woman was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in jail today for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

[Shockeye]

Yet another IKEA stampede. It is time to bomb Sweden.

Stampede at Opening of London IKEA Store

By MICHAEL McDONOUGH, Associated Press Writer

Thursday, February 10, 2005

(02-10) 02:19 PST LONDON, United Kingdom (AP) --

A man was stabbed and five other people were taken to hospital after thousands of customers caused a stampede at the midnight opening of a new IKEA furniture store in north London, British authorities said Thursday. The Swedish retailer expressed regret at the incident.

The stabbing victim, a man in his 20s, was attacked at around 1:30 a.m. near the IKEA store, a spokeswoman for London's Metropolitan Police said, adding that his condition did not appear life-threatening.

The new IKEA warehouse in the Edmonton district had been due to operate 24 hours to mark the opening, but shut until further notice after some 40 minutes because of the unexpectedly large crowds.

Some 6,000 people flocked to the Swedish furniture store, which had been offering special bargains including leather sofas for $84.

Many customers abandoned their vehicles in the middle of a major road near the shop and walked to the store, causing severe traffic jams, police said. In addition to the stabbing victim, one patient was taken to hospital with chest pains and four others were treated for minor injuries, a London Ambulance Service spokesman said.

IKEA said it had opened 12 other stores in Britain before and was stunned by the Edmonton stampede.

"IKEA could never have predicted and are genuinely overwhelmed at the outcome of the evening and the consequences that the opening of a home furnishing retailer has had," the retailer said in a statement.

The store was forced to close 41 minutes after it opened, an IKEA spokeswoman said.

Assistant Divisional Officer William Bird, of the London Fire Service, said he had never seen anything like the crush before.

"It was extraordinary and to a certain extent unexpected," Bird told British Broadcasting Corp. radio. "There were crush injuries and people suffering from shock from the pushing and shoving."

[HaemishM]

How desperate for a cheap couch do you have to be to stab a brother over it?

[Train Wreck]

It's no wonder they won't let their people have guns.  They go fucking nuts over a sale.

[Signe]

I'm surprised a game of footie didn't break out.  Of course, England v Sweden is a no brainer.

[Ironwood]

I'm a little more concerned that the shop was selling leather sofas for Dollars.  Surely some kind of coin of the realm would be more in order ?

[Shockeye]

Seeing as how this is from an United States paper, I'm sure some bloke decided to covert pounds sterling to dollars.

[Shockeye]

This is beyond useless. This is stupid. NSFW?

[Signe]

I couldn't watch anything after they started going for the nether regions.  Did anyone die?

[Zetleft]

Unfortunately no.

[schild]

I think I died a little bit when I watched that.

Does that count? 

[HaemishM]

WHAT... THE... FUCK? Could someone tell me what country these people were from, so I know what our next target in the War on Stupid should be?

I've heard of lighting farts, but when one actually goes out of one's way to light their pubes on fire, sterilization is the only answer.

[WayAbvPar]

I've heard of lighting farts, but when one actually goes out of one's way to light their pubes on fire, sterilization is the only answer.

Not to mention a likely result. At least one would hope.

[HaemishM]

Melted genitalia is high comedy.

[Paelos]

Melted genitalia is high comedy.

That's almost sig worthy.

[SuperPopTart]

That fire would have died out before it ever got to their nether regions.. did you see how much forest it would have had to plow through?

Holy hairball.

That's gross.

On a side note, those people should have their testicles removed so as not to breed.

[Shockeye]

I liked the idiot that lit his face on fire. He's my new hero. I'm going to track him down and have him sit next to me on the Insanity ride at the Stratosphere Hotel.

[Shockeye]

If your stomach is up for it you can check this out.

For some reason I have this unhealthy fascination with Britney Spears.

I need help.

[HaemishM]

Pure comedy gold!

[Shockeye]

Tiffany vs. Debbie Gibson

Poll is SFW, links to their pictures are NSFW.

[HaemishM]

I gotta go with the redhead.

[Shockeye]

I gotta go with the redhead.

I agree.

[Strazos]

That fire would have died out before it ever got to their nether regions.. did you see how much forest it would have had to plow through?

Holy hairball.

That's gross.

On a side note, those people should have their testicles removed so as not to breed.

Yeah...this is assuming they're not too dumb to breed.

Sidenote: I'm assuming this was someplace in Europe...sounded like Sweden or something. Anyway, have they not heard of shaving, or at least Trimming? Imagine the smells their poor girls have to put up with if they decide to do the dirty deed.

[HaemishM]

Based on that video, I'm pretty sure none of them has had to worry about that for quite some time.

[Strazos]

Based on that video, I'm pretty sure none of them has had to worry about that for quite some time.

I dunno....at least in this shithold called New Jersey, Murphy's Law would dictate that guys like that have no problems getting chicks...

It's the nice, decent guys that don't have to concern themselves with the womens unfortunately.

[Shockeye]

Did you girlfriend/boyfriend/sex buddy/wife/husband/pet just dump you? Do you enjoy Larry the Cable Guy or Jeff Foxworthy?

If so, shoot yourself.

If you don't have a gun, get back into the game at Redneck and Single.

[HaemishM]

Oh... dear... GOD.

[Shockeye]

I guess she couldn't keep it in her swimsuit.  SFW

[Strazos]

Broken link there, Flapjack.

[Shockeye]

Broken link there, Flapjack.

All better.

[Strazos]

To her, I say "meh."

I guess she has a good body...just not to my liking.

[Paelos]

High standards on the internet I see.

 

[Shockeye]

Look at her breast area. Her "padding" is slipping out under the left breast and it's being squeezed out on top of the right one. The photographers at SI really really really suck.

[SuperPopTart]

Little slip of the implant.

[Paelos]

Wardrobe malfunction