Welcome to a male world

[Selby]

The people I met in Church were all very nice. Some of them were what you might call conservative but all were kind and understanding. They weren't the type to spread hatred

....

How is it possible to say you believe one thing and literally practice the exact opposite?

This has been my biggest experience with most churches in the south and midwest where I grew up.  They were NICE as can be... until you turned on their idea of what the faith should be.  Then they tried to persuade you.  If that didn't work they turned their back on you and officially denounced you were lost (as if they could make such a decision).  People who were supposedly your friends stopped calling you, stopped dealing with you, everything.  And this was only over an argument I had with one of the church leaders over tithing\money donation!  I can only imagine how bad it would have been if I had come out as gay or something equally "evil" in their eyes.  Years later a few of the people involved said they hoped my one bad experience would not turn me against church and God, I told them God and I were fine, his followers in the church need to do a little more practicing instead of preaching.  I checked out and never went back again regarding organized religion.

It's easy to preach about faith and love and accepting of everyone, but it's really hard to actually act on it, especially when not everyone is a squeaky clean WASP with a good job, a stay at home mom, a nice house, and 2.4 kids.  Those people obviously have done something to offend God and therefore you shouldn't have anything to do with them.  Nevermind that Jesus never went and spent considerable time with the church elders but with the tax collectors, harlots, and down and out.  People society had deemed had less worth than others.

[Paelos]

No church is going to be perfect. I know this cause I've been to about 10 over my 25 years of living, and all of them have had some issues that inevitably I couldn't put up with anymore. I'm currently churchless, but I do want to find one that I can be a part of in the near future.

As to answer the question of how some Christians can get so far off-base, a lot of people grow up with this idea that God is some kind of judge in a gameshow. He tells us the rules before we start the game, and then whoever decides to play tries to go the longest without breaking them. You also get bonus points for making sure that you enforce the rules on other players, and if you catch them first, you get to beat them down with the rulebook. Also, the more people you get to play the game, the points you can accrue. If you beat the point goal at the end, you get an everlasting reward.

They don't say this out loud of course, and they would call it horribly trite to refer to it that way, but the truth is that they don't really have any kind of connection with God other than as a referee. They don't see his love, they don't understand his mercy, and they didn't read into the messages. They just saw the rules and thought that following the rules = love, which = win. They are what we call legalists, and they are some of the scariest Christians you will ever meet in your life. A Christian that has any love in their heart could never abuse another human being for their sins. They could try to talk to them, convince them, even minister to them, but never threaten, harm, intimidate, or coerce them into the flock. That's Satan's way of getting to them, and it's something a LOT of people in Christian power positions struggle with.

You are told you speak for God, you are told that you are the defender of God's church, you are told that you must lead the flock. Suddenly, after time, you just assume that your opinions are God's opinions because you thought them. Then, you start to take up causes in God's name because the Bible says they are wrong. Then you find that you and your followers are screaming fire and brimstone at a scared 16-year-old girl, bawling her eyes out as she walks into an abortion clinic, because she's commiting murder.

Then at some point in your life you step back and think, not once did I speak to this girl, not once did I ask her name, and not once did I look beyond her condition to find out why she was actually walking through that door in the first place. Then you realize you failed because you let your pride take you down a long path that had nothing to do with God. You took him out of the equation when you started making decisions FOR God, not because of God. And on top of that you caused about 1,000 other people, like the people on this very board, to read your story and realize that God's people don't love anyone, so why should they believe in your God?

I've seen it, I know it, and it's a daily tragedy. However, there are good Christians out there who don't want that kind of church. And if I can't find one soon, I'm going to have to create it.

[Roac]

Then at some point in your life you step back and think, not once did I speak to this girl, not once did I ask her name, and not once did I look beyond her condition to find out why she was actually walking through that door in the first place. Then you realize you failed because you let your pride take you down a long path that had nothing to do with God.

I think the failure is very likely in such a girl feeling she had to make the decision to start with.  But yeah, that sort of thing happens too much, in too many different ways.

[Lantyssa]

There are a lot of failures in a situation like that.  Sadly, the only forgiving and non-judgemental party is the one that provides the worst choice in an ideal world.

That is a very good essay, Paelos.  Much of it is the reason I am not religious.