What we all want to write about our experience doing tech support.

[bhodi]

fake or real, it made me laugh:

http://www.tommyv2.com/05march14b.htm

(in case his website goes down, here's a mirror)

[Strazos]

They both look to be FUBAR.

That piece is amazing. I want to see the hot blonde in Pod G.

[Margalis]

So wait, tech support is mostly anwersing questions from clueless people?

Who would have thought?

[Murgos]

So wait, tech support is mostly anwersing questions from clueless people?

Who would have thought?

No, actually they aren't.  If you were actually there to help people with their problems tech support wouldn't be so bad.  What you are really there for is so that the call center can meet their metrics in an optimal way.

This usually results in things like required call flow that's intent is only to get the person off the line as soon as possible.  It's a soul grinding kind of work.

[HaemishM]

Yeah, tech support is not about helping people. It's about getting them off the phone while making them FEEL like they've been helped, but without straining anything important. As soon as it has to go off script, the guy behind the phone can't really help you. It's only gotten worse since the rise in outsourcing.

[Miasma]

That guy came off sounding like a whiny asshole with a huge sense of entitlement.

He liked the people he worked with.
He liked his supervisor.
He thought he got paid an above average salary.
He actually had some spare time.

As far as I can tell the only complaint he had was that people who don't understand how to use technology kept having the audacity to phone the help line.  If I were in that human resources department and feeling malicious I would forward his "counting down the minutes until I brought a gun to work and kill myself, possibly others" statement to the police.

I know that tech support can be a really draining, often frustrating job and so does everyone else who works in technology, he knew what he was going into so too bad.  People who have a sense of humor and the ability to comprehend that not everyone (actually very few) people know how to configure modern gear can do fine in those jobs.

[WayAbvPar]

I can feel his pain. I have worked similar soulless jobs that make you follow their script and not wander, meaning you have to treat the customers who actually have a clue the same as the ones who couldn't find their ass with both hands. Nothing makes me crazier when I call with a technical question; I have a specific question, but I have to go through their script with them to make their higherups feel like they are being thorough.

[Sky]

I think I mentioned I was once fired from a telemarketing job (selling timeshares when I was in Frisco) because I didn't use the script. Actually, I'd laugh at each new revision the manager would pump out. He was the 'executive' manager (opposed to the floor manager who did all the work), and all he did was train new employees, write scripts, and give pep talks. He was hilarious (imo). Fired when I was in the top three sales consistently...because I refused to follow the script and only worked from 'dead' leads (stuff other employees threw out). I still chuckle thinking about that one. Some great managerial training there (in what not to do when managing people).

[geldonyetich]

See, now my problem is I kept all that on the inside until I was a time bomb ready to go off.  This is one of the few jobs you feel relieved about when you're fired.  The state sympathyzed enough that I got unemployment compensation anyway.

[sinij]

I actually had to write some customer support scripts as part of my work for a small telecom. They were badly needed, some of the people that were doing technical support were outright abusive without realizing it (cultural differences) or as a way to get let go and collect unemployment.

Script and demonstrative firing for not following it helped things a lot by drastically reducing number of complaints to CEO and what-were-they-thinking 'calls from hell'. Most calls are ether RTFM, 12-oclock flashers that are too cheap to pay for 'complete install' option or people venting about things we can't/won't change.

That and CS is never about helping people, its all about customer retention at lowest cost - when you have somebody to yell at when problems happen you are not as likely to stop paying. Trying to help customers cost a lot more, often cost-prohibitive, and leads to customers relying on your technical support to solve every single, no matter how trivial or marginally related problem. My favorite example of one complicated problem that resulted in service costs being equal to TEN (10) year profit from that client. 

I understand everyone would love to have perfect customer support, where they deal directly with a professional that tries to work on your problem. Thing is, unless you are enterprise client brining thousands of dollars of profit you are not going to get it. Your bargain discounted plan that you switched to save 5% from your last deal typically has 15-25% profit margin and can’t support anything better than scripted scapegoat support. Most people want cheap, quality service, right away and all the time - you can do maybe 1.5 of these things at once.

General problem with first tier technical support is that all qualified people move on/get promoted, resulting in bulk of people working at first-tier support are ether recently hired students that don't plan on sticking around, immigrants with language/cultural difficulties or people with significant social/attitude/whatever problems. Without canned script, that strictly enforced, you end up with few people that end up better-off and most that work significantly worse. You also cannot allow exceptions for qualified people or next time you fire some asshat for trying to have phone sex with a customer (true story) you will get sued for discrimination or selective enforcement. If you find that script is holding you back - it is time to talk about promotion or look for better job.

/rant

[Murgos]

I actually had to write some customer support scripts as part of my work for a small telecom. They were badly needed, some of the people that were doing technical support were outright abusive without realizing it (cultural differences) or as a way to get let go and collect unemployment.

Anyone else find the thought of Sinij writing anything inoffensive culturally neutral as funny as I did?

[sinij]

Anyone else find the thought of Sinij writing anything inoffensive culturally neutral as funny as I did?

Its funny even to me, but I don't imagine you do things you enjoy for living.

(x)  How do I tell if my _____ turned on? ----------> (r) Go to the nearest water outlet, start water, pour it all over yourself then device. Make sure to wet your hands, chest and feet before pouring any water on the device.
(x)  Electrocution noises ------->(i) Device is turned on.
(x)  Any other response -------> (i) Device is turned off. (r) It appears that device is turned off. Please make sure power switch at the back of the device is in ON position.

[Lantyssa]

Yes, I do as well.

[Tale]

My team: Journalists writing and editing news for the web.

Our colleagues: Journalists writing and editing news for television.

Typical day: Get introduced again as "our IT guy". Get asked how I learnt about computers. Get asked to help colleague sort email by date. Get blamed for website downtime. Get asked why someone's home Internet connection is so slow.

My revenge: Carry broken old CRT to colleague's desk: "Hi. You work in TV. Please can you fix my television?"

[Sky]

I have a friend who was a tv repairman in the 80s. I love asking him about problems with my washing machine. It seems for some reason, people think tv repairmen can also fix washers and dryers...and he made the mistake of telling me once.

Anyway, as the computer guy here, people ask me to fix everything electronic. My favorite phrase is "Ask yourself...is it a computer?" "No." "See you later." I'm actually pretty nice and usually give it a shot since I'm decent with electronics, but I like people to know how nonsensical the connection is. I can fix a computer, so of course I can fix a microfilm reader or a copier.

[Engels]

The funny thing for me is that in my company, because we're the IT team, we are, in fact, put charge of anything that turns on. I wish I were kidding.

[Roac]

Anyway, as the computer guy here, people ask me to fix everything electronic. My favorite phrase is "Ask yourself...is it a computer?" "No." "See you later." I'm actually pretty nice and usually give it a shot since I'm decent with electronics, but I like people to know how nonsensical the connection is. I can fix a computer, so of course I can fix a microfilm reader or a copier.

I used to think that.  Then one day, I was heading back to my car from a meeting in another building.  There were a couple officers in the lot who recognized me, and snagged me to help them.  Their problem?  Their GPS handheld didn't work.  I've never seen a GPS handheld before.  They wanted assistance and I tried to brush them off with a "no clue" response, but they were insistant.  Ok, not like I can break it (it wasn't working at all for them at this point), so I gave it a shot.  Fixed in under a minute.  Their problem?  The screen brightness was turned down to the minimum level, which on the grey display was almost impossible to read, and for some reason was only adjustable through a menu.  I might as well have walked up with a pointy hat and wand for all they knew.

Or, I walk into a project where the client piece is having trouble syncing up with the server.  That takes a couple days to debug, and another week of off-and-on checking to make sure the fix took.  Along the way someone asks if I could fix the default focus.  Easy enough, that's literally a minute fix (why was it even a problem anyway?).  Both fixes wind up getting equal billing even though an intern could've handled the second.  

I've given up trying to argue.  Half my job is managing million dollar projects.  The other half is adjusting contrast ratios on screens.  Can you guess as to which earns more praise?  That's just people focusing on the things that are of the most immediate need to them, but which look more than a little silly from the outside.  I guess I could write them a nastygram and post it on my website.  I'd rather just chalk it up to humanity, accept their misguided praise, and move along to the next thing.

[HaemishM]

I get those kind of stupid "can you fix this?" questions all the time. Presentation room TV's and sound systems, laptop projectors, VCR's. Luckily, I'm the guy they go to if they can't find the IT guy (yes, just one guy) or my supervisor so I only get them rarely. You'd be amazed what complete morons people are when it comes to technology they own.

But then I'm sure car mechanics are right now on a message board somewhere laughing their asses off at the shittastic state I leave my car in, so it's all good.

[Merusk]

But then I'm sure car mechanics are right now on a message board somewhere laughing their asses off at the shittastic state I leave my car in, so it's all good.

More correctly; they would be if their intern-net could talk to the web sight.  The damn AOL icon dissapeared again.

[Riggswolfe]

That guy came off sounding like a whiny asshole with a huge sense of entitlement.

That guy came off like a person who worked in a call center, had his soul sucked out, felt like he was a cog in a great machine, realized the company didn't give a shit if he was there or not, realized the people on the phone blamed him for everything whether it was his fault or not, and basically decided to vent about it on his exit interview.

If you've never worked in a call center, you have literally no right to speak about it. You can not understand what it does to you. When I worked in call centers, I saw employees who were fired for being sick (legitimate stuff like chicken pox and in one case cancer of the ovaries), told to quit by doctor's before they had heart attacks from the stress, had marriage problems because of the hours, were depressed beyond anything I've ever seen, etc.

Those jobs are truly horrific. You seriously have no idea what a stressful environment a call center is.

[sinij]

Mechanics nowadays need to know more about electronics than your typical IT worker. At the minimum to service modern cars you need to know how to use OBD-II, more often a lot more complicated systems that allow you to control individual car components for troubleshooting purposes. Fixing modern car is comparable to fixing broken computer, just with few more added levels of electromechanical complexity.

Typical complaint is that 'car drives funny' and typical diagnostic would be to interface with car OBC (On Board Computer) and check error codes then cross referenced with dynamically updated troubleshooting database from car manufacturer in order to even understand what area is causing problems. No longer you can look at the car and say symptom A = part B is broken, its all interfaced and computerized and more often than not its electronics that fail.

Sometimes customers can't afford to replace failed electromechanical component ($300-$1500 is usual range) so you need to know if it can be fixed or if there workaround for that particular problem.

[Murgos]

That was an awful lot of text to say they plug the jack into the socket and run the engine until a number pops up on the display which they then type into the computer and hit "Search"...

[sinij]

Similarly to how IT just runs anti-virus programs and downloads patches. 

[Viin]

Not that I want to get too far back on topic here, but getting fired from TeleTech was one of the best things to happen to me. Seriously, if I had moved from the call room floor into the NOC like I was suppose to, I never would have the job I have today.

Which brings up an interesting point: how many times have you gotten a job that was *worse* (that wasn't temporary) than the job you had when you were fired or quit (without already having another job lined up)? Hmm?

[Roac]

Which brings up an interesting point: how many times have you gotten a job that was *worse* (that wasn't temporary) than the job you had when you were fired or quit (without already having another job lined up)? Hmm?

I'd think that in any case where you were fired or quit, cognitive bias is going to dictate it is worse than whatever comes along next.  If you're fired, it wasn't YOUR fault.  Stupid boss.  If you quit, at best it's because something better came along.  And it IS better just because you left whatever you had, so it has to be or you wouldn't have left.  At worst, you hated it and were happy to leave even if it's to tree farm or play WoW.

[Viin]

I'd think that in any case where you were fired or quit, cognitive bias is going to dictate it is worse than whatever comes along next.  If you're fired, it wasn't YOUR fault.  Stupid boss.  If you quit, at best it's because something better came along.  And it IS better just because you left whatever you had, so it has to be or you wouldn't have left.  At worst, you hated it and were happy to leave even if it's to tree farm or play WoW.

Yes, but I should have included 'laid off' in there as well. Many folks get laid off without expecting it - and I'm sure more than a few people are distraught for being fired, that doesn't mean they *wanted* to leave the job.

[HaemishM]

The job I got after I got laid off in 1996 was decent for a little while, but by 1997 it had gotten MUCH MUCH WORSE. My boss was a fucking crook. I eventually quit that job and got a lower-paying one that ended up being worse for having to work too much, one whole month of 12-16 hour days. The next year I got a better job than that one, and I'm still in it, almost 8 years later.

[sinij]

So far I enjoyed multitude of different jobs and it seems that higher I get on a pay grade more soul sucking it is. I couldn't take my last job anymore (try to imagine what kind of a job will phase thick-skinned individual like me) and quitting it was the best decision I made in a long time, even if quitting it means no new BMW from Santa.

If you are not happy with your job - find something you are happy doing, with people you enjoy spending time and can relate to. New shiny toys and money hats will not make you happy for long time.

[Tale]

Which brings up an interesting point: how many times have you gotten a job that was *worse* (that wasn't temporary) than the job you had when you were fired or quit (without already having another job lined up)? Hmm?

In 1993 I was editor-in-chief of a fairly radical student newspaper. We stood against the evils of student loan schemes, rising fees for education, lack of free beer, etc.

Three years later I saved enough money from a real job to quit and go overseas. Among my travels, I decided to ride a bicycle around Scotland. After that I was in great physical shape with short-cropped hair. There was a cold winter to survive and my funds were dwindling. I bluffed my way into rental accommodation in Glasgow, but couldn't find work.

Things were looking grim, until I saw a job advertisement for a letter writer, bluffed that I was planning to live permanently in Scotland ... and spent that winter answering complaint letters point-by-point in the debt collection call centre of the Student Loans Company, with a gay boss who kept staring, winking, issuing special invitations to his office and throwing public tantrums because I always had some other commitment.

I survived four months, assured him everything would be fine while he took a holiday in the Canary Islands, and quit the next day. I was able to travel onwards for another year on that money and an inheritance, but I think it took the first two months to deprogram myself. "I'm sorry, but you can't be excused from paying off your loan." "Yes, I may be able to have that chat in your office, but only *after* I've wandered around aimlessly on levels two and three pretending to search for some files."

P.S. We also had computer training in that job. The trainer pointed to the screen and said "this is called the monitor". Then she pointed to the case and said "this is called the hard disk". I sat there quietly, watching an entire workforce get trained to tell tech support that they put the floppy disk into the hard drive.

[Engels]

Heh, sounds like a RL version of The Office