Useless Conversation

[Nerf]

Buy them an initial consultation with a divorce lawyer.

This. I was separated within 8 months of the wedding, would have been a great gift.

I set up a local divorce attorney with new CC processing and customized gift cards a few months back, she uses them as business cards.  You could probably get her to mail you one and it would look like you dropped $500 on their present!

[Ironwood]

 

[K9]

That really would not mesh with my wedding gift $35 guideline.

I've found the better way - take the pictures, they pay you to show up.

I was at a friends wedding recently where they have been a couple for 9 years or so and didn't need anything. So the best man and I got the best group photo from the stag do, touched it up, printed it up nicely and got it framed, then got all the members of the stag do to sign the insert. The groom seemed to like it, and frankly, if I was getting married I would rather be given stuff that I can't buy, like pictures.

[Merusk]

Also I am looking into binaural music, otherwise known as digital drug.  So far I can't tell it is working, but more testing required.

Everything I've read says it's a hoax. 21st century snake oil for the most drug-hungry nation in the world.

[Ingmar]

Also I am looking into binaural music, otherwise known as digital drug.  So far I can't tell it is working, but more testing required.

Everything I've read says it's a hoax. 21st century snake oil for the most drug-hungry nation in the world.

The trance/drug/whatever stuff is indeed just nonsense, but there's some value to binaural recording techniques for headphone playback. Done right it gives a better spatial 'feeling' than normal stereo recording, stuff that you are meant to hear from behind you will sound like it is behind you, etc.

[Selby]

Buy them an initial consultation with a divorce lawyer.

This.  Or better yet, convince them not to get married ;-)

[Merusk]

Also I am looking into binaural music, otherwise known as digital drug.  So far I can't tell it is working, but more testing required.

Everything I've read says it's a hoax. 21st century snake oil for the most drug-hungry nation in the world.

The trance/drug/whatever stuff is indeed just nonsense, but there's some value to binaural recording techniques for headphone playback. Done right it gives a better spatial 'feeling' than normal stereo recording, stuff that you are meant to hear from behind you will sound like it is behind you, etc.

Yeah I just assumed it was the drug part itself he was referencing, not the validity of using it for surround sound.  My sound blaster does the spatial binaural stuff and it's amazing.

[Lantyssa]

That's not really super weird, actually. Well NOTHING under $200 is weird, but a lot of normal stuff people put on there was getting towards that neighborhood even 7 years ago when we were putting our list together. Your nicer kitchen appliances and such, a lot of the china place settings, etc.

Maybe it's because I'm nearing 40 and am content with what I have.  There really isn't much I need, so any registry I'd make would almost have to be putting items on it just for the sake of having a registry.

I rather like that idea of having people donate to various causes I support.

[Lianka]

I read of a wedding somewhere where if invitees were bringing a guest, they could only do so if they 'donated' $20, close relatives were given VIP status, etc.  All on the guise of making it a burning man style party..

On the topic of randomness, children's finger paints have more of an adhesive quality than I remember from my childhood..

Edit: hyperlink..

[Strazos]

Hell, I'm determined to find a way to bypass the diamond ring, because I think paying that much for a bauble that sits on your hand and has no practical use is retarded.

We'll see how that turns out some day. 


Somewhat related, do you people do the wedding announcements? What is with that self-centered attention-whore nonsense? "Whoop dee doo, we got married!" Not like it's difficult.

[Nebu]

I will quite happily spend the rest of my life committed to a single woman, but will never again get married.  The whole idea of marriage seems antiquated.  Being an atheist may have something to do with this.

[Rasix]

Being an atheist may have something to do with this.

I don't see why it would. Marriage is just a social contract for me. 

Anyhow, we're getting serious in Serious Business.  That's not good.  I blame the sad-fuckers brigade and our worldly manchild. 

[Merusk]

Being an atheist may have something to do with this.

I don't see why it would. Marriage is just a social contract for me.  

Yep.  The rights and such that are conveyed with marriage are too powerful to not have if you're committing yourself to a long-term relationship  It's one of the reasons I think it's so fucked to deny it to gays. (doh politics)   I couldn't even change the cable lineup at our house if my wife and I weren't married.  

I've got a co-worker who had a bad marriage and divorce and she refuses to get married, too.  She's been with the same guy for 7 years but won't marry him and won't even badger him into divorcing the wife he's been separated from for the last 7 years.     I keep trying to explain to her that this is a very, very bad setup,  particularly now that they're having a kid, but she won't listen.  I await the day he has an accident and she's kept out of the loop while the estranged wife decides to pull the plug and collect his social security and life insurance.

tldr: People do dumb things when they see marriage as unimportant while the rules of the game say it is.

[Cyrrex]

Hell, I'm determined to find a way to bypass the diamond ring, because I think paying that much for a bauble that sits on your hand and has no practical use is retarded.

We'll see how that turns out some day. 


Somewhat related, do you people do the wedding announcements? What is with that self-centered attention-whore nonsense? "Whoop dee doo, we got married!" Not like it's difficult.

Make her watch Blood Diamond with you like 5 times.  Be sure to comment how you think that people who buy diamonds are a bunch of self centered bitches who are basically responsible for killing babies.  Her response to this will tell you all that you need to know about her.  Honestly.

[NowhereMan]

The family's off to a cousin's wedding soon (except my dad, it's his sister's daughter but he can't stand half his family and so won't go, my brother loves them so the rest of us are going) and they don't have a gift list. They've been living together for 5 years and just finished building a house. My mum is getting quite worried about what to buy them since as far as she's concerned that's part of going to a wedding. I can see her point, it's a big party and you want to show that you gave it some thought, not radically different from a birthday although it should be much, much rarer, which in itself is a reason for getting something nice. It's not really the case anymore though that wedding gifts are there to give the new couple a headstart with living together since most people seem to move in together before they get married.

On the gift buying itself, have you considered trying to get in touch with some other friends who are going and clubbing together for one of the items? The couple are getting what they want and you aren't spending a fortune.

[Nebu]

tldr: People do dumb things when they see marriage as unimportant while the rules of the game say it is.

Dumb?  Please tell me what dumb thing I'm doing?

[Samwise]

Make her watch Blood Diamond with you like 5 times.  Be sure to comment how you think that people who buy diamonds are a bunch of self centered bitches who are basically responsible for killing babies.  Her response to this will tell you all that you need to know about her.  Honestly.

They actually do have "conflict-free" diamonds that are certified not to have killed any babies; I got one for my wife's engagement ring.  If you're just looking for an excuse to be a cheap bastard, though, best not to mention those, since they're a little more expensive.

[NowhereMan]

tldr: People do dumb things when they see marriage as unimportant while the rules of the game say it is.

Dumb?  Please tell me what dumb thing I'm doing?

The point being that marriage conveys a whole load of legal rights and such that mean if the woman you've elected to spend the rest of your life with gets hit by a car you don't have to choose between 1) Filling out a load of paperwork, possibly getting a lawyer and all the other legalities or 2) Getting her parents/siblings to come and make decisions for her. Stuff that goes beyond property sharing and what to do with a divorce. Unless of course when you say you don't think marriage is important you mean just the ceremony, then there's nothing dumb.

[IainC]

Neither my wife nor I think marriage is important from a personal viewpoint but we got married precisely because it is important from a legal one (in our case she would not have been able to remain in the UK unless she was married to me). We had no ceremony - actually we got married by post, we weren't even on the same continent let alone in the same building at the time.

[Yegolev]

Also I am looking into binaural music, otherwise known as digital drug.  So far I can't tell it is working, but more testing required.

Everything I've read says it's a hoax. 21st century snake oil for the most drug-hungry nation in the world.

Seems so.  Back to Aphex Twin.

Neither my wife nor I think marriage is important from a personal viewpoint but we got married precisely because it is important from a legal one

We agree on this, but we had a ceremony for two reasons: the families, and it was a fantastic excuse for a party.

In other news, the transition from Lotus Notes for change requests has begun.  To a MS Sharepoint, but I'm not complaining.  This is even more exciting than the actual project goal of consolidating 30 request tools into one.

[NiX]

I will quite happily spend the rest of my life committed to a single woman, but will never again get married.  The whole idea of marriage seems antiquated.  Being an atheist may have something to do with this.

This is my stand point. The girlfriend isn't very fond of it because she grew up very catholic and mostly because her family expects it. We'll see how this pans out.

I'm still trying to figure out how the groom's brother figured you were going to pay for a bachelor party you didn't RSVP for and didn't attend.  

This boggles my mind too, but its become an issue. Though at no point has the groom or his brother contacted me about it, but feel the need to make it sound like I'm a penny pinching douche. I'm on the fence about how much I give in my card because of how things have gone and my current financial situation.

At this point I'm not concerned with their impression of me. I rarely see them anyway.

[Nebu]

The point being that marriage conveys a whole load of legal rights and such that mean if the woman you've elected to spend the rest of your life with gets hit by a car you don't have to choose between 1) Filling out a load of paperwork, possibly getting a lawyer and all the other legalities or 2) Getting her parents/siblings to come and make decisions for her. Stuff that goes beyond property sharing and what to do with a divorce. Unless of course when you say you don't think marriage is important you mean just the ceremony, then there's nothing dumb.

Many of these things can be easily settled legally in advance.  Marriage is just a legal construct.  I'm just asking any of you to give me a specific example of something that isn't a financial benefit that can only be granted through marriage and not some other legal means.  


Edit: I guess citizenship would be one reason to get married, but that's not a problem in the US.  I may consider marrying a canadian or european should Palin ever get elected.

[Lantyssa]

Many of these things can be easily settled legally in advance.  Marriage is just a legal construct.  I'm just asking any of you to give me a specific example of something that isn't a financial benefit that can only be granted through marriage and not some other legal means.  

Well, you did ask...  There's a reason the 1,138 number is used a lot.

Many are financial, but even a lot of those are because of the impact it can have on a family.  You're pretty well centered, and you know what you want, but there are still gotchas which can ruin your life.  Ultimately though, you have to do what is right for you.

[Ingmar]

New CEO! I am not sure if it is  or  or maybe just  .

[Cyrrex]

Make her watch Blood Diamond with you like 5 times.  Be sure to comment how you think that people who buy diamonds are a bunch of self centered bitches who are basically responsible for killing babies.  Her response to this will tell you all that you need to know about her.  Honestly.

They actually do have "conflict-free" diamonds that are certified not to have killed any babies; I got one for my wife's engagement ring.  If you're just looking for an excuse to be a cheap bastard, though, best not to mention those, since they're a little more expensive.

I ask this out of ignorance:  are those conflict free diamonds coming from the same companies like the DeBeers (sp?) who have a virtual stranglehold on the trade, or is it a new companies that only deal in conflict free diamonds?  If it is the former, I submit that they are still blood diamonds.

[Soln]

with today's economic outlook I genuinely don't understand young people (or people at any age) spending tens of thousands of $ on a wedding.  It's just a bit of theatre with a party at the end, no?

[Ingmar]

I heard a thing about those conflict free diamonds on the radio recently and my impression was that unless you knew for sure they were sourced in Canada or something there was still a lot of unethical stuff going on with some of them - something about the board that certifies them as conflict-free only flagging diamonds from certain types of labor or groups as 'conflict-free' while giving a pass for others that people would still largely consider bad, but I don't remember the exact details unfortunately.

with today's economic outlook I genuinely don't understand young people (or people at any age) spending tens of thousands of $ on a wedding.  It's just a bit of theatre with a party at the end, no?

A bit of theater that still serves a pretty important social function - weddings are one of the last big family/social/town sort of 'events' that we have left over in secular Western culture land. Stuff like that keeps people connected to each other in a way that we don't necessarily do much of anymore. I think it was worth it for us, even with the various stresses involved. The important thing to remember about it is as much as people tell you otherwise, weddings aren't for the couple really, they're for everyone else. People who haven't seen each other for years and won't see each other for years more get the opportunity to reconnect, etc. etc. etc. You're just an excuse.

If you can stop the stress of organizing it from killing you, they're really pretty cool I think. People do go way overboard with them too often though.

[Nebu]

Well, you did ask...  There's a reason the 1,138 number is used a lot.

Many are financial, but even a lot of those are because of the impact it can have on a family.  You're pretty well centered, and you know what you want, but there are still gotchas which can ruin your life.  Ultimately though, you have to do what is right for you.

Thank you for the information and the link.  I was asking because I genuinely want to know.  I appreciate this!

[Merusk]

Well, you did ask...  There's a reason the 1,138 number is used a lot.

Many are financial, but even a lot of those are because of the impact it can have on a family.  You're pretty well centered, and you know what you want, but there are still gotchas which can ruin your life.  Ultimately though, you have to do what is right for you.

Thank you for the information and the link.  I was asking because I genuinely want to know.  I appreciate this!

Everyone already covered what I was getting at, and I know about the legal constructs.  I recall Lant or Numtini posting previously about how those can have all kinds of holes poked through them by "actual" family, as happens to the GBLT community.

I get you're scarred from a bad experience, but that doesn't mean the next one would be as bad. Get back on the horse and all that being older and that much wiser.

Also consider, do you really want to blow all that cash on paying a lawyer to draw up papers for rights that are automagically conveyed for only ~$20 and a judge's court fee + tip?

[Nebu]

I get you're scarred from a bad experience, but that doesn't mean the next one would be as bad. Get back on the horse and all that being older and that much wiser.

Also consider, do you really want to blow all that cash on paying a lawyer to draw up papers for rights that are automagically conveyed for only ~$20 and a judge's court fee + tip?

I'm not scarred at all.  I just think that two people don't need to be married to be committed to each other for life.  I will happily spend the rest of my life in a monogamous relationship with one woman, I just don't need a piece of paper to state my commitment for me. 

[Samwise]

I ask this out of ignorance:  are those conflict free diamonds coming from the same companies like the DeBeers (sp?) who have a virtual stranglehold on the trade, or is it a new companies that only deal in conflict free diamonds?  If it is the former, I submit that they are still blood diamonds.

I heard a thing about those conflict free diamonds on the radio recently and my impression was that unless you knew for sure they were sourced in Canada or something there was still a lot of unethical stuff going on with some of them - something about the board that certifies them as conflict-free only flagging diamonds from certain types of labor or groups as 'conflict-free' while giving a pass for others that people would still largely consider bad, but I don't remember the exact details unfortunately.

Some conflict-free diamonds are more conflict-free than others.  The place I got my wife's ring from deals only in Super Serious Business Conflict Free Diamonds.

Other retailers may claim they offer conflict free diamonds or that conflict diamonds are a small problem. These retailers generally are relying upon Kimberley Process data that addresses only nations in an official state of civil conflict. Environmental and labor-related concerns are wholly ignored, as is violence perpetuated by a "recognized" government.
 
Our Canadian diamonds are carefully tracked from two mines in Canada through cutting, polishing, and transport. This ensures that our Canadian diamonds enter an uninterrupted chain of custody, and our supply is not corrupted by illicit or conflict diamonds. Many other retailers make vague claims that their diamonds are conflict free but have no such certification process to guarantee the ethical source of their diamonds. Because each of our Canadian diamonds is tracked from mine to customer, we can be confident no diamond treatments or alterations have been used.

The ring came with a certificate that indicates where the diamond was mined, what its unique laser-inscribed code is that associates it with that mine, etc.  Srs bsnss.

[Ingmar]

Yeah, Kimberly Process, that was the name of the thing they were criticizing.

[Viin]

I am so pissed at my iPhone 3GS right now, it failed to notified me of voicemails for over a week! Now I have 7 that are days old. W.T.F.

[Ingmar]

I am so pissed at my iPhone 3GS right now, it failed to notified me of voicemails for over a week! Now I have 7 that are days old. W.T.F.

I used to have that problem CONSTANTLY on my old AT&T windows phone, and have had other people complain about it too, also all AT&T users.

[Viin]

Turns out that my iPhone stopped receiving voice mails (just STOPPED) because it was "full" of deleted voice mails. After I cleared those out I started to receive them again. Lame-o.