Useless Conversation

[Trippy]

All of the wacky solutions involve stopping or controlling your breathing.  Think about it.

It's all about increasing the CO2 in your bloodstream.

[Oban]

So the one true solution would be:

[Cheddar]

I have diarreah.  I tried the upside down water in a glass trick and it did not work.   

[Cyrrex]

Well, in the spirit of the thread...have you tried exercising greater sphincter control?

[Ironwood]

It's a muscle, like any other.

[Engels]

I have diarreah.  I tried the upside down water in a glass trick and it did not work.   

well it doesn't work for diarreah, you moron. 

[Oban]

I think I know what the problem here is...

Where exactly did you put the water?

[Yegolev]

I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you meant to say that you have both hiccups and diarrhea and so you shit yourself every ten seconds.  Also the water thing did not work.

[Nebu]

Benzodiazepines work every time. 

[Yegolev]

For which problem?

[Nebu]

Hiccups. 

Treating diarrhea depends on severity and cause (flora, motility issues, etc.).

[Signe]

I just ate a bagel from Wegman's for lunch.  While I was doing so, the store called to inform us that all Wegman's bagels made since August something or other have been recalled because they might have machine bits in them.  oops.   

PS  You can't have my stuff but you can have the rest of my bagels. 

[Evildrider]

Well at least you probably had your full amount of iron for the day from that bagel!   

[Signe]

If I die, you are going to feel SO guilty for saying that.  That'll teach you!

[Oban]

How did they know to call you?

Bagel purchasers require a yellow star card for tracking now?

[Nebu]

How did they know to call you?

Bagel purchasers require a yellow star card for tracking now?

Bagel purchases are tracked according to statute #6549 of the Homeland Security Act. 

[Oban]

I do not see any mention of bagels here:

http://edocket.access.gpo.gov/2005/05-6549.htm

[Signe]

I don't believe you are that naive about even grocery stores, Oban.  Here is the article, dumbasses.

ROCHESTER, NY - Wegmans Food Markets, Inc. is voluntarily recalling all varieties of its in-store made bagels and bialys (flattened bagels with various toppings, i.e. pizza) sold in the bakery and purchased between August 24 and September 9, 2008. This recall is being initiated because the bagels may contain pieces of a metal spring from a mixer that entered the dough, which is produced at Wegmans’ Central Bakeshop in Rochester, posing a possible choking hazard.  (Note:  This recall does not affect Wegmans’ packaged bagels in the dairy or frozen food departments.)   
 
There have been no reported injuries associated with the consumption of these products.  The problem was discovered as a result of a customer complaint.
 
The in-store made bagels were sold in Wegmans’ stores located in New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Virginia and Maryland. Wegmans estimates that approximately 1,011 cases of potentially affected bagels were produced, representing a small percentage of all bagels produced and sold during this period. 
 
Out of an abundance of caution, the recall includes all possible dates when the dough may have been used to produce bagels in stores.
 

Customers may return the product to Wegmans for a full refund.  Consumers who have questions or concerns about this recall should contact Wegmans Consumer Affairs Department at 585-464-4760 (in Rochester) or toll free at 1 (800) WEGMANS (934-6267) Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m.

 

Visit www.wegmans.com for a list of all product recalls.

I hate everyone.

[Nebu]

I want to hear the story about you returning the bagel that you had already eaten. 

[Cyrrex]

Sheesh, she seems so grumpy lately.  But at least we can coin a new phrase from this whole episode.  "Who put metal springs in your Bagel" it'll go.

[Signe]

This is NOT a story.  This is happening!  I MIGHT HAVE MACHINES INSIDE ME!!!

[Oban]

I MIGHT HAVE MACHINES INSIDE ME!!!

?

[Signe]

I would so report you if they hadn't removed my report button!

[Oban]

 

[Evildrider]

Well i bet that bagel will put a spring in your step!   

[Nebu]

I find this whole discussion IRON-ic.

[Evildrider]

I find this whole discussion IRON-ic.

Don't you think?

[Signe]

You people just wait.  If I die of something bagel related, you'll all be sorry!

[Nebu]

You people just wait.  If I die of something bagel related, you'll all be sorry!

We plan to keep you alive with the power of prayer.  Have no fear. 

[Evildrider]

[Nebu]

We love you Signe.  Don't die.  Death by Bagel is an awful legacy to leave behind. 

[Merusk]

So I should add spring-laced bagels along side "Axes" "Shot to the head" and "lots of fire" to my "how to kill zombies" list?

[Oban]

Not in reference, directly, to the above but...


Bitches be crazy.

I am further along in my belief that men and women are not meant to maintain long term relationships without one party going batshit insane.

[MrHat]

Not in reference, directly, to the above but...


Bitches be crazy.

I am further along in my belief that men and women are not meant to maintain long term relationships without one party going batshit insane.

I quoted this and don't really have anything else to say.

[Evildrider]

Bitches be crazy.

I quoted this and don't really have anything else to say.

Is there really anything else that needs to be said?