Useless Conversation

[HaemishM]

The Big Lebowski is postmodern deconstructionist noir. The Ice Harvest is a fantastic noir movie. Sin City is steroid noir, LA Confidential is classic noir and Hollywoodland is bionoir.

[Sky]

This sounds way to much like a useful conversation (to someone not me). Let's get back to the topic at hand.

[Yegolev]

Gettingk passport is dildos.

[Sky]

I keep forgettingk to get mine, want to go to Canadia next autumn.

[Yegolev]

My gaydar does not work on Indians.

[Miasma]

As in went undected or false positive?  And which Indians.

[Yegolev]

I figure some false-positives, otherwise Wipro is mostly gay.  Also, I mean Indians from India or possibly Canada.

[Bunk]

I work with a number of Indian guys here. They are the most un-gay men I have ever known. Metro perhaps, but definately not gay.

[Nonentity]

Let me tell you how much I hate traveling during the holidays. This is my first experience with it, and will likely be my last. I will kill someone if they make me get on a plane in December.

So, my flight to Tampa, FL from Los Angeles International is set to leave at 10:15AM, non-stop.

I wake up at 7:45AM (rocking a good 5 hours of sleep and expecting to sleep on the plane), and my roommate drives me to the airport. We get there at about 9:30 (thanks, LA traffic). I take 15 minutes to get through the Delta checkin line, and by the time I get there, it's apparently too late, as the bags going on the plane need to be checked in 45 minutes before departure. I figure, okay, I'll just make my check-in fit for carry on or something. However, when I go to print my boarding pass, it says there is a problem.  I talk to the lady behind the counter, and she pretty much says you are SOL, as you are too late.

I have to pick up the courtesy phone and talk to Delta, who get me a flight at 12:55AM, with a stop in Atlanta. After a $75 administrative charge, of course. So, I tell my roommate to flip a bitch and grab me. He drops me off at home, where I manage to snag a paltry hour and a half long nap and screw around in WoW a bit before he picks me up from home at 7:30PM to go back to the airport, WAY ahead of time.

We get to the airport after some Burger King at 8:45PM, well before my 12:55AM flight. I wait in the 20 minute long line to use the Delta self-service check in, and I get my boarding pass (which has 'Seat Request' printed on it). They tag my carry-on. From there, I have to wait in an hour long line outside to get my bag checked in. After that, I have to get into the line to get through security. While I am waiting in the security line, I realize I am in the middle line of 5 different lines. A line for Skycap checkin, the line for baggage check-in, the line to get through security into the terminal (the one I'm in), the line to checkin for Air Mexico, and the line to check baggage for Delta International (Guatemala and other South American countries).

An hour later, I finally get through that line, and into a small line at the top to actually get through security. Guess who gets randomly picked for a full patdown and screening? That's right, the tall guy in the Blizzcon hoodie. After I let a man run his hands down the side of my pen0r looking for firearms and a lady run swabs over my DS, checking to see if it was an explosive, I finally make it into the terminal at 11PM.

I go up to the terminal for my flight, and ask about the Seat Request I have. She says they'll get to those an hour before the flight. So, I waste some time playing DS, and then an hour before, I go back into the line and ask her again. She says to just check the monitor for my name to appear on the 'Cleared List', or wait for them to call out my last name to get on the plane. At this point in time, the alarms in my head go off, telling me that after all that bullshit, there is a chance I will not get on that plane.

30 minutes before takeoff, they start letting people onto the plane (those with assigned seating). Groups 1 through 4 are called, then they start adding names to the Cleared List. A few names into the list, a new person appears behind the counter and says that they have overbooked the plane by 7 people, and they need 7 volunteers to stay overnight and wait for a flight tomorrow. Fuck this, says I. I wait around to see if I can actually make it on the plane.

They let a few people in after the volunteers are pretty much told there is no guarantee that they can actually get another flight to Atlanta tomorrow, at which point they're like 'yeah right', and get on the plane. After some period of time of awkward silence with everyone with their Seat Request forms standing around, he says since they don't have enough volunteers, they'll have to do it involuntary. A few more people get on, and he says there is one seat left. He asks two different couples if they'd like to split up and go seperately, to which they replied no. Then he asks me if I'd like to get on, so I say yes, and I am relieved.

He assigns me to seat 34g, and tells me to get on the plane. When the guy rings up my boarding pass, it says 'Already Boarded'. The person at the loading gate and the person at the desk talk, but he says just let him on the plane. So I walk down the ramp and get on the plane, and go to seat 34g. The entire row is filled with a lady and her children. I walk back to the front of the plane, and the lady says she'll check the boarding passes. The lady has all of her boarding passes accounted for, with no discrepancies. The people inside the plane talk to the people who are at the desk inside, until finally I am told that I'll need to get off the plane. Great.

So I go back inside the terminal, and find out that my bag is going to Tampa without me. Goodbye, fresh change of clothing. Some other lady goes back inside the plane to check on this discrepancy for me. She's in there for a good 15 minutes, until she finally comes out and the plane leaves. Defeated. So, I talk to the lady and she says the only flight that's available to Tampa is at 10:15PM, almost a full 24 hours away. I have her check to see if there any flights with connecting paths, but there are not. So, I get a $400 Delta voucher, good until this time next year, a night's stay at the La Quinta hotel, and a First Class ticket on the non-stop flight to Tampa at 10:15PM (I stress the point to her that I don't want any of this Seat Reserved bullshit, I want an actual seat assignment, which she gets for me). Then I realize that checkout time at the hotel is at 11AM, so I have her get me another night at the hotel, so I can at least lounge around and watch Rachel Rae cook meals in 30 minutes, as opposed to standing in a crowded airport terminal for hours.

I finally make to the La Quinta hotel (my relatives that are picking me up in Tampa are thrilled with all these changes by this point), and the man behind the counter won't let me use both vouchers at once, since it should be a two-day voucher, instead of two one-day vouchers, so I have to wait until checkout time, wake up, and then immediately go downstairs and check back in.

I get a shitty amount of sleep, stumble downstairs this morning and use my other voucher. He re-programs my key for the same room, and I go back upstairs, only to find that the key doesn't work. I go back downstairs and have him give me another key. He re-programs it, and that one doesn't work either. I call the maintenance phone, and finally he comes and fixes the door, to which I pass out for hours.

Now I'm at an Internet Cafe that smells like dog feces across the way from the La Quinta, trying to kill time before I take the shuttle back to the airport, making it trip number 3 to the airport in 2 days.

Yes, it all may have been averted if I had gotten to the airport on time the first time, but I had no idea it would be such a nightmarish landscape. Needless to say, I know this now. Fuck international airports, and a big fuck you to Delta.

FUCK. All they have is Counter-Strike and Hitman 2 on this computer, too.

[Signe]

It's probably because you are tall and freakish.  I feel awful for you, though.  Traveling is such a pain anymore.  Here, have some cartoon boobies. 

[Lantyssa]

The first rule of Flight Club is to be at the airport two hours early.  Four or more hours during the holidays.

The second rule of Flight Club is to never fly.

[Salamok]

[voodoolily]

The first rule of Flight Club is to be at the airport two hours early.  Four or more hours during the holidays.

The second rule of Flight Club is to never fly.

Yeah, sorry bro, but you get today's "No Shit, Sherlock" Award. Gratz.

[WayAbvPar]

Short version-

I missed my flight because I didn't get to the airport early during one of the busiest traveling times of the year. Shockingly, there weren't dozens of extra seats available for me on later flights, which caused me no end of troubles. I have learned a lesson.

[HaemishM]

Short version-

I missed my flight because I didn't get to the airport early during one of the busiest traveling times of the year. Shockingly, there weren't dozens of extra seats available for me on later flights, which caused me no end of troubles. I have learned a lesson I haven't learned any lessons other than how to bitch about it on the Internet. There is much sand in my vagina.

FIFY

[WayAbvPar]

I bow to your 1337 editing skilz.

[Strazos]

Is all this bullshit new? When I last flew back in '05, I had no trouble at checkpoints. Also, I didn't do any of that " 2 hours Domestic, 4 hours International" nonsense. Heck, I've shown up to flights 45 minutes beforehand without any problems.

=/

[Selby]

Is all this bullshit new?

It depends on where you are and where you are going.  Considerable amounts of flights have been reduced over the last few years as the airlines are desparately scrambling to stay afloat, so unless you are going to one of those "leaves every hour on the hour" destinations, you are likely going to be dealing with oversold and understaffed airliners and flights.  Like the LA to San Diego\San Francisco flight is no big deal as another one will be leaving in 45 minutes, but miss the LA to JFK direct flight and hate life as instead of having 3 flights a day, they now have all of ONE, and it is business class+ which means less seats available at the expense of more room for those who DO get on the plane.

[Signe]

I can't stop saying bacon.  Bacon.

B a c o n.

You people and your words what get stuck in my head.  Don't you know you drive my husband crazy?

[bhodi]

What's in the box? I CAN'T READDDDD!

[Signe]

What's in the box? I CAN'T READDDDD!

Bacon.

[bhodi]

At least dogs think so.

[Cheddar]

In protest of the new mod I am going to lurk. 






edit.  I have been up for 3 days almost plus worked about 20 hours since Saturday (hardcore, RAR).  Lesion is cool, this was a joke. 

[schild]

lol

[bhodi]

Christ. What are we all doing up at 1:30am EST Christmas morning?

I mean, I'm sitting next to a fireplace with a shotgun. What about you?

[schild]

Don't stop me now. I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball.

[Signe]

We gave our pussies their Xmas pressies now they're exhausted.  We took pics.  Well, Righ took pics.  I suck at pics.  I always miss what I'm aiming at.  Photography is too twitch for me, I think.

[Cheddar]

I bought my wife nothing for x-mas.  Nothing.  She apologized.

[Signe]

Ok, I'm asleep now.

[stray]

So my friends went all out last night and cooked a really nice Christmas/Eve dinner. I had to refrain from certain animal sympathy issues and dig into some swine. It looked too good.

I'm such a damn hypocrite 

It really wasn't all that good for my stomach though. I nearly puked. Or rather, I did puke -- a little. Then again, that could have been the Bud Light (no choice).

[rattran]

I didn't get a christmas tree this year. No particular reason why, I just didn't.



And now I feel bad about it, and have set up an old artificial tree for the cats to climb in. They seem unamused.

[Cim]

Christmas is for the weak!   


Bah Humbug.

[Selby]

Bah Humbug.

I honestly have to keep justifying to the other half and everyone else why I hate Christmas.  No matter what excuse I come up with, it never is good enough.

[voodoolily]

My dad came by last night for what I thought would be a brief gift exchange and cup of coffee and instead he remained for 6 hours, leaving FINALLY at midnight. I didn't get to hang out with my bff who had to leave this morning; instead, I sat dotingly next to my father who regaled me and sauced's mom with repeated stories of my family heritage whilst sauced and my bff and other fun people hung out in the kitchen drinking our only bottle of Fezz. And I drank gross fake caipirinhas made with lime-flavored simple syrup because no stores were open and I couldn't get any limes or club soda. 

Next year, so help me god, we are going to Mexico. Fuck this noise.

[Sky]

no stores were open and I couldn't get any limes

I will say this is the one redeeming feature of southern california. I was a citrus-stealing mofo when I lived there.