Dragonlance the movie, staring Lucy Lawless

[Ironwood]

Those paying attention may wonder why I care at all about this.  They may think 'Good God, you won't see Ironwood in the queue for this film'.  Quite the opposite.  I will eagerly go to see it.

I have read ALL the Dragonlance stuff.  And played all the games.  I had a habit.  However, it's only with Adult clarity that you can go back and look at this stuff again and notice the small details.  Such as the pus.  Screaming, oozing, smelly, supurating Pus.  I cannot call it writing in good conscience.  No, Indeed.

Pus.

So why go ?  Nostalgia for better times, perhaps.  Hope that screenwriters can polish turds, possibly.

And, let's be frank, who ISN'T going to want to see Raistlin Bauer save the President Fizban from the Evil Terrorist Kitiara ?  Not me, Guv.

[schild]

Durrr. Didn't Tika and Caramon get married and have kids?

Will Palin be in this shit?

Also, I'd really love to see Donald Sutherland play Raistlin when he gets all crippled and fucked up later in the series. Kiefer can't deliver a fucking line to save his life. AND his voice isn't full of "Dread" like Raistlin's should be and Donald's is.

I am bother by them picking up who they've picked up. They better not fuck this up. Ho ho ho.

Like Ironwood, Dragonlance is sort of my LoTR. Well, it's probably not that way to him, but it is to me. It's the high point of my generic fantasy book years. the main story that capped off with Dragons of Summer flame was just magnificent to me because I started on the series early enough that I got realy attached to the characters.

Also, I think they could really turn this into a spectacular drama with lots of main characters dying if it's 2 movies that just cover the two main wars. But they won't. They'll have them wandering from place to place like fucking hobbits.

[schild]

Tanis Half-Elven
Michael Rosenbaum

Raistlin Majere
Kiefer Sutherland

Goldmoon
Lucy Lawless

Flint Fireforge / Fewmaster Toede
Fred Tatasciore

Tika Waylan
Michelle Trachtenberg

Caramon Majere
Rino Romano

Tasslehoff Burrfoot
Jason Marsden

Fizban The Fabulous
Neil Ross

Sturm Brightblade
Mark Worden

Riverwind & Gilthanas
Phil Lamarr

Bupu
Jentle Phoenix

Laurana
Caroline Gelabert

Takhisis
Nikka Futterman

The Forestmaster
Mari Weiss

Elistan
Ben McCain

Pyros
Dee Bradley Baker

Flamestrike
Susan Silo

Onyx
Juliette Cohen

There's the whole list? And wait, what the fuck did I just write? FUCK, I TOTALLY THOUGHT THIS WAS LIVE ACTION.

Ok, so I see what the plotline is. Is it CGI? Fucklecockles. Already in the "wait for DVD" category. Consider me the biopolar media whore. I just went from slobberknobbing to anger in one post. Meh. It'll suck.

[schild]

Third post!

From the producer of Jem and the Holograms comes Lord of the Rings: The Animated Movie Part 2: Poopadoopaloopa.

[Ironwood]

Like Ironwood, Dragonlance is sort of my LoTR. Well, it's probably not that way to him, but it is to me. It's the high point of my generic fantasy book years. the main story that capped off with Dragons of Summer flame was just magnificent to me because I started on the series early enough that I got realy attached to the characters.

Oh, Gods, No.  LotR is my LotR.  Dragonlance was my sneaking preteen pleasure.  I hadn't yet started whacking off furiously.  Actually, I think the Elmore art eventually led to that.

[schild]

LoTR was a lot of walking to me. Children who appreciate LoTR seem freakish to me. Sort of like the Children fo the Corn.

[Ironwood]

Is that the Black version ?

[Strazos]

Elmore?

I may have to read these books at some point, if only for the laughs.

[Ironwood]

My God, where did you just send me ??

I think I'm now on a list somewhere.

[HaemishM]

I think Ironwood's descriptions are more entertaining than the book ever will be. I'll pass on the reading and see the thing on DVD.

[Strazos]

My God, where did you just send me ??

I think I'm now on a list somewhere.

Don't worry, it's a college, so they Should be legal. 

[Abagadro]

This is apparently going to be animated in India by a company called Toonz Animation using artwork created by an outfit called Kunoichi.  Don't get your hopes up.

Official site:

http://www.dragonlance-movie.com/

[WayAbvPar]

Like Ironwood, Dragonlance is sort of my LoTR. Well, it's probably not that way to him, but it is to me. It's the high point of my generic fantasy book years. the main story that capped off with Dragons of Summer flame was just magnificent to me because I started on the series early enough that I got realy attached to the characters.

Oh, Gods, No.  LotR is my LotR.  Dragonlance was my sneaking preteen pleasure.  I hadn't yet started whacking off furiously.  Actually, I think the Elmore art eventually led to that.

The chapter where the Elven brother (can't remember his name) finds Silvara bathing had a nice drawing of her perkies. That got my attention in a big hurry.


Gods, teenage boys are easy to entertain.

[Ironwood]

Gilthanas I think.


Yeah, I remember that one.  It was thumbnailed.


For those not interested in sex, of course, the artwork 'Last Spell of Fistandantilus' was a really, really, really cool picture.

Shame the plot of Fist/Raist made no fucking sense whatsoever.  Even when explained by a Kender.

[bhodi]

nah, but if you read soulfire, that's a better re-telling of it.

Edit: it's soulforge! sorry!

[Ironwood]

Soulforge ?


I have read it.  Alas, a followup never appeared.

[Llava]

I'd worry about the Jamaican bloke from Futurama being Riverwind instead.

Phil Lamarr is, by far, the most experience voice actor of that entire cast.  He's been in a billion different things.  He was the voice of Samurai Jack.

And, apparently, he'll be voicing the Black Panther in the upcoming "Marvel: Ultimate Alliance" movie.

He's a great voice actor in that he's probably been in 90% of the animated features you've seen, but you didn't realize it because it didn't sound like him.  Billy West is in more stuff, but his voice is far easier to recognize.

[Ironwood]

Mate, what do you think the chances are of me knowing who he was without looking up IMDB and therefore knowing everything you just said ?

Hence the Cheapshot Icon.


Although I will say, from browsing the others, that there's a LOT of varied voice talent there with a lot of Good Puter Game experience.

[Llava]

Fair enough.

I just happened to notice his name in the credits of just about every show i was watching at one point, so I thought I'd check it out.  This was some time ago, but the knowledge has stuck.

[Morat20]

I was always a bit fond of the dragon trap in the second book. That's how you fucking kill dragons. You send out an irresistable summons, encase the damn thing in stone so it's neck is exposed and it can't turn it's head, and go after the neck with axes.

Screw riding up on a white horse with a lance.

Only other book I can recall with the same "Smart way to kill a dragon" was Hambly's Dragonsbane. The guy smeared some harpoons with what he hoped was poisonous to dragons, hid out on top of the thing's lair then when it came out after a horse he'd left as bait, stuck three of the harpoons in the dragon and ran like hell.

Came back 10 hours later and finished it off with an axe. Since it was already comatose, not really dangerous.

[Merusk]

For those not interested in sex, of course, the artwork 'Last Spell of Fistandantilus' was a really, really, really cool picture.

Absolutly.  I've got the Art of Dragonlance book around here somewhere, and I remember Parkinson mentioning that one of the Sinbad movies from the 60s was the inspiration for the background.  The tower with the huge rope.

Some of Parkinson's best work came out of Dragonlance, regarless of the story itself. I've got Lord Soth's Charge in a an 18x36 print I used to keep over my computer desk, too.

[Signe]

I hardly know what anyone is talking about.  The more I read, the less I seem to know.  I feel left out.   

[Llava]

Don't worry, Signe.  I'm right there with you.

I read Drizzt books.

Shut up.  It was middle school and he was a dark elf.  Go to hell.

[Ironwood]

You know what bothered me about the evil dark elves ?  The total and complete lack of evil.

Salvatore should be boiled in a pot until he turns into soap.

[Llava]

I don't know.  Mercilessly slaughtering an entire family of dozens for slight political gain seems pretty evil to me, and was a pretty central part of their culture.

[Ironwood]

No, that's not evil.  Our Governments do that all the time.

 

Seriously, it was fucking cardboard cutout evil that was pathetic.  For a society that was ruled by Matriarchs, I expected more, but instead the women had dark hair and a sexual appetite.

But to deviate from Dragonlance, they had whips too !!  ZOMG !

That's not evil.  Where was the goddamn cruelty.  Where were the rapes.  Where was the horrible slavery (though that dwarf getting both his hands cut off was cool).  Where was the master plan that actually fucking worked.  Where was de white women ats ?

You'll note the lack of question marks.  I don't care.  I realise that these books were for kids, but honestly when that EQ fanstuff came out about dark elves, was I the only one that thought 'Good for him' ?

[Jain Zar]

I liked Dragonlance better than LOTR.
Yes, it was mostly crying, fighting, and fucking (seriously.  That's all they do in Chronicles.  They cry over everything, they fight stuff or argue with morons, or they fuck.  All they do in the later Weis & Hickman books is die horribly.  Because the writers are probably embarrased by their old stuff, or they avoid the Internet and hate the rabid fans.), but it didn't have Tom fucking Bombadil or pages devoted to hobbits bathing, eating, and singing songs.

So if the LOTR movies can take a good idea and make it kick ass (because there is some seriously badass stuff in LOTR books, its a matter of not stabbing yourself in the eye till they get to Moria...), why can't they do the same for Dragonlance?

Oh, wait.  They are using a cheap animation house and its clear they are hoping to sell DVDs based on the voice talent.

They should have hired the Record of Lodoss war anime people.  Lodoss is basically a D&D campaign made into a cartoon anyhow, so they have experience..

[sarius]

Just so silly that it's following the production pattern of LOTR, though, and getting animated first.  Seriously, who the hell wants to see an animation of Lawless.  Whoopie!

[Llava]

They did have slavery.  A lot of it.  They talked about it all the time.  They kept anything they found that wasn't a drow in pens and would frequently trade them to the mind flayers as food.

I mean, no, they weren't going to go into rapes and all that.  Like you said, they're kids' books.

[Abagadro]

They are using a cheap animation house and its clear they are hoping to sell DVDs based on the voice talent.

Based upon the info out about it so far I will wager it goes straight to DVD.

[Morat20]

No, that's not evil.  Our Governments do that all the time.

 

Seriously, it was fucking cardboard cutout evil that was pathetic.  For a society that was ruled by Matriarchs, I expected more, but instead the women had dark hair and a sexual appetite.

But to deviate from Dragonlance, they had whips too !!  ZOMG !

That's not evil.  Where was the goddamn cruelty.  Where were the rapes.  Where was the horrible slavery (though that dwarf getting both his hands cut off was cool).  Where was the master plan that actually fucking worked.  Where was de white women ats ?

You'll note the lack of question marks.  I don't care.  I realise that these books were for kids, but honestly when that EQ fanstuff came out about dark elves, was I the only one that thought 'Good for him' ?

If I recall correctly, Drow were chaotic evil -- so the Master Plan was, in fact, the backstabbings, interfamily warfare, generalized cruelty and torture, and it worked out best if EVERYONE was totally fucked over in the end.

You need those Nuetral Evil or Lawful Evil sorts for your Dark Overlord types, and your Master Plans. Chaotic Evil just goes around fuckin' with shit.

[Merusk]

Drow are Lawful Evil.. at least the Drow most folks refer to; the ones from Menzoberranzan.  Chaotic Evil types are too selfish and self-centered to establish a socieity or permanent residence of any sort; so sayeth the manuals.  Obviously since it's D&D, your experience may vary.

[Morat20]

Drow are Lawful Evil.. at least the Drow most folks refer to; the ones from Menzoberranzan.  Chaotic Evil types are too selfish and self-centered to establish a socieity or permanent residence of any sort; so sayeth the manuals.  Obviously since it's D&D, your experience may vary.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but....Llolth is chaotic evil. The drow themselves seem to be just described as "Evil". I'm not sure you could call a society which only had two rules ("Don't piss of Lolth" and "Don't be bloody obvious about it") qualifies as "lawful".

The Underdark wouldn't be terribly conducive to solitary existance, so even the chaotic types would have to band together -- drow worship a chaotic goddess, their society is constantly shifting and unstable, and there are few rules whatsoever -- only power and consequences.

And -- though it sullies me to my bone to admit this -- the Forgotten Realm books concerning drow seemed to take it for granted that Lolth hated long-term stability in any drow society.

[Ironwood]

Bear in mind that Lolth herself got beat up at one point and the drow went ahead and worshipped someone else.

It's all fun and games if you're a dark elf.

[Morat20]

Bear in mind that Lolth herself got beat up at one point and the drow went ahead and worshipped someone else.

It's all fun and games if you're a dark elf.

EVIL fun and games. What with the killings, and beatings, and random animalistic sex. Ironically, drow society is what Christians keep telling me atheists are like.

I meet all the wrong sorts of atheists, it appears.