I don't think I'm long for Stratics...

[WindupAtheist]

I've been banned a couple times for Tubgirling the joint.  Now I'm kinda trying to behave, but I'm in trouble because I treat their douchey little board like it was F13.  Darkscribe, the current head producer, posted another round of explanations on UO.com about why everyone should STFU and take their Punkbuster.  I posted my own "translation" thereof.  I'm not really a tinfoil hat loony who worries that PB is going to steal his identity, but the effect would be diminished if I didn't turn every one of his points into something negative.

PunkBuster can’t read English, decipher a tax return, or tell a financial document from a picture of your dog. It looks at blocks of data and compares them to blocks of data known to be in cheat programs. That’s it.

"PunkBuster can't actually look at stuff on your hard drive. Which is why you have to agree to a EULA that grants Punkbuster the right to dig through your hard drive. And Eurasia has always been at war with Eastasia."

It doesn’t transmit any user data to any server. It merely sends a message that says: "This person has something we suspect to be a cheat program running. This is what program we think it is." When this happens in UO, in most cases it will keep you from playing until you turn the cheat program off. In some cases, it could flag a GM and a GM will investigate what’s going on with the player.

"It just calls a GM on you. You know, those guys so incompetent we're replacing them with spyware."

If you are concerned about the language in the PunkBuster license, you should read over the terms of service and licenses for any other MMORPG you play, as many of them have extremely similar language. You should also review what virus protection and spyware prevention programs do. Both of those work a lot like PunkBuster.

"Some useful programs you've freely decided to use may do things like this too. That makes it okay for us to force it on you, so it can tell us if you're being bad."

As I’ve said... We will be entering public beta in mid-July and will test for a month or more. If performance issues arise, we will either solve them or not use PunkBuster. I do know that ICQ, voice chat programs, UOAssist, UO AutoMap, internet browsers and various other programs UO players use while playing take up far more CPU cycles and bandwidth than Punk Buster.

"The contract has already been signed. Short of it making the servers explode, it's going in."

UO Assist and UO AutoMap will not be flagged as cheat programs, nor will any program on the approved-for-use list. In fact, many programs that are basically harmless won’t be flagged. We are looking for programs that automate processes that shouldn’t be automated and programs that make your character faster, stronger or better than anyone else’s.

"That legal scripting program is still okay to use, because Tugsoft has pictures of me naked. Now give them money."

We do definitely need to improve UO’s macro system to take some of the unneeded drudgery and repetition out of certain tasks. That is something we are planning for a future update.

"Blah blah blah, yeah, we'll totally fix the interface. Right after we fix factions, balance PVP, nerf items, rebalance every monster in the game to compensate for nerfed items, and finish the virtue system. Expect a shoddy ripoff of the WoW interface around say 2012."

And yes, PunkBuster has been on my personal home PC for years. I’ve played 90 percent of the games PunkBuster supports and not once has PunkBuster gotten in my way. In fact, I simply won’t play on an open server. It’s just not fun to lose to cheaters.

"PunkBuster be on my PC many year. That why this post coming from thirteen year-old Cambodian boy named Phut. Me steal Darkscribe identity, ask UO player save me from MMO sweatshop. Please send help."

As for what shard will be PunkBuster free, here are the options on the drawing board:

* Test Center. (TC would still be occasionally wiped and would still get various rule sets depending on what we are testing.)

"Wouldn't it rock if we made all you spyware-haters live on Test? Haha, it's technically a shard, it would count! We could do it!"

* Siege and Mugen, and scripting would still be illegal and enforced by GMs. (Some rule modifications might have to be made to Siege if we did this, like restrict the use of bags of sending.)

"Don't like Test? How about Siege! Ahahaha!"

* Launch a completely new shard, where scripting would be legal. (This shard would be one you could transfer to for free, but never leave. We have been calling it Devil’s Island.)

"Population decreases, number of shards increases. We estimate that, within two years, all scripting will end since everyone left will be alone on their own shard."

The decision depends on how much demand there is for a non-PB server and what player feedback we get.

"The decision depends on my mood, what I ate for breakfast that morning, and the phase of the moon. Owned."

As an occasional Siege player, I kind of relish being able to hunt scripters for fun,

"Pointless attempt to relate to the playerbase, courtesy of That Marketing Guy Who Runs Things Now."

but then again, if a large amount of non-PB players want to play with the regular rule-set, a new shard would make the most sense. I want to see what the beta test reveals before making that decision.

"If you want to make me turn purple, don't crack Punkbuster until after the beta is over."

See you Sosaria,

Darkscribe

"My spellchecker automatically corrects Azeroth to Sosaria so I don't embarass myself."

So yeah, I thought it was some nice solid parody.  Lo and behold, the post vanishes and I get this PM:

This PM is to advise you that you have now been officially warned due to your continued trolling of the board. The above referenced thread violates rules A, B, C, D and N of the ROC (which I will let you look up what those rules entail so that you can refamilliarize yourself with the ROC).

If you have any questions, please direct them to uoforumadmin@stratics.com.

Thank you,

Desperado_Se
UHall Moderator

So I'm firing back with this.

I refer you to the Super Secret Stratics Moderator Ruleset, sections A, W, E, S, O, M, and especially E (the second E is the secret one) which state that trolling is just fine, so long as it's funny.  If you cannot acess the SSSMR, you need to click the Forum Help link 666 times, as well as every banner ad on the site, and the third period of the sixth paragraph of the eighth thread on the second page of the UO Gardener forum.

Also, it might not hurt if you quit touching yourself at night.  I can't say for certain that it has anything to do with anything, but making Baby Jesus cry certainly can't be helping anyone.

Anyway, I think you guys have banned me like three or four different times now.  So rock your socks off if it suits you, this place is almost as filled with concentrated stupid as the official WoW forums.

Yours Truly,

Phut

PS:  Please send help.

I love that place.

[sinij]

So UO now requires punkbuster? I think it mostly due to corporate agreements and maybe to prevent modification of EA's UO client to run on free shards.

Also why would you post on Stratics?

[Driakos]

So UO now requires punkbuster? I think it mostly due to corporate agreements and maybe to prevent modification of EA's UO client to run on free shards.

Also why would you post on Stratics?

I don't think it's that far thinking.  Just the majority of petitions from players in MMOs (primarily MMO's with PVP) revolve around cheating and harassment.  Punkbuster in theory should be able to alleviate support costs by reducing volume.  Punkbuster wont interfere with gray shards.  While you still need the UO client to play on free shards, the back end client the shards run, are pretty much rewritten and independant.  Punkbuster will only stop you from accessing shards with Punkbuster protection.

Whether or not it is a good thing for the playerbase, I don't know.  Doesn't seem like a bad thing.

[Cheddar]

So UO now requires punkbuster? I think it mostly due to corporate agreements and maybe to prevent modification of EA's UO client to run on free shards.

Also why would you post on Stratics?

WUA you lost 3 cool points with your admission.  And another point for starting this gay thread.

[WindupAtheist]

So UO now requires punkbuster? I think it mostly due to corporate agreements and maybe to prevent modification of EA's UO client to run on free shards.

Well, third-party progs are pretty much completely out of control.  It's not really a bad decision, so long as they keep it from being a pain in the ass to users.  I'm just kinda trolling for shits and giggles, because well... what else are those forums good for?

Also why would you post on Stratics?

It's a ritual I follow every few months.

Step 1:  Make a couple of more-or-less constructive posts.
Step 2:  Get nothing but sheerest idiocy in return.
Step 3:  Post a bunch of flames.
Step 4:  Get warned by some tough-talking moderator.
Step 5:  Realize that I don't give a shit.
Step 6:  Post tubgirl all over the place.

WUA you lost 3 cool points with your admission.  And another point for starting this gay thread.

Bullshit.  Go down there and slap the locals around like two-dollar whores and tell me it wasn't a guilty pleasure.

[Chinchilla]

I have to admit that your post was freaking awesome!  Made me LOL multiple times.  What a great thing to read on a Friday.  Keep it up! ;) hhahahaha

[Signe]

I don't know what tubgirling is... does it have something to do with that nasty picture?  I hope not.  If that horrible DV hadn't posted that picture here, my eyes would still work properly.  Please tell me that you don't actually post that picture anywhere.

[Miasma]

It doesn't matter how bad the forum is, you shouldn't tubgirl/goatse it.  That gets innocent people fired from work.

[WindupAtheist]

I don't know what tubgirling is... does it have something to do with that nasty picture?  I hope not.  If that horrible DV hadn't posted that picture here, my eyes would still work properly.  Please tell me that you don't actually post that picture anywhere.

It's only Stratics.  It's not like they have souls.  And anyway, I didn't even do it this time.

[sinij]

It's only Stratics.  It's not like they have souls.  And anyway, I didn't even do it this time.

I for one think he is right for a change. Does Peacheas still posts or did that old hag finally kicked the bucket?

[WindupAtheist]

As far as I know, she's still around and still trying hard to suck devcock.  They could announce that for their next expansion, Darkscribe was going to come to the home of every UO player to personally shit in their mouth, and Peaches would make a breathy post about how it's the greatest idea she's ever heard.  Then buy another ten accounts to get an extra taste.

[Reg]

Good old Stratics. In the last few years more and more of the critical UO players have finally got fed up, quit the game, and stopped posting there and their tolerance for dissent has gotten lower and lower. And the UO devs get to hear nothing but happy, positive things about whatever this week's lame idea is which makes it easier for them to continue driving the game down the tubes.

[Righ]

WUA is tubgirl? I always though he was that guy with his head up his arse.

[WindupAtheist]

WUA is tubgirl? I always though he was that guy with his head up his arse.

Could you post this again, but use more words next time?  I can't subliminal this into anything but a crappy "No you are!" as it is.