I'm beginning to hate my sister...

[Evangolis]

Actually, straight up challenges like that have always been the most resistable to me.  I just get pissed, which opens up nature's pharmacy right inside my head, and allows me to use a few of the one liners that come to you in rush hour traffic.

The real trials of your sobriety come when you are alone with your demon.

It isn't completely inaccurate to speak of AA as a cult, but as I said, in this case I find the disease worse than the cure.

Tough it out, but don't be afraid to tell the truth, carefully and gently.  Addiction is a disease that thrives on lies.  Just be sure that you are ready to hear more truth than you want to know in return.

[HaemishM]

I sometimes feel the same way about my sister and her husband since they both found religion.

[HaemishM]

I hate to be all impersonal about this because it's your sister, and it's clearly someone you're close with, but at some point you have to draw the dividing line - looking into what you know of her, her past, her potential, is it possible for her to not be either batshit on one end of the spectrum or batshit on the other?

They call that an alcoholic personality. People with this don't know how to walk a middle ground. It's either batshit insane or batshit drunk.

[Pococurante]

"Before, I was all messed up on drugs. Now I'm all messed up on the Lord."

Sorry I have no good advice.  I wrote my sister off earlier this year after several decades of trying to cope with her.  At least yours is on the right path even if she's still an addict with an addict's mentality.  Mine's well past that point.

[Sky]

Skimmed. A couple comments, as a former 'alcoholic'. It's not a disease. Cancer is a disease. Alcoholism is a habit.

Addiction can be broken, it's called willpower.

Explain to her that alcohol is still ruling her life, just in a different way.

That's a great line.

[Calantus]

TBH I'd probably advise trying to get her into MMOGs. At least then when she yammers on about her habit you can find it interesting. Plus it doesn't fuck with her brain chemicals. And no I'm not joking, if she is of that pursuasion she's gonna be batshit crazy about something, and to me MMOGs sound like the lesser of any other evil I can think of.

I personally would have written her off pretty fast, but then I cut people out of my life far too casually.

[voodoolily]

My father is an alcoholic who never got any treatment at all.  Now he's a recluse and has driven himself crazy because he feels guilty thinking that his cruel behaviour killed my mother.  It didn't kill her but it didn't make her life happy at the end, either.   

Wow, Signe I didn't know that you were me. Except that instead of being an angry drunk, for the last 15 years he was just angry.

If I were in BigGulp's shoes I'd look up some therapists in the sister's region who specialize in recovery from addiction and just anonymously mail the sister some pamphlets. Or say, "hey I was watching Oprah or whatever and there was this amazing person who works with people recovering from alcoholism - have you thought at all about whether or not you might benefit from something like that?"

The thing a lot of people don't realize about substance abuse is that it is derived from pain (emotional or otherwise) that people haven't learned to deal with (or sometimes haven't even been able to identify). The pain could stem from trauma early in their lives (like physical or sexual abuse, or neglect, or having an addict parent) and they might not even consciously remember it having ever happened. People abuse alcohol (or cigarettes, or narcotics) to self-medicate to try to numb the pain a bit, and taking away the substance leaves the person feeling the unidentified pain all over again, with no metaphorical balm for their wounds. It sometimes takes a mediator to help a person identify what it is that they are trying to protect themselves from feeling, so that they can just get the "feeling the pain" part over with and move on with their lives.

I know that all sounds like a bunch of psycho-hooey, particularly from me, but I guess if I were in your shoes I would try to nudge her in a direction that facilitates her healing while politely alleviating yourself from being her second Sponsor. I sure wouldn't want to be in your position, because I can only take so much of any kind of repetitive, one-ended conversation (be it on the merits of veganism, how Christ died for me, or on what a selfish prick my friend's ex is) before I want to well, punch someone in the face.

[WindupAtheist]

[Tebonas]

The thing a lot of people don't realize about substance abuse is that it is derived from pain (emotional or otherwise) that people haven't learned to deal with (or sometimes haven't even been able to identify). The pain could stem from trauma early in their lives (like physical or sexual abuse, or neglect, or having an addict parent) and they might not even consciously remember it having ever happened. People abuse alcohol (or cigarettes, or narcotics) to self-medicate to try to numb the pain a bit, and taking away the substance leaves the person feeling the unidentified pain all over again, with no metaphorical balm for their wounds. It sometimes takes a mediator to help a person identify what it is that they are trying to protect themselves from feeling, so that they can just get the "feeling the pain" part over with and move on with their lives.

Sorry but it sounds like you fell into a popular psychology trap called "Übertragung" (Transference).

You just voiced what is true for some cases like it is an universal truth. That "might not even consciously remember" thing is a nice trick for that "Of course you have that trauma, you just don't remember" play. The most dangerous thing in psychology is people taking an individual diagnosis and trying to apply it to all cases. Thats why when you study Psychology you first get diagnosed yourself to hell and back, so that this things can't happen to a professional.

Its all about stimulating the Dopamine receptors in the brain. Yes, numbing the pain of a childhood trauma is one possible reason you crave the feedback from your internal reward system (thats all that Dopamine really is, a reward trigger), but by far not the only one. If MMOGs and the drooling after the DING from a level up are any indication, that behaviour can be trained as well.

[Engels]

In addition to what Tebonas states, its also important to bear in mind that alcoholics process alcohol differently than 'regular' people. A hangover is, simplistically speaking, molecules that block the nerve endings, preventing the usual process of seratonin reuptake. In 'normal' people, the molecules 'fall off' the nerve endings within a limited amount of time. In alcoholics, the molecuses stay 'stuck' to the nerve endings, essentially preventing a feeling of well being. This in turn 'requires' the alcoholic to drink again to get some nerve stimuli to those nerve centers, which in turn clogs the nerve endings more. The vital factor is that the brain centers affected do not simply address feelings of 'well being', but also regulate the usual environmental feedback loops that all human beings require for an existentialist sense of 'self'.

[Tebonas]

Exactly, basically all addictive drugs do that in a slightly different way. In laymans terms its numbing down from overstimulation, but explained by molecualar biology.

[WindupAtheist]

[voodoolily]

Sorry but it sounds like you fell into a popular psychology trap called "Übertragung" (Transference).

You just voiced what is true for some cases like it is an universal truth. That "might not even consciously remember" thing is a nice trick for that  play. The most dangerous thing in psychology is people taking an individual diagnosis and trying to apply it to all cases. Thats why when you study Psychology you first get diagnosed yourself to hell and back, so that this things can't happen to a professional.

Its all about stimulating the Dopamine receptors in the brain. Yes, numbing the pain of a childhood trauma is one possible reason you crave the feedback from your internal reward system (thats all that Dopamine really is, a reward trigger), but by far not the only one. If MMOGs and the drooling after the DING from a level up are any indication, that behaviour can be trained as well.

Yeah, I wasn't trying to go into the "Of course you have that trauma, you just don't remember", but if shit happens when you're very young (younger than like 2 ot 3) you can still be imprinted without remembering the specifics. That's all I meant. Plenty of people are miserable without the knowledge that their parents screamed at each other all the time before they divorced, for example. Some people are just broken because they don't know the exact thing that fucked them in the head (and therefore can't deal with it).

[stray]

Its all about stimulating the Dopamine receptors in the brain.

I prefer serotonin myself.

[Tebonas]

I'm an Endorphin guy myself, so I won't judge your preference Stray. :)

You are certainly right Voodoolily. I just wanted to point out that sadly there is not one right answer that fits all.