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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Topic: I Must be a Masochist 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: I Must be a Masochist  (Read 4702 times)
HaemishM
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on: May 26, 2004, 01:55:35 PM

I've read the reviews. I've heard some of you guys talk about how bad it is. But I just must see a movie that got a review like this. I suppose to be fair, I should eat it with a buffalo chicken pizza, but once is more than enough for me.

I'm putting this on my Netflix queue and will let you know the horror of it when I watch it.

Alluvian
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Reply #1 on: May 26, 2004, 02:02:16 PM

Dumbass.

That is all I have to say.
Paelos
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Reply #2 on: May 26, 2004, 02:04:46 PM

Haemish you really need to do as Robin William's suggests. Buy one of those electonic ab stimulators, strap it to your head, and zap yourself while screaming "I WILL NOT BUY STUPID SHIT FOR NO REASON."

That might clear up the need to watch bad movies with bad pizza.

CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
HaemishM
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Reply #3 on: May 26, 2004, 02:05:38 PM

Hey, it's Netflix, it's not like I'm actually paying $4 to rent it.

But yeah, at least I know it's going to suck ass going in. That way I can laugh at it and enjoy the tit show much better than if I was actually trying to appreciate it.

Rasix
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Reply #4 on: May 26, 2004, 02:07:52 PM

If you like punishment, get "Dr. T and the Women" while you're at it. Richard Gere, Helen Hunt and some of the worst writing, acting and directing you'll ever see (THANK YOU ROBERT ALTMAN).  I was just stunned after watching it at how bad it was.

-Rasix
Furiously
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Reply #5 on: May 26, 2004, 02:25:33 PM

Ohhh the cutscenes...You realize very early you have invested too much time in the movie, and then you think "It can't get worse". Then it does. The ending.. Like they thought someone would say "Oh yea - lets make a sequal!" How did this thing ever get released?

Ohh the battle to the cabin with the matrix effects....

Rarely do I root for the zombies.

I watched Cabin Fever a few days later... I'm still afraid to drink anything.

WayAbvPar
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Reply #6 on: May 26, 2004, 03:03:39 PM

Quote from: Rasix
If you like punishment, get "Dr. T and the Women" while you're at it. Richard Gere, Helen Hunt and some of the worst writing, acting and directing you'll ever see (THANK YOU ROBERT ALTMAN).  I was just stunned after watching it at how bad it was.


Farrah Fawcett in the fountain was fun. The rest was pretty uninspired.

When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM

Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood

Libertarians make fun of everyone because they can't see beyond the event horizons of their own assholes Surlyboi
daveNYC
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Reply #7 on: May 26, 2004, 05:52:05 PM

The GF got Le Divorce on the netflix.  Painful.  I spent half the movie wondering what the fuck was going on.
schild
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Reply #8 on: May 26, 2004, 05:54:00 PM

I expect a review of this mess, but it won't be a regular review. It will be a 76 page apology to yourself explaining what came over you.
HaemishM
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Reply #9 on: May 27, 2004, 08:10:52 AM

I think I already have the review written in my head, if it's as bad as everyone says it is. I hope it's teh funney.

schild
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Reply #10 on: May 27, 2004, 08:12:15 AM

As per the other thread:

Can I preorder your review? Does it come with a free buffalo pizza? Is it about Shadowbane?
HaemishM
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Reply #11 on: May 27, 2004, 08:29:04 AM

I will review 2 crush.

Alluvian
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Reply #12 on: May 27, 2004, 08:31:16 AM

Can I have loathing on one side with a mixture of bile and hatred on the other?  This movie surely warrants it.  Unless it puts you into an epileptic fit once the pixelated and pointless gaming bits start getting cut into it.  In that case it would warrant a somewhat higher reveiw score.
HaemishM
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Reply #13 on: May 28, 2004, 10:17:24 AM

I watched Kill Bill, Vol. 1 on DVD last night. I won't review it for the front page, as I figure most of you saw it before I did.

Disclaimer: Pulp Fiction is one of my favorite movies, along with Reservoir Dogs, and I like Tarantino.

Total self-indulgent shit. It caused a pulsing headache, and I'm pretty sure I have some colon damage.

Yes, I know it was an homage. Yes, I know it was tongue-in-cheek.

It wasn't funny. It wasn't witty. It wasn't inventive, or thrilling or fun. It was painfully, obnoxiously fucking stupid. It was trailer trash cinema, with a side helping of creepy fetishism. If I never see Uma Thurman's horridly disfigured feet again, it'll be too soon. The music was a spike driven through my head. It came in at all the wrong times, was overly loud and completely obnoxious. All attempts at humor fell completely flat. The format switching between black and white and color, and between filmed and anime, served no good goddamn purpose; it felt like he did it just to do it.

The geysers of blood were FUCKING STUPID. I don't care if Kung-fu movies did it, it reminded me more of Monty Python, only it WASN'T FUNNY. I get the joke, jackhole, it just wasn't funny. It might have been funny in the 80's with Michael Winslow doing his kung-fu theatre voice not matching the lip movement act. Not now.

Whereas the funny dialogue in Pulp Fiction was funny and entertaining, it was that because it felt organic to the characters. It didn't feel forced. Almost all of the dialogue in the movie felt so forced, especially parts where it felt like the profanity was added for the sake of adding profanity. After Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Charlie's Angels and this, I'm of the opinion Lucy Liu should NEVER ACT AGAIN. Again, NOT FUNNY.

I know a lot of the whole thing was a big extended joke. I GOT the joke. It just wasn't funny.

This should not have been two movies. I'm not even sure it should have been 1 movie. I will definitely wait until it's on DVD before bothering with vol. 2. There were maybe 5 minutes of the movie that I liked  the direction of, but most of it just annoyed the fuck out of me.

schild
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Reply #14 on: May 28, 2004, 10:23:58 AM

Heh, now you see why Joe and I refused to review [Kill Bill].

If you want good samurai action, see Zatoichi - the remake, with Beat Takeshi. Easily up there with many of the Kurosawa flicks.
Rasix
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Reply #15 on: May 28, 2004, 10:32:58 AM

I think Kill Bill Vol 1 is pretty much a love/hate thing.  I've yet to see one person that was just a "meh".  I will agree on the foot fetish thing, I really really don't need to see that much feet in a movie, thank you (2 manages to parade a lot of toes also).  

That being said, I liked the movie a lot.  I thought it was entertaining, if a bit poorly acted in parts (but not really on Lucy's part, more with Vivica and Uma IMO).  I love sammurai flicks and this felt like one. All of the stuff that bothered you about the movie, didn't phase me one bit and I often thought added to the experience (cartoony blood geysers).

On a shitty movie related point, I just saw American Pie 3 last night on pay-per-view.  That was easily the worst move I've seen all year and I'm including Underworld and Tomb Raider 2 (I also just saw Reign of Fire this year, but that's an older flick).  It was funny in a few parts, but it was easily one of the worst written, worst directed, most poorly acted flicks I've EVER seen.  It made American Pie 2 look good, which I also thought sucked copious amounts of ass compared to the original.  

God, I can't even recommend the movie with the generous amounts of boobage it had.  I didn't come in expecting a moving experience, I just wanted to be moderately entertained, but the pure shitiness of the movie just assaulted my senses on all levels.   I think if I had actually gone to see this in theatures I would have walked out about 20 minutes in.

-Rasix
schild
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Reply #16 on: May 28, 2004, 10:57:26 AM

American Pie 3 was pound for pound better money spent then Kill Bill.
WayAbvPar
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Reply #17 on: May 28, 2004, 10:58:00 AM

Quote
On a shitty movie related point, I just saw American Pie 3 last night on pay-per-view. That was easily the worst move I've seen all year and I'm including Underworld and Tomb Raider 2 (I also just saw Reign of Fire this year, but that's an older flick). It was funny in a few parts, but it was easily one of the worst written, worst directed, most poorly acted flicks I've EVER seen. It made American Pie 2 look good, which I also thought sucked copious amounts of ass compared to the original


Yeah, it pretty much blew. A few funny bits (the bachelor party scene was amusing), but for the most part is was completely uninspired shyte. When the comedy dips to the point of eating dog shit, I think it is time to retire the franchise.

Haemish's review of Kill Bill is exactly how I imagined the movie to be (I didn't bother to see it, since Hollywood tried to trick me into paying for the movie twice). Think I will give it a miss.

When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM

Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood

Libertarians make fun of everyone because they can't see beyond the event horizons of their own assholes Surlyboi
Rasix
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Posts: 15024

I am the harbinger of your doom!


Reply #18 on: May 28, 2004, 11:08:17 AM

Quote from: schild
American Pie 3 was pound for pound better money spent then Kill Bill.


I disagree with what you said.  

But hey, we've got very different tastes in movies. It happens. I don't expect to ever agree with you on a movie, unless it's an absolute no brainer, cut and dry, master piece.

-Rasix
Alluvian
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Reply #19 on: May 28, 2004, 12:47:53 PM

When it comes to movies, I generally seem to think the exact opposite of anything Schild says.  Not always, but it is a general rule of thumb.

Count me as one of the rare 'meh' people on KB Volume 1.  It was utterly average and uninspired.  It went from stupid to moderately entertaining to repetitive.  I liked the Sonny Chiba scene.  The only scene I actually really liked.  But I would not go so far as to say I hated it.  I really seriously enjoyed the second half though.  My wife liked the first half (to my utter shock) and dragged me to the second half as soon as it released.  I am so happy it had very little in common with the first.

I refuse to watch any of the American Pie movies.  Pure shit stained idiocy and humor that should not make anyone older than 12 laugh.
kaid
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Reply #20 on: May 28, 2004, 01:43:39 PM

I also was meh on kb1 and I believe I had even posted that when it came out. Far to much nodding and winking going on but it had enough parts that at least made it tolerable. Part 2 is much more of what I was expecting from the kill bill thing than part 1 was and is a far better film.

Kaid
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