See? The O.C. is worth watching.

[Ironwood]

Hmmm.  I always think that it's simpler than that.


Women go for whoever looks like they've got the most cash.

Bitches.

[stray]

Just do what I do. Buy expensive shoes.

[Signe]

Hmmm.  I always think that it's simpler than that.


Women go for whoever looks like they've got the most cash.

Bitches.

Posting in green doesn't make women want to hit you less hard.

[Ironwood]

I actually talked about Genetic Imperatives in Mate Selection for a good four paragraphs before wiping it to put in the sarcasm.  I didn't think a useless news post merited an actual line by line on exactly why women are useless, shallow and evil manipulators and schemers.  Men, alas, have that horrible honesty thing going for them.

But, hey, we can go there if you like.

[Der Helm]

Posting in green doesn't make women want to hit you less hard.

Some guys like that, you know ?

[Sky]

Men, alas, have that horrible honesty thing going for them.

Heh.

[Paelos]

Men, alas, have that horrible honesty thing going for them.

Heh.

Yes ladies. We honestly want to see you naked.

[Ironwood]

More that we'd like to put it in you and your friend and your sister and your mum.  That's our fucking job on the planet and we wish you'd stop thwarting our ambitions.  Especially with your sister and your friend.  They're Hawt.

[Merusk]

Well.. they're not REALLY that Hawt, you're right.. but if the lights were out.. and they were there.. and we were there...

[stray]

More that we'd like to put it in you and your friend and your sister and your mum.  That's our fucking job on the planet and we wish you'd stop thwarting our ambitions.  Especially with your sister and your friend.  They're Hawt.

Hmm...I'm actually interested in what women have to say and think. I'm not all about the above.

Maybe I'm gay. 

[edit] Or maybe I'm even more "honest"?

[Ironwood]

Hmm...I'm actually interested in what women have to say and think.

Heh.  You're really not.

[Signe]

Stray is a good lad.  Don't taint him, you pervy Scottish plonker!

[stray]

I'm a bit pink (and proud), right? 

[Paelos]

I just want a beer, and I wanna see something naked. I don't care about all this putting it in them business.

[stray]

[edit] ...

[Ironwood]

I just want a beer, and I wanna see something naked. I don't care about all this putting it in them business.

heh.  All I can think of now is the line from that godawful film Peter's Friends when Stephen Fry says "I'm not in the vagina business.'

[Signe]

Viva la Vulva!

[Pococurante]

Posting in green doesn't make women want to hit you less hard.

Let me take this opportunity to say you are still the funniest poster on f13.

Say, any chance we'll have a Girls of F13 Swimsuit Edition Calendar?  My wife lets me take Victorias Secret so I think I'm ok on the calendar too.  Though I'm not sure how useful is a calendar that only covers up to May. :(

[Signe]

I don't swim.

[Ironwood]

Say, any chance we'll have a Girls of F13 Swimsuit Edition Calendar? 

You are a deeply disturbed man.

[schild]

A calendar only up 'til May?

Male to Female Ratio: 5.4:1

Though, I fear, that it may count elves as female.

[Shockeye]

I come from the "down there" generation. That is, those were the words-spoken rarely and in a hushed voice-that the women in my family used to refer to all female genitalia, internal or external.

It wasn't that they were ignorant of terms like vagina, labia, vulva, or clitoris. On the contrary, they were trained to be teachers and probably had more access to information than most.

It wasn't even that they were unliberated, or "straitlaced," as they would have put it. One grandmother earned money from her strict Protestant church by ghostwriting sermons-of which she didn't believe a word-and then earned more by betting it on horse races. The other was a suffragist, educator, and even an early political candidate, all to the alarm of many in her Jewish community. As for my own mother, she had been a pioneer newspaper reporter years before I was born, and continued to take pride in bringing up her two daughters in a more enlightened way than she had been raised. I don't remember her using any of the slang words that made the female body seem dirty or shameful, and I'm grateful for that. As you'll see in these pages, many daughters grew up with a greater burden.

Nonetheless, I didn't hear words that were accurate, much less prideful. For example, I never once heard the word clitoris. It would be years before I learned that females possessed the only organ in the human body with no function other than to feel pleasure. (If such an organ were unique to the male body, can you imagine how much we would hear about it-and what it would be used to justify?) Thus, whether I was learning to talk, to spell, or to take care of my own body; I was told the name of each of its amazing parts except in one unmentionable area. This left me unprotected against the shaming words and dirty jokes of the school yard and, later, against the popular belief that men, whether as lovers or physicians, knew more about women's bodies than women did.

[Ironwood]

What The Hell.

[Shockeye]

You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair. Many people do not love hair. My first and only husband hated hair. He said it was cluttered and dirty. He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made love to me, my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it, and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps. I refused to shave it again. Then my husband had an affair. When we went to marital therapy, he said he screwed around because I wouldn't please him sexually. I wouldn't shave my vagina. The therapist had a thick German accent and gasped between sentences to show her empathy. She asked me why I didn't want to please my husband. I told her I thought it was weird. I felt little when my hair was gone down there, and I couldn't help talking in a baby voice, and the skin got irritated and even calamine lotion wouldn't help it. She told me marriage was a compromise. I asked her if shaving my vagina would stop him from screwing around. I asked her if she'd had many cases like this before. She said that questions diluted the process. I needed to jump in. She was sure it was a good beginning.

This time, when we got home, he got to shave my vagina. It was like a therapy bonus prize. He clipped it a few times, and there was a little blood in the bathtub. He didn't even notice it, 'cause he was so happy shaving me. Then, later, when my husband was pressing against me, I could feel his spiky sharpness sticking into me, my naked puffy vagina. There was no protection. There was no fluff.

I realized then that hair is there for a reason-it's the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house. You have to love hair in order to love the vagina. You can't pick the parts you want. And besides, my husband never stopped screwing around.

[Ironwood]

Seriously Dude, You're Scaring Me.

[Jeff Kelly]

Seriously Dude, You're Scaring Me.

more of this scary stuff

[Shockeye]

Why do vaginas scare you?

[Ironwood]

They don't.  Message Board Mods with Minge Madness scares me.

[Shockeye]

They don't.  Message Board Mods with Minge Madness scares me.

Fair enough.

[HaemishM]

I'm not sure what the fuck just happened to this thread, but I am sure it involved snatch.

[Sky]

Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.

[WayAbvPar]

How we got from an overly scrawny girl's nipple to a retired soccer goon/actor in less than 2 pages I will never know. Especially with Shockeye's Vagina Monologues in the middle.


Now someone needs to release a pr0n mod for The Movies so someone can make The Vagina Dialogues.

[Sky]

f13 is like a game of Telephone gone horribly awry.

[Signe]

You people are all sick.  All of you.  Sick.   

[voodoolily]

Signe, where's SuperPopTart? We need to march and take back the night.