Cell phone etiquette, or "Excuse Me While I Flush"

[Shockeye]

Here's proof cell phone biz is flush with success

Somewhere between football and how to properly cook green beans, the dinner party conversation at our house turned to cell phone misuse.

In particular, the odd and growing trend here, there and everywhere: the use of cell phones in public restrooms.

"The person in the stall next to me answered a call on her cell phone," my friend said. "I didn't know what to do. I was trying to be polite, so I didn't want to flush. I just sat there."

We all nodded knowingly. It has, we all agreed, been happening more and more frequently to us as well. Which brings to mind a sensible question. What in the world are these people thinking?

"That is not proper," said Evelyn Moore, who teaches the White Gloves and Party Manners classes in this area. "It has become such an irritation to everyone. It is unbelievable how it is imposing on other people's privacy and peace of mind."

It does make you wonder what the person on the other end of the phone call is experiencing. Do they think the person is calling from Niagara Falls? Do they lie and say that strong sound of rushing water is actually a freak rainstorm rolling through? Is there a professional way to say, "Hold on, sir. I've got to flush" or "I'm on the potty, so I can't take down that information right now."

All of which assumes the talker is alone. Throw in co-workers or fellow concert-goers or people who couldn't make it through the movie because they ordered the super-duper giant jumbo-sized Coke, and you've got a whole different barrel of etiquette challenges.

Does one politely ask the people in the bathroom to hold off on flushing until you complete your telephone call? When it's your turn, do you pass the phone to the person behind you in line and say, "Would you kindly hold this for me? And if you want to say howdy to Aunt Martha, why, just go right ahead."

The cell phone culture has exploded. Nothing beats the convenience, but it's out of hand. People talk while they drive. People talk while they eat. People have to be reminded to turn them off at the theater. People block grocery aisles while they ask their spouse, "What about milk? Do we need eggs?"

But bathrooms? What is so important it can't wait a few minutes? Can't people take just a wee bit of a break from talking while you pursue one and two? There are noises involved, for heaven's sake. Not to mention germs. How do you wash a cell phone with warm sudsy water?

Moore said they teach telephone manners in their manners and etiquette classes, and that includes how to politely use a cellular phone.

"The thing we try to put over to the children is, first of all, it is annoying to most people for you to be on a cell phone in a restaurant or restroom," she said.

"It seems that when people have cell phones, they talk louder. We tell them they should turn their cell phone off when they are in church. If you are in any kind of a meeting, or in a classroom, you should turn your cell phone off. Any public place, you should realize there are other people around and it is disturbing."

But Moore agrees that those rules are routinely ignored.

One study, taken in 2002, found that 47% of cell phone users said they would answer if their phone started ringing while they were going to the bathroom.

If your phone rings while you are so engaged, and caller ID shows it's me, take my word for it. Call me back. I don't want to hear you now.

[Merusk]

I had this happen once in the communal restroom of a place I worked.  I was washing-up and as I was a guy in one of the stalls pulled out his phone to take a call. I was floored anyone at all thought that was appropriate.  It occured to me after I got back to my desk I should have walked back into the restroom, gone into a stall and made a lot of strained grunts.  Fuck 'em if they can't show common sense, or even courtosey to the other folks in the restroom.  Alas, the opportunity has never arisin again.

[Yegolev]

I answer my cell while sitting on the throne at work if it is someone calling who I don't care about hearing some toilet-sounds.  This would be my wife and one other friend, since my wife liked to give me crap for not answering my cell every time she called.  She doesn't do that anymore.

A great conversation-ender is the flushing sound.  "Are you busy?"  "Not anymore..."

[HaemishM]

Hearing some guy in a stall answering his phone is only one of the myriad of reasons I fucking hate my cell phone. If someone, even my beloved wife, happens to call me while I'm pinching a loaf, they can leave a fucking voice mail.

[Strazos]

I knew a guy I use to work with who would regularly have conversations at work while on the public toilet.

He was a wierd guy.

[Bunk]

It all just depends on who it is whose calling. If it's a friend that I've had conversations about the intricacies of taking a shit with before, hell yea I'll answer. Yes ladies, when guys get bored while drinking, sometimes we talk about shit.

Hell, I have some friends who I'll call at home from the shitter, just to piss them off.

Would I give a shit about the guy in the next stall being on the phone when I'm in a public restroom? No. I grunt when required and flush when I'm done.

[Polysorbate80]

Am I the only person left in the world without a cell phone? 

I've never talked on the phone with someone who was (obviously) on the toilet, but my wife eats all the damn time when she's on the phone.  People, we don't need to hear you chew.

And if you're walking around with one of those hands-free sets, especially the little hoodads that sit in your ear like an oversized hearing aid, wear a sign around your neck that says "NOT CRAZY" so I can distinguish you from the weirdos that just walk around talking loudly about cryptic shit to no one in particular because they're out of their minds.

[Paelos]

I hate people that start conversations on those headsets in elevators. They say a greeting, you respond, and they look at you like you're crazy.

Then you end up punching them in the face, then the lawsuits, etc.

[Ironwood]

Yup, it would be nice if life worked like that man.

With the punching and the lawsuits and all.

Mobile Phones are the work of the Devil.  Really.

[Sairon]

I think it's okay to talk in your phone as long as it doesn't affect others, say in for example a theater, then it's pretty fucking rude to be talking in the phone. Talking when you're taking a crap is fine by me but don't expect others to adapt to you.

[Dren]

A story came to mind while reading.  I was in a stall while the other next to me was occupied.  There was an Asian person in there on the phone.  He was talking a mile a minute, but would pause from time to time to let out a little grunt.  I'm serious, he would actually do this right into the phone.  Toilets are flushing left and right too.  Of course, he is also doing the 'talk louder than usual' thing so the entire restroom hears all of this going on.  Of course nobody understands what he is saying, but I couldn't help but have a fit of giggles.  It was like a skit from SNL.  He just kept grunting more and more.  It was just so obvious.

[Merusk]

Am I the only person left in the world without a cell phone? 

Nope.  I don't have one, and I refuse to have one. If you can't get ahold of me at work or at home I don't want to talk to your goddamn ass. Leave a message. The wife has one only because a woman stranded on the road w/ kids is a bad thing.

[Roac]

Same.  Don't have one, don't want one.  If someone wants to talk to me, they can get me at home.  If it's important, plan a call more than 5 minutes in advance so as to not miss me.  If I'm away and it's short notice, I probably won't have time to get involved in whatever it is anyway.  It's more hassle than asset, imo.

[WayAbvPar]

I don't understand the cell phone hate. They are incredibly convenient, and very affordable these days. There is no law that says you must answer it when it rings, you know.

[Merusk]

1) They're a nuisance. The rings, the customization, the culture of the c-hell phone are nothing I want to have any part of.
2)  The grief I've seen people get over not answering the phone isn't worth it. "Omg why didn't you answer your phone, I thought you were dead! I was worried sick, you have the phone so I can get ahold of you when I NEED to, answer it!"
3) 90% of the people who have one don't need one.  They started as a luxury and people have bought into the bullshit.
4) I have never been in a situation where I NEEDED one.  Even when I went 'offroading' in the sedan last Christmas. That's what emergency radios & the Highway Patrol are for.
5) When 6th grade kids are whining about how their teachers took away their cell phones, and parents are upset that schools are implementing 'no cell phones during school hours' policies it's gone too far.

Affordable isn't the reason.  It's a bullshit product for a world of bullshit. "It keeps you connected!" No, motherfucker, I keep myself connected.  If my relationship with someone is so tenuous that a cell phone is the only way we keep in touch, I don't really need that person. 

[Paelos]

I went to the movies with a friend of mine who happens to be a 6'8" guy. Some dude in front of us has his cell phone go off in the movie. He goes for it quickly. I think, meh, that happens and he got to it fast. BUT NO! Douchebag 20 something year old guy starts TALKING on the phone in Spanish. Not getting up, not leaving to do so on the way out, but just chatting it up. My friend and I exchange glances, he taps the guy on the shoulder, and says in a fairly large voice, "What the Hell are you doing?"

The guy turns around, obviously pissed. Takes a quick look at my huge friend, and hangs up the phone.

Cell phones are the fruits of the devil. I hate them with a passion. People call me on mine, and whenever they ask me if I ever have it on, I say, it's for outgoing only. I don't want you to reach me. I don't care. Even if it's life or death, which it never is, I'm easily reached by email or regular phone in a matter of hours. You can wait.

[Polysorbate80]

Considering that I can literally go weeks without wanting or needing to call anyone except from at work, 99.9% of any money I spent on a cell phone might as well be--dare I say it--flushed down the toilet? :)

[Sairon]

Personaly I have one as a stationary phone, because having an ordinary stationary phone has a monthly cost to it. It's a little like an addiction for people into mobile phones, they simply can't be without it. One thing which I like when I'm out runing, shoping or whatever, is the fact nobody can reach me, it's a little sense of freedom. My family also owns a sweet little summer place out in the forest by a lake, it's totaly isolated from civilisation. When you get there over the summer holidays you can finaly relaxe and take your mind off work/school whatever, so we don't have any phones whatsoever out there.

[Bunk]

I resisted getting a cell until recently. When I moved in to my own place, it ended up being cheaper for me than a landline. I don't talk on the phone much, and when I do its usually evenings, which doesn't cost me minutes. So I pay roughly $30 a month and have access to a phone at all times. I got a generic Samsung, with no bells and whistles, for free with the contract. I don't let any of that fancy faceplate, ringtone, customization crap bother me. I just picked one ringtone that was really loud so I can hear it, and that's that.

Oh, and answering someone you think is talking to you, but is really on the phone with a bluetooth headset - yes, that's a punch in the face situation.

[Pococurante]

Both the wife abd I have one.  I don't check it's voicemail ever.  I don't give out the number ever.

But I hate talking on the phone.

[WayAbvPar]

Back to the original topic-

I really wish I had a wireless conn set up in my apartment so I could respond to this thread from the throne. That would rule.

[Strazos]

I really wish I could somehow pay Less for my phone plan. It costs me almost $40/month, and I've used it maybe 5 times in the last 4 months. /sigh

[Jain Zar]

The only reason I have a cell phone is because I wanted the N Gage to play a couple decent RPGs while waiting for the friggin Nintendo DS to come out with something worth playing.

My cell phone plan is that Cingular Go Phone thingie where I give em 25 bucks every 3 months and if I don't use the minutes I can put in another 25 and they roll over.  It came with a 10 dollar starter card and I currently have 51 dollars in it.  Its rarely on unless I am playing a game, so its primarily for emergencies like car trouble or trying to find out where someone's house is here in the friggin woodsie hell of New England.  This week was the first actual conversations I have held on the thing.  My cousin was out in the uber sticks at some lake and his truck's battery died.  I happen to have jumper cables.  The directions weren't perfect and I got a bit lost.  Instead of having to drive 15 minutes plus back home to call his cell to figure out exactly where he was (which without his cell he wouldn't have been able to do anyhow) I pulled off on some backroad with zero traffic at 3PM, got the location cleaned up, and drove the last 5 minutes to him.   Then my aunt called and thanked me for helping out when I pulled in the driveway of the house.

But I have the following rules on cell use:
Off 95% of the time.
Don't use while driving.
Don't use while walking around.
Don't use anywhere it can bother others.

Of course that is common sense, something in SHORT supply.

[Strazos]

If I already have a plan with Cingular, do you think they'd let me swap to that? They would lose a lot of money, seeing as I rarely use the phone.

[Hanzii]

Saying cell phones suck is like proclaiming cars the work of the devils, because some morons use them to run over people.

Cell phones are great tools and nifty toys. I buy a new one every year and have a job where I get to try all the newest ones. I always carry my mobile - but it's almost always with the sound turned off. I never take calls where it annoys others and I don't use it differently than any other phone. There's a voicemail option, so I get to decide when to talk to people - you don't have to be avaliable all the time.

Apart from that I use the calendar, the clock (I never carry a watch) and the one I play around with now, the Sony Ericsson W800i, is also a great camera and MP3-player. I would play the games, if I didn't own a PSP. I am however fooling around with MAME on one of the new Nokias.

[Ironwood]

Saying cell phones suck is like proclaiming cars the work of the devils.

Yes.  Yes, it is.

Cars ARE the work of the devil.

[Arnold]

1) They're a nuisance. The rings, the customization, the culture of the c-hell phone are nothing I want to have any part of.
2)  The grief I've seen people get over not answering the phone isn't worth it. "Omg why didn't you answer your phone, I thought you were dead! I was worried sick, you have the phone so I can get ahold of you when I NEED to, answer it!"
3) 90% of the people who have one don't need one.  They started as a luxury and people have bought into the bullshit.
4) I have never been in a situation where I NEEDED one.  Even when I went 'offroading' in the sedan last Christmas. That's what emergency radios & the Highway Patrol are for.
5) When 6th grade kids are whining about how their teachers took away their cell phones, and parents are upset that schools are implementing 'no cell phones during school hours' policies it's gone too far.

Affordable isn't the reason.  It's a bullshit product for a world of bullshit. "It keeps you connected!" No, motherfucker, I keep myself connected.  If my relationship with someone is so tenuous that a cell phone is the only way we keep in touch, I don't really need that person. 

I hated them forever too, but now I own one.

1.  I hate that shit too.  Why does your phone need to ring at 125 decibels, with some faggoty tone?  Mine stays on vibrate, 100% of the time.

2.  Since my phone is always on vibrate, I never hear it at home, when it is out of my pocket.  When I'm at work, I don't answer it.  Leave a goddamn message.

3.  Sure, I don't NEED one, but having a land line seems really silly to me nowadays.  The cell is a better option.

4.  Me neither, but I'm sure it could come in handy if an emergency was at hand.

5. Parents are fucking paranoid and stupid.

[Arnold]

I went to the movies with a friend of mine who happens to be a 6'8" guy. Some dude in front of us has his cell phone go off in the movie. He goes for it quickly. I think, meh, that happens and he got to it fast. BUT NO! Douchebag 20 something year old guy starts TALKING on the phone in Spanish. Not getting up, not leaving to do so on the way out, but just chatting it up. My friend and I exchange glances, he taps the guy on the shoulder, and says in a fairly large voice, "What the Hell are you doing?"

The guy turns around, obviously pissed. Takes a quick look at my huge friend, and hangs up the phone.

Cell phones are the fruits of the devil. I hate them with a passion. People call me on mine, and whenever they ask me if I ever have it on, I say, it's for outgoing only. I don't want you to reach me. I don't care. Even if it's life or death, which it never is, I'm easily reached by email or regular phone in a matter of hours. You can wait.

Heh, I was at the movies with a friend who is about 6'5" and 300 pounds.  Some asshole answered his cell 3 times and conducted a conversation.  On the last one, my friend yelled, "If you answer that goddamn thing one more time, I'me going to come over there and shove it up your fucking ass!"

It didn't happen again.

[Arnold]

I really wish I could somehow pay Less for my phone plan. It costs me almost $40/month, and I've used it maybe 5 times in the last 4 months. /sigh

Ummm, get a "pay as you go" phone?  I don't talk on the phone much, so that's what I have.  It costs me about $15 a month.

[Merusk]

3.  Sure, I don't NEED one, but having a land line seems really silly to me nowadays.  The cell is a better option.

Where on earth do you people saying 'landlines are silly' live that places deliver to you without having a landline?

[Sobelius]

"I had phone sex once. My ass rang for a week."


It's a strange thing that culturally, somewhere along the way after the phone was invented, people began to accept the idea that if a phone is ringing you *must* answer it. It's like a reflex.

Over the past few years, I started trying to make a deliberate choice about whether I answer my phone. All of the phone numbers at which someone can reach me have messaging systems, so instead of allowing someone's call to take priority over what I may be doing at that moment, I know people can leave me a message and I can respond when I can give whatever they called about my undivided attention. It seems to work pretty well for me -- especially when I'm in a face-to-face conversation with someone and I allow the phone to ring without looking at the caller ID. I try to make a deliberate choice that I hope conveys to that person that our face-to-face conversation is important to me.

If the conversation is not unimportant, I usually say "excuse me a second" so I can look at the caller ID and then decide whether I should answer the call -- and then usually do so only if it's my boyfriend or a family member.

Answering or talking on any phone (cell or not) tells the people around you that that call is the most important thing to you at that moment -- more important than concentrating on driving, more important that the conversation you may have been having with someone, more important than the other people waiting in line at the grocery store, etc.

My cell phone is my main phone -- I don't use my land line for anything other than my home alarm system. Even so, I try my best to make the phone serve my needs and priorities, not the other way around.

[Zephyr]

3.  Sure, I don't NEED one, but having a land line seems really silly to me nowadays.  The cell is a better option.

Where on earth do you people saying 'landlines are silly' live that places deliver to you without having a landline?

I have never had a problem getting food or package deliveries in NJ with only a cell phone.  I used to drive a crappy car, commuting around 90 miles a day with work and school, so having a cell phone was a necessity for me.  Also I have cable internet, so I dropped the land line several years ago and haven't looked back since.  

[Polysorbate80]

It's a strange thing that culturally, somewhere along the way after the phone was invented, people began to accept the idea that if a phone is ringing you *must* answer it. It's like a reflex.

My wife is that way; she *cannot* stand to let a phone ring.

Me, I don't answer it anymore, unless I'm pretty sure it's her.  The machine is always happy to listen to idiots and take down their stupid message, whereas I usually get bored and forget it halfway through trying to find a pen to write it down with.

If I weren't married, I'd consider not having *any* phone at all, except for the inconvenience of dealing with businesses who can't comprehend that people might not have one or might not want to give out the number (Adelphia, I'm looking at *you*)  Or I'd be like some of those Amish folk who have phones, but only in a little shed out on the edge of the property somewhere.

At least by having only a land line, I only have to make one excuse for why I don't answer calls--"I wasn't home."

[Samwise]

For a while I had a cel phone and no land line so that I could just leave the cel phone turned off.  Normal phones have "off" switches too but nobody ever uses them, so it's not as good of an excuse for not answering.