The Escapist

[HaemishM]

After trying to read Tom Chick's article on the PSP (or whatever the fuck that article was about), I clicked on the cover link. I can safely say that I now FUCKING HATE THIS MAGAZINE. Really. And Truly. And it's Tuesday.

I've said my piece about the design, but did I mention once again that IT IS FUCKING RETARDED FOR THE WEB. It's fine for your PDF version, but if you can't muster the effort to redesign it for the web version to actually fit the fucking medium, DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME. It's extremely hard to read, it makes no good goddamn sense, and it is the same kind of art fag wannabe magazine design bullshit I have to deal with in the advertising world every day. The web is not a magazine. It's not a piece of paper. It's a melding of form and function. You've forgotten the function part. I can only assume it's laziness, not wanting to do two designs for one piece, but I think it probably takes more work to do it the way they have than to just design it for the web and flow copy in.

But then I see the cover image. Oh joy, it's Ad Week's latest geek stereotype, the dissheveled, unshaven skinny white fucker with a clueless look, an ill-fitting tie and suit, and the requisite piece of geek gear to let you know he's not only a social misfit, he's a gamer as well. It sucks when advertisers use it. You suck more for co-opting it.

Stop it.

[Strazos]

In summation:

"The Escapist" is done by a bunch of industry-whoring know-nothing dipshits.

In other news, the sky is still blue, and EA is still "teh EVILE!!1!"

[Biobanger]

Can someone send Haemish a new mouse, I'm sure he either threw it or ate it, or both this time around. Maybe they should write an article about their layout entitled "Ode to the scroll button".  

[Bunk]

In summation:

"The Escapist" is done by a bunch of industry-whoring know-nothing dipshits.

In other news, the sky is still blue, and EA is still "teh EVILE!!1!"

Getting a little bitter aren't we?  Haemish was going off about the formating of the site, not the content or contributers themselves.

[Signe]

Not one negative in the letter's to the editor section!  How very amazing!

Why don't we have a letters to the editor section?

Did I miss silly hat day again?

[Shockeye]

Why don't we have a letters to the editor section?

As soon as we become a print magazine wannabe, we'll start publishing them.

[HaemishM]

Our letters to the editor must all begin with the words:

"Dear Editor,

I never thought things like this could happen to me."

[Shockeye]

Our letters to the editor must all begin with the words:

"Dear Editor,

I never thought things like this could happen to me."

No way, I'm all for:

"Long time, first time."

[WayAbvPar]

Our letters to the editor must all begin with the words:

"Dear Editor,

I never thought things like this could happen to me."

"I found out about this incredible farm in Enumclaw, WA..."

[Shockeye]

DEAR EDITOR,

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

[schild]

I just got home. Can't get past the cover. I was looking on the side to see "Suit from Hecht's - $77. Tie from TJ Maxx - $13.99. Gameboy from EBGames - Used - $59.99."

[HaemishM]

With the tagline "Whoring it up like WIRED Magazine?" on the side?

[Paelos]

Can't we launch an ezine guys? Pretty please? We can fag it up in our own special way!

[Shockeye]

Can't we launch an ezine guys? Pretty please? We can fag it up in our own special way!

Haemish, you heard the monkey. Get to shitting out a crappy print-to-web design template... STAT!

[Krakrok]

I keep moving my mouse over to the disabled scrollbar so I can scroll down and see if there is any hidden shiny before I press the back button.

Am I the only one that doesn't give a shit about handhelds and game consoles?

[WayAbvPar]

I keep moving my mouse over to the disabled scrollbar so I can scroll down and see if there is any hidden shiny before I press the back button.

Am I the only one that doesn't give a shit about handhelds and game consoles?

Nope. I may care even less than you do. No, it is possible.

[Rasix]

Am I the only one that doesn't give a shit about handhelds and game consoles?

If your home computer was dead, you'd care a lot more.  My PSP and Xbox are filling my gaming void nicely.  The PSP has especially turned out to be an ever impressive tool for amusement.

[Bunk]

Ok, I apologize for defending the content, nobody told me that the whole "issue" was about fucking heldhelds. Fuck stupid handhelds, I haven't had any interest since playing Tetris on a B&W gameboy about 10 years ago. If I want something handheld to keep me entertained, I'll spend $20 on a handheld Texas Holdem machine, not some $300 taco phone thingy.

Though I still don't have any hate on for the people involved themselves. Except the model on the cover page. What the fuck is with those eyebrows?

[Margalis]

Honestly, there's just no real content there. It's 3 poorly justified charts and a bunch of rambling.

[Signe]

Dear Editor,

Today I had to go to the mall for cheese and fruit. I hate going to the mall.  I guess all the poor people came up from the city to get out of the heat. It was awful.  Everybody smelled bad.  I'm considering giving up cheese and fruit during the summer.

Kind Regards.

PS  Every word of this is true.

[HaemishM]

Signe is the winner of the first non-annual Letters to the Editor award. Your award entitles you to one free clearing out our Sex in Christ Tent.

[Signe]

What an honour.  I'd like to thank my fan.

[Venkman]

Honestly, there's just no real content there. It's 3 poorly justified charts and a bunch of rambling.

But they get paid for it. Paid!

How they get the money to do that, I have no idea. Probably some VC or something. It is Themis after all.

I personally don't hate it. I haven't read an article yet that interests me, but the handheld market is huge, just got jacked some massive new bling, and ain't going away no matter how much I wish people would shut up about them. Theoretically enough people care.

Another thing to keep in mind is each issue is themed. Don't click that link though. Like so much other ill-thought stuff, it's an Excel file. I guess it's hard to use the "Save as Web Page..." option. Anyway, I copied the themes and will take the rap from the staff if I waste their server space doing so. They just did "Mobile people", so I imagine we'll see some Nick Yee stuff next issue.

Games have usurped other forms of media as the choice for entertainment
Games for mobile people.
Not everyone who plays games falls into the gamer stereotype.
Content is king, and players are the kingmakers
Gaming in the future - where will we be in 2020?
Games turing into movies turning into games. A look at how media is blurring together into franchises.
Games of yore that may have fallen through the cracks; classical gaming revisited - you CAN go home again.
The money behind games; publishers, retail, virtual property, intellectual property
Pen & Paper designers permeate the gaming industry at every level - especially the top.
A look at guilds - shaping gaming by numbers
Government & Gaming - America's Army, the upcoming government designed MMO, ESRB, pending legislation.
Franchises and companies that created one piece of brilliance and then fell off the map
Franchises and concepts begging to be turned into games.
The rise and fall of Electronic Arts; how EA won everything but lost its soul
The considerable crossover between the gaming and hip hop cultures.
Labor is shipped to second world countries to drive down production costs, as their own new games break out.
Women play games. We talk about their influence (or lack thereof) on gaming.
How Japan influences American entertainment culture. Not just for technology, but also in terms of art and feel.
The people everyone loves to hate: People who seem to exist only to make your gaming experience difficult.
Gaming moves closer and closer to becoming integral to the human experience.
Is the generation gap closing as young gamers look to Mom and Dad to see what games are cool?
Why war games are so captivating. Honoring veterans in a digital medium.
Games with low time and/or money investment, and the people who love them.
Writers detailing their best holiday experiences involving gaming.
Taking a look back at the year; big events, releases, falling outs.
Wal-Mart's influence on gaming culture and economics.
Why genres/games are addicting. Profiles of great addicts.

Again though, what I don't get is where they expect to get the cash to do this. Their issues are very light in content, and it doesn't take talent very long to put together a fairly not-ugly layout (obviously designed for print), but still, they seem to be funded somehow.

They still working with that RMT service?

[schild]

The big problem with that list is how uninspired it is. Each of the topics could be morphed into things that are more interesting but instead they go for the obvious because they are Warcry. They owe it to their advertisers not to be candid. I mean seriously - players are the kingmakers? No. No. No. No. I PAY for good content. See: 99% of the fan-designed NWN modules (or any mods). They suck ass. Most of the good ones had funding. Funding is the difference between player and designer. Or Wal-Mart - yes, their archaic politically correct structure is slowly eroding the marketplace. EA Never Had Soul as far as I know. Ruthlessness, yes. Why war-games are so captivating? No, kthx. We're talking lack of original IP and content here, not why what's available to buy is captivating. Or the guild one - how guilds shape games? No. How guilds ruin games is much more interesting to read. Personally though, I can't wait to see the "Money behind games" issue. I think that's where they could really show us they've got some balls.

But they won't, because they can't.

[Strazos]

That list makes me want to vomit in disgust. It's just mental masturbation, and is so anti-critical that it should be criminal.

How guilds shape games?

Muthafuckah, please.

Schild is right; reading on how they Ruin games would be more interesting.

[HaemishM]

Wow, that list is the Vanilla Diet Coke without Caffeine of Gaming Commentary.

[Paelos]

I wonder if I submit an actual article how long it would take for them to tell me that my ideas don't match their demographic or some marketing-asshole-fellation-speak.

First article, "Why SWG was always a pile of vomit"

[Toast]

That list makes me want to vomit in disgust. It's just mental masturbation, and is so anti-critical that it should be criminal.

How guilds shape games?

Muthafuckah, please.

Schild is right; reading on how they Ruin games would be more interesting.

You can write about how guilds ruin games and submit an article. This is actually a good topic for discussion. I'm not going to spell it out here, but player organizations have dramatically impacted MMORPGs as well as online shooters like the Battlefield series.

What's wrong with an issue about classic gaming? That single topic has enough content to support hundreds of dedicated websites.

The layout doesn't work well for the web, and the writing hasn't blown me away. That being said, if you can do better, submit something and get paid.

[Hanzii]

That being said, if you can do better, submit something and get paid.

That's an interesting concept, but not how magazines work, not even on the web.
No professional writer sits down and writes something, and then go look for a buyer (not counting fiction writers). You'd be broke quickly if you tried that route.The editor approaches them and I'm quite sure neither Tom Chick or Kieron Gillen submitted an article. They might have suggested one, but most likely they were approached.

I'd love for writers to submit me finished articles for me to read and only pick the best - in the real world I suggest a topic, a pagecount, a price and usually quite detailed description of what the article should cover (now the magazine I edit for is quite extreme in how much we control our freelancer, but trust me, no professional writers begins an article before he has at least agreed with the editor on length, topic and price)

[Pococurante]

Don't writer keep safed stories to serve as boilerplate?  If not that seems pretty dumb.

[Hanzii]

Don't writer keep safed stories to serve as boilerplate?  If not that seems pretty dumb.

Thanks for making me Google up the term boilerplate and learn a lot about press release writing in the process (now I know why 99,9% of the 100 I revieve every day fail their job).
But I'm still not exactly sure what you mean. Please to explain with more words.


My point was, that for a freelancer writing without a buyer in place, is like a taxidriver driving without a fare. You might pick up a story that is news and yours solo, but instead of doing all the legwork and writing it, you'll cover the basics and sell the premise (if you're really good/crafty youll sell it to two or more buyers, that aren't directly competing).
If you'd allready written it, your time spent would be wasted, if nobody wanted it or you'd end up rewriting (perhaps reinterviewing sources and whatnot) to make it fit your buyers publications.
Securing the buyer and making sure you know how to deliver your story in a way the like, is the way to spend a minimum of time on the story - which is absolutely necessary if this is your main source of income and not some amateur hobby.

[Pococurante]

Sorry Hanzii I forget sometimes the cultural barriers to slang.  What I was getting at is wouldn't an industry writer basically just keep writing whether on a job or not, building up a library of articles they want to specialize in or otherwise be known for... then when a contract comes out for bid they already have a work that just needs to be adapted to the contract and updated to refresh changes in the world around them since they write the earlier draft.

Most other trades I know work this way.  But your thought is that the time spent is wasted.  That surprised me.  Maybe the divergence is my expectation that the earlier draft would definitely need to be refreshed.  That's why I referred to it as boilerplate - really just something that primes your thoughts and saves you some of the grunt work of organzing the ideas.

[HaemishM]

That's not how the creative process of writing works. When it is, you get stuff like The Escapist.

[Pococurante]

Well... it certainly explains why most industry articles are cheese wiz on a cat turd.

[Margalis]

I don't think writing articles is really a creative excersize as much as it is a factual and analytical one.