If wishes were horses...

[Triforcer]

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002382718_horse15m.html

Sometimes I see arrangements of words on the Internet.  They make sense individually, but strung together I cannot understand them.  This is one of those times.

[Samwise]

Must... resist... obvious... joke...

[WayAbvPar]

So which one of your chat rooms directed you to this story, Tri? 

Deputies don't believe a crime occurred because bestiality is not illegal in Washington state and the horse was uninjured, said Urquhart.

Wow, that is a relief. Looks like I am free to take up this wonderful and fulfilling hobby whenever I go batfuckingshit insane.

[Strazos]

Urquhart.

I wonder if there is any relation to the BioWare dev...

Stormwaltz?

[Fargull]

Someone needs to Reno911 this one stat!

[HaemishM]

So someone was running the bestiality equivalent of a Bunny ranch?

Goddamn, what some people will do to avoid masturbation.

[Signe]

Is today silly hat day? 

[Triforcer]

So someone was running the bestiality equivalent of a Bunny ranch?

Goddamn, what some people will do to avoid masturbation.

Rick Santorum DID warn us about this, so we can't act surprised.

[tazelbain]

I hope you are joking, but given your posting habits I am not so sure.

[Pococurante]

I have a family relative who lives in the area and is involved with the local volunteer horse rescue group.  They were among the folks who picked up the horses shortly afterwards.  Enjoy, and oh please don't tell anyone... 

[12:25] Poco-relative: so anyway, back to the article you sent, I can probably tell you because you are far away and probably couldn't tell anyone to start gossip that would really effect us or families involved...
[12:26] Pococurante: well if it is legal don't
[12:27] Poco-relative: we picked up one of three stallions yesterday that were at that farm - it was like a scene out of Seven or something - there were ropes and pully systems fixed to the barn roof with blood on them - the two horse studs were out of their minds crazy, our vet believing that they are probably detoxing from heavy drug therapy to keep them pliable...
[12:27] Poco-relative: a bunch of little mini mares were circling around the people, snuggling like poor little African children wanting attention - NOT a normal behavior is a horse
[12:27] Pococurante: holy crap
[12:28] Poco-relative: err in
[12:28] Poco-relative: we are trying to keep it on the down low to protect the horses and the family of the man injured, not the farm trust me
[12:29] Poco-relative: law enforcement just wants us to be quiet to protect their own hide from criticism, it's not a legal thing
[12:30] Poco-relative: it's really sickness - it was a first hand look of hell on earth for me - I am very sheltered in my safe world but lately I have seen a lot of terrible things

[NowhereMan]

Holy fuck some people are broken. At least it wasn't people they were fucking with.

[HaemishM]

That's the kind of shit calls for old sk00l Olde Testament-type violence on the perpetrators.

[Shockeye]

Savage Love

...

I’ll get to your problem in a moment, GIIRL, but first I feel compelled to apologize to my readers for going on vacation just as all hell was breaking loose. I fly off to Europe and a high-ranking staffer in Senator Rick “Frothy Mix” Santorum’s office, Robert Traynham, gets outed; Jude Law gets caught fucking his—let’s be frank—distressingly homely nanny (You can do, and have done, better, Jude!); and most, most infamously, a man dies in Washington state after having sex with a horse.

The first reports about the death-by-horse didn’t include the exact cause of death and, like many people, I assumed the man had been fatally kicked in the head when he attempted to mount the killer horse. This was not the case. The man died, a horrified world soon learned, of a perforated colon. A perforated colon could mean only one thing: The horse was the active partner and the dead man, a 45-year-old resident of Seattle, had literally been fucked to death.

After the news broke, hundreds of distressed Savage Love readers wrote in to ask me why anyone would want to be fucked by a horse, how that would work exactly, and how a perforated colon kills you. (A perforated colon leaks like Karl Rove on a bender, you see, which in this case led to a fatal case of acute peritonitis.) A few people wrote in to ask if the farm was still open for business. I was away when you needed me most, dear readers, drinking my way through Glasgow and Copenhagen when I should have been here, at Ann Landers’ desk, comforting and consoling you. And by the time I returned to work this week, every angle of this story—the ethics, etiquette and mechanics of getting fucked by a horse—had already been covered by Miss Manners, Garrison Keillor and Bob Novak, so there’s really nothing left for me to add.

Except this: the dead man videotaped the fatal encounter, a tape the police seized, reviewed and, apparently, leaked, as the videotape is now on the web. Of all the troubling aspects of this incident, it’s the existence of this videotape that has me scratching my head. One would think that getting fucked in the ass by a horse would be an experience so memorable that you wouldn’t need a videotape to recall it. (“Hey, remember that time you got fucked by a horse?” “No, I can’t say that I do. Hand me that box of Depends, would you?”) But the man made a video and now it’s out there for all to see, which is a tragedy for the dead man, his family and the killer horse. (Don’t write in and ask me for the link—unlike Bob Novak, there are some things I won’t put in my column.)

Okay, GIIRL, on to your issues . . .

Another video for Haemish to enjoy in the privacy of his workplace.

[WayAbvPar]

(“Hey, remember that time you got fucked by a horse?” “No, I can’t say that I do. Hand me that box of Depends, would you?”)

I  Dan Savage.

[HaemishM]

You know, I assume when someone gets killed fucking a horse, they are the ones doing the fucking. But I guess this guy didn't really want to "be the man" in this relationship. What the fuck? I'm sure you can buy yourself any number of Baseball-bat sized sex toys, if one is so inclined, that they wouldn't have to risk life and limb as well as the stench of a horse pen in order to get rogered by the Budweiser clydesdales. But I guess some people just to have to have the authentic experience. Maybe he just wanted hoof marks on the back?

[Shockeye]

You know, I assume when someone gets killed fucking a horse, they are the ones doing the fucking. But I guess this guy didn't really want to "be the man" in this relationship. What the fuck? I'm sure you can buy yourself any number of Baseball-bat sized sex toys, if one is so inclined, that they wouldn't have to risk life and limb as well as the stench of a horse pen in order to get rogered by the Budweiser clydesdales. But I guess some people just to have to have the authentic experience. Maybe he just wanted hoof marks on the back?

Download the movie and tell us.

[HaemishM]

Chyna. Nuff said.

[Shockeye]

Chyna. Nuff said.

I think she could've busted that guy's colon as well.

[Furiously]

(“Hey, remember that time you got fucked by a horse?” “No, I can’t say that I do. Hand me that box of Depends, would you?”)

I  Dan Savage.

I still recall when he came up to Bellingham and gave a speech once. Damn he wasn't a bad looking lady either.

[WayAbvPar]

Update

When was the last time your local paper wrote an article about someone being charged with trespassing? They love the horse fucking angle. Although it may have been the angle that ended up killing the catcher.