I'm so sorry your ankle bracelet clashes with your dress.

[Shockeye]

Martha stewin' & fumin'
Begs to be free of ankle device

BY GREG B. SMITH
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Martha Stewart has a new to-do list - and her first order of business is getting rid of that pesky electronic ankle bracelet.

The domestic diva, you see, likes to wear skirts, and that bulky monitoring device cramps her style.

This unusual argument surfaced in papers filed this week asking Manhattan Federal Judge Miriam Cedarbaum to free the diva immediately from all restrictions so she can rescue her floundering firm.

That means no more home confinement, no ankle bracelet - no nothing.

Stewart argues that her home confinement is killing her company, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia - referred to in papers as an "innocent third party."

After she left prison March 3, her company's stock dropped faster than a soufflé gone bad. She claims if she's released from home confinement, she can turn that around.

"We need Ms. Stewart's involvement now more than ever," wrote Susan Lyne, president of Stewart's company, calling home confinement "impossible."

The company insists Stewart needs more freedom to make contract-required in-store appearances for Kmart, and must personally woo back advertisers who fled her magazines.

But Stewart also wants more freedom to pump up her TV career, hardly the usual argument for a felon hoping to loosen probation restrictions.

Many of the complaints came from Mark Burnett, who will produce an updated version of her homemaking program and a Martha Stewart edition of "The Apprentice."

Burnett took particular note of the wretched bracelet, which Stewart must wear into August under the terms of her home confinement.

"The bracelet will hinder the continuity of the day-to-day shooting and eliminate any opportunity for Martha to wear skirts or dresses, which is part of her lifestyle and therefore a large part of the show," he wrote.

Through August, Stewart must remain confined to one building on her vast Bedford, N.Y., estate except for 48 hours each week for work, doctor visits, religious services and grocery shopping.

Stewart isn't allowed to wander the grounds at Bedford, but Burnett insists she needs to be filmed spring planting at Bedford and at her Westport, Conn., home, where she currently needs permission to go.

He even provided a shooting schedule for "The Apprentice," broken into scenes like "Greeting," "Boardroom" and "Reward."

Stewart is willing to compromise. If Cedarbaum doesn't end home confinement completely, Stewart asked the judge to consider letting her work outside her home 80 hours per week.

If she chooses, Cedarbaum can schedule a new sentencing hearing. She also could notify Stewart she won't be making any changes, meaning Her Diva-ness would be stuck with that bracelet until Aug. 3 - just days before her 64th birthday.

[SirBruce]

That makes no sense.  She can still wear skirts and dresses.  If they are worried about the bracelet being visible on TV, just shoot from the ankle up.

Bruce

[Riggswolfe]

Here's an idea Martha, stop thinking you're above the law you bitch!

[schild]

I totally fucking hate that woman. Someone kill her.

[SuperPopTart]

I've rarely, if ever seen her wearing a skirt..

Have any of you?

She's like the queen of pantsuits.

[SirBruce]

I've seen her in a few long, pleated skirts before.  And I'm sure she's worn a long gown or two at the big parties.

Bruce

PS - Well, google turned up very little, but here are some OLD pictures of Martha... I doubt she could pull this look off today:

[Murgos]

OMG!!!!  WE MUST SAVE MARTHA STEWART FROM ANY EMBARRASMENT STEMMING FROM A FELONY CONVICTION!!!!!!

And besides those ankle braclets just clash with her decor.

Fuck her, she should get another nine months in the pokey for wasting the courts time and tax payer money with frivioulous suits.

[Shockeye]

[EDITED BECAUSE STRAZOS WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME]

[Strazos]

I'm dissappointed in you Shockeye.

[Paelos]

[EDITED BECAUSE STRAZOS WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME]

Damn, curiosity and whatnot.

[SirBruce]

He was complimenting Martha on her hairy kitty.

Bruce

[HaemishM]

I had the same thought, but I didn't read here this weekend, so missed the opportunity for kitty-fueled humor.

Fuck Martha. It's the bracelet or the pokey.

[voodoolily]

I've rarely, if ever seen her wearing a skirt..

Have any of you?

She's like the queen of pantsuits.

This is precisely the point I was going to make. I smell a rat. And it's not in a green curry coconut vinaigrette with saffron-infused jasmine rice.

[Strazos]

Wow, Martha has seemed to age very well....







That is to say, she was absolutly fugly when she was younger, and is still fugly today, just with a few added pounds.

[SuperPopTart]

I actually think she was quite attractive when younger, in that 80's coke haze trying-to-look-suave-and-corporate-while-socialite'ish-and-sophisticated-and-inaccessible.

Now I think she's just aged. You can still see a very small hint of the girl she was, unfortunately.. you have to use a magnifying glass to get there. On the other hand though, she *has* aged well given she is in her what, mid to late 60's?

And the bracelet suits her. She always seemed to me very BDSM like. Naughty Martha.