Van Helsing- How bad will it suck?

[SurfD]

Damn, and i thought the sarcasm tags were soooo obvious :P

[Rodent]

Holy fucking piece of crap?! Not enough cleavage, story and acting poor to make the Rodents eyes bleed? The only thing I smiled at in this movie was the friar and the horribly shitty gremling ripoffs ( and only because they were horribly shitty gremling ripoffs. ).

It's great that monster movies are making a comeback, it's a shame they suck worse then last time.

[Arcadian Del Sol]

The promotional machine for Van Helsing wants to suggest that it is an Indiana Jones inspired movie.

So those who saw it tell me: Indiana Jones or not?

What I'm referring to is the fact that the movie is meant to be a 'modern day serial adventure' where the heroes are capable of the most cartoonish feats, and the approach to danger/violence is a very lazy and comical style - wherein danger is afoot, but you're allowed to laugh at it.

Hate to buck the trend but I'd much prefer an Indiana Jones style Van Helsing to a Lord of the Rings style Van Helsing - and would see VH2 and VH3 if this is the case.

[Rodent]

So those who saw it tell me: Indiana Jones or not?

Once or twice or noticed Indylike music and some indylike scenes, but unlike Indy, it sucked.

[WayAbvPar]

I don't understand why people feel the need to THINK in some movies. The Day After Tomorrow will be the biggest pile of shiny we've probably ever seen.

I can watch the trailer and see the shiny. That does nothing for me. If the plot is so thin and the acting so bad that they distract from the movie, I can't enjoy it. I need something more substantial for my time investment- after all, I could be reading a decent book instead of staring mindlessly at a crappy movie.

This thing is gonna blow on a biblical scale. I will avoid it.

Warning- Severe Necro post!

So, I was channel surfing last night and noticed The Day After Tomorrow was about to start on HBO. With morbid curiosity, I sat down and watched it.

Dear sweet Jesus it was bad. The 'science' was apparently concocted by a 2nd grader with a severe head injury. This thing was off the charts bad, just as I correctly predicted a year ago. Has anyone else sat through this piece of shit?

[Rasix]

I keep seeing it popping up on HBO.  Once or twice I've leaned over to the wife and ask if she'd want to watch it.  The most positive response I get is a kindly, "what's on the history channel?".   I've sat through Armageddon and that other stupid comet movie, I don't think I feel up to another predictably crappy disaster movie.  It's such a shitty genre; Volcano, Twister, Armageddon, Dante's Peak, Deep Impact (remembered the name!), The Core, etc. 

Has there ever been a GOOD natural disaster movie?

[Furiously]

I watched it. Then again - I watched the sisterhood. I keep meaning to post a review of it - but I can't find the words to describe it. (I'm thinking it's because I killed off a huge number of brain cells in self defense).

As for Day After Tomorrow... Emmy Rossum is a total cutie.  She was da bomb in Phantom (of the opera). But - yea - bad movie (Day that is.)

TOWERING INFERNO.. OJ for the win!!!

[tazelbain]

Add War of the Worlds to the list of bad disaster movies

[WayAbvPar]

I keep seeing it popping up on HBO.  Once or twice I've leaned over to the wife and ask if she'd want to watch it.  The most positive response I get is a kindly, "what's on the history channel?".   I've sat through Armageddon and that other stupid comet movie, I don't think I feel up to another predictably crappy disaster movie.  It's such a shitty genre; Volcano, Twister, Armageddon, Dante's Peak, Deep Impact (remembered the name!), The Core, etc. 

Has there ever been a GOOD natural disaster movie?

I would love to hear your min-review of it- bite the bullet and watch it soon. You can derive some pleasure out of MST3K-ing the shit out of it, and leering at Emmy Rossum.

[Abagadro]

The 'science' was apparently concocted by a 2nd grader with a severe head injury.

Heh, it is loosely based upon a book by Art Bell.

[WayAbvPar]

The 'science' was apparently concocted by a 2nd grader with a severe head injury.

Heh, it is loosely based upon a book by Art Bell.

Art Bell? I would have expected something more plausible from him.

[HaemishM]

So, I was channel surfing last night and noticed The Day After Tomorrow was about to start on HBO. With morbid curiosity, I sat down and watched it.

Dear sweet Jesus it was bad. The 'science' was apparently concocted by a 2nd grader with a severe head injury. This thing was off the charts bad, just as I correctly predicted a year ago. Has anyone else sat through this piece of shit?

I Netflixed it, because the wife wanted to watch it. I kept getting the stinkeye stare from her while we watched it together, because I was sort of MST3king it. What a fucking shit stink movie.

"RUN! FROM THE CGI WOLVES! RUN! FROM THE ... COLD? I WILL LEAVE MY WIFE TO DIE IN WASHINGTON WITH A VEGETABLE WHILE I HIKE ACROSS 3 STATES TO FIND MY PROBABLY POPSICLE SON IN A LIBRARY SOMEWHERE IN GODDAMN MANHATTAN BECAUSE I'VE BEEN A SHITTY DAD!"

Fuck, that movie sucked it.

[Hanzii]

The 'science' was apparently concocted by a 2nd grader with a severe head injury.

Heh, it is loosely based upon a book by Art Bell.

Not to forget Whitley - I used to write decent horror, but then the Greys touched me in a bad place and now I suck -Streiber.

I din't bother with the movie, but the book has some good bits and better science - but they do get carried away with a lot of stupid speculating.

I keep seeing it popping up on HBO. Once or twice I've leaned over to the wife and ask if she'd want to watch it. The most positive response I get is a kindly, "what's on the history channel?". I've sat through Armageddon and that other stupid comet movie, I don't think I feel up to another predictably crappy disaster movie. It's such a shitty genre; Volcano, Twister, Armageddon, Dante's Peak, Deep Impact (remembered the name!), The Core, etc.

Has there ever been a GOOD natural disaster movie?

´
What are you talking about?
Twister is great. How can you not like a movie that has flying harvesters in it?
Volcano had it's tongue firmly in cheek... at least I choose to believe it's all intentional ("never mind the science, let's blow up LA!")
And Armageddon was so over the top stupid, it was good (apart from all the sentimental crap). Space Madness, gatlings for combatting asteroids, crazy Swedish Rusiian cosmonauts, Paris getting wiped out... it has it all!

[Fabricated]

AtomicToy summed The Day After Tomorrow up best.

The Day After Tomorrow

DONNIE DARKO: "Dudes i am glad we escaped those CG wolves man holy shit that was badass!"

WEATHER: "you dudes are fucked now! *ICE ATTACK!!*"

DONNIE DARKO: "Oh shit here comes teh ice as it makes its slow but methodical way twords us and even turns corners!"

ICE: "RRRRRRR"

DONNIE DARKO: "ha ha we shut the door, fuck you ice you can't get in."

ICE: "CURSES PS POLLUTION IS BAD 4 U."

BLACK NERD DUDE: "I'm a nerd!"

---MEANWHILE IN WENDYS---

DENNIS QUAID: "Even innerspace was better than this shit!"

[Morfiend]

When I watched that movie, the first thing to really grab me as crappy filmmaking was when donnie was on the airplane, and kind of freaking out, and he had peanuts all over his tray. Then the flightattendant comes by and he flips up his try and some how the hundreads of nuts just disapear.

Yeah, I know. Its the little things.

[Signe]

I saw Once Upon a Time in the Midlands last night.  It was good.  Someone should watch it.

[Rasix]

I would love to hear your min-review of it- bite the bullet and watch it soon. You can derive some pleasure out of MST3K-ing the shit out of it, and leering at Emmy Rossum.

I TIVO'd it.  I sat down and watched it.  I told my wife she didn't have to and could go do something else because it was likely to be horrible.  She watched it too because I guess she likes spending time with me or something.  Apparently now I owe it to her to watch a bad chick flick with her.  I can only hope Mandy Moore and Anne Hathaway die in a firey car wreck now.

Emmy Rossum was cute.  That's the best thing I can say for this movie.  That and it was terrific fun to make fun of while watching. My favorite moment would be yelling "SAURUMON!" when the flock of birds flew overhead.  Thoughout the entire movie I couldn't shake the feeling that the movie could have been a lot better if at some time a horde of CGI orcs came rampaging through the city killing all in their path.  Then tanks.  Tanks v. orcs: that would have saved the movie.

Gotta love the stereotypical US vice president.  They really needed to have him wear a name tag that said "MY NAME IS DICK CHENEY, ROBOT DICK TO MY FRIENDS".  And yes, people out-running weather is something they need to stop doing in movies. It's as bad as out-running fire, an atomic blast, an avalanche, or in some instances LIGHT! 

Bad, bad movie with triple bad dialogue and horrible CGI.  Something I will never, ever watch again and just file into "disaster movies suck".  And to Hanzii, yes, all of those movies still sucked.  Flying cows doesn't save shitty movies.  Althought at one point watching this film during the LA scene I said to my wife, "see, they're missing an opportunity to have Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton drive by in a yellow truck".

[Hanzii]

You're wrong you stupid man. Flying cows saves everything.
Spiderman 4 with Venom and Carnage battling through New York - add a flying cow (and don't forget the goddamn flying harvesters) and it will be good.

A good disaster movie doesn't need a plausible disaster it needs above avearge acting, heroic sacrifice by fat extras, stuff blowing up, sidekicks burning, rocks falling AND flying cows. I could do without dogs being saved, but some people dig those, so Ill let it slide - I'd rather see some adorable kid outrunning a fire with his budgie perched on his ear... but that's me.
And we need more movies about killer bees... or newts.

[Samprimary]

Has there ever been a GOOD natural disaster movie?

Do zombies count as a natural disaster?

[Shockeye]

Ishtar?

Oh wait, there was nothing natural about it.

[AOFanboi]

Tanks v. orcs: that would have saved the movie.

Van Helsing 40k, starring Hugh Jackman as Imperial General Victor van Helsing, figting the Chaos Hordes on Terra Prime.

I'd buy that for ten bucks even.

[WindupAtheist]

I want Alien 5.  Aliens get loose on Earth, multiply prodigiously, and attempt to eat everyone.  I want huge battle scenes with 500 aliens running through the city at night, jumping over cars and kicking ass and fighting the army.  Directed by James Cameron.

With a flying cow.

[Signe]

A flying cow?  EEK!

[HaemishM]

I want Alien 5.  Aliens get loose on Earth, multiply prodigiously, and attempt to eat everyone.  I want huge battle scenes with 500 aliens running through the city at night, jumping over cars and kicking ass and fighting the army.  Directed by James Cameron.

With a flying cow.

Hollywood is only willing to give you more Sigourney Weaver, showing how tough broads really can be, with shaven head, implausible storyline and directed by the last guy to direct a Bond movie.

[Paelos]

Underworld just came on HBO, speaking of movies that may suck horribly. I think I'll give it a glance.

[stray]

Underworld just came on HBO, speaking of movies that may suck horribly. I think I'll give it a glance.

Bad idea.

[Rasix]

Underworld just came on HBO, speaking of movies that may suck horribly. I think I'll give it a glance.

It's almost good it's so bad.  Really, you can tell it was written/directed by a prop guy (who married Kate) and co-written by a bit part actor/stuntman.  Some parts are so bad they just make you laugh.  The guy that plays Kraven turns in honestly one of the worst acting performances I've ever seen put to film.

Good news is, there will be a sequel that will probably battle Bloodrayne for the title of "crappiest vampire movie EVAR!"

[Paelos]

Wow, that was complete and utter ass. I loved the sword slash thru the face, fake out, oh no half your head is gone thing. WHAT WAS THAT? Was there a plot? Half Vampire-Werewolves? At least the action was solid.

[Llava]

There are worse supernatural films.

Still, I really disliked Underworld.  And I was dumbfounded at the positive reaction it got from a lot of people.

Yes, the chop through the head was really quite stupid.  Notice how they keep lengthening that out in action films?  Eventually we'll get to the point where the main character will slice through the badguy's head in the first act, but no one but the main character will realize it until act 3.

[stray]

Eventually we'll get to the point where the main character will slice through the badguy's head in the first act, but no one but the main character will realize it until act 3.

Now that would be the shit.

[schild]

Still, I really disliked Underworld.  And I was dumbfounded at the positive reaction it got from a lot of people.

That movie made me physically retch. I don't remember ANYONE liking it though or giving it a positive reaction. Except for zee hot girl bouncing around in leather. But I wouldn't call that giving the movie a positive reaction - that's called being a guy.

[Ironwood]

Hmmm, I'm fairly sure some Masquerade players out there liked it.

But I can chime in with my own 'OMG, WHAT A WASTE OF MY LIFE'S EGG-TIMER THAT FILM WAS' comment.

[schild]

Hmmm, I'm fairly sure some Masquerade players out there liked it.

They would, wouldn't they? 

[stray]

Screw vampires. I just don't understand why there hasn't been a decent (not even great) werewolf movie in 20 years.

[edit] Oh wait.

In English, I mean.

[Johny Cee]

Screw vampires. I just don't understand why there hasn't been a decent (not even great) werewolf movie in 20 years.

[edit] Oh wait.

In English, I mean.

Dog Soldiers?