That's So Maven [Formerly "Ethics" or something]

[Maven]

So are you just gonna take the class over the summer or what?  

I still honestly want to know how the original story ends.

On phone, will type resolution when I have a keyboard.

[Paelos]

Short version, sleep with your professor for the A.

 

[WayAbvPar]

Or the D, if you are female 

[Paelos]

 

[Samwise]

So are you just gonna take the class over the summer or what?  

I still honestly want to know how the original story ends.

On phone, will type resolution when I have a keyboard.

This alone speaks volumes.   

[Maven]

I'm going to take the business law course in the summer. Her course is an easy A in a difficult subject because of her grading structure. 5% extra credit comes from active participation. The course will be online, which I will need given I have two other courses planned to be completed in a 6 week period. I already have the textbook and am reading it so I should be able to ace her online course. Her Spring law class was in the middle of my schedule, so I get a longer lunch break. I plan to read and integrate more than she covers, and I have all semester to do it. So, I may say easy A, but I am getting the education to go with it.

The student who called me racist was one of the professor's benefices from the previous semester. He took her for Business Communication, which I am taking now. He eventually got a seat in the law class; it appeared the teacher added 10 seats to accommodate students she made promises to. I assume she knew that if I got into her other class and saw that student attending, that would raise a huge red flag. She also is handling all this in face-to-face conversation, so there is no e-mail trail with the school. She's being smart about it!

Regarding the incident, I'm awaiting the letter from the student judicial board to see what I have to deal with. If I could pull the plug on the whole thing I would, but I need to see how serious this became. It won't affect me academically and I'm expecting at worst a slap on the wrist.

Going forward the plan is to purposely avoid that student. I have run into him on campus, which is expected, and off campus which is surprising. In the entirety of Los Angeles, he appears to live in downtown Westwood (not a cheap place to live) where I go for therapy at UCLA. He knows or suspects I'm in the area as I've walked past him twice in Westwood and ignored him both times.

My therapist and I talked about the scenario and explored both why childish is a trigger word for me and my pattern of emotional build-up and volcanic eruption. At the time of the incident I was overcaffeinated, running on little sleep, terrible diet, and other stressors that put me into a high alert state. The eruptions are a lifelong problem going as far back as elementary school. The single-minded pursuit of what I want and my lack of negotiation and political skills are also faulty areas.

My therapist and I both agree, along with my psychiatrist, that accepting the situation and moving forward is the best action. Also, I'll be entering group therapy to develop social skills, which fills me with all kinds of dread and anxiety (despite any type of workplace or creative collaboration having the opposite effect).

In closing, the unanimous feedback tanked my mood to the point of wishing for psychic death (not physical suicide), but I recovered, and I'm trying to integrate what was said. My therapist attempted to validate that, whatever the board's consensus is on how important all this is, the events did upset/trigger me and it is worth exploring why to move past it. I get why the things said were said, but it minimizes my issues and pushes me to ignore them rather than deal with them once and for all.

Does that makes sense? I agree that, compared to people struggling with mega corporations and running mult-million dollar accounts, my problems are small, but they are large to me and I won't grow unless I get past them, or they'll always trip me up. I have a friend who is CEO of a drone technology firm who unloads his problems on to me about his company and the relationships, guy in his 40's who graduated from Cal Tech, and all I can think of is "Hey man, even if your company bankrupts, you're always going to be able to find a job." I could listen and be supportive but I had trouble empathizing. We are in different places.

[lamaros]

If your therapist is good never bring stuff up on here and just talk to them.

[Abagadro]

Ya, if us bunch of knuckleheads actually bothers you, you should probably just avoid posting about such things.

[Maven]

Look, I value the wisdom and the experience of the posters on here; even if I disagree or I don't feel like contributing, it's fun to read the different perspectives. My therapist is good but they aren't available 24/7. I ended up with a problem where I was stuck and sought advice from people who I thought might be able to help me and who I thought I would be receptive to. I don't find that erroneous -- but if the problem is a result of my psyche, welp, I'm in for pain.

I had unanimous feedback implying there was something wrong with me and to seek professional help, that my entire orientation to this situation was wrong. That was a reality check too big to handle. I felt severed from whatever illusion of group identity I have by coming back here time and again.

I just don't understand what motivates certain types of interaction and communication, whatever the reason. And I feed way, way too much conversation about what I'm doing and how I'm thinking because I guess I love being under examination and given feedback (Actually, it seems like I want continual praise to assuage my own doubts -- something for therapy).

I'm on a new medication to address sleep issues. With better sleep and diet I'm hoping I'll have the resources to handle myself better.

Abagadro, I don't blame you for the delivery of your feedback. From what I read -- how do I phrase this? You were in a world of shit and all out of toliet paper.

[Lantyssa]

A Scotsman with an English degree. You broke my irony meter.

It's not different than someone from England getting a French degree, or an American a degree in Spanish.

[Abagadro]

I am in a world of shit.

[Paelos]

That'll end well.

[Lantyssa]

I am in a world of shit.

[MahrinSkel]

Maven: I wish you had mentioned (or I had noticed) your sleep issues earlier. Fix that shit. Seriously, fucked up sleep patterns and inadequate time for REM sleep will fuck you sideways in areas you wouldn't intuitively think of as being related to them, including emotional management and the effectiveness of your study time. Given a choice between two hours of sleep and two hours of studying, and you're getting less than 8 routinely, choose sleep. You'll remember more, and integrate those memories more effectively.

This isn't even a marginal or potentially unrelated effect, it's been studied in college students literally hundreds of times, always with the same result: more sleep = better grades and fewer problems connected to behavior.

--Dave

[apocrypha]

Dave's right here, sleep is very important. For me messed up sleep patterns are my "ohhh right!" alarm, the indicator that tells me I've lost control of my depression again and that it's time to do something about it.

And it's actually pretty easy to sort out too I find. For me it's really simple things - get off of the PC at about 9.30pm, read for an hour, cut out the alcohol and no caffeine after 6pm, and, the big one, do some exercise every day. Doesn't take much - a 20 minute walk is enough. That gets me sleeping properly within a week every single time, and then it becomes much, much easier to start getting the head stuff under control again.

[ezrast]

I had unanimous feedback implying there was something wrong with me and to seek professional help, that my entire orientation to this situation was wrong. That was a reality check too big to handle. I felt severed from whatever illusion of group identity I have by coming back here time and again.

The crowd here can be tough but do remember that when somebody clearly isn't worth our time, the admins ban them. On the other hand, when you post a barely-comprehensible e/n rant and the thread goes on for pages and pages instead of just getting locked, well, you're one of us. At least for now.

Also, I think some of the... intensity of the responses you get is because a lot of us nerds are, or used to be, socially retarded in some fashion, and something or other in what you write sounds just enough like a slightly crazy, more naive version of us that we can't help but care just a little.

Or I may be projecting.

[Morat20]

Echoing the sleep thing. Lack of sleep -- whether from insomnia, sleep apnea, or just choosing to get less -- can screw you badly. Especially when it comes to emotional control and rational thinking. It screws with your entire brain.

Get a sleep study if it's not something you can control. If you can get your sleep pattern stabilized and sufficient, you'll find a lot of your problems just go away -- and what's left is much more manageable.

[Paelos]

If you do get a sleep study, get one ordered by a doctor, such as a neurologist. It's better to go through your insurance due to the cost involved. I hit my deductible because the study was like $4k for two nights.

[Ironwood]

 

[schild]

Alternate solution to a sleep study.

Pop some Benadryl, knock yourself out for 10 hours.

[apocrypha]

You need healthy, natural sleep. Chew some Valerian root and get more exercise.

[Morat20]

Alternate solution to a sleep study.

Pop some Benadryl, knock yourself out for 10 hours.

Doesn't help if you have something like sleep apnea. You sleep, but you don't get any rest, probably because your body decides you're dying every few minutes at best and jerking you awake.

You think you slept 8 hours, but you're lucky if you got an hour of real sleep -- spread over all 8.

[schild]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Paelos]

Remember, Schild is mostly here to amuse himself. Anything he says is mainly him being a dick.

[Maven]

I'm insulated from his dickery. He means well.

I think.

The new medication I'm on is intended to help with sleep for those with Bipolar disorder. I've seen some positive results for the first couple days but it'll be a week before I'm on full dosage. Also it's only one part of the strategy, caffeine intake and other influences have to be managed as well.

I'm not in a position for a sleep study but it has been on my mind.

[schild]

You say that but

You need to get your personal shit functional before you're gonna be functional in society.

[MahrinSkel]

The crowd here can be tough but do remember that when somebody clearly isn't worth our time, the admins ban them. On the other hand, when you post a barely-comprehensible e/n rant and the thread goes on for pages and pages instead of just getting locked, well, you're one of us. At least for now.

One of us, one of us....

Hands up, anyone in this thread that has not either posted a wall of text ranting about something in their real life, or used one of our perennial rant-fest/mosh pit threads as a cathartic release valve so we didn't go to prison because we had to beat the shit out of some asshole?

Anyone?

--Dave

EDIT: It is entirely possible that the Politics forum alone has prevented at least a few massacres, by distracting the potential perpetrators into fighting to keep anyone from being wrong on the internet. We may not be warm and fuzzy, or even particularly healthy in our mental stability, but sometimes it's best to let crazy deal with crazy rather than trying to "heal" them.

[Abagadro]

My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

[Maven]

What do you need, Ab? Besides a drink.

I keep coming back to emotional intelligence: grew up midwest and ignorant to emotional health. No one gave a fuck about feelings, why should I? That's the thought to challenge. Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence has been great.

I am a remarkably poor reader of social situations.

[Abagadro]

I have had a drink. My last post was actually a happy post. My stuff was resolved in the way I was ultimately hoping for and removed (mostly) the cloud over my actions. I was high-fived by my boss and told "You are so fucking good at this."  So there is that.

There may be another shoe to drop (so of course I am still in a world of shit, that is the natural state of things), but I am "alive" and not afraid at this point.

To the rest, I am an incredibly bad reader of social cues too (I am often described as "distant" or alternatively "blunt"). It's sort of become my thing. I am the "guy who speaks truth" in many circles. The key for me is to be very self-deprecating. It's virtually Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer levels of "I am not familiar with your social conventions and niceties, they frighten and confuse me, but your underlying assumptions of reality are fundamentally flawed and let me show you why you are wrong..."

Caveat: I have had a few drinks.

[Paelos]

Drunk semi-happy Caveman Lawyer is the best kind of lawyer.

[Pennilenko]

To the rest, I am an incredibly bad reader of social cues too (I am often described as "distant" or alternatively "blunt"). It's sort of become my thing. I am the "guy who speaks truth" in many circles. The key for me is to be very self-deprecating. It's virtually Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer levels of "I am not familiar with your social conventions and niceties, they frighten and confuse me, but your underlying assumptions of reality are fundamentally flawed and let me show you why you are wrong..."

So you are almost literally Ron Swanson?

[Maven]

It's virtually Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer levels of "I am not familiar with your social conventions and niceties, they frighten and confuse me, but your underlying assumptions of reality are fundamentally flawed and let me show you why you are wrong..."

  OK, that's funny and amazing in a good way. Glad things are better for you.

[DraconianOne]

Reading this whole thread after recently binge watching Community and I have now decided that Maven may well be a young version of Pierce Hawthorne.

[Furiously]

I took out this place is full of autistics and sociopaths.