NFL 2014

[shiznitz]

Saettle has six new starters on defense and they all played well.  Seattle has a really nice schedule this season too since they are playing NFC East teams and most of them will offer the defense I saw tonight a feast.

[HaemishM]

Packer D looks terrible. Again. Time to get rid of Capers. I didn't necessarily expect them to win the game, but when you aren't competitive and you have Super Bowl aspirations? Yeah, time for a change.

What a terrible fucking game. First off, the biggest problem with the Packers D is that they cannot tackle for SHIT. Just utterly clueless about how to hit and wrap up a guy. Watch the Seattle defense. Not only do they tackle in numbers, but they bring a bitch down first time on at least 50-60% of the plays. The Packers aren't even close to that. It's mostly one tackler going at ankles or taking a bad angle and swatting a dude. Brad Jones looked utterly inept at both tackling and covering across the middle. He missed tons of tackles and his "holding" call (a Mickey Mouse call if I've ever seen one but WELCOME TO THE NEW ARENA LEAGUE!) that turned a 3 and out into a long, time-wasting drive is what sealed that game for the Hawks. And the Hawks ran the same "Jet Sweep" repeatedly with both Harvin and Lynch and the Packers never recognized it. Not that they could have tackled the runner had they spotted the play anyway but still. There were positives in the D. They do appear to have a better pass rush and their coverage is good. But not having Raji to stuff the middle, having Brad Jones behind that and then not being able to tackle as a team is going to kill them against any team with a good running game.

Their O line is good when it's healthy, but that's the Packers' problem since the year they won the Super Bowl. They can't keep anybody fucking healthy. I love that Lacy was wearing the helmet that's supposed to prevent concussions when he got his concussion. ACE DESIGN THERE, BOYS. Once Bulaga went down, Rodgers was running for his fucking life because Derek Sherrod apparently thinks he's in a goddamn tickle fight with the defensive end. They didn't look bad with Bulaga in there but since Barclay went down, Sherrod is our right tackle backup and he's terrible against good defenses. The fact they didn't even bother trying to challenge Richard Sherman's side of the field pisses me off. One of the best QB's in the league with one of the better wideouts who just got paid big bucks and you don't even bother to see if he can beat their best guy? Way to cede the advantage to the defense.

They got outcoached, outtoughed and outplayed. The Packers will tear lesser teams a new one, but they aren't contenders for the Super Bowl this year unless they figure out a way to stop the run, because the NFC Championship is going through either San Fran or Seattle, and it's likely the latter.

[Paelos]

Falcons media is getting itself in a frenzy that this team is going to go 10-6, beat the Saints this weekend, and make it back to the playoffs. (I remember this happening last year in the SUPER BOWL OR BUST nonsense, it was bust all the way)

I think they are completely high. This looks like a 6-10 team with rookies and busted FAs on the offensive line, and absolutely no pass rush on the defense, let alone second year secondary players.

[Paelos]

Just so we're clear, here are my picks to win things:

NFC East - Philly
NFC North - Detroit
NFC West - Seattle
NFC South - NOLA

AFC East - New England
AFC North - Cincy
AFC West - Denver
AFC South - Indy

[HaemishM]

I would actually pick the Packers or the Bears over the Lions, but I can't argue with your other picks.

[Hutch]

I love that Lacy was wearing the helmet that's supposed to prevent concussions when he got his concussion. ACE DESIGN THERE, BOYS.

There is no helmet that can keep your brain from colliding with the inside of your skull.
The only way for an NFL caliber player to avoid the risk of concussion is to not play football.

[K9]

Agree with Haem, NFC North seems like the most volatile division this year. It could ultimately come down to shit things such as injuries to determine who comes out on top. All the others feel like safe picks.

[shiznitz]

Just so we're clear, here are my picks to win things:

NFC East - Philly
NFC North - Detroit
NFC West - Seattle
NFC South - NOLA

AFC East - New England
AFC North - Cincy
AFC West - Denver
AFC South - Indy

I agree but it is so consensus it has to be eventually wrong.

[HaemishM]

Chances are the Seahawks don't repeat, but it won't be because they aren't the best team in the NFL. They are quite clearly the best team, IMO, until someone proves otherwise.

[Paelos]

It will likely be wrong, but my point is that so many teams in the NFL look like complete garbage I don't see how they can function this season. If I'm rating most to least confident how it looks I'd go like this:

AFC South - It's the worst division in football. Indy literally has to trip over it's own dick to lose. Jags-Titans-Texans is a gigantic bucket of fail.
AFC East - Second worst division in football. New England has won this how many times in a row now? Six? It blows.
AFC West - Could KC get interesting? Yes. Will they now? Meh if Peyton is healthy I don't see it.
NFC South - The Saints basically have to beat Carolina. The Falcons will be garbage still and Tampa will be better but rebuilding.
AFC North - Cincy seems obvious because Baltimore imploded and Pitt is still old. However, either can surprise. Cleveland is always Cleveland.
NFC West - Seattle should win, but the 49ers are not going to allow that easily. Also the Rams might be better without Bradford. Less turnovers. Arizona spoils fun all the time too.
NFC North - I'm taking Detroit because if not now, when? Packers have trench problems on both sides but won't go quietly, Chicago is always trouble. Minnesota is fat purple laughing stock.
NFC East - Philly is the obvious choice, but this division is such a cockup that literally any team that goes 9-7 has a shot.

[Hoax]

I doubt Detroit very much. I doubt the whole NFC North but the Lions have historical precedent of being utter shit at getting anything right. Its the Bears who should be saying if "not now when".

Denver, Indy and NE should cakewalk to their division titles but you never know with injuries. I am not buying a Texans revival but anything is possible. Either the Chargers or KC will mount some kind of threat but its Peyton and the regular season.

I could definitely see the Eagles being brought back to earth but I have no idea if any of those other 3 shit teams out east will be able to put together a 9-7 season. Someone has to but who knows.

Seattle is a lock. New stadium and injuries and suspensions should be enough to doom the 49ers to a wildcard spot at best.

The NFC south could be interesting, I don't care about any of those teams so who knows. I assume the Panthers are out of it with the Newton injury and LOL WR plan. The real question is what will the Bucs do this season in their division games and which Falcons team shows up?

I won't touch the AFC North, thinking about it gives me a stomach ulcer. Cleveland is a 90% nonfactor but with the other 3 anything could happen. Presumably Ray Rice is rested after taking a season plus two games off. Steve Smith is one hell of a player and perfect for the Ravens.

[HaemishM]

AFC South - It's the worst division in football. Indy literally has to trip over it's own dick to lose. Jags-Titans-Texans is a gigantic bucket of fail.

The scary part is it's quite likely that the Jags aren't the worst team in that division even if Chad Henne sprains his vage and Bortles has to start. I wouldn't call the AFC East the second worst division in football - you still have the NFC East to beat in that regard. I expect Philly to stroll to the NFC East title with 10 wins.

The NFL is really getting bad. They may have parity, but it feels like there are 3-6 teams that are good, 1 team that is probably great and the rest is just "de basura en el fuego" - i.e. garbage on fire.

[Paelos]

The NFC East is terrible but it's competitively terrible in how shitty it is.

[HaemishM]

Do you really think anyone in the NFC East will be competitive with the Eagles?

[Paelos]

Do you really think anyone in the NFC East will be competitive with the Eagles?

Absolutely. I think that division comes down to the final week with one of the other three teams needing a win and a Philly loss

[K9]

The thing about the NFC North is that the Packers, Bears, and Lions are all strikingly similar teams. All have offenses with a very high ceiling, and defenses which have a lot of question marks; none of them are balanced teams in the way the Seahawks, 49ers, or Pats are. None of them are bad teams per se, and they should all be easily capable of getting winning records this year. None seem set to stand out above the rest though.

That said, the teams I'm looking at to regress hardest this year are 1) Carolina 2) KC 3) SF.

[HaemishM]

How good the Bears are will depend on how many games Cutler misses (I guess a minimum of 6) and how well that new and improved defense actually improves. Chicago should have run away with that division last year once Rodgers went down, but they couldn't stop anybody. The Lions quality will be based on how much actual discipline Caldwell brings to that team, because their defensive backfield is still shit.

I agree about your regressions though. Carolina and SF both have injury/suspension issues in key areas, not to mention gutting Carolina's receiving corps. I'm iffy on KC - Andy Reid has a tendency to get more out of teams than you might think so we'll likely see how many of those KC wins last year were because of an easy schedule.

[K9]

A new drug testing policy is incoming, but it won't be in place for week one.

From what I can gather it seems that the NFL really wants HGH testing, and is willing to downgrade a bunch of recreational drugs (marijuana and amphetamines have been mentioned) to get HGH testing past the NFLPA. One consequence of this is that it could result in Josh Gordon, Wes Welker, and Orlando Scandrick having their bans significantly reduced or eliminated completely. But nothing is set yet, so a lot of this is just speculation and scuttlebutt. The changes won't affect things like DUIs or PEDs.

As a follow on, another reminder why Josh Gordon's suspension is pretty weaksauce

[Paelos]

Philly, lulz.

[Nevermore]

Do you really think anyone in the NFC East will be competitive with the Eagles?

Nick Foles turnovers all of 2013: 4
Nick Foles turnovers in one half vs the Jaguars: 3

 

[01101010]

annnnd this just about sums up the Browns season this year. This is why I watch college football, because the alternative would lead me to be on depression meds and alcoholism.

[MrHat]

annnnd this just about sums up the Browns season this year. This is why I watch college football, because the alternative would lead me to be on depression meds and alcoholism.

God that was brutal.

[Paelos]

Do you really think anyone in the NFC East will be competitive with the Eagles?

Nick Foles turnovers all of 2013: 4
Nick Foles turnovers in one half vs the Jaguars: 3

 

And yet, Jags are the Jags lol

[Paelos]

I just want to point out to all SF fans, the Cowboys are spectacularly shitty this year. I mean we may go 0-16. The defense is basically guys bagging groceries.

[Abagadro]

Lol at Romo.

[WayAbvPar]

That team is a dumpster fire. JJ deserves nothing less.

[Trippy]

Lol at Romo.

That's going to leave a mark.

[Paelos]

They aren't watchable. I knew the Cowboys would be a total disaster. This isn't even ironic performance art.

[Surlyboi]

Tony Romo's Interception Palace.

[Bungee]

I just want to point out to all SF fans, the Cowboys are spectacularly shitty this year. I mean we may go 0-16. The defense is basically guys bagging groceries.

Yet the offensive stats alone, outside of the INTs actually look on-par with what the 49ers are doing. Up until now at least.

                    SF      DAL
First Downs   15      14
Total Yards   232      200
Passing Yards   169      90
Rushing Yards   63      110

[Surlyboi]

[HaemishM]

Week 1 is brought to you by the color yellow and the letters I-N-T.

Double ROOFLES for the Pats who spent the first half pushing Miami's shit in, only to forget how to block, pass or play defense in the second half. Seriously, first half Brady can do no wrong, just 3/5-step drops, get the ball out of his hands, move down the field. Targets the shit out of Edelman (thank you!) and they can't be stopped. Combined with Ryan Tannehill's impression of Mark Sanchez and the game should be over. NOPE. Knowshon Moreno just flat out runs the fuck over the Pats in the second half, and suddenly the Pats only play-calling is drop back and throw downfield to Brandon Lafell and suddenly we see why Carolina has 4 new wideouts. How you feeling about that Mankins trade now Belichud? Also, eat a dick, Brady - you and your beard.

Dallas - oh, Dallas. You truly are a shit team if ever there was one. DeMarco Murray does not deserve being stuck with this failboat. To be fair, their defensive line looked a lot better than they had any right to be. Too bad they only had 7 defensive players on the field. What's that? They had a defensive backfield? No, no they didn't and there was no visual evidence that such a thing existed either. Holy shit, they couldn't cover my dead grandmother if they were given a tarp. And Romo? Those three picks in the first half? They were ALL his fault. I can't blame bad route running or pressure or anything. He just made absolutely insane, idiotic decisions with the football, the kind he usually makes in the 4th quarter when the game is on the line and he's scrambling for his life. He can't even blame the pressure, because his O line didn't suck. He just made really bad throws. And he can't even say it was against a good 49ers defense because between suspensions and injuries, they really aren't anymore. Niners fans shouldn't take too much solace in this game though. Against a team that isn't a floating garbage scow on fire in the middle of the Hudson, they will struggle. Also, fuck you Carlos Hyde for taking all of Frank Gore's carries.

Special mention ROOFLES: Kansas City losing to a shitty Titans team, Pittsburgh blowing a 24-point lead to the Browns, the Browns losing that lead anyway, the Saints self-destructing in OT, the Bears self-destructing in OT, and the Jags being the Jags.

Also, fuck you, NFL officiating committee, or whoever thought it'd be a good idea to have MORE FLAGS in games. It really is about as bad as I thought it was going to be, especially in the Cowboys game.

[Paelos]

That could take over butt fumble as the most embarrassing thing to ever have happen to someone on a football field.

[Paelos]

Atlanta fans are celebrating their OT victory against the Saints.

What they won't tell you is that Brees had a completely ordinary day, and it took a Saints fumble in OT to give them the ball in order to get that win.

That defense will still hang them. Also the Saints defense has been completely exposed. People have tape on them now and it's going to get ugly. They will need to score 40.

[Mithas]

He straight up Mortal Kombat'd him. I assume a fine/suspension is incoming.

Bills. Bears. Home. OT. Loss. LOL.

Locals are anointing the Vikes 2014 Super Bowl Champions.