NFL 2014

[Ingmar]

How many 1 win seasons have YOU lived through?

[WayAbvPar]

2008. 0-12. Fuck Ty Willingham forever.

I remember the year for sure because I was watching the UCLA game in the delivery room while my wife was in labor with my son. Did I mention I have a really cool wife? 

[Paelos]

The NFL is arguably the good guy when you compare it to the NCAA

Legal cases are already making sure the NCAA is going the right direction. Hell the Big Conferences are about to make sure the NCAA for football is a thing of the past. The playoff is the right direction. As far as I'm concerned, the NCAA football is trending up from what it was.

The NFL is going far far far the wrong way. From the field stuff, to the penalties, to the greed over deals, to the obscene expansion plans, etc.

[Rasix]

How many 1 win seasons have YOU lived through?

I cannot find this information.  Probably about as many we have Rose Bowl appearances.

edit: Actually, we went 1-8-1 in 1957.   

[Ingmar]

My father was born in October of 1938. The last time Cal won a Rose Bowl, was on January 1st of that year. So, we haven't won a Rose Bowl in his lifetime.

The last time we went to a Rose Bowl, was in 1959, when he was a student (lost to Ohio State).

My own stint at Cal was 3 losing seasons and one trip to the Alamo Bowl, where we beat an Iowa team that had gone 6-5 and didn't really deserve to be in a bowl game in the first place. I witnessed, in person, a game at USC where we lost 61-0. Also, some asshole in the USC band stepped on my hat.

I'm now 40 years old, and in my lifetime, the only sustained period of success we've had was under Jeff Tedford, who had two losing seasons, so we fired him and replaced him with a guy who went 1-11. I currently expect to die without ever seeing us make it to a Rose Bowl.

If that all can't kill our traditions, nothing can.

[WayAbvPar]

You should root for Stanford! They have been pretty good recently 

[Paelos]

Heh, the rage.

[Trippy]

You should root for Stanford! They have been pretty good recently 

[Ingmar]

You should root for Stanford! They have been pretty good recently  

Speaking of things I witnessed in person:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNMhCVjU6Fg

We went nuts when Oski had the presence to do his mascot walk as he was being escorted out. 

[Sjofn]

Man I don't actually care much about Stanford vs. Cal (much to Ingmar's sorrow) but fuck that tree. And fuck their marching band while I'm at it, they are terrible.

[Paelos]

Man I don't actually care much about Stanford vs. Cal (much to Ingmar's sorrow) but fuck that tree. And fuck their marching band while I'm at it, they are terrible.

My friend hates that tree. She's from no school that would care, but she thinks it's the spawn of children's nightmares.

[MrHat]

Oh Pittsburgh.

Both RBs charged with pot possession and Bell with a DUI.

Here's millions of dollars to not smoke pot.

[Phildo]

20 grams is a lot of pot to be driving around with.  That's not far away from a much more serious charge.

[Nebu]

Every year the NFL and its players make me more of a soccer fan.   

[Mithas]

The NFL fined Johnny Manziel $12k for his middle finger. Seems a bit excessive but I guess I'm not sure what similar things have been fined before.

[01101010]

The NFL fined Johnny Manziel $12k for his middle finger. Seems a bit excessive but I guess I'm not sure what similar things have been fined before.

He'll appeal and it'll get knocked down to a manageable 25% of his base salary (~$6k). At least, that is the rumor.

[01101010]

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/11402476/sam-bradford-st-louis-rams-season-torn-acl

St. Louis Rams quarterback Sam Bradford is out for the 2014 season after an MRI disclosed he tore the ACL in his left knee in Saturday night's preseason game against the Browns, according to multiple sources.

Call him, Mr. Glass. 

[Mithas]

That really sucks. Also, Wes Welker gets another concussion.

[Paelos]

I drafted him, didn't see it.

[Cyrrex]

How long before Welker just has to retire?  I feel bad for the guy.

As far as Sam Bradford goes...yeah, I feel bad for him, too, but the main thing I can't stop thinking is that the Rams just got instantly better.

[Cyrrex]

The Deadspin articles on "Why Your Team Sucks" are essential reading.  Hilarious and pretty accurate for the most part, though of course it is all focused on the negative.

In that vein:

I have been a Seahawks fan pretty much ever since I can remember.  All Seahawk fans will tell you the same thing, but most of them are sorta exaggerating.  Not completely lying - despite so many years of mediocrity, it would be fair to say that Seattle fans have been extraordinarily loyal.  But their loyalties were mostly superficial.  They did not know the game very well, they didn't know the players either.  They still don't - but they have always been loud, and for the most part they have been showing up and supporting the team.  My own family just annoys the shit out of me lately.  I mean, they have always annoyed me with their superficial support of the team, but now it is just in overdrive mode.  My mom sends me pictures of the Seahawks shrine that they set up in her office (yep, basically a little altar with Seahawks stuff all over it).  Each of these last three weeks she sends me text messages like "playing Chicago tonight GO HAWKS!!" as if it isn't pre-season.  I get pics of the tattoo my nephew got of a big ugly Seahawk (they make awful looking tatoos, the colors are just not good).  And then the one my sister got.  And then the one my mother herself got, some gaudy looking monstrosity on her wrist or something.  I know she wants me to tell her how amazing her tattoo looks, but it doesn't.  At all.  Hate to tell you, mom, but tattooing Richard Sherman's number on your body is both creepy and foolish.  Also, you are 66 years old, you dumb lady.  What are you going to do when he becomes a Niner in a few years?  It could happen.

I have been asked repeatedly why I haven't purchased a jersey.  You know, so that I can wear it in my basement while I watch games all by myself at 2AM on the complete opposite side of the planet.  I rarely get to even watch the Seattle games, so what fucking sense would that make?  Oh right, I have to support the team.  It has also been suggested that I could get my own tattoo.  Maybe I'll get Golden Tate's face tattooed on my ass.  OH WAIT.  Golden Tate is not a Seahawk anymore?  How...how could he?  And what are we going to do with the Tate jerseys that each one of us bought!?  My 15 year-old niece literally loves (or loved, I am sure it has moved to hate now) Golden Tate.  She found out where he lived, possibly, and maybe his mother, too.  No word yet on whether she has her tattoo.

These are not isolated behaviors or anything peculiar to my family.  When I was over to visit last October, it was goddamn everywhere.  I can only imagine the Superbowl made it 10 times worse.  So I can confirm that Seattle fans are extremely annoying.  And despite following their team as closely as they do, they know nothing about football.  It's all ridiculous superlatives with no actual understanding of why Sherman is good, or Earl Thomas, Kam Chancellor or the defense in general.  They can tell Russel is good, but they probably don't get why (most of you don't either, but probably more due to lack of exposure).  They get why Marshawn Lynch is good, but that's because anyone can see that the guy does not fall down when he probably should.  And so on.

That said, Seattle is going to melt all your faces again and FUCK THE NINERS GO HAWKS!!

[HaemishM]

The Deadspin articles on "Why Your Team Sucks" are essential reading.  Hilarious and pretty accurate for the most part, though of course it is all focused on the negative.

My favorite so far:

I'm a Seahawks fan. I genuinely believe Golden Tate made that catch. I'm pure human garbage.

Yeah, bitches, it's like that. 

[K9]

Pats trade Logan Mankins to the Bucs 

I'm guessing this is more of Belichek's dark wizardry; perhaps Mephistopheles told him that Mankins was going to regress hard this year. They get a semi-decent pass-catching TE and a 4th round pick in return, which doesn't seem awful. Just a bit surprising.

[HaemishM]

Mankins was 32. Belicheat probably just saw an injury in his future.

[Goumindong]

The only problem i had with the Deadspin article is that is misunderstands the Seattle sports culture (because seriously if there is any group of people more pessimistic about sports I wouldn't buy it) and that it thinks that Starbucks is some kind of insult. As if Starbucks doesn't have a greater density in your town (your town being any town except maybe New York) than it ever had in Seattle. If Starbucks is so bad maybe you should stop drinking it. God knows we have.

[Paelos]

The only problem i had with the Deadspin article is that is misunderstands the Seattle sports culture (because seriously if there is any group of people more pessimistic about sports I wouldn't buy it) and that it thinks that Starbucks is some kind of insult. As if Starbucks doesn't have a greater density in your town (your town being any town except maybe New York) than it ever had in Seattle. If Starbucks is so bad maybe you should stop drinking it. God knows we have.

The Deadspin articles aren't for the fans of those teams. They are for everyone else who hates them.

[Goumindong]

The only problem i had with the Deadspin article is that is misunderstands the Seattle sports culture (because seriously if there is any group of people more pessimistic about sports I wouldn't buy it) and that it thinks that Starbucks is some kind of insult. As if Starbucks doesn't have a greater density in your town (your town being any town except maybe New York) than it ever had in Seattle. If Starbucks is so bad maybe you should stop drinking it. God knows we have.

The Deadspin articles aren't for the fans of those teams. They are for everyone else who hates them.

Yes. But those point's dont make sense to me even for people who hate them.

[Paelos]

The point is for laughs, not historical accuracy.

[Mithas]

I thought all of them were hilarious. Except for the Packers one. Not funny. Because it's true

[Paelos]

I thought all of them were hilarious. Except for the Packers one. Not funny. Because it's true

Drew's a Minnesota fan for some god-awful reason, so all the NFC North ones are especially funny to me. The Packers one is a riot. Here's my favorite parts:

Nothing brings me more delight than watching the Packers get owned by the Giants, Falcons, and/or Niners in their supposedly impenetrable cold weather. You people think your stupid frozen tundra, which is NOT tundra, somehow gives you a magical edge over all other opponents and fanbases. And then moron Eli Manning rolls in and cockslaps you all over the place. God, just thinking about it makes me wanna take my pants off.

Your backup quarterback is Matt Flynn, who scans the field for Jordy Nelson like a man who can't find his car in a parking lot.

Kuhn. Fucking Kuhn. He's still there! What, did they give him a lifetime contract or something? Can't he die? At least Wes Welker is a productive whiteboy favorite. But the fucking Kuhn lumbers for a two-yard gain the stadium erupts as if locals have just been told that one Latino family has decided to move out of town.

[Trippy]

Niners? Tundra?

Now the field at Candlestick when it was raining was a different story...

[Ingmar]

Niners? Tundra?

Now the field at Candlestick when it was raining was a different story...

http://www.mercurynews.com/southbayfootball/ci_26403287/49ers-rip-out-levis-stadium-field-again-larger

[Trippy]

Oh, I read it wrong. It was referring to the Packers being beaten at home by the Niners.

[Ginaz]

Cleveland's Josh Gordon's year long suspension is upheld. 

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2058086-josh-gordons-season-long-suspension-upheld-following-appeal

So, in the NFL, smoke pot=banned a full season.  Beat your wife and then grab her limp body by the hair and drag it around=3 games.

[Cyrrex]

I don't know all the details of the Josh Gordon case, but wasn't that strike 3?  He deserves the suspension for being a repeat-idiot if nothing else, regardless of what we think about the policy itself.  And if you were a Cleveland Brown, you'd be getting high all the time too. 

But yeah, Rice getting only 3 games (I thought it was two) is mind-blowing.  We really do live in bizarro world.  At least we have the consolation of knowing that he is pretty much fucking done as a worthwhile RB.  Which coincides nicely with the fact that he's on my fantasy team.