We're sick of the Dalai Lama. Give us the Hedgehog!

[Shockeye]

Porn star to address Oxford Union

From correspondents in London

March 1, 2005

IN its 183-year history, the august Oxford Union debating society has heard the wisdom of Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan and Mother Teresa.

Now its members are to hear from Ron Jeremy, star of 1700 adult films, including Bang Along With Ron.

"Ron is the biggest and apparently the best in the business, so I'm sure he'll have some fascinating stories to tell," Oxford Union librarian Vladimir Bermant, who organised the event, said.

Jeremy, who claims to have slept with more than 4000 women, will address the union tomorrow, joining many British prime ministers, three US presidents and prominent figures from the Dalai Lama to Malcolm X in its archival guest list.

Peter Cardwell, spokesman for one of the English-speaking world's most respected debating societies, said US porn star Jenna Jameson also addressed the union a few years ago.

Reuters

[schild]

Bang Along with Ron? Two things, it's obviously Vladimir Bermant's favorite hedgehog flick, and two, I've never heard of it. Must be something special to have been mentioned seperately.

[HaemishM]

Ron's done so many, it'd be easy to miss one title.

[stray]

Someone just fucked up my order for the third time this week (fast food).

I order a filet sandwich, and I get a cheeseburger. I order a cheeseburger, and I get chicken nuggets. I order a chocolate milkshake: "Sorry sir, the shake machine is down". So I order a Coke, and get a Dr. Pepper.

Damnnit...

Oh, the point?

Our society is falling down the drains.

*This is "useless news", y'know. I figure I'll just take it to this point. And without the den, thoughts like these could forever be lost. Wouldn't want that now, would we?*

[schild]

Moral of this Story: Fast food sucks.

[HaemishM]

Hey, don't diss Ron Jeremy. He may be a pr0n star, but he's an interesting guy. Yes, I watched the Surreal Life that had him on it (with Tammy Faye Baker, Vanilla Ice, Erik Estrada and some other asshats). He looks like a fun guy to hang around with, and probably a damn sight more intelligent than most celebrities.

[Signe]

While I may believe he's a fun guy to 'hang' with... I'm having a hard time believing you watched that show.  Are you SURE you don't want to join me and Shockeye  in our Pink Power movement?

[HaemishM]

You can't tell me you wouldn't be interested in seeing the trainwreck that resulted from having a known pr0n star and the former wife of a televangelist living in the same house. It was mesmerizing; I couldn't look away. Even scarier was that Erik Estrada and Ron Jeremy were the most well-adjusted motherfuckers in that place. Vanilla Ice was a bucket of raging asshole, the big-tits Baywatch chick was a two-faced cocktease, and the Survivor chick was a damn drunk.

Now trying to watch the season after that with Flava Flav and Brigitte Neislen? That was torturous.

[Signe]

Geez... I thought Vanilla Ice was a fictional character, like Milli and Vanilli.

[HaemishM]

If you watch the show (or any interview with Ice now), you'll realize he's a real-life boy who wants to forget his time as a puppet whose nose grew when he lied.

[Sky]

You should check out the documentary on Ron, it's pretty fascinating. I respect the guy, not just because of his voluminous body of work, but because he is representative of a time when pron wasn't about botoxed bimbos with nasty fake titties being molested by gay bodybuilders on viagra. That shit ruined pron for me.

[Signe]

his voluminous body of work

That is like a multi-leveled joke, right?

[HaemishM]

It should have at least touched you in your no-no spot.

[schild]

Actually, the documentary about Ron was pretty goddamn good.

[stray]

5:00 PM CST

Another order botched. That's the 4th this week, at 3 different restaurants. I specifically said steak fingers 3 fucking times. But got chicken.

All the world must die.

[Shockeye]

5:00 PM CST

Another order botched. That's the 4th this week, at 3 different restaurants. I specifically said steak fingers 3 fucking times. But got chicken.

All the world must die.

WTF is steak fingers? Ground up steak formed into nugget like pieces? That's disgusting. If I was taking your order I'd substitute chicken as well for your own good.

[stray]

Ground up steak formed into nugget like pieces? That's disgusting.

Mmm...Tasty 

The only thing disgusting is the fucking service industry in this country 

Btw, it was a Dairy Queen Country Basket. The steak fingers are basically just Chicken Fried Steak. The Chicken version is too salty. Believe me, it sucks.

[Shockeye]

The only thing that should ever be "chicken fried" is chicken. That's it and that's all. Damn the south and all the other disgusting slop they have forced the rest of the country to serve.

[Alkiera]

The only thing that should ever be "chicken fried" is chicken. That's it and that's all. Damn the south and all the other disgusting slop they have forced the rest of the country to serve.

They tried to leave the union, to protect you fragile-palated northerners from the dangers of chicken fried steak, grits, catfish, and other wonderful foods... but you just wouldn't have it.  So now you get to deal.  Sadly, the only place I've had decent fried catfish here in NY closed down recently.  It was a pretty small place, but nice...  prolly didn't get enough business up here, people too busy with seaweed, raw fish, and evil green stuff to eat good food.

Alkiera

[schild]

Goddamn, I love me some grits.

[SirBruce]

Catfish and hushpuppies, yum.

Bruce

[Paelos]

The only thing that should ever be "chicken fried" is chicken. That's it and that's all. Damn the south and all the other disgusting slop they have forced the rest of the country to serve.

I piss on whatever cuisine you like. We don't force anything on you. Americans just try to emulate the greatness that is Southern comfort food.

[Sky]

Mmm...deep fried breaded cheeseburger fingers....

I'm glad my deep fryer finally gave up the ghost, I was getting crazy with the deep fry stuff. You really can deep fry just about anything and have it taste good. But I didn't want to die.

[HaemishM]

Grits are the perfect breakfast complement food. You damn Yankees just have no taste.  :-D

[Paelos]

My favorite is Carolina Shrimp n' grits. Basically boiled shrimp on a bed of garlic-cheese grits. With a sweet tea.

[Signe]

Grits are like mushrooms, right?  They just taste like whatever you put over top them.  Or maybe I'm confusing grits with dirt?

[SirBruce]

Nevermind.

Bruce

[Paelos]

People that don't like grits have eaten shitty instant grits. That's not grits. That's like claiming Nescafe is expresso.

Real Southern grits are slowly cooked and dashed with a hint of salt, then they serve them hot with a pat of butter melting in the middle.

[ClydeJr]

Vinny Gambini: How could it take you 5 minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?
Mr. Tipton: Um... I'm a fast cook, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: You're a fast cook? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than any place on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Damn, I'm hungry now.

[Polysorbate80]

Grits aren't really food.  I suspect they'd be more useful as spackle.

If you're going to talk about "southern" food, go a little farther south.  Jerk chicken, now there's a good use for poultry.

[Samwise]

I have no stomach for deep-fried Southern comfort food.  At least not in quantity.  (Though I do enjoy grits.)

Give me pseudo-Chinese comfort food any day.  Mmm, cashew chicken.

[Strazos]

General Tso's Chicken, FTW.

[Paelos]

Few people know the sheer ecstacy of an individual fried apple pie. mmmMMM!