Your Honor, I still have a small penis.

[Shockeye]

Lawsuits fly over penis enlargements
Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:56 AM GMT
         
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A New Jersey man has filed a false advertising lawsuit against a maker of herbal penis enlargement pills, alleging the medicine does not fulfil its promises, the plaintiff's lawyer says.

Two similar cases, filed last year in Colorado and Ohio, accuse manufacturers of herbal dietary supplements, VigRx and Enzyte, of falsely claiming to be able to add substantial length and girth to a man's penis.

All three suits seek class action status and claim to represent more than 1 million total plaintiffs.

In the latest case, filed on January 21 in New Jersey state court, plaintiff Michael Coluzzi claimed he paid $59.95 (32 pounds) for a 30-day supply of Alzare pills but "experienced no increase in penis size," and then was unable to collect a promised refund from manufacturer Alzare LLC of Boca Raton, Florida.

Neither Alzare nor chief operating officer Scott Hammond, both named as defendants, could be reached for comment.

Coluzzi's attorney, Stephen DeNittis, said many men had been taken in by dubious claims that the product would add up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) to their penises by "very, very convincing" advertising, such as infomercials featuring doctors and porn stars.

"Males, for whatever reason, may be susceptible because of what they feel they lack," DeNittis said. "It was so believable I confirmed with an expert (that the claims were false) before I filed the lawsuit. They said they had done medical studies proving that it works."

The ads for Alzare tablets, comprised of ginseng, yohimbe bark, L-arginine and other ingredients, guaranteed results within a week and claimed a 95 percent success rate in the more than 100,000 men who have used it, the suit said.

But last year, the Center for Science in the Public Interest filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission saying the maker of Enzyte had not backed up its claims with science.

Although thousands of complaints have been registered with local government agencies and the Better Business Bureau, few lawsuits have been filed because the companies appear to be "judgment proof," DeNittis said.

"They don't have enough assets for plaintiffs to recover, and some of the defendants are fly-by-night -- they close up shop after they get sued," he said.

All three lawsuits claim that plaintiffs were unable to contact the companies for guaranteed refunds after spending hundreds of dollars for the penis enhancers.

[HaemishM]

Really, the defendents in these suits were stupid enough to order this shit. AND take it, all the while measuring the old peen for increased size and girth. I think the judge should be MENTOK, THE MIND-TAKER! Just because.

[Samwise]

Funny though the subject line is, it reflects on the true craftiness of the penis huckster - most of your disappointed customers would rather accept the loss of $60 than file a public lawsuit that hinges on the disappointing size of their penises.

[Llava]

Wait, wait... Bob the grinning giant-penis zombie was lying to me?!

[Shockeye]

Obviously this guy's penis wasn't small enough.

Hotel man shot in willy
      
By SUN ONLINE REPORTER
A MAN was shot in the willy as he sat in his hotel room when a bullet came through the ceiling from the suite above.

The shocked 44-year-old was working on his laptop at the Airport Inn, in Ottowa, US.

He heard a noise and saw smoke before realising his groin was covered in blood, according to The Toronto Sun.

Cops arrested Mario Ethier, 37, from Quebec, and a 29-year-old woman following the incident.

Ethier appeared in court yesterday facing charges of causing bodily harm.

[Ironwood]

Oh, My, God, That's HORRIBLE !!  Was the laptop ok ??!

[Shockeye]

I'll continue using this thread for penis-related stories, I guess.

Asian man 'cut off his own penis' to spite his wife!

An Asian man cut off his own penis in drunken rage after his wife refused to have sex with him.

Po Dong, 29, from Myanmar - formerly Burma - is reported to have been up all night drinking whisky at his South African home before attempting to make love to his wife.

After his wife snubbed his advances Dong, in a fit of rage, grabbed a pair of scissors and cut his penis into tiny little pieces before turning the knife on himself.
It is claimed his wife, who wished to remain unnamed, had turned him down for sex the previous two days and he simply snapped.

After attempting to take his life the man was rushed to hospital, where he is said to be in a serious but stable condition.

Po Dong to No Dong.

[WayAbvPar]

Dude! Just jerk off onto her side of the sheets. No need to trash your junk!

[HaemishM]

He must not have had the Internet.

[Llava]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who noticed that the Asian guy's name is fucking DONG.

I mean, come on.  A guy named Dong cuts off his dong.  There's evidence of intelligent design behind the universe right there.