The Wedding Advice Thread

[Morfiend]

So, my girlfriend and I are engaged. Its been a long time coming, but we finally decided to do it. But, this is not a blog post about me. What I was hoping was that people could post useful information and tips they learned in their own experiences. Stuff like online registry. What type of food worked good. Things you found to avoid.

We are planning to get married pretty soon, some time in September. We are planning on having the ceremony at my parents place. They have a fantastic piece of property in Laguna Beach up on the hill where we can have a panoramic ocean view for the ceremony, and then we will rent a big tent and put it a bit lower on their property. A life long family friend is a Universal life ministry minister, so she is going to perform the ceremony.

This is going to be paid for by mostly myself and my parents, as my fiancee's father is pretty low on monies.

I found this registry website. I was wondering if anyone had experience with it.

[murdoc]

Elope.

[Merusk]

Elope.

Yeah, that.  Save the money. Nobody ever listens, though.

[Hawkbit]

Just chiming in to agree.  Elope.  We did, and it was worth it. 

If you can't elope, do whatever you can to keep it as simple as you can. 

[Morfiend]

We actually already eloped. But our parents where very sad, and so we said we would do a very small short ceremony, with a fun reception party. This isn't going to be a huge wedding type thing, is more of a party for friends and family. We are super non-traditional, but both our parents would like to have some sort of little ceremony.

[Hawkbit]

We also threw a party.  Our opinion (my wife and I) was that because it wasn't a full wedding, we were not putting a registry together.  Our feelings were that people come to be wined and dined, to see the couple all gussied up.  Without an actual wedding and without us being all made up, we just didn't want people to bring presents.  They did anyways, but we got more things like gift cards and cash instead of toasters. 

Then again, we had most of that shit already, so nearly any of that stuff we got we just returned.  ymmv. 

Congrats, btw. 

[Prospero]

Here's the stuff that I generally recommend.

Register at the modern standards: Target, William's Sonoma, and your regional version of Macy's. Amazon is also awesome must no one ever looks there. The important lesson I learned about registering is it isn't for you, it's for the people coming. It really freaks some people out to have to pick gifts without knowing what you want or need.

Get your favorite cheapish restaurant to cater. It'll be infinitely better than any wedding caterer.

Take the time to eat before you go talk to people. Your guests will try to fucking starve you.

Wineries will give you a wedding discount. Sign up to be club members and you can get even more off. Trader Joes is probably cheaper than a winery though it can take awhile to find something you like.

You're wise to use your parent's place. Wedding sites are a waste of money.

A really good DJ can make a party better, but an MP3 player is better than a mediocre DJ, and cheaper.

If you care about photos, a good photographer is worth it. Get one that gives you the rights to the photos so you can print them without tracking his ass down later.

Something our photographer did which was rad was to setup a drape and some lights so people could pose to get family pictures. Some of our best photos came out of that, and you instantly get X-Mas presents for the next year.

If you have performance oriented friends have them do something; guests get a kick out of it and most folks are jazzed to do something special for their friend's wedding.

[WayAbvPar]

My wife had recently graduated from a culinary school when we got hitched, so we had them cater it for us. Might be worth looking into your local schools and see what you can get done. Since they are students you will likely get a decent price.

[Ingmar]

Save most of your budget for the catering, flowers are kind of a waste in the end.

[Morfiend]

I guess I should add a few more details.

My family friend who is going to perform the ceremony also just graduated for culinary school and now works for a gourmet catering company, so we are going to use that company, at a major discount.

My parents are also best friends with a lady who owns a wine cellar, so we will be getting wine from her at a (hopefully) discount also.

Good advice about flowers, I really dont think we need much in that area.

[Paelos]

Have crab cakes.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Good advice about flowers, I really dont think we need much in that area.

Yeah, but flowers can add a bright touch to the whole event.  That doesn't mean you have to hit up a flower store though.  My best friend got married last summer and her flowers were in mismatched bottles/jars/vases of all sorts and were a lovely mix of what was blooming or available from a friend.  I don't think there was a one rose or carnation or lily in the mix and it turned out gorgeous, IMO.  They also had an outdoor reception in her parents backyard, so that fit the theme perfectly.  So it doesn't have to be fancy or "organized" really.  Even if you get generic bunches from a store it can add color, IMO.

[Paelos]

Also have those little prime rib slider things. Those are awesome.

[Ingmar]

I don't mean cut them out entirely but if you're spending a bunch of time covering some garden arch in $500 worth of flowers, reconsider the necessity.

[MuffinMan]

My advice would be too late since you've already decided to get married.

[KallDrexx]

I'm getting married in February and it's fucking retarded how much it costs to do a wedding.  Her parents offered us $10k to elope, but she wants a wedding and I'm not enough of an idiot to try and convince her otherwise (especially when the wedding is free for us).

The only thing that's worth paying good money for is a photographer.  Everything else we are on the cheap side of because at the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter.  The whole point is a big celebration of your marriage with family and friends, and the marriage and photos are all that are there at the end of the day.  Everything else people will forget

[Ingmar]

Actually, if you have good food, people will still be coming up to you years later and saying things like "your wedding still had the best food of any I've been to." Probably because most people do cut corners there I guess.

[Sjofn]

People will remember if they liked the food or not more than anything else, it seems to me, so that should be your big priority. People also fuckin' love buffets.

If you're not going to get decent champagne, you can probably skip it entirely. People will drink it if it's good, will not drink it at all if it's not, and will toast with whatever is handy if/when toasts happen.

And yes, make sure you eat. Depending on how many pictures of the wedding party are going to be taken and stuff, it might be worth asking your caterer if someone could bring you guys your own thinger of appetizers to stuff in your faces between shots.  


FAKE EDIT: Seriously, don't listen to Kall, people remember the food. Our wedding was eight years ago almost, and people still talk about how awesome our food apparently was. They don't remember what they ate any more (I assume), but they remember it was good, and thus our wedding was awesome. The other things people remember: The dudes were in kilts, and our ceremony was really short.

[Paelos]

Actually, if you have good food, people will still be coming up to you years later and saying things like "your wedding still had the best food of any I've been to." Probably because most people do cut corners there I guess.

Nobody forgives the friend who had the shitty wedding with the cash bar and the bad food.

Seriously, I stopped talking to one of my Texas friends because their wedding was such an insult to make me fly 800 miles to go.

Also: PRIME RIB SLIDERS!

[Sjofn]

Shit, those look really good. Now I'm hungry.  


I remembered another thing! If you're having bridesmaids, it seems to work out pretty nicely to give them a color (or range of colors) and let them pick whatever dress they want. But that's more your lady's decision, I suppose. But it's nice because you don't have to stress yourself out trying to find a dress that looks decent on EVERYONE no matter their body type, plus they have no one but themselves to blame if they decide five years later that the dress is ugly.  

[KallDrexx]

I'm not saying to go for the worst of the worst just to save money, but there are ways to change the food a caterer gets so that its' cheaper without sacrificing general food quality.  We have some food related things that will get noticed by people for sure and may be memorable, but we aren't paying a premium for them.

[01101010]

Pretty much the golden key to almost any reception is an open bar - which only really works if you keep the venue small or you are fucking rich. Free drinks trump a lot of stuff. I only say this as a participant, not a primary actor because getting married makes my ass twitch.

[Paelos]

Make sure to have good potato options. They aren't expensive but people love them. Little twice baked new potatoes for example.

[Sjofn]

If you keep the bar to beer and wine only, I think that probably saves some money on the open bar front? I dunno. I know that's what we did, but given my aunt worked in the wine industry at the time and we got some awesome deals (plus the wedding was in California, where they drink wine with everything by default anyway), I have no idea how much it would've cost REALLY.

[Lantyssa]

Pretty much the golden key to almost any reception is an open bar - which only really works if you keep the venue small or you are fucking rich. Free drinks trump a lot of stuff. I only say this as a participant, not a primary actor because getting married makes my ass twitch.

I still remember my friends' wedding that had an open bar despite getting totally wasted.  My friends remember it, too.  I even danced.  (She was cute and they got the DJ to play the Time Warp.  Amazing what you'll do with seven screwdrivers in you...)

Eloping is covered.  Yeah, food and drinks are the big one.  An open bar isn't as necessary as a good buffet, but you'll be remembered for both.

[Fordel]

A Cash Bar will forever taint your wedding as 'cheap bastards'.

[KallDrexx]

For our wedding we are getting a reccommended list from the caterer and buying the liquor ourselves.  We stocked up on a cruise we just went on and my fiance's parents are buying the rest with the caterer serving it.  Thus it's an open bar, it's MUCH cheaper than the caterer providing the booze, and we get to take home all the leftovers!

[Morfiend]

Thanks for the advice.

Knowing my family, it will probably be an open bar with beer and wine. I would imagine a lot of expensive wine. My family is not super rich by any means, but my parents love good wine. Hell, when ever I go over there just for a dinner or something they end up drinking several hundred dollars in wine. So I would imagine them dropping quite a bit on wine for the wedding. Funny, cause I don't even like wine. It gives me a headache in like 10 minutes.

Anyway, if there is one thing none of my family gatherings is ever lacking, its good alcohol.

I work at a photo agency, so I know a lot of good photographers.

Those fucking sliders look amazing. Good potato option. Roger.

[Paelos]

Also a good idea for people is to have a wedding "Signature cocktail"

That way it can be beer, wine, or this predefined liquor drink that will cut down on costs but open up the options.

[climbjtree]

Get out while you still can!

[Sand]

Catering?!?

The BEST part of our wedding, in addition to it being a week on a private beach, was getting to grill and cook all the reception food myself with my new mother in law pitching in.
We had approximately 35 people and grilled steaks, lobster tails, crab legs, corn on the cob. She had already prepared a bunch of salads (green salad, potato salad, etc) along with some appetizers. And we had a bushell or two of raw oysters. I love manning a grill.

My biggest advice is to do that. Screw paying a caterer unless you are a horrible cook.

Oh and register at REI!

[Pennilenko]

Sorry, I am late to the thread.


Don't Do It!


That is all the advice I have to give.

:Edit: Ah i fail at reading, you already did it. Welcome to not being the boss anymore.

[Arrrgh]

Read these first.

http://www.google.com/search?q=marriage+2.0

[Chimpy]

For our wedding we are getting a reccommended list from the caterer and buying the liquor ourselves.  We stocked up on a cruise we just went on and my fiance's parents are buying the rest with the caterer serving it.  Thus it's an open bar, it's MUCH cheaper than the caterer providing the booze, and we get to take home all the leftovers!

In a lot of cases, if you want a bartender (hint, you do), you cannot byob and have the caterer's bartender serve. Catering class liquor licenses are usually pretty specific that the alcohol has to be provided through the liquor license holder. You also may be stuck with a specific set of allowed caterers/bar options by the venue you are renting if you are doing so.

[Surlyboi]

Food is key. Just got back from the fiancé's cousin's wedding and yeah, food is key. The fact that you've got a guy from culinary school is really good.

I'll echo the sentiment of the winery, of course I would, because I'm doing mine at one and the one we went to this weekend was at one as well, so it was a decent test run and it went well. Plus, I'm a drunk, so hey...  

Flowers, though seemingly superfluous are pretty important. Are they worth the money the florists charge? Probably not, but you've got to do something.

I'll also echo the sentiment about the registry. Go for places that'll have shit you want and/or need. REI's cool, but if you're not outdoorsy, kind of a waste.

Don't try too much cake if you don't want to go into sugar shock.

Lastly, I wanted to elope in Fiji, but the missus said no, so. Meh.