Shit my students write

[ghost]

I just found this- Shit My Students Write- and laughed my ass off for about an hour plowing through the archives.  I don't know how many of these are true, but it certainly took me back to days of covering students in various capacities.

Example:  

Like I said in the introduction, Planned Parenthood has affected me directly. Knowing from doctors telling me in the past and friends encouraging me, I knew after I lost my virginity I should go in for an annual. I scheduled at the campus clinic and the test results came back fine and I went on with my life. I broke it off with the guy I was seeing and proceeded to sleep around with a few guys. A couple months later I noticed things growing on my vagina and I was scared. I asked my friend what to do and she advised me to go to the local Planned Parenthood clinic. I felt this was my only option as I couldn’t have something like this show up on my parents’ insurance. After testing the nurse there informed me I had genital warts from a strand of HPV and I need to get a prescription.

Edit:  Another gem

Please keep in mind while reading the following; I am in no way trying to be racist.  It may come off like that, but it is just to support what I think. Instead of accepting that Hispanics and white will be one, I want Hispanics to stop coming to America, and go back to where they came from.  This sounds bad, but I just wants best for me and everyone I know.

[pxib]

Maybelline present us with a low modality statement saying “maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline”. With this we see that the speaker is not sure if the actor was born that way or if she is using Maybelline products.

Also, the United States was under strict control by their English rulers. When people are under strict supervision and a harsh set of rules and expectations, eventually something will have to give. The Revolutionary War was exactly that, the reaction from Americans once they realized they could not longer put up with the controlling power bloc. Similarly, teenage girls in the sixties experienced a similar phenomenon: Beatlemania.

[Merusk]

 

[angry.bob]

Come on guys, how could you pass on this gem:

The rebel and onion armies showed grose negligence by having many of their battles right inside national parks, like Gettysburg.

[Bzalthek]

Oh fucking jesus.

[Paelos]

WEEP! WEEP FOR OUR CHILDREN!

[01101010]

I should dig up my classes essays and short answer tests. I remember some of them to right out of the circus - and these were sophomore + college students at a private U.

The onion army one kills me... 

[Ratman_tf]

  These are great. Life is much easier to deal with if you accept that 90% of people are horror movie victims waiting to happen.

[stu]

I'm taking an International Relations class. Tonight, I've been editing a draft of a research paper from my assigned group. One of them is Nicaraguan and the other is Venezuelan. I have twenty pages of cringe-inducing grammar, but this gem almost made me spit out my beer:

"Women face discrimination and oppression from males. Domestic violence has been reported ass a matter of significant concern."

[Sir T]

Although I am my own person, my relationship with my girlfriend of two and a half years has lead to a significant change in almost every aspect of my life such as my behaviors, believes, values, personality, and even my appearance.

Just wait till she gets you married, kid, and really goes to work...

My people (Mexicans) were made when the Mexicans were slaves to the French, and the French kept going wanky wanky with their slaves, and then they made Spain.  And Abraham Lincoln.

Lincon was the result of genetic engineering. Who knew.

Was it the Revolutionary War or the Civil War that the Japanese dropped the atomic bomb on Pearl Harbor?

How do I put this...

Hamilton’s theory of inclusive fitness helps explain how parents can be so selfless and supportive of such greedy little parasites.

I approve.

[Strazos]

I'm taking an International Relations class.

I've always wondered what was actually taught in these sorts of classes.

[Tale]

These are great. Life is much easier to deal with if you accept that 90% of people are horror movie victims waiting to happen.

Five years of the raw incoming online feedback to TV network news/current affairs taught me this.

[ghost]

I'm taking an International Relations class.

I've always wondered what was actually taught in these sorts of classes.

Relations of a broad, international sort. 

[Evildrider]

I'm taking an International Relations class.

I've always wondered what was actually taught in these sorts of classes.

How to have sex with people of all nationalities?

[tgr]

I'm taking an International Relations class.

I've always wondered what was actually taught in these sorts of classes.

How to have sex with people of all nationalities?

[stu]

It's a culinary class.

[Strazos]

Seeing as I work in what one could call "international relations," but never took a class, was seriously wondering what it's like.

[Raging Turtle]

In the U.S., International Relations 101 is generally studying different frameworks - Realism vs. Liberalism vs Constructivism, etc.  Usually a nod to game theory, common goods/tragedy of the commons, and some other simple economic concepts as well. 

Once you get to the graduate level (where I am), you're expected to know all or most of that stuff before you walk in the door.

[ghost]

In the U.S., International Relations 101 is generally studying different frameworks - Realism vs. Liberalism vs Constructivism, etc.  Usually a nod to game theory, common goods/tragedy of the commons, and some other simple economic concepts as well. 

Once you get to the graduate level (where I am), you're expected to know all or most of that stuff before you walk in the door.

So it's at the graduate level where you learn to have sex with people of different nationalities? 

[Furiously]

No that's where you learn to hate other cultures and realize your own is the best.

[ghost]

I though you learned that in Kindergarten.

[Furiously]

No that's just where you learn they smell funny.

[ezrast]

In the U.S., International Relations 101 is generally studying different frameworks - Realism vs. Liberalism vs Constructivism, etc.  Usually a nod to game theory, common goods/tragedy of the commons, and some other simple economic concepts as well. 

Once you get to the graduate level (where I am), you're expected to know all or most of that stuff before you walk in the door.

All that stuff fell under "political theory" where I studied. My intro IR class was a lot of history of international organizations - how groups like the UN and NATO came to be and the roles they played. That could have just been because that particular professor was in love with history though. I somehow managed to never take an upper-level IR course.

[Strazos]

So it's at the graduate level where you learn to have sex with people of different nationalities? 

No, you get that from on-the-job training. 

[Bstaz]

My wife teaches introductory critical thinking for an online university.  I had to hide all the knives and other sharp objects in the house out of fear she was going to use them on herself.

The most recent quote that sticks out can from this question "Explain your view on why we should or should not drill for oil in Alaska."

Reply:

"We shouldn't drill for oil in other people's countries."

and for some reason, "because god said so" is a valid argument for any question in a critical thinking class.

 She also had one student hand in a paper that was written using "texting" short hand for all all the words and without any capitalization or indention.  It was priceless. The crazy part is that it is not an English class, so she has to grade the students on content of the argument and can not deduct any significant portion of the grade for grammar, spelling etc. 

[lamaros]

What? Surely you lose marks for that in every class...

[IainC]

She also had one student hand in a paper that was written using "texting" short hand for all all the words and without any capitalization or indention.  It was priceless. The crazy part is that it is not an English class, so she has to grade the students on content of the argument and can not deduct any significant portion of the grade for grammar, spelling etc. 

I'd have handed it back unmarked and asked for it again in English.

[tgr]

I would've just returned it with "mother of god" stamped all over it if I got a paper written in pure SMSish. Because, mother of god...

[Lantyssa]

What? Surely you lose marks for that in every class...

I took off points for significant spelling or grammatical errors on lab reports.

[Selby]

I took off points for significant spelling or grammatical errors on lab reports.

I got a B+ on a lab report and the only thing the professor commented on was he wanted a comma here, a slightly different wording there, a semi-colon, etc.  He commented not one bit on the technical aspects of the report.  It made me laugh once I realized that he specifically used the red and green squiggly lines on MS Word to grade our papers by...

[Lantyssa]

That would annoy me.  These were all on hard copy.  Ten pages of technical jargon for each week's report.  They're lucky I didn't count off for utter BS, but then the purpose of these was to prepare them for scientific writing.

[apocrypha]

The 3 universities I've worked in and 1 FE college I've studied in in the last 15 years have all had internal battles over acceptable language standards in non-language courses. Specifically science and photography being the subjects I've had personal experience in.

All of them decided in the end that lecturers could refuse to mark papers that they felt didn't meet acceptable minimum standards, but that if they decided to accept the paper then they couldn't deduct marks for spelling & grammar.

The practical upshot was that the plethora of text-message essays came to a halt. Handing one in like that simply got it returned and if the student didn't then manage to rewrite the paper acceptably before the deadline - which almost never happened since these students are the ones who hand in at the last minute 95% of the time - then they got a 0 mark for that paper.

[Bstaz]

New Quote of the week:   "Thomas Hutchinson rank as a historical figure is not as high as Samuel Adams because we don't consume a beer named Thomas Hutchinson."

[Nevermore]

Well, he does have a point. 

[Morat20]

What? Surely you lose marks for that in every class...

I took off points for significant spelling or grammatical errors on lab reports.

One of my professors (history, so lots of essays)-- routinely gave two grades on every essay.  One was for grammer/writing and the other for the research and general thesis.

So it was not uncommon to get a 95/70 or vice versa. He recorded the grammer grade seperately, and it was something like 10% of your grade, maybe? It was enough that people paid attention, and often corrected their grammer and English mistakes to raise that portion of the grade once it was handed back.