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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 108313 times)
Cyrrex
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Reply #1330 on: September 05, 2018, 06:17:39 AM

Live Update:  Meeting with GN1 for today postponed until tomorrow, it appears, due to some scheduling problems on her end (she actually still wanted to meet today if I were willing to ditch an afternoon of work).  I am okay with this, I don't feel like anything has otherwise changed.

Also, girl whom I asked about her possible 2 meter height has removed me from her favorites  Heartbreak  I actually feel a little bad about this, I should be kinder.  I usually am, but in hindsight I should have added "not that I have a problem with that" or something.

GN2 (Chinese lady) wants the dust to settle on my living situation (house just sold, about to move) before a meet up I think.  She is clearly the careful sort, which is fine, although it might end up bumping her from consideration at some point.




Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Paelos
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Reply #1331 on: September 05, 2018, 09:27:57 AM

Speaking from somebody whose wife is taller than him (she's 6 feet tall).

Tall women don't like it when you point it out. They ESPECIALLY don't like it when you joke about it. Don't do that.

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Cyrrex
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Reply #1332 on: September 05, 2018, 10:31:00 AM

I actually was asking, some people legit fuck that up in their profiles. Keep in mind it said 200cm....that is, what 6 foot 8?  Was reason for doubt.

But speaking of which, women are generally much taller over here.  Bad news for me.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Cyrrex
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Reply #1333 on: September 06, 2018, 04:19:40 AM

On the subject of women's profiles and in the interest of fun, how about of list of "DON'Ts" for the fairer sex?  Well alrighty.  Assume for argument's sake that we are talking some of the more superficial apps like Tinder.  I think more serious apps have slightly different rules.

- If you only have one pic, you better be super fucking hot or there is no way you are getting all the Likes you could be getting
- Similarly, if you have one pic and ARE super fucking hot, my default assumption is that you are a scammer.  I might still Like you, but I pretty much have you at DefCon 1 until proven otherwise
- Never, and I mean never ever, have your first and main picture be one with you together with a clearly hotter friend.  Going through subsequent pictures in your profile will take the view from a positive postion to an increasingly negative one, and you are for sure getting fewer Likes as a result.  You can have these pics, just don't put them at the front.  Hot girls are free to do the opposite, because it has the opposite positive effect.
- Also, having zero pics of yourself?  What's the point of that?  Ask yourself who would Like this on an app like Tinder.
- Listen, I like horses as much as the next guy.  Which is to say, not fucking very much at all.  While probably not universally true, girls who love horses so much that 70% of their pics in the dating app involved horses in some respect....yeah, I just assume there is something seriously off with you.  Horse girls tend to be strange, because the love you have for that giant beast is strange and a little disturbing, and I can't help but wonder what Freud would say.  Save the horse reveal until later.
- Lots of girls mention their height in their profile like this "lol apparently this is important for some reason?  I am 5 foot 4 lol because I guess that's important lol!!".  The reason for that is because your own sex is crazy superficial regarding height, and you don't even realize it.  So it's reverse important.  We want to know your height because we already know that height is one of the chief disqualifiers for you, so we are being pre-emptive.  Silly tits.
- Speaking of tits.  While it may be true that girls pretend to not want to see any kind of beefcake pics from the guys (liars, you are perfectly fine with it as long as it meets your standards), the reverse is not true.  If you do not at least give some idea of your general proportions via pictures, I am going to assume you are colossal.  That's fine, some guys are into that.  But this is a visual medium, so show a little.  And stop pretending to be so disgusted when other people show you a little.  Maybe they aren't aiming at you?
- Be more aware of the math behind all of this.  You are not nearly as attractive as the number or Likes you are getting makes you think you are.  This is because guys cast a super wide net, and girls are super-selective.  Think about that for five minutes and you may begin to understand the implications.
- Snapchat filters are great.  If you are under the age of 10.  I can probably stomach one, maybe even two fuzzy and uncanny-valley-looking pictures of you with puppy dog ears and hearts flying out of your nostrils, but I am probably a little nauseated already.  If ALL of your pictures are like this, I am going to assume there is something seriously wrong with your face and/or you are a complete psychopath.
- We will never really get to know each other through the text descriptions you put here, so do not write a novel.  Describe yourself, sure, but some of these 5000 word manifestos...I just assume you have some kind of mental disorder.  I'll still Like you if you're hot, so there's that.

Take this in the spirit is intended (these are really just some of my personal peeves) and discuss.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Cyrrex
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Reply #1334 on: September 06, 2018, 05:48:27 AM

GN1 is being bit flaky, so I might just cut it off entirely.  The original plan was for me to pick her up and take her to a place, and now she is like "I will be at this other place at a certain time, come if you want!".  I am not playing that game, so I am going to call her on it and let the pieces land wherever they land.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Tale
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Reply #1335 on: September 06, 2018, 06:28:52 AM

how about of list of "DON'Ts"

"What the..." file from 2010 (did not date). Open spoiler:

« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 06:33:36 AM by Tale »
Cyrrex
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Reply #1336 on: September 06, 2018, 06:44:51 AM

I have always wondered about that picture like the one you posted where they take it from laying on their backs and looking down through their legs.  Even on women with really nice bodies, that tends to be one of the angles I find least attractive.  Just me?

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
rattran
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Reply #1337 on: September 06, 2018, 08:25:40 AM

I actually was asking, some people legit fuck that up in their profiles. Keep in mind it said 200cm....that is, what 6 foot 8?  Was reason for doubt.

But speaking of which, women are generally much taller over here.  Bad news for me.
200cm is 6'6", almost 6'7"

I know one woman that tall, she had a hell of a time dating because men were always shitty about her height.
Shannow
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Reply #1338 on: September 06, 2018, 08:34:20 AM

Or the guys who are under 5'7 and women are almost always shitty about their height.

Height's a weird thing and has a very shallow reaction in people. I was never interested in dating / or attracted to someone taller than me.

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Phildo
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Reply #1339 on: September 06, 2018, 08:35:37 AM

Yeah, there are definitely a lot of profiles out there with explicit height minimums for their matches.  At least they're up front about it, though.  Much better than showing up to a first date to find someone totally uninterested the second they see you because you're a foot shorter than they are.
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Reply #1340 on: September 06, 2018, 08:39:31 AM

Yup, had a friend who did that. She said 'He was nice, cute and when I met him, he was shorter than me (she's 5'3'), I couldn't get past it'


Also fun times: Chatting with married women who, with their husbands, have decided to go open....Usually the husband's idea. First day, wife get's 50 messages , likes, and invites for dates, the husband gets 2 likes from fake profiles. Husband suddenly not all about being open.  why so serious? why so serious? why so serious? why so serious?


also: Women (and I guess maybe men do it too) who have pics of their kids on their profile. WTF? Why would you want people having pics of your kids??
« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 09:32:14 AM by Shannow »

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
Phildo
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Reply #1341 on: September 06, 2018, 09:44:35 AM

I prefer when they have pictures of someone else's kids and then have to include the disclaimer *NOT MY KIDS in the body of the profile.
Sir T
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Reply #1342 on: September 06, 2018, 10:28:53 AM

also: Women (and I guess maybe men do it too) who have pics of their kids on their profile. WTF? Why would you want people having pics of your kids??

They probably want to filter out the guys who have a problem with kids.

Sometimes irony is pretty ironic.
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Reply #1343 on: September 06, 2018, 12:32:08 PM

also: Women (and I guess maybe men do it too) who have pics of their kids on their profile. WTF? Why would you want people having pics of your kids??

They probably want to filter out the guys who have a problem with kids.
Narrator: It doesn't work like that.
Shannow
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Reply #1344 on: September 06, 2018, 12:51:25 PM

One, yes agree with the narrator.

Two, you can just say 'I'm a mom of 2, 3 etc'. About the first or second thing I disclosed in my profile was that I was a dad. I wasn't putting pics of my kids anywhere near that cesspool of humanity.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
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Reply #1345 on: September 06, 2018, 12:53:57 PM

My rule of thumb is not to volunteer any information you wouldn't want to give a serial killer (where you live, your last name, etc) until at least the second date.  Pictures of your kids definitely falls under that heading.

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Paelos
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Reply #1346 on: September 06, 2018, 12:54:59 PM

In my experience I've had the following:

Woman who claims to be Christian, agrees to go on date, and then drops the bomb that she's Mormon. I'm like,  ACK!

Woman who agrees to go out, has a 3 hour conversation on a coffee date, says she'd like to do it again, never answers another phone call or text (this is fairly common and I totally understand why, she's not attracted) My wish is she'd have stopped it at 30 minutes instead of 3 hours.

Woman who tells me before we even meet that she's into domestic discipline and asks if I know what that is. I didn't. A quick google search tells me I'm not in it at all.

Woman who from the shoulders up looks completely normal and apparently is massive below her breasts. Usually you can judge based on facial features but some slip through the cracks. Lesson learned.

Woman from Romania who looks completely different up close than in pictures, and not in a positive way.

Woman who goes on 5 dates before telling me she's looking to be friends. Again, one date was enough for you to realize I'm not attractive to you.

Woman who couldn't shut up about dogs and animals.

Woman who specifically told me in the coffee shop it wouldn't work. I shook her hand and thanked her for having the courage to do that instead of wasting my time.

Woman who was super into me, but I could tell right off the bat we were horribly matched, and I had to break it off quickly.

Woman who wrote a fashion blog and worked in fashion for a living, and I am comfortable shopping at Target and Goodwill so that was a mismatch.

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Reply #1347 on: September 06, 2018, 01:04:09 PM

Woman who claims to be Christian, agrees to go on date, and then drops the bomb that she's Mormon. I'm like,  ACK!

Aren't Mormons considered Christians?  I mean, I know evangelical Christians think "Christian" defaults to "evangelical Christian", but if you expect every other denomination to conform to that you're in for a lot of those surprises.
Quote
Woman who wrote a fashion blog and worked in fashion for a living, and I am comfortable shopping at Target and Goodwill so that was a mismatch.

Heh, it my current relationship.  Luckily she's okay with my not knowing how to fashion just like I'm okay with her not knowing how to computer.   awesome, for real

"Nice attempted blast about my "drinking".  I do enjoy a nice cuppa, but that is because I am a bon vivant of gregarious nature and cheery disposition." - Ab
Shannow
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Reply #1348 on: September 06, 2018, 01:16:49 PM

Woman who said she was a chef, instead worked as a line cook at a retirement home, was an alcoholic then during our date asked me back to her place so she could smoke weed with her 18 year old coworker.

Woman who, 1 hour before our first date, tells me she has a 22 year old daughter living at home and doesn't see how this can work out. I guess saved me some time.

Woman who, the morning before our first date, told me she was getting back with her ex.

Woman who kept picking the most expensive restuarants in Boston to eat at...nope.

The woman who was a married lesbian but wanting to try hetrosexuality..is now living with a guy and divorced from her wife.  (actually a cool chick, just a little messed up)

The woman who I did trivia with, knew how to spell Kyrgyzstan and what the two doubly land-locked countries were. Still dating her after 10 months :D

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
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Reply #1349 on: September 06, 2018, 01:24:57 PM

I got all y'all beat.

Went on three or four dates with a girl about a decade ago, after a movie she tells me she was raped and is trying to work through it.

I, of course, said I'm not qualified to help with that in any capacity and took her home. I have no clue what became of her.

It was an uncomfortable situation and I hope she got help.
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Reply #1350 on: September 06, 2018, 01:38:30 PM

Woman who claims to be Christian, agrees to go on date, and then drops the bomb that she's Mormon. I'm like,  ACK!

Aren't Mormons considered Christians?  I mean, I know evangelical Christians think "Christian" defaults to "evangelical Christian", but if you expect every other denomination to conform to that you're in for a lot of those surprises.

Not to drag too much religion into it, but there's about as much difference between "Christians" and "Mormons" as there are between "Christians" and "Scientologists." At least enough that specificity is required.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 01:40:11 PM by HaemishM »

Paelos
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Reply #1351 on: September 06, 2018, 02:43:18 PM

Woman who claims to be Christian, agrees to go on date, and then drops the bomb that she's Mormon. I'm like,  ACK!

Aren't Mormons considered Christians?  I mean, I know evangelical Christians think "Christian" defaults to "evangelical Christian", but if you expect every other denomination to conform to that you're in for a lot of those surprises.

Not to drag too much religion into it, but there's about as much difference between "Christians" and "Mormons" as there are between "Christians" and "Scientologists." At least enough that specificity is required.

Yes, I don't want to get into the specifics, but yeah it's different enough that it usually has it's own tabs on Religion Options when you're on an online dating site.

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Paelos
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Reply #1352 on: September 06, 2018, 02:52:41 PM

My friends also have funny online dating stories:

The woman who kept a live raccoon and possum as household pets
The woman who accused the guy of drinking too much on the date after two glasses of wine
The woman who drank an entire bottle of wine on the date and threw up in the bathroom
The woman who kept checking her phone the entire time so that my friend basically excused himself and left her at the restaurant
The woman who used her "get out of jail" call and had another guy pick her up from the restaurant.

Oh and my wife was going on 5 different online dates at the same time she met me. I beat them all out.  Oh ho ho ho. Reallllly?

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Chimpy
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Reply #1353 on: September 06, 2018, 02:55:24 PM

So I went and checked a dating site I have been using off and on earlier today and there was a picture for a 37 - <town of 200 people nearby> who was tagged as new. Looked alarmingly like Heidi Klum so I am pretty sure that is a scammer.

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
Selby
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Reply #1354 on: September 06, 2018, 03:24:08 PM

When I get divorced again Im never going to date or remarry. This all sucks.

But I do like reading everyone elses stories!
Hawkbit
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Reply #1355 on: September 06, 2018, 05:07:36 PM

I've been married for almost 20 years, but I gotta add one. Not technically an Internet date because the Internet had only been just released to the public at the time this happened.

Met a girl at a show, it's the mid-90s and all is post-grunge. We seem to hit it off, she looks like a hot Blossom with the stupid fucking hat and everything. She is with a friend who is Enormous, like I'm 6'1" and the friend was at a minimum 3-4 full inches over me. Hot Blossom and I are hitting it off okay, I give her my number but didn't hear from her.

About two weeks later I get a call, but from Enormous. She says she and Hot Blossom are going out and want me to join. Odd, but okay I guess. So I show up and wouldn't you know it, Hot Blossom didn't show.  Ohhhhh, I see.

Trying to make the best of the situation and not fully realizing I was bamboozled, I suggest splitting a small pizza. Cheese for me, fucking onion for her. The only time in my life to this day someone has ordered onions only on pizza. Now I'm starting to get the impression I will be murdered at the end of the pseudo-date, just as she begins to tell me that she is engaged to be married. Oh fuck. To 20,000 people. Oh double fuck fuck. Apparently she was part of an art collective in which 20k people are engaged to be married and they were trying to work through the legal process of getting everyone married to each other. Aaaaand she asked me to join. Oh fuckity fuck. I'm entirely convinced by now this is a full-on robes and candles satanic thing.

In what I thought would have been my last minutes alive, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom but I duck out to the car instead. However, she follows me out and literally pounces on me. Did I mention Enormous was wearing clear acrylic platform heels? No, because you would not have believed a woman could actually be that tall. The next thing I know I hear what sounds like plastic coconuts slapping on pavement and then I'm pressed against my car being mauled by a bear wearing thick red lipstick, greasy onion breath and platform shoes. Its gross sweaty and I can't get out from under her and towards the end I feel like I'm Ace Ventura crying in the shower scene. I don't know how long it went on for. All I know is that when it was over she got in her car and left without saying anything. I never heard from her again. To this day I think she might have become a female pro wrestler and every time I see Mayim Bialik I have flashbacks and smell onions.

 
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Reply #1356 on: September 06, 2018, 05:11:58 PM

Are you sure it wasn't a dude in drag?

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
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Reply #1357 on: September 06, 2018, 06:04:39 PM

I want you to read that story, and then rewrite it because it's really fucking hard to read.
Hawkbit
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Reply #1358 on: September 06, 2018, 09:37:16 PM

Holy shit apologies I was drinking whisky today. I shifted to beer though a few hour ago.
Cyrrex
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Reply #1359 on: September 07, 2018, 12:32:23 AM

But it was still a great story, mind you.

GN1 has gone silent since I sent her the "wtf?" message.  I am okay with this...I can't quite figure out what she wants with me, and this is all too much trouble to deal with.  I half expect her next response (if any, there will probably be nothing) to be a picture of herself being all pretty and stuff, or perhaps of a sleepy kitten stretching its paws.

No updates with GN2.  The better approach here is, I think, to back off a little and send longer messages every few days.  Maybe I will call her and chat for a bit this weekend.

I have another one I am chatting with a bit more frequently, but I hesitate to give her the Girl Number 3 designation.  She seems nice and all, but I think she is a bit of a chunker, though her profile pics make it appear borderline.  With a first name and a city name, however, it is quite easy to find people on things like Facebook, so.....anyway, I don't know.  I ended a 20 year marriage in part because dealing with someone with eternal weight issues and the psychological problems that often come with it is just not something I am interested in doing any more.  I know this sounds shallow, but honestly, I am extremely fit looking for my age, and am looking for something similar in a partner.  Kind of a bummer, because she seems really nice.

Have also been having an infrequent and strange dialogue with a girl from Peru, who is living here in DK.  What makes it strange is that she can only really do written communication in Spanish, though she seems to understand English.  My Spanish is, needless to say, not great.  Enough that I can understand most of what she is saying, so I respond in a mixture of English and Spanish.  She is kind of hot, with very distinctive "native" features, if that makes any sense.  She even gave me her actual phone number and said I could text her.  So I sent her a basic "hola" message.  She tends to take a few days to respond.  No idea what is up with this girl, could be she is looking for a way to establish residency in this socialist mecca.  There seem to be a million Thai women doing just this, so why not a girl from Peru?

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
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Reply #1360 on: September 07, 2018, 12:48:11 AM

Allow me refer back to my original statement:

You might be the baddie.

But I'll add "despite the fact I am featured in your sig."
Cyrrex
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Reply #1361 on: September 07, 2018, 01:07:22 AM

I might be, but you need to be more specific!

I think what has happened to me over the years is I have built up an intolerance to someone who is unwilling or incapable of taking care of themselves, not making any kind of real effort.  My ex's laziness with her appearance (and that's exactly what it was) carried over into 80% of everything else she did.  I am attracted to people who make the effort, and I won't apologize for that.

Edited to add:  Achieving perfection is not what I am talking about.  I am far from that myself.  I spend a lot of time at the gym, and I see women who are far from perfect, but trying their best anyway.  That's a super turn on for me.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2018, 01:10:27 AM by Cyrrex »

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Cyrrex
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Reply #1362 on: September 07, 2018, 01:35:06 AM

Should also be pointed out that I am basically blogging my early foray into Internet Dating here, and that means two things....one, that I don't have a clue what I am doing, and two, I will take the liberty to embellish and/or divulge things simply for entertainment value.

Oh, and almost on cue!  GN1 just sent a response, only this time it was in the form of a link to a Youtube video of a song I have never heard of before.  I presume the lyrics are meant to have some meaning, but I have always been crap at trying to discover hidden meanings in otherwise straight-forward text.  Here's an excerpt:

We're gonna ri-ri-ri-ri-rise 'til we fall
They said we got no no no no future at all
They wanna ke-ke-keep us down but they can't hold us down anymore
We're gonna ri-ri-ri-ri-rise 'til we fall
When we hit the bottom, then it goes up
Climb to the top with you
We could be the breaks, ones who never made yeah
I could be talking to you
They tryna hate hate hate
But we won't change, change anything at all
We're gonna ri-ri-ri-ri-rise 'til we fall
They think we just dropped out
Living at my mom's house
Paris must be so proud
They know it all
They don't speak our language
They say we're too savage
No, no we don't need them anymore
etc.

I may just respond with the head-scratching emoji.  Or not at all.

Never, ever assume someone that short and fat has their shit together. - Schild
Tale
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Reply #1363 on: September 07, 2018, 03:01:03 AM

I got all y'all beat.

Went on three or four dates with a girl about a decade ago, after a movie she tells me she was raped and is trying to work through it.

I, of course, said I'm not qualified to help with that in any capacity and took her home. I have no clue what became of her.

It was an uncomfortable situation and I hope she got help.

Something like that happened to me, except that I stayed on board. And where your date was probably in need of some support, I referred to mine above as "hot young co-worker psychopath".

She asked me out. On our first date, which lasted an afternoon and a night, she told me about the imminent trial of the ex who raped her. She said she might not be ready for a relationship. But we talked for a long time, and eventually kissed. She asked that we take it slow, under the circumstances, so I didn't push for anything... but soon she did, which was confusing. However, I was fully on board with her story, totally in her corner. I have no right to doubt anyone's rape story.

I know two other women who are survivors of sexual assault. Dealing with past trauma can occur in a healthy relationship. But what I do know is: there was no imminent trial. Nobody had been charged. She continued to tell others (including at work) in great detail about an ongoing case, from the kind female police officer, to the start date, to taking a day off, to the postponement and new date, then just sort of stopped talking about it. Later I discovered the man she alleged was her attacker had been living overseas for years, with his wife and child. She did not mention that to anyone.

After three weeks of spending most of our time together, she broke up with me, saying she couldn't be with anyone. A week later, she dated another guy. They tweeted to each other about it, which meant I saw. Later she agreed to meet him in Europe, then dumped him on the first day.

After a few months, she asked me to dinner again and told me in the restaurant that by kissing her on our first date, after she had told me she might not be ready for a relationship, I had gone against "no means no". Here was the rape victim I'd supported and invested myself in, publicly accusing me of doing something against her consent. It shattered me. Later she left a sobbing voicemail saying she hadn't meant to accuse me of that, and that it was ridiculous. I've kept a recording of that voicemail, just in case. By this time, I had spoken to a mutual friend about it and lost that friend forever, because naturally the reply was "well, you must have done something...".

One night we both attended a work friend's birthday party, where we chatted amicably. A couple of hours later, the party dissolved when someone walked in on her having sex with a woman in the host's bedroom. This reached me as a murmur in the crowd. I had a kind of meltdown in front of bemused co-workers. At another party, she brought her new football-player boyfriend. With part of his team. Who, from their gazes, had all been told something bad about me and were spoiling for a fight. I left.

Because it was at this point I realised she constantly manipulates people. It's her thing. I could suddenly see her. I never said so, and we remained Facebook friends. You don't confront a psychopath, you just stop engaging with them. Now that I was immune, she moved on to other people. I tried warning one of her other victims, the host of the birthday party she'd interrupted, but she'd already been forgiven. They were best friends. Something else must have happened later, because that person has now entirely cut her off.

When work began to question her story, she left. She moved to another city, into the lives of others. From what I can see, it never lasts long.

"Just get out there", she told me. So I began online dating. Even the weird ones were normal in comparison.
Shannow
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3600


Reply #1364 on: September 07, 2018, 09:24:38 AM

Holy fuck.

That's my number one piece of advice, if there's even a whiff of crazy, move the fuck on.

Someone liked something? Who the fuzzy fuck was this heretic? You don't come to this website and enjoy something. Fuck that. ~ The Walrus
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